My brother's college gf was the happiest, bubbliest person I ever met and nobody ever saw it coming. She left a simple note: "This is going to be painful." And it was, for her, her family, my brother, and everyone else close to her.
Most suicidal people have ZERO HOPE that things will get better. They are in an extremely dark place. Most normal people don’t understand how dark that place is. They don’t understand how parents can leave young children, for example. They oversimplify and trivialize suicide by calling it a ‘selfish act.’
And there is a huge gap between people who commit suicide and those with attention-seeking suicidal behavior.
Sometimes blaming the suicide victim by calling them selfish is how they can justify moving on without having to tarnish all the memories before the suicide. My brother was not perfect. But when he killed himself i felt like he robbed me of growing old laughing with family and friends like my parents did with their siblings before us. It felt like it was the worst thing he could take from me.
If i wallow in some belief that he should have lived and just been sad, he still wouldnt have been the fun and friendly brother i dreamt of. But by blaming him, i can see it as a one off bad act instead of a lifelong theft of joy. I can remember the good times and call him a dumb ass, or share the bad parts of him without feeling like im tarnishing a flawless human.
He was human. In pain. And he was selfish. Just like when ate my last piece of birthday cake that i was saving. What a jerk.
If i didnt say these things, i might find reasons i should have seen the signs, done more, been better. But im just as much of a flawed and selfish human. I couldnt change him if he wouldnt even let me in.
I’ve always felt the selfish tag was misguided if not cruel. I would think: this person’s last minute on earth must have been unexplainably dark to make that final decision.
My elderly neighbor’s husband committed suicide a year ago by using a belt on a door knob. He has been diagnosed with ALS recently.
When I talked with her she said something that I still think about: “I didn’t think he had the courage to do it”
I honestly do not know how I feel about that, but it changed how I view pain I hope to never deal with.
I love it when we get judgy and shame people that are actively trying to help such a vulnerable population. It’s happened to me, I’m a nurse, do ketamine treatments for difficult-to-treat depression/anxiety/PTSD patients. But YOU, you’re doing the real work here - being shitty to someone who is trying to ACTUALLY help.
You can fuck off. You obviously are clueless. When you deal with the same people with highly rescuable ‘suicide attempts’- such as claiming ODing when there is nothing in a tox report— over and over again….. usually people with severe personality disorders— who crave the attention— these are the sorts. Not people who ended up in ICUs for carbon monoxide poisoning…. or jumpers, or whatever. These people exist. But fuck off— you don’t know me. Don’t make this about me you furry little troll.
I've also been suicidal for many years and have attempted suicide. In recent years I've been a lot better. Not really sure why ( I do take meds ) Anyway I get you. If you need me you know where to find me!!
My dude, if we own one single thing in this life, surely it's our life itself. My dad committed suicide when I was young, and I don't begrudge him for it. It's a personal choice, truly the only real one we get.
Who is arguing? I never said we do not get to make our own decisions. I said you shift your pain to others by doing so. Its not a sentimental claim, its the truth. Make of it what you will.
Meh, no offense but I hate this framing of suicide. No one is suffering more than the person that takes their own life. The peripheral people could have done something about it maybe? Or even notice? This idea that suicide is selfish is just meant to assuage the guilt of the people that are left behind having done nothing.
But I'm also not crazy about this framing that the peripheral peoples' pain is of diminished significance because they weren't aware of the person's depression or able to prevent the suicide
When a friend or relative kills themselves, their loved ones are very much not fine.
I would imagine there's a vast gulf of possibilities between "They are fine" and "They didn't go through everything the poor person who offed themselves did" that you're overlooking here
I'm far more versed in their feelings than you possibly could be. Different people respond differently to pain, doesn't mean one hurts more than the other.
Okay, well I discussed it first hand with my father (who didn't commit suicide) and read the diaries my grandmother kept right up until she did it but I guess you think you know everyone's lives better than they do. You're making it all about yourself.
My good friend attempted it a few times before she finally succeeded. The last attempt when she regained lucidity she just looked at us like 'im still here'. Almost like she had the strength to try it and failed so she would have to endure trying again. Idk. Ive never gotten that close. But I don't think anyone can save you. My friends couldn't be saved. I don't have the answers. But they aren't hurting anymore and we are. So the pain indeed transferred.
Agreed. The idea that the suicidal person was selfish simply because they could no longer handle their demons is pure fucking stupidity and, as you said, is only meant to make the living feel better.
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u/Miss_L_Worldwide Jul 28 '26
This may not be happier times at all.