r/PakistaniiConfessions • u/OrchidSevere9297 • 1d ago
Mental Health Need advice
It all really started three years ago when we met in a random group chat. I started liking her back then, but over the course of two years, we only talked for about a month in scattered patches.
Then this past March, our conversations started properly. She confessed her feelings to me, and I felt like this was finally the moment I had been waiting two years for. Everything was great for about a month. Then, on a random Monday evening, she suddenly decided to pull away. She became distant and barely talked. I initially thought she would come around on her own, but after two weeks of this, I asked her about it. She replied, "I know I became distant. I don't want your studies or mine to get ruined, and this is just how I am. Before someone leaves me, I distance myself first." I thought to myself, this makes zero sense, but I stayed quiet, hoping things would resolve themselves.
During that period, things got so intense in my head that I even started hallucinating that she was physically with me.
Then came Eid, her midterms, and her final exams. Everything passed, and my birthday came around too. Instead of a proper birthday wish, I received a paragraph talking about how calm I am, how I don't make her feel guilty, and essentially questioning why she was even with me.
Later, her internship started. Around that time, I was in another city standing in front of a beautiful view, so I texted her: "I love you, I wish you were here."
She replied, "Say whatever you want before I fall asleep."
I didn't want my texts to sit unread while she slept, so I said, "Go to sleep then, goodnight."
She suddenly became furious, claiming, "I wanted to talk, but you don't. You've lost interest." I tried my best to reassure her, saying, "Who has seen tomorrow? Let’s live in the present instead of worrying about what will happen."
Still, nothing improved. Two weeks later, I asked her again. She told me I was overthinking and said, "I need space." I agreed and told her I wouldn't text. Just two days later, she messaged me: "You don't love me. I don't need a man who is all words and no action. If I go quiet, you disappear for two days? If I'm silent, why are you silent?"
It hurt deeply. My messages would sit on delivered for 15 hours straight while she was out enjoying life—shopping, lunches, dinners, posting stories, sending snaps, and commenting on reels. She looked happy in every aspect of her life, even reposting romantic reels, but couldn't find a second to message me. Still, I apologized and reassured her.
This became a constant two-week cycle. Her responses were always the same:
I am overthinking.
I am over-expecting, and she doesn't feel any urgency to reply to me anymore.
I have changed and am no longer the person I used to be.
I only talk and take no action.
"Take a break if my behavior affects you."
"Let's just stay friends."
"Fuck off."
I remained calm and apologized every single time. Whenever we did talk for 20 or 30 minutes, it felt completely forced. I brought up these issues in the most polite way possible, but she reacted with fury and defensiveness every time, never answering my questions directly. Instead, she flipped the blame on me: "You're wrong, you did this, you did that."
Last Eid, she told me, "Remind me next Eid, I will apply mehndi in your name." When I reminded her, she flatly refused, saying, "No, not before marriage." There was never a valid reason; why say it in the first place? Another time, there was a trend about saving pictures in your partner's DMs. She told me, "I don't take pictures anymore." An hour later, she posted pictures on her story. Things like this happened multiple times.
It reached a point where I had to go on antidepressants. I genuinely believed I was the problem, that I was ruining everything, and that she was beyond reproach.
Eventually, her texts dwindled down to one-word replies. Out of 100 messages I sent, she would respond to barely two with:
"Hmmmm"
"Yeah"
"Ok"
"Alright"
I wrote out my feelings and told her honestly, "These things are hurting me, and I need answers." Again, no real answer. Instead, she said things like, "I love you and I am with you as long as I can be, but your intensity scares me, and that's why I pull away, and my family is a factor too." I thought, You were the one saying 'who has seen tomorrow,' so why put me through hell for three months? If you knew your family would be an issue, why confess and enter a relationship in the first place? Even then, I never raised my voice or used a harsh tone. I communicated as politely as I could, hoping things would finally return to normal.
The next day, while we were in the middle of talking, she vanished. Over the next four hours, she sent snaps cooking, playing with her brother, and eating fries. The following morning, she went to her office and posted a story. When I liked it, she probably realized she hadn't opened my text and messaged, "Sorry, I was busy." I told her how that made me feel. She exploded: "Go to hell, you're toxic. You keep nagging that I don't give you time. Take a break, and I'll take a break too." Swallowing my self-respect, I messaged her again the next morning, and we fell back into the same shallow exchange:
"Hey, how are you? Is everything okay?"
"Yes, I'm fine."
Shortly after, I went missing for four days because I was diagnosed with blood cancer. When I finally texted her asking how she was, she merely reacted to my message with a thumbs-up. I told her, "We barely talk, that was really rude." She replied, "I won't blame you, I don't talk to you myself anyway." When I revealed my diagnosis to her, the only change was that every one or two days I would get a dry text: "Hey, you okay?" Just that.
I thought maybe things would soften up, but it immediately went back to cold, dry replies and messages left on delivered. It felt like purely performative sympathy. When I returned after being hospitalized for two days, she reposted a reel that said: "If he ain't doing something, some other man will." Over the past four months, she hasn't said "I love you" on her own once. She just claims, "I am avoidant, this is who I am." In the last four months, we have probably spoken for a total of four hours, and even that was spent arguing.
Eventually, even the 15-hour late replies turned into just heart-reacting to my texts. When I used to compliment her, she would say thank you; now, it was just a reaction icon. After four months of this, I asked her again for clear answers. She snapped: "Go to hell. Leave if you want to leave. I never asked you to do anything; you did it of your own choice. Fuck off. This is how I am, and I have problems at home." Keep in mind, I had checked in on her personal problems nearly ten times before this.
The following day, she reposted reels implying she was on her period and that she had never been loved right. She has past trauma from an ex who dumped her after three years, saying he couldn't marry her—though she mentioned they only really talked for 2 to 3 months out of those 3 years anyway.
Yet, she remains completely fine with her other male friends—following them, liking their posts, and commenting. When I expressed discomfort and asked her to remove them, she retorted, "Don't tell me what to do. I know my limits and boundaries." Back when we started talking, she was the one who asked me to tell her who to remove.
Every single time, I stayed and apologized. She ignores me ruthlessly. The focus is always on my reaction to the mistreatment, never on her actions that caused it. It is classic narcissistic behavior—she is always right. She confessed, made me believe we were going to get married, and then switched to cold, dismissive treatment. She likes reels celebrating being single, calling men terrible, or romanticizing past heartbreak, yet shows zero regard for my feelings.
Earlier on, she mentioned that a birthday is the most important day of someone's life and that you should make your partner feel truly special. Taking that to heart, I went all out:
As an electrical engineering student, I built a personalized AI companion keychain tailored specifically to her personality that talks to her.
I grew her favorite flowers myself off-season using special sheets, then crushed those exact petals to handmade paper for her birthday letter.
I worked two jobs over the summer to save 100,000 PKR for a ring so I could propose to her on a rooftop restaurant overlooking the mountains at sunset.
I kept a dedicated diary filled with poems and reflections on how I felt and what she might be feeling.
I even learned calligraphy from scratch so my poor handwriting wouldn't ruin her letter. Everything was handmade with complete devotion.
There are countless contradictions in her words that I can't even fully list. Every single issue ends with me apologizing. I have tried everything: ignoring her, matching her energy, giving cold replies, and being overtly romantic. She never initiates, never shares reels like she used to, and we went from talking 16 hours a day to nothing for days.
I realize now that I might just be in love with the memory of who she used to be. It is a clear loss of interest on her end—there is no excuse for not being able to find even one hour for someone over five months. The only time I feel any sense of peace is when I stop reaching out. I have been gaslighted, manipulated, and ghosted.
From my perspective its js clear lost of intrest and she js dont want to be villain
I mean she still says she loves me
But completely ignore any king of conversation
Okay u have past trauma
Why u confessed
And than made me feel like shit
I still love her and part of me doesn't want to walk away. You know my side of the story now—maybe I did things wrong too. But what should I do? Should I execute the birthday plan I spent months preparing, or should I walk away?
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u/anonymousebeeng 1d ago
Dude, lets be honest. She doenst love you. She has been clearly lying to you and playing that victim card.
Family stuff can really mess up a person but that person really loves you, they find a way.
Maybe she doesnt want a relationship.
Maybe she does like you.
But all of the things u mentioned say that she is not into u.
Plus, u mentioned ab that blood cancer. How r u now?
And i m sorry ab all this stuff. We can really love someone truly and openly but if they dont choose us clearly, there isnt anythinh we can do about iy.
Being loved is such a basic.
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u/OrchidSevere9297 1d ago
What to do now.....
1
u/anonymousebeeng 1d ago
Well, for your own peace, if you any gift for her and all, you can give it to her, wish her a birthday.
Let this be your last gesture of love for her. And then let her go.A person who loves, is clear about you, chooses you. And when they dont, thats an answer.
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u/OrchidSevere9297 1d ago
Js wait for her birthday??
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u/anonymousebeeng 1d ago
Which month thou?
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u/OrchidSevere9297 1d ago
Sep
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u/anonymousebeeng 1d ago
Well, then its almost here.
You can start to make up your mind that this is over and you are supposed to move on.
For your own peace, you wanna do something for her. You can do that.
But be firm for yourself that it will be last.
I used to try every now and then thinkinh that it would change. But when now i think about it, i feel bad for myself
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u/OrchidSevere9297 1d ago
I mean its already been 5 months Theres a thing called hope that doesnt letting me go
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u/anonymousebeeng 1d ago
Hope for a miracle?
Raaton raat kisi ka mind kaha badalta ha. Its either interest from start, it builds over time and gets stronger. Or just broken all over1
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u/akki_N 1d ago
Give urself some respect and love.