Parang balewala ako sa pamilya namin.

30/M, Panganay ako at breadwinner. 4 kami magkakapatid, ako magpa aral sa kanila lahat. May mga maayos naman na silang trabaho yung sumunod sakin mababa lang sahod as hotel crew sa manila. Yung bunso namin medyo sinwerte at sumasahod ng more than 200k. Ang situation namin, ako ang nagbabayad sa renta which is 25k at sagot ko ang groceries then yung sumunod sakin sya naman sa ibang bills. Yung pang 3 naman sa government Pero sobrang baba talaga ng sahod at nag asawa na Pero sa amin tumutuloy. Pero nalaman ko na plano pala nila bumukod at hindi ako kasama, gusto nila bumukod kasi sinabi ko na Sana tulungan nila ako kahit half lang ng rent.

Kaya ko naman talaga financially, nakakasama lang ng loob kasi parang hindi ko ramdam na part ako ng family. Pag may lakad sila, hindi ako kasama ( iniisip ko, siguro dahil alam nilang gusto ko lagi nasa bahay lang kaya siguro hindi ako inaya). Nung ako yung nag aya kumain kasi paalis ako at mlilipat ako ng location due to work, ang hirap nila ayain kaya ako nalang kumain mag Isa sa labas 😢. Mula nung nalaman ko ang plan nila, sinabi ko nalang na bubukod nalang din ako at solo lang ako, tapos nung nalaman nila na mas mapapa mahal sila, nagbago isip nila at gusto na nila na sumama ulit sa akin. Naguguluhan ako, masama ba ako kung iiwan ko na sila. Gusto ko nalang magtrabaho abroad at dun na tumira, pakiramdam ko wala na din naman akong pamilya. I badly need advice.

Need some outside perspective on this family situation.

Hello OP! This is actually my situation, i just want to help my friend, 40F, may sariling family and house na din. Bale itong friend ko ay passion nya talaga ang volleyball. Naglalaro siya paminsan-minsan para maging physically active at makapag-unwind with her old friends.

Ang issue, hindi ito gusto ng family niya. Sinasabi nila na yung asawa niya ay nagtatrabaho at nagpapakapagod abroad, habang siya naman daw ay “nagbabarkada” at naglalaro ng volleyball. Parang ang dating sa kanya, feeling nila hindi siya dapat gumagawa ng ganitong activities dahil dapat mas nasa bahay lang siya.

May concern din sila tungkol sa health niya dahil dati siyang nagkaroon ng tahi (lagpas 10 years na) at minsan na ring nag-high blood. Naiintindihan naman niya kung concerned sila, pero ang problema raw ay parang bawat decision niya kailangan nilang malaman o may comment sila. Pakiramdam niya, hindi na nirerespeto yung sarili niyang decision at autonomy.

Ang isa pa niyang napapansin, kapag umiwas siya sa issue at hindi nagsalita, may masasabi pa rin sila. Kapag naman nagpaliwanag o sumagot siya, mas lalo raw lumalaki ang issue. Tapos sinasabi pa sa mga anak nya na wag tularan ang nanay nila. Teens na rin mga anak niya, tho alam naman nila kung tama o mali ba ang sinasabi ng lolo at lola nila, masakit pa din yun para sa friend ko na ganun ang sinasabi nila. Wala daw maidudulot na maganda ang pagbabarkada.

Anyway, madalas pala yung parents nya sa bahay nila since working sya pag weekdays at sila ang nagbabantay sa mga apo nila.

Sa tingin niya, hindi naman talaga yung volleyball ang main problem. Mas nararamdaman niya na parang gusto siyang kontrolin at gusto nilang sundin niya yung lifestyle na gusto nila na dapat nasa bahay lang at hindi masyadong lumalabas, especially ngayon na kaya nya nang idrive yung sasakyan nila (sasakyan ng friend ko ah).

Do you think valid yung nararamdaman niya, or reasonable lang talaga yung concern ng family niya? At saan ba dapat magkaroon ng boundary between concern and controlling someone’s decisions?

31m here, married and no longer sees the happiness in life. I tried a lot of things to be happy and all of it ended at the same end point which is for me to end it.

-Mom na baon sa utang 3rd time after ilang ulit sabihan.

-loan ko sa bank na hindi ko pa nababayaran

- me na nahihirapan mag explain sa asawa ko na need ko pa tulungan ung ina ko (ending away gulo)

-feeling useless kasi nga wala ako maitulong, may work pero enough lang sa pamali ko

AKALA KO LORD DI KO NA MASISILIP ITONG MADILIM NA LUGAR NA TO, WELL GUESS WHAT I OPENED IT ON MY OWN. Napagod nlng siguro ako.

Not looking for sympathy, just needed to say it before i cant.

Hi, I’m a woman, 26, and I’m the breadwinner of my family.

I have a younger brother who is genuinely kind and nice, and I love him very much. But one of the things that has been difficult for me is that he doesn’t work. He never really tried to find a job, even though he’s already 25 and finished second year of Computer Science. He helps with household chores, which I appreciate, but financially, he isn’t able to contribute or support the family.

Recently, my uncle became very sick. He has diabetes and can no longer walk. My grandmother is also sick. She has an enlarged heart and hypertension. On top of that, I have two cousins living with us who are both in high school. Their mother never support them.

And at the end of the day, I’m the one supporting all of them.

I don’t like counting everything I do for my family because they’re my family, and I don’t want to keep score. But honestly, I am so, so, so tired.

There are times when I think about leaving the house and living on my own. I feel like I need to escape just so I can breathe and have a life of my own. But then my heart tells me to stay because they’re my family, and I can’t just leave them behind. And that makes everything so much harder.

I even used up all of my savings after I quit my job, which I had been doing for three years. Now I’m sitting here wondering how I’m supposed to keep going and carry all of this.

Like… what the hell is this life?

I love my family. I really do. But I’m tired of always having to be the strong one. I’m tired of feeling like everything depends on me. And sometimes I just wish someone would take care of me, too.

28 years old, still, struggling sa life. My mother is sick, meron syang CKD, and may mga other complications pa sya. So madami syang gamot na bilhin na umabot pa ako sa 12k kada may bagong reseta yung Doctor, may senior discount naman pero ang laki pa din, to be honest, halos dito na napupunta yung sahod ko. Yung sister ko di din maasahan kasi kaka graduate palang and di pa nakakahanap ng work, buti na lang kahit papaano may bf syang todo support sa kanya kahit financially, nakakatulong naman. Grateful pa din. Patay na din yung father ko and kuya ko, so yeah AKO NA TO, PASAN KO ANG DAIGDIG HAHAHA.

Alam nyo yung hirap na hirap ka at di ka pa din makaahon? Sobrang hirap, kahit anong saabihin ko sa sarili ko na "ngayon lang to, hindi ka parating ganito, malalampasan mo din to". Shutaaaa kahit sa jeep, napapaluha na lang ako minsan. IDAMAY MO PA TONG TITA KO NA WALA NG GINAWA KUNDI MEMA SUMBAT, GETS KO YUNHG UTANG NA LOOB KO SA KANILA, KASI NAKIKITIRA KAMI SA KANILA. Wala naman akong palya sa pag share ng pagbabayad ng bills sa tubig at kuryente. Kaso minsan, pati pag kain nila sakin hingin kesyo buti daw hindi nila ako sinisingil ng upa kasi kamag anak.

KUNG ALAM NYO LANG NA GUSTONG GUSTO KO NA UMALIS DITO SA BAHAY NA TO. Wala lang akong pang down payment sa bahay na pedeng upahan eh. Ang hirap makitira sa kamag anak, andami ng below the belt na nasabi kaso di ako pede pumalag eh, kasi naaawa ako sa situation namin. Kung may 30k lang ako, LILISANIN KO NA TONG PINAS EH, emeee, yang bahay nyo. Daig ko pa pamilyadong tao eh.

Minsan naisip ko na lang na maglayas, bahala na kayo sa mga life nyo. Pede na din akong mamatay kasi wala naman akong anak. Si Mama? Sorry po, if naiisip ko na lang na lahat naman tayo mamamatay, bat pa gagamutin? Pero syempre di ko naman gagawin yun. Mahal ko mama ko. PERO NAKAKAPAGOD NA TALAGA.

25 years old, Male, Minimum wage earner.

may sudden misunderstood kami ng mother ko about sa pag bibigay ko ng pera or pag bibigay ng ambag sa bahay, nung di ako nakapag bigay about last cutoff ko nag rant mother ko sa gf ko and sabi niya sa gf ko "dyaan mo na patirahin anak ko tutal di naman nakakatulong saken dito sa bahay(pagbibigay ng pera) ginagawa na lang niyang boarding house itong bahay"

then nung nabasa ko yon nasaktan ako, I alreday address my mother about sa mga binayaran ko last cutoff and na sstress siya, pangalawang sabi niya yan na doon na ako tumira sa gf ko, may sariling bahay yung sa gf ko and yung parents niya doon natutulog sa location ng business nila.

Na stuck ako between umalis na sa puder ng magulang dahil ayon nga already adult na and had a full time job pero mag bibigay pa din ako or mag stay na lang muna sa bahay namin kausapin mother ko ng maayos and mag abot na lang every cutoff.

Hindi ko na talaga alam kung paano ko haharapin tong situation namin. 22F ako, may younger sister ako na 7 years ang pagitan sakin, turning 15 na siya. WFH ako ngayon, graveyard shift, habang tinatapos ko rin yung second degree ko. Both of my parents diabetic, walang work, tapos parehong sugarol. As in online casino, card games, kahit anong klase ng sugal, ginagawa nila. Dahil wala silang stable na income, ang dami nang naging utang. Estimate ko nasa ₱1M–₱1.1M na siguro lahat. Nakasangla na rin yung titulo ng bahay namin.

Ako naman, nagkaroon din ako ng gambling problem dati. Hindi ko naman itatanggi yun. Nagkamali rin ako financially and ngayon binabayaran ko pa yung mga utang ko. Hopefully by November debt-free na ako. Kaya sobrang hirap kasi kahit ako mismo gipit, nagbibigay pa rin ako sa bahay. Past few months, nakapagbigay ako ng ₱15k, then ₱8k, tapos this month ₱10k. As in simula october na nagwork ako, di na naputol yang pagbibigay ko. Earning ako ng 30k+ lang so imagine kung gaano kalaki yung binibigay ko compared sa kinikita ko. Tapos nitong binigyan ko na sila ng ₱10k, nanghiram pa ulit mama ko ng ₱5k.
Sinabi ko na kapos ako this month.Tapos halos 3 days akong hindi kinausap. Ang dating sakin, parang kapag siya nanghihiram, ang hirap-hirap ko daw magbigay. Doon talaga ako sumabog. 😭

Hindi naman nila nakikita na graveyard shift ako, nag-aaral pa ako, may sarili rin akong utang na binabayaran, tapos sinusubukan ko rin naman ayusin buhay ko. Grabe talaga yung iyak at rant ko pero sa boyfriend ko lang. Hindi ko kayang sabihin sa parents ko directly kasi alam ko rin naman na magulang ko sila and naaawa ako. Lalo na sa sister ko. Wala naman siyang kasalanan sa lahat ng nangyayari.

Pero minsan napapaisip ako, paano naman ako?
22 pa lang ako pero parang dala ko na yung financial problems ng buong pamilya. Hindi ko naman pinili na magkaroon sila ng ganitong kalaking utang. Hindi ko rin naman ginawa yung mga desisyon na nagdala sa kanila dito. Ang kinakatakot ko pa, paano kapag tumaas pa sweldo ko? Lagi pa naman akong cinocompare sa mga pinsan kong 5-10 years ahead sakin na sila may mga naipundar na, nakapag-travel na. Baka lalo lang lumaki yung expectation na kaya ko nang magbigay ng mas malaki.

Hindi naman sa ayaw kong tumulong. Pero hanggang saan? Kasi parang habang tumutulong ako, hindi naman natatapos yung problema. Magbibigay ako ngayon, tapos may panibagong hihingin ulit. At honestly, nakakapagod na rin.
Ang hirap kasi feeling ko kapag nag-set ako ng boundaries, parang masama akong anak. Pero kung hindi ako magse-set ng boundaries, baka ako naman yung maubos.

Hindi ko alam. Gusto ko lang siguro maglabas ng sama ng loob. :( Gusto ko mag move-out pero alam ko hindi ko pa kaya, pero hindi ko na kaya ang toxic dito. Mababaliw ako sa kakaisip. Wala akong peace of mind lately. Palagi nalang sinasabi ng nanay ko na gusto niyo ng sasakyan, puro luho, wala naman silang trabaho. Nakapagtapos ako sa college ng working student ako, kailangan kong magtrabaho 4hrs per day para lang makalibre ako ng tuition. 1st year hanggang 3rd year ganun ang set-up ko. Siguro ngayon lang ako totally naubos. 😢

I've been the breadwinner of the family. My mom was an OFW pero laging kulang or may kailangan sa bahay, walang pagkain etc kaya tumutulong padin ako since my 1st salary. Now my father got hospitalized and later on died. All of the expenses ay utang ko, pati rush plane tickets ng pamilya naka-credit card para lang lahat makauwi. I've been struggling financially with 600k debt now with 10k min monthly interest, and my salary is just 25k. Now my mom has no job anymore, so I became the SOLE breadwinner of the fam. Last money na natanggap is sa burial assistance ni papa. It was 41k. 41,000 for F sake! Aug 5 narelease, but after 10days wala ng pera. Tang*na. Nakakatan*na. Ni hindi ako nalabas ng bahay para lang di makagstos ni piso, tapos 41k for just 10days? Nalaman ko bumili ng upuan, floormat, kurtina, tangna. Ni bigas di bumili. Ngayon nanghihingi ng daily na gstusin sa bahay, binigyan ko 500, then isang gabi lang ubos na! 200 pa lang daw, baon na at gas ngkapatid ko sa college. Samantalang college ako noon umaabot pa ng 21hrs duty pra lang may pambayad sa tuition, walang baon lagi, lahat sariling sikap. Grabeng buhay to. Naaawa ako sa mama ko since 50 na sya and may highblood, naaawa din ako sa sarili ko. Pagod na ako. Gusto ko sarili ko naman isipin ko.

Not in a alarming way but for context, I (F24) recently got cheated on. I haven't cut all ties with him and his family yet. Ldr kami, so the connection I have with his side is purely online lang. Nagtago si ex for a while and recently, nakita kong he has been stalking me and checking my account religiously. I was posting how happy I was without him (ngayon, nalaman ko na defense mechanism lang pala 'to just to prove a point to my ex how "unbothered" kuno I am hahahah) Did it feed my ego? Siguro, a bit. Pero ayoko na magpa-apekto sa'kanya further. So, I deleted most of my social media, ghosted everyone, kept my lines open lang sa mom and sister ko.

Now the dilemma is how do you disappear totally? How do you actually maintain the lowkey and private life as someone na nasanay mag-overshare at ginawang diary ang social media 😅 Any hobbies, sidequests that made you detach online?

I feel like nagtatampo din yung iba kong friends sa pagkawala ko online (prior to my disappearance, I told them I don't have the energy pa talaga to go out). How do you deal with that?

Btw, I'm a fresh grad so I took the time offline to work on my resume and portfolio. I'm currently on the job hunting phase pero may itch pa rin talaga minsan to document and post my journey for the memories.

I am liking the peace of not having to care who my viewers are or what they would think. I would like to maintain that for now and sana makasanayan ko na rin.

Sorry kung medyo magulo, but I would love to read your advices and tips, thanks everyone! 🫶🏻

what's mentioned on the title, palagi kasi to sinasabi ng mga magulang ko sa akin at sa kapatid ko

it feels like something they say just to project or be a hypocrite, when in fact, sila naman talaga ang maraming arte or that they don't know what to do with themselves or us, their children, lalo na when it comes to emotions kaya sinasabi na lng yan lmao

napagsabihan yung kapatid kong madaming arte kasi nagtatanong lng siya about something na d siya sure bago niya sagutin yung tinanong sakanya ng parents namin (d ko na maalala details)

napagsabihan akong madaming arte bcs of a similar situation as well.

like?? nagtatanong lng kami ng simple question that can be easily answered, or sabihin mo na lng na hindi mo alam if hindi talaga pero kami pa pala yung maraming arte kahit d naman kami yung nagagalit sa mga tanong tanong nila lol

mga hypocrites. nakakapagod. like super pagod na ako to the point na d na lng ako sasagot, bahala na sila haha. minsan, wala na rin ako maiyak bcs of them. pero conflicted pa rin ako inside kasi magulang ko sila and maayos naman sila minsan.. but the emotional abuse and neglect for my whole life, ayoko na. tama na

Yung senior kong nanay na hoarder, sobrang daming damit. May pangbahay, may pang-alis, lahat na. Tapos may mga plastic pa dito na galing daw sa mga friends niya na hiningi niya pang-donate. Ung naipon nyang damit simula nung hs pa ko, working na ko ngayon jusq. Ilang taon na un!!

May kwarto sya sa baba at taas na puro damit, kapag tumataas ung tubig dito sa lugar namin pagod na pagod na kami ng kapatid ko tulungan sya na iakyat mga damit nya tas ibaba nya ulit pag okay na panahon. Tas pag andyan na ulit ung tubig akyat ulit, di naman namin kayang tiisin ng kapatid ko kasi senior na nga tas iistyle-an kami na pagod na daw sya. Jusq pano sya di mappagod sobrang damiiii. Akala mo napakadami ng katawan na dinadamitan!

Going back nung April, dahil uso yung mga sunog sa ibang lugar, inaya ko yung kapatid ko na dalhin sa mga evacuation centers yung ibang damit na hiningi ng nanay ko for donation. Kasi yun naman yung purpose, para ipamigay sa mga nangangailangan diba?

Ang problema, wala yung nanay namin nung ginawa namin yun. Umalis kasi sila ng mga ka-org niya. Pag-uwi niya, inaway niya ako at tinanong kung nasaan daw yung mga damit kasi idodonate daw nila ng mga ka-org nya un.
Sabi ko, Nadonate ko na sa nasunugan. Same purpose naman.
Galit na galit siya nun. Like anong pinagkaiba? May specific person or group ba siyang gustong pagbigyan? Kasi kung ganun, hindi na yun donation. Kasi kapag donation, ibibigay mo sa mga nangangailangan. Which is exactly what we did. Dinala namin sa mga evacuation center, so napunta naman talaga sa mga taong nangangailangan. Pero Thank God nakapag bawas ng 2 malaking box.

Fast forward ngayon, puro baha naman.
Sinabihan ko ulit siya na may donation drive sa lugar namin. Baka gusto niyang mag-donate ng mga damit na naiwan pa nung April at nakastock lang dito hanggang ngayon. At least kahit papano mabawasan yung mga gamit namin since bahain din dito sa lugar namin at mapakinabangan pa yung mga damit. Kasi nung chineck namin nung April, may mga damit na nagka-color transfer, may mga garter na nastretch, tapos may mga nabutas pa ng langgam dahil sa sobrang tagal na nakastock.

Same shit. Sabi niya, magdo-donate daw sila through their org. Eh jusq 😭 ilang taon na tong donation drive na sinasabi niya. Hanggang ngayon donation drive pa rin. Kaya inaasar ko na nga na ghost project eh 😂
Hinamon ko na rin siya, Pakitaan nya ako ng usapan niyo sa org na may donation drive talaga sila. Tapos nung kinuha ko yung phone niya, biglang natakot. Inabot ko sa kanya tas chineck nya gc nila.

Eventually, pinakita niya sakin yung schedule ng meeting. Sabi niya, na-postpone daw ung meeting nung 29, Sabi ko, Anong postponed? Nasa baba kami ng kapatid ko kumakain nung oras na sinasabi nyang nakikipag-meeting sya sa org nya nung 29. Kala nya malilimutan ko na nakikipagmeeting sya nung 29?! Saka Wala naman kaming narinig na donation na pinagusapan. Lies over lies. Kala niya mauuto niya ako sa pinakita nya?

Tapos binabalik pa niya sakin yung mga dati kong sinabi.
Sabi niya baket daw sya magbibigay kasi sinabi ko raw dati, na Baka mamaya magbigay pa sya ng bigas sa ibang kamag anak na di binaha, eh kami nga na tong binaha. Sabi ko, Eh iba naman yung bigay ng pagkain sa bigay ng damit. Kasi pag ako humihingi ng pera pang-ulam, lagi niyang sagot, Wala syang pera.
Pero ngayon, damit naman yung pinag-uusapan. At hindi naman siya kapos sa damit. Sangkatutak nga yung damit niya. Pwedeng-pwede naman niyang ibigay yung mga hindi na ginagamit.

Tas nagpakachildish na ko na sinasabi ko na ghost project at may kinikilingan sya ng paulit ulit.
Ang ending, sinabi niyang ayaw lang talaga niyang ibigay yung mga damit. Kaya lalo kong sinigaw na, may kinikilingan sya. Kasi kung totoong mission yan at donation, gagawin nya yan kahit wala yung org nya. Hindi naman kailangan kasama sila para makapagbigay sya. Ayaw nya lang talaga ibigay. At hahayaan nyang walang makinabang.

Pero pinipilit pa rin niyang may donation drive sila.
So sabi ko, Icha-chat ko org nya. Ang sabi ba naman, Kung gusto kong malaman, sumali ako sa org.
EDI CHINAT KO. 😂 Bigyan ko daw siya ng kahihiyan. 😂 don’t worry, hindi ko naman sinabi na sabi niya may donation drive sila. Nagtanong lang ako kung may donation drive ba sila this year. Kasi gusto ko lang naman malaman kung legit ba talaga yung donation drive na ilang taon na niyang sinasabi o ghost project talaga.

Panay ang send ng mga bible verse, pero napaka materialistic, kala mo maddala sa hukay lintek!

And it's my birthday today.. She doesnt respond to my calls or texts.. and andun ako sa family house kahapon, my sister cooked spaghetti for me and i bought pizzas pero dumating sila sa bahay (mama and papa) and pumasok lang sa kwarto nila. Won't go out kahit my Grandma knocked on them twice.

Parang mortal sin na lumipat ako kasi ang layo ng work ko and gusto ko narin talaga ma-break ang cycle. Ang sakit lang 😢

I’m 22F, and my boyfriend is also 22M. We’re both Filipino and come from very different family dynamics.

My boyfriend’s family is very chill and open-minded, so he grew up being quite independent. My family, on the other hand, has always been extremely strict and controlling. And when I say controlling, I mean I’ve basically had very little freedom even as I’ve gotten older.

I’m also the eldest daughter in my immediate family, and I’m the eldest female grandchild on my mom’s side. I’ve always felt like there are a lot of expectations placed on me because of that.

I guess you could say I’m somewhat of the “golden child” in my family—not in a bragging way, but more in the sense that my relatives tend to have very high expectations of me. My cousins have even been compared to me, with relatives saying things like, “Look at her, she has such high grades,” or commenting that I’m pretty, responsible, etc.

I’ve been a consistent honor student since high school, and I may graduate with Latin honors in college. I’m not someone who goes out partying, gets wasted, does drugs, or lives recklessly.

Because of all this, sometimes I wonder if my mom is afraid that I’ll somehow “go down the wrong path” if she gives me more freedom.

She often tells me not to follow my cousins because, according to her, they are irresponsible and have made choices she doesn’t approve of. Some of my cousins are living with their partners before marriage, and my mom has very strong opinions about that. She has said things like I shouldn’t imitate them because they are careless with themselves, and she has made negative comments about some of my female cousins for having multiple partners or being sexually active.

Sometimes I wonder if she’s afraid that other people will see me making the same choices as my cousins and think that I’ve become like them.

I don’t know if that’s actually the reason, though. I’m just trying to understand where she’s coming from.

My boyfriend and I have been together for 7 years. We started dating in high school, and we’re now both about to graduate college. We’re planning to eventually live together, but this is where the conflict with my family comes in.

My family is very traditional and religious. They strongly believe that living together before marriage is wrong and a sin, and they are very against premarital sex. I understand that these are their beliefs, and I respect that they have them, but personally, I don’t share the same views. I’m an adult now, and I believe I should be able to make decisions about my own relationships and body.

My mom still treats me like I’m a teenager. She has told me that even after I graduate college, I’m still not allowed to have sleepovers or travel overnight with other people. She’s worried that I might get pregnant or that something could happen to me. But honestly, I know what I’m doing.

What makes me especially frustrated is that my mom also discourages me from living independently in general. Even if she doesn’t approve of me living with my boyfriend, I’ve told her that I would still like to move out and live on my own because I want to learn how to be independent.

But instead of supporting that, she tells me things like:

"How are you going to save money if you move out?"

"You don't even need to live alone yet."

"You can be independent without moving out."

I understand that these are practical concerns, and I know that moving out comes with financial responsibilities. I’m not expecting it to be easy. But sometimes it feels like these arguments are less about whether I’m financially ready and more about finding reasons why I shouldn’t leave.

Another thing that makes this harder is my younger sister. My mom sometimes brings her into the conversation and tells me that my sister will be sad or lonely if I leave. My sister is still little, and I know she loves me. I love her too. But I also feel guilty because I’m made to feel responsible for staying home because she might miss me or cry when I move out.

Even now, something as simple as going out can cause problems.

I’m not allowed to travel with my boyfriend alone because my mom asks, “What are you two even going to do there?” If I go out for coffee or dinner with friends and it gets a little late, she can become upset and give me the silent treatment. Sometimes I’ll literally just go to the subdivision next to ours, and she’ll still get upset.

I feel like I’m constantly having to prove that I’m responsible enough to have basic freedom.

And that's what hurts the most.

I understand that Filipino families can be very protective, especially when it comes to daughters. I also understand the religious and cultural reasons behind my family’s views on sex, relationships, and living together. I’m not trying to say that their beliefs are inherently wrong.

But at what point does protection become control?

I’m graduating college. I’m 22. I’ve been in a long-term relationship for 7 years. I’ve managed to stay focused on school and maintain good grades despite everything. I’m not asking my parents to financially support me if I move out. I just want the opportunity to make my own decisions and experience adulthood.

At the same time, I’m scared.

I know that if I choose to move out—especially if I choose to live with my boyfriend—my relationship with my family might change. They might become distant from me, resent me, or think that I’m disrespecting them. And honestly, I don’t know if I can handle that.

I love my family. I don’t want to lose them. I don’t want my younger sister to feel like I abandoned her. And I don’t want my mom to think that I chose my boyfriend over my family.

But there’s also a part of me that desperately wants to break free.

I’ve lived like this since I was a child, and sometimes I genuinely cannot imagine continuing to live under the same restrictions even after graduating college and becoming financially independent.

So I’m really conflicted.

Am I being unreasonable for wanting to move out and live independently at 22?

For those of you who grew up in strict or controlling Filipino families, how did you handle becoming independent without completely destroying your relationship with your family?

And for those who have moved out despite their parents strongly opposing it, how did it affect your relationship with them afterward?

I’d genuinely appreciate honest perspectives, even if you disagree with me. I’m trying to figure out whether I’m being selfish, whether my family is being overly controlling, whether my mom is simply scared because of the expectations placed on me, or whether there’s a middle ground I’m not seeing.

‎I am a 22-year-old girl, and my brother is 24. We are both in the College of Education, taking the same program. My brother is naturally smart, while I’ve gotten where I am through hard work — but his attitude has held him back.

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‎Here’s what happened: while I was reviewing for my quiz tomorrow, he arrogantly challenged me. He said he would take the licensure exam without going to a review center, while I would go to one. I agreed! But then he started mocking me, calling me b*b*, and always bringing up how I didn’t get into his university during our entrance exams. He’s got it all wrong though — I actually got accepted into a better university. Still, he keeps putting me down, saying things like, “Pustahan tayo, di ka makakapasa kasi b*b*ka!” His words weigh on me all the time, but he only make me want to study harder. He is supposed to be a future educator, and his behavior is so unbecoming of that. On top of that, he always calls me ugly and negr**. There was even a time he said my boyfriend doesn’t suit me because of how I look, and he even tried to pair my boyfriend off with someone else just because he thinks I’m not pretty enough — even though I know I’m not; he’s just deeply insecure. What makes it more confusing is how active he is in our church, yet he never stops body-shaming me. What would you do if you had a brother like him? I honestly don’t know how to handle this anymore.

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I have a boyfriend, foreigner btw. We are planning to move in na together by the end of this year. He’s a good man and I feel so lucky having him in my life. However, he asked me if kelan nya mamimeet family ko. I answered my siblings knew about him but my mom dont and I dont have a plan on introducing him to my mom. Nasabi ko na rin na he’ll only meet my siblings and not my mom because my mom has the tendency to exploit us if she knew na mahihingan nya kami ng pera. I live with them and have been providing for them since dad died. Im the eldest and the breadwinner. I recently found out na nanghiram yung mom ko ng pera sa mom ng bf ng sister ko eh kakapakilala lang rin nya samin ng bf nya. Marami sya utang and I dont know san napupunta. I feel so embarrassed about it. I dont want my boyfriend to be taken advantage of. We even agreed na he will provide for everything we need as couple when we move in and my money would be mine alone to continue my support sa family ko although he’d help with emergencies too. And I told him to never be in contact with my mom but he said if we’re gonna have kids he wants them to know my family too. What are your thoughts about this?

Hi guys, gusto ko lang malaman kung ako ba yung mali dito. I'm 19F, and currently living with my dad (39). Since naghiwalay sila ni mom (kasi she cheated), I chose to stay with him. Ayoko kasi makasama si mom after everything she did na sobrang nag-damage sa mental health ko, to the point na nag-stop ako ng isang taon sa uni. I feel really betrayed by her, kaya kahit sobrang hirap minsan kay dad, mas pinili ko na lang na sa kanya tumira.

Anyway, ang issue ko ngayon is every time na may pera akong natatanggap—like from my mom or from an educational scholarship—kinukuha ni dad para pambayad sa bills or utang. Literal na wala nang natitira sa akin. It makes me feel so frustrated and helpless, lalo na’t pati tuition ko hindi na nababayaran. Sinasabi niya lagi na mas importante raw yung mga monthly bills namin kaysa sa tuition ko. Naiintindihan ko naman na kailangan bayaran yung mga yun, pero di ba dapat yung pera for my education, para sa school ko talaga? It makes me feel like my future is being put aside, and it hurts.

Tapos, I live 100km away from my uni, so sobrang hassle ng commute lalo na 4 days a week ang f2f namin. Kailangan ko talaga ng dorm para hindi ako masyadong stress and pagod, pero pinipilit ni dad na di ko daw kailangan nun. Even though may pera ako for it, kukunin niya pa rin kasi pangbayad daw sa mga bills. Honestly, nakakapagod na. I feel so drained and misunderstood. Parang lagi na lang akong nag-a-adjust, but no one is really considering what I need.

Eto pa, si dad mismo yung nagsabi sa akin before na wag na daw akong humingi ng tulong kay mom. Kasi daw, she’s not part of our lives anymore, and I don’t need to rely on her. Pero ngayon, nung siya na yung nangangailangan, pinipilit niya akong lumapit kay mom para humingi ng pera. It feels so unfair, na ako yung kailangan humarap at makaranas ng judgement from her side, and it’s making my mental health worse. Sobrang triggering, tapos parang ini-insist ni dad na di ko siya naiintindihan. Pero sa totoo lang, feeling ko siya yung hindi nakakaintindi sa akin. Naaalala ko yung mga times na I felt abandoned by both parents—parang ganun ulit ngayon, na walang pumapansin sa needs ko.

Ayun, nagkakaaway kami dahil dun, and now I feel guilty kasi siya naman yung nandito para sa akin ever since the separation, pero di ko maiwasan magalit. It feels unfair, and I feel trapped in a situation where I have no control. So, ABYG for being mad at him?

i'm f24. tried to go to college thrice while working, pero hindi ko natatapos kasi mas kailangan ng pera sa bahay. hindi mapagsabay kasi nagkakasakit.

nakakapag-provide naman ako sa bahay, para kay papa at bunso.

pero every time, wala akong drive kumain. alam ko naman na kailangan maging healthy para makapagtrabaho. pero lumilipas 'yong isang araw na isang tinapay lang kinain ko. may sapat na pagkain naman kami. thankful ako dun pati sa supportive kong papa at bunso.

hindi ko lang din gets sarili ko kung bakit wala akong drive kumain at all. napapagod na yata ako. halo halong hopelessness sa mga sarili kong pangarap, pagod sa trabaho, stress sa budgeting.

i'm also in a happy & healthy relationship for 7 months now pero i'm afraid these struggles might negatively impact us in the future.

kung breadwinner ka rin, nararanasan mo rin ba 'to?

As the title says..

Noon akala ko normal na tinitipid kaming magkapatid ng magulang ko para makapaggala sila, makakain sa fancy restaurants, and bumili ng magagandang damit for social media LOL HAHA. All my life I thought yun ung purpose nmin magkapatid, especially me as a panganay, na need ko pagsilbihan sila since they've always pointed out that I was their retirement plan.

But now that I met my partner, I'm really happy for him becuz of his parents. I've been going to his place for almost 4 years now and they've given me the parental care/love that I have never felt. Grabe ansarap pla magkaron ng magulang na hindi ka pinepressure sa future mo, na binibigay lahat para sa mga needs & wants mo, and to have a parent that you can tell everything to. It felt so weird to me ksi first time ko makakita ng ganong parents.

Pero grabe noh, hindi na nasundan boyfriend ko ksi hirap si tita magkaanak, subalit magulang ko naka-apat na.

Andami na din nila nabigay, including my bf, sakin. Everything that my parents wouldnt buy for me, he would buy it 🥹. Pati un mga damit na gusto ko na ayaw bilin sakin ng magulang ko kasi 'panget raw ako', binibili nila sakin at cinompliment pa na bagay sakin yun ganon style.

They treated me more of a daughter for the 3.5years i've met them rather than my parents for 20 years.

I wish there were more parents like them na mahal tlaga ang anak :) and I wish na lahat tayong panganay ay makahanap ng providing and loving boyfriend ❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹