People without confidence often mistake confidence for asshole behavior too. I think this is much more common than women falling for people who act like assholes.
I actually think that assholes in general are more common than not, by some small margin, at least in the US. Our culture promotes it. I'm not saying other cultures don't, but I can't speak to that. The incentive to not be an asshole is lower every day, while incentive to be an asshole never faces a downturn.
I also think that people in general are terrible judges of character. You see an asshole or you see confidence, because that's what you want to see. To be able to properly read another person, you have to be accountably introspective, which most people find revolting. People don't want to think, about anything, too hard. Whatever is easy and instinctual is what the truth is, as far as we can tell.
Women falling for men who are assholes, which is not uncommon at all, is an example of this. However, an even better and even more common example is men falling for women who are assholes. Last but most of all, is assholes falling for each other.
Confidence is overrated. Give me someone who is uncertain. Someone who feels like they don't know or understand anything as well as they need or want to. It means they're looking for truth instead of just using it like the nearest blunt object.
I relocated to Japan, and have been here for many years now. I was thinking the other day about the contrast between the way Americans act when meeting new people versus how Japanese people act. I recall that it always felt like a lot of Americans defaulted to a certain type of "outgoing" personality when meeting new people. This always seemed like people acted in a way they think it means to be extroverted/confident, and it came off as slightly obnoxious and always talking. Although I think the reception to that was positive, and thats why people act like that. Perhaps American's just tend to prefer that sort of archetype over a more humble/meek person.
It is one thing that's always struck me as a none American.
I remember covering cultural distance and various business cultures around the world at uni, and one example we were given was British people interviewing for American firms and vice versa.
Broad generalisation but British people when interviewing for Americans come off as weak and unconfident candidates because they don't stress their skills enough, whereas what American candidates see as confidence in their skills the British find arrogant and slightly inauthentic.
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u/Energy_Turtle 23h ago edited 22h ago
People without confidence often mistake confidence for asshole behavior too. I think this is much more common than women falling for people who act like assholes.