I’m at the end of my first year but it’s been an excruciating year. Everything I have gone through is basically textbook reasons for why people leave - isolation, toxic supervisors, lack of support and mental health issues. It’s made me hate academia and everything associated with it. I’m so happy to have had the courage to walk away but I’m also sad about what could have been.

I'm a 31/F PhD student (Anthropology), and I'm having a really hard time figuring out what to do with myself after a pretty devastating breakup. My ex and I had been friends for 10 years and together for 6 years. We were engaged, and had planned to get married after I returned from an extended fieldwork trip that ended last month. I came home (USA) expecting to start planning our wedding.

Instead, he broke up with me almost immediately after I got home. He had cheated on me while I was away, which I only found out because I specifically asked him. And when I found out, he showed very little remorse.

And now I have to figure out what to do with myself, as I can't stay where I am (read: won't). Fieldwork calls for 3 months in France, it's important and it is funded but is not completely essential and can be postponed or changed to a different methodology. But I would be going alone. I don't have friends there, and I'm suddenly terrified of spending three months in another country while I'm already feeling extremely lonely and heartbroken. My 8 month period of fieldwork in Asia was so isolating and I'm afraid of having the same experience. And now I'm tired of traveling, too.

Option 1) Go to France

Option 2) Go to France earlier (idk what I would do if I got there early, but it's been suggested to get me as a way of getting me out of the house)

Option 3) Not go (or postpone). Still don't know where I'd go/what I'd do instead, and I have no job except dissertation writing, so I guess I could go stay near a friend or something.

Everywhere I look, I'm reminded of the life I thought I was going to have. At the same time, I'm scared that I'll go to France, have no friends, feel completely disconnected, and spend three months being miserable and lonely in a foreign country (for what it's worth, I do speak some of the language). So I honestly don't know whether going to France would be a healthy change of environment or just running away while I'm in shock.

Thoughts?

See question title.

I struggle with chronic insomnia despite being medicated for it, and I consistently experience a slump in awareness between 12 PM - 2 PM. Obviously I can’t nap that entire time due to my workload, so by the term “nap” I am referring to short power naps of ~30-45 mins.

EDIT: Goddamn a lot of you nap in your offices. I appreciate the reassurance!

Hi folks!

I've been lurking this sub for a few months as I start a History PhD next week (ahh!).

Since finishing my honors undergrad, I've had starry-eyed visions of completing a PhD and getting into academia. I know the difficulties, I know many of the drawbacks, and I know its not the most financially smart thing to do. I just cant see myself doing anything else practical as a career.

I worked for several years after my masters and it made me miserable. I hated going to work everyday knowing that I'm going to do meaningless, mind-numbing work, get absolutely no recognition, and have to deal with bosses and companies that care more about profits than history.

All that to say, I've seen so many posts on here recently being outright hostile to the idea of a PhD. From what I've seen, this sub has basically become very negative and I hardly ever see someone talk about the positives of doing a PhD.

Like, I get the drawbacks. But so much of the discourse on here makes it seem like a PhD is just a terrible decision and you should just get a job. And then they dont reckon with the negatives about working for a boss, with a wage, in the free market.

Idk, maybe ill find out that doing a PhD is just as bad as a job but I'm sure there has to be others like me out there who feel this is one of the only pathways to do actual, passionate, meaningful stuff.

I recently started my PhD in Germany, and I’ve been struggling with something that I didn’t expect would affect me this much.
My colleagues are nice to me, and I know they probably don’t intentionally exclude me, but they often speak German with each other during experiments, incubation breaks, lunch, coffee breaks, and just generally in the lab.
I try to make an effort. I greet everyone, try to start conversations, ask questions, and join in when I can. But when the conversation switches to German, I obviously can’t follow it. After a while, I just end up standing/sitting there quietly, and it feels awkward trying to insert myself into a conversation when I don’t understand what’s being said.
What makes it harder is that I sometimes feel like my supervisor is more relaxed, warm, or friendly with the German-speaking colleagues. I don’t know if this is actually the case or if I’m just interpreting things that way because I already feel insecure and left out, but it has started affecting my motivation.
I’m trying to learn German, but obviously I’m not going to become conversational overnight. I also don’t want to constantly ask people to switch to English because I don’t want to be “that person” who makes everyone change the way they normally communicate.
At the same time, I wonder how I’m supposed to integrate into the group if most of the informal social interaction happens in a language I don’t understand.
Has anyone else experienced this during a PhD in Germany (or another country where you don’t speak the local language)?
How did you deal with it? Did things naturally get better once you became more comfortable with the language, or did you have to actively address it with your colleagues/supervisor?
I’d especially appreciate advice from international PhD students who have been through something similar. I’m not looking for people to tell me that I simply need to “learn German I already know that and I’m working on it. I’m more interested in how you handled the social isolation in the meantime.

Hi all, I've got an opportunity to use grant money to buy a pretty fancy work laptop. I do mostly computational work, and I have consistent access to a huge GPU cluster. I know people like Macbooks but I really don't like the interface or keyboard. Does anyone have any other recs? I've used Lenovo Thinkpads my whole life but now I'm second guessing myself

(preface: I did hesitate between a meme tag for this)

I'm 80% through the dissertation writing (computational materials science). I've managed to have 5 different versions of alpha in my equations in my ~130 pages. My advisor is a stickler for "new variable, new nomenclature." So even across chapters, "alpha" is "alpha."

Mostly philosophical humor, some advice, how do you deal with this? I'm learning towards "descriptive" subscripts with a handful of letters. But I had a colleague who said, "oh, I just switched to a different Greek letter and included a footnote."

Welp. The only Greek letters I never reference are iota, omicron, and upsilon.

I did have a humorous/serious suggestion to designate "lesser alphas" to Hebrew alphabet.

But seriously - guess this is why I didn't need to study for my greek life initiation in undergrad 😂

Finally after 4.5y I’m defending my phd in chemistry. But I know shit. Literally! I have done a huge amount of work but while I’m studying sometimes I’m stuck with a stupid concept from a first year undergrad (like today I was stuck with resonance structures of a compound). I feel I’m going to fail and I hate myself doing the whole thing from the beginning. I don’t think i was smart enough and I was just making things in the lab. Plus, because of the lack of small part of the work which is in vivo testing we had to postpone publishing and I literally have no peer-reviewed papers from my PhD research which is itself adding a lot of stress.
Also, my second chapter which is the first project I did is like garbage, I had no idea what I was doing. I didn’t know half of the equipments working and it’s just a lot of questions around every experiment. I’m fricking scared. Anybody been there?

Hi there,
I don’t know if I am writing this to be heard or to receive feedback, but I am a second year PhD student in the social sciences currently finishing up my masters…after will be qualifying exam prep.

I am struggling heavily with everything. The constant expectations, the reading, the department atmosphere, getting along with my colleagues. Everything is a lot for me right now. Little things feel like monumental tasks. I don’t enjoy reading and actually am starting to dread it. My mental health is slipping. I have always been someone who is in control and on top of things…and I am struggling with both here. I do not feel like I belong here and am losing passion. My fellow PhD students always do things together and exclude me…I feel like I can never take a break because my mind is on something I have to do or something I can’t forget. My mind is not as sharp as it used to be…and I am struggling to remember things.

Has anyone had a similar experience? If so, how did you get through? I am just really unhappy right now and just don’t know the best path forward. I struggled last semester and told
myself a summer off would fix things…but here we are.

This is exactly what I was hoping to get into so I'm really excited to get started!

The interviewer from the company told me that the project I had built for my MSc was exactly what they were looking for in a brand new branch of research they are starting, meaning I'll get to continue the work I'm most passionate about!

The irony of the title of this post won't be lost on anyone when I confess to never having had employment as a consideration when deciding what studies to undertake. I am perfectly fine with any criticisms of my judgment or lack thereof. I know that it must appear as almost perverse but I have two Master's, in History of Art (University of London) and philosophy. I will soon have a PhD in Philosophy from the Complutense University of Madrid. I did this as a kind of personal challenge during the COVID years, to do a PhD in a different subject in a second language. But now I need to earn some money to survive.

I do not plan on going into school teaching or into office jobs that will disappear with this so called AI automation wave. I'm happy to go anywhere in the world provided conditions are good. I have no special attachment to Spain or the UK or Europe, although I read that Vienna is a good destination. I would have to improve my German. Friends say that South East Asia is the best for people who do not want to be exploited by Europe anymore.

Allegedly the transferable skills from Philosophy will be needed in a world where technical issues can be solved by computers. I know some philosophers go into NGOs and some into tech. But I am not an ethicist and I think that's what tech wants. I am a bit reluctant to go into the art world as that market is carved up between London and New York and these are now unaffordable cities. The industry is also hopelessly woke and subject to a lot of funding cuts. This is happening with Berlin, which some people might recommend. If all else fails maybe I should train as a plumber? I have no snobbish feelings towards manual work. It is easier to continue writing doing a manual job than earning less than a waiter teaching in some school, which is mentally and emotionally draining. Any ideas? I know this a long shot. But keen to hear views.

I'm in second year of a course-intensive PhD programme at UIUC. And I'm TAing for a lab course for the first time. And I find that there is very little time left for research, learning or social life. I have estimated my weekly time blocks for the semester - this is assuming 95-100 percent efficiency. If there are hiccups or bad days, my time availability further reduces. mu autism and adhd makes it even harder. How do you all manage time for research - advisor's expectation, learning from coursework and social life while TAing?

I’m wondering if other PhD students or graduates recognize this. During my PhD, I feel like I’ve changed quite a lot as a person. I’ve been pushed outside my comfort zone, become more independent, met very different people, and developed new interests and ways of looking at things.
At the same time, I sometimes feel like I’ve grown apart from some of my existing friends. Not necessarily because anything dramatic happened, but because it feels like we’re not always on the same wavelength anymore. In some cases, I notice myself feeling less connected or understood than I used to.
It’s a strange and sometimes lonely feeling, because these are people who have been important to me for a long time. But at the same time, it feels like this process of detachment is lingering for quite some time now…
Has anyone else experienced something similar during their PhD? Did you feel like you changed or outgrew certain friendships? And if so, how did you deal with that?

Maybe to give some context: I’m doing a PhD in occupational mental health, trying to guide employees on sickness absence back to work. I’m in the final stage (which could still take another year from here).

Edit:
I should probably add that obviously, having a busy life during a PhD doesn’t help. But I believe I have genuinely tried to keep showing up, make time for people, and maintain my friendships.
What I’m struggling with is that, despite doing that, I’ve increasingly found myself feeling lonely even when I’m surrounded by people.

I contemplated whether I should even post this, but I think I just wanna get it out of my chest. I'm at the end of the third semester of my PhD and I had to make the decision to ditch the thesis project I had been planning for in the last year.

I went for my (very much delayed) proposal defence last week and it was abysmal. I got to see how poor the foundations of the study were and how it just isn't feasible to get it done with the nearly non-existent funding (boy, do we love the mismanagement of funds) and the short time I have (I'm under scholarship and am expected to finish my thesis and publications in the short, short time of a just 3 1/2 years). Honestly, I wish I had the foresight to see that the project could never get off the ground--it was a topic my supervisor wanted (not me), it was in areas I had no knowledge of, the normalising of cutting corners and taking unnecessary risks, and there was nearly zero support from my supervisors (only shaming and pressure to magically get the project to work). Every concern I had was shrugged off as "if God permits it, it'll be doable!" as if if this project fails, it's somehow a usable answer during a defence.. My main supervisor makes me feel insane for thinking that this project is just running on the hopes and dreams.

Anyway, after a big ol' cry, I made the decision to speak with the scholarship department of my university and requested a meeting to not only change my thesis topic, but even my supervisory team, too. It should be sometime this week, but I can't imagine how accepting they'll be of this.. It's a bit hard to accept still that I pretty much have to redo all of this. I sometimes wonder if I'm actually just really weak and maybe the way my supervisors treat me is what's normal and even expected. Afterall, they make it seem like it's normal. But I'm so afraid that *if* this project could even get past the defence* and ethical review (it hasn't for like, a year now. This is its own can of worms), it's gonna crash and burn later because of many aspects of the research that is out of my control. And if things *really* go wrong, I'd be the one who has to answer to it.

*Fun fact: I have no idea what the outcome of my defence was because my panel decided to disband mid discussion and run off to a conference that was scheduled after my defence. They ran right past me and said absolutely nothing. So now I'm forced to wait for my department to inform me instead. It has been exactly 1 week now and it's all just crickets.

Hey guys, I have a question.

So, in early Aug, I emailed a professor at a research institute in Sweden to ask about PhD opportunities. He replied positively and invited me to have an online meeting and sent me the link.

But when the meeting time came, he didn’t show up.
I waited for almost 1 hr and then left. I also sent him a follow-up email afterward, but still haven’t heard back.

So now I’m wondering… does this mean I’m basically out? Or could it just be that something came up and he forgot about the meeting?

Is that happens sometimes with professors? I’d really appreciate hearing from anyone who has had a similar experience, especially if you’ve inquired about PhD opportunities in Sweden or Europe.

Hello everyone, I haven't seen anyone who is in social psychology phds here so I wanted to ask with a post.

I am currently doing my masters in social psy and planning to apply for phds for fall 2027, I wanted to hear people's experiences with everything so if you would like to talk please comment!

I especially would love to talk if you are an international student! I am from Turkey and will be doing my PhD abroad hopefully

Hey everyone! I'm a late-20s (F) PhD student in Ireland, trying to figure out media x farmers x behaviour. The question about the ideal routine is pretty common I know, and at some point in our phd, we all have resorted to adopting phd-influencers' routines showcased on the gram/YouTube. But let's be honest, we don't have that flair? I have 40 minute commute to my office - and there isn't any specific log in/out time because it's not a lab that I work in. I have a daunting methodology chapter and data collection due until December and I want to sprint without compromising my health and sanity.

So what is your routine like? What time do you wake up/sleep, meal prep etc. Even though basic questions but I'm sure there is a plethora of people looking out for these posts. I'm really inclined towards the 5-5:30am routine but would love to know if anyone follows a similar one (esp in fall).

After my Master’s degree in Computer Science, I am planning to go straight into a full-time PhD program. In my developing African country, entering the industry right after a Master's degree yields a standard entry-level salary. However, completing a PhD opens up specific research and academic opportunities that will multiply typical entry-level earnings by at least three times. These baseline salaries are very poor, but the ratio difference matters significantly. Because of this compensation gap, pursuing the doctorate full-time for three to five years is the clear financial and career path for me.

My main dilemma is about the timing and scope of my job search once I am actually in the PhD program. I am wondering whether I should hold off on local job applications entirely until I am near completion—only applying to roles abroad that offer compensation high enough to be worth quitting my PhD for—or if I should apply to opportunities early on and decide what to do if an offer comes along. My main concern with applying early locally is that taking a job while studying will severely slow down my degree. I know that trying to work full-time while pursuing a CS doctorate will make it take almost a decade to finish, if I manage to finish at all. On the other hand, focusing strictly on the PhD without applying locally until the end would allow me to finish in three to five years and reach that higher domestic earning tier much faster.

I would appreciate advice from anyone who has navigated this choice, especially in similar economic contexts. Is it better to avoid applying for local jobs altogether during the first few years of a PhD to protect your timeline, or is there any merit to applying early—either locally or exclusively abroad? I want to make sure I approach this in a way that minimizes my time-to-degree while setting me up for those high-tier roles upon finishing.

EDIT: Help found!

Sheesh, guys, I'm all emotional over this - thank you so much for all the help offers! After a summer of endless waiting, this has lifted my spirits so much. I'll text some of you later today with details!

EDIT 2 to clarify what I mean by later(!) looking for L1 French speakers with little to no English:

I'll make sure to come back to this thread later as based on the final list of pseudowords (after your guys' flagging), I'll be sending out a pilot version of the final experiment relatively soon (hopefully).
That later experiment will, however, be only for French L1 speakers who speak very little English (say, A2 at best), so it is probably not for you guys, but maybe internet magic will help me reach such participants as well ❤️ Thank you!

---

Hi everyone, I'm doing a Ph.D. in psycholinguistics and have been ghosted by a consultant that I've been waiting on all summer - maybe someone here could help? I'm getting really desperate and it's been really stressful.

What I need:

• I have a list of French "pseudowords / non-words", i.e. words that should sound like real French words but are not, which will make up my experimental stimuli.
• I need a native French speaker to go through them and flag if, basically, any of them sound too unnatural or too similar to a word they know.
• This shouldn't take more than 15 minutes.
• I would be super grateful if anyone found time for this in the next few days - I'm way behind on sending out an experiment that is waiting only for stimuli based on these judgments, and I am getting more and more anxious every day.

It would help me immensely, as it requires a native intuition that I simply don't have.

I can't offer anything for this, except willingness to in turn help with anything you may need for your study 👀

Hi guys!

I am a 2nd year PhD student applying for NDSEG and Soros this semester. As you can tell by the title, I am looking for advice on applying for both these fellowships. While there is a decent amount of info available for Soros (as well as sample applications), I was having some trouble for NDSEG (though I found a helpful YouTube video!). For those of you that applied and/or were successful, where were you able to find examples and what advice do you have that helped you get the fellowship? Looking forward to hearing back from you all!

Hi everyone. I’m supposed to start a PhD program this fall, and I’m having some serious doubts about whether going through with it is the right decision. I’d really appreciate advice, especially from people who have been in a similar position.

I was admitted to a very competitive program in my field. It was my top choice and the only PhD program I was accepted to, and I’m supposed to be going straight from undergrad. At the time I applied and accepted the offer, I was genuinely excited about it. But lately, I’ve been wondering whether I should have taken a gap year instead.

Having some time away from school recently has made me question why I wanted to do a PhD in the first place. I’m starting to worry that I pursued it because it felt like the natural “next step” after undergrad rather than because I actually wanted the lifestyle and career that come with doing a PhD.

Now that the start date is getting close and everything is becoming real… I’m moving across the country, leaving my childhood home for the first time, and committing the next several years of my life to this… and now I feel that I’m not sure I want it badly enough to make those sacrifices.

I do like my field, and I’ve enjoyed research, which is part of why this is such a difficult decision. But I’m questioning whether liking the subject and being good at it is enough. I don’t know if I feel passionate enough about it to structure so much of my life around an academic career.

Part of me is also terrified that I’m realizing all of this too late. I have an opportunity that I worked really hard for, and walking away feels incredibly difficult. At the same time, I don’t want to start a PhD simply because I’m afraid of giving up the opportunity.

For anyone who had serious doubts before starting: how did you distinguish normal fear about a huge life change from genuinely not wanting to do a PhD? Did anyone decide not to go, or leave and apply again later? Do you regret it?