r/ROTC • u/Frosty-Association30 • 5h ago
Cadet Advice Struggling MS1, long post, any way out?
Hello everyone, I created a burner account for exactly this post, I'm particularly ashamed and disappointed in myself.
I am as new MS1, and college freshman. I'm new to the Army as a whole, I signed as an SMP ~3 months ago. I am not MOS qualified, nor have I been to BCT/AIT. I understand that signing this contract was where I made my mistake, yes I read the contract, and yes I understand I'm an idiot.
Things have been getting really hard lately. Over the summer I began to struggle with my mental health, after I had already signed. I initially brushed it off, but now as my freshman year had began not too long ago, everything started hitting me at once. I'm double-majored -- one of my classes being a second language; I'm trying to live on my own, trying to maintain my personal relationships, and of course I piled ROTC and the broader SMP commitment on top of everything.
I'm struggling to eat, I went about 3-4 days without eating any meals, just light snacks and water -- I ate some actual food eventually but my appetite is still in a rough spot. It's getting really hard to get out of bed, I'm constantly anxious and struggling to keep up in my personal life and academics. I took out FTA (Federal Tuition Assistance) and STR (State Tuition Reimbursement), just so I can pay for college. I was never great in high school, nor has my family been supportive to me academically, so money for college is a concern, and a large driving factor for my decision. I also just wanted people to be proud of me.
I understand that the Army may not be the best for me, I recognize the mistakes I've made, and now I feel trapped in the Army, is there any way out? I just can't cut it in the Army and I feel worthless. I want to get out or seek mental help, but I'm afraid of having to pay anything back, or being looked on a disappointment. I hope someone here is able to help, and I'm sorry if this post reads terribly, I'm a tish out of it. I hope to see advice, thank you.