Pretty much the title.
I grew up in Punjab, so naturally, I’ve been surrounded by turban-wearers my entire life. I always assumed that wherever I went, I’d be able to find people who shared the same values, mindset and sense of belonging that I did.
I’m currently in punjab, and I’ve been here for all my life. Almost all of my friends are turban-wearers. From the outside, you’d think I’d finally found my own community.
But honestly? I’ve never felt more disconnected from one.
Whenever you feel low, lonely or out of place, you instinctively look for your own people first. You expect that there will be at least some common ground some shared values, some emotional understanding, some devout gursikhs.
But that hasn’t been my experience here.
A lot of the people I’ve met seem to care about turban only as an identity or something they wear, rather than what sikhi actually teaches. There’s very little emotional depth or understanding. Things like empathy, basic etiquette, the way you speak to people, respecting someone else’s feelings... they often seem completely irrelevant to them.
And this isn’t me saying everyone here is like this. I know there are good people around me too. But I genuinely feel like I’m one of the very few people in my college who actually tries to live by sikhi, rather than simply being associated with it.
And the irony is that I’m in PUNJAB (the only sikh majority area in the whole world).
I’ve seen the same people who proudly identify themselves as turban-wearers doing things that, at least to me, completely contradict the values they claim to represent like staring and making inappropriate comments about girls, speaking disrespectfully to people, using disgusting language, making others uncomfortable, and carrying around this strange sense of superiority for absolutely no reason.
Maybe I’m just different from them. I’m a relatively quiet person, and I don’t usually involve myself in everything. But I’d also like to think I’ve developed a certain level of maturity and self-awareness. And honestly, compared to some of the people around me, the difference feels pretty huge.
What bothers me the most isn't that they’re different from me.
It’s that they seem to have no interest in questioning themselves.
How can you claim an identity while completely ignoring the values that are supposed to come with it?
How can you wear the symbol but not care about what it stands for?
And maybe that’s why this bothers me so much. I’m not looking for people who are perfect. I’m not expecting everyone to think exactly like me. I just want to meet people who have some emotional depth, empathy, humility and genuine connection to sikhi.
Ironically, I found myself looking for my own community among people who technically are my community and still feeling like an outsider.
These are also the kinds of people who went to canada and, according to what I’ve seen and heard, contributed heavily to giving our community a terrible reputation there. And honestly, that makes it even more frustrating.
I don't know if I'm the only one who feels this way, or if this is just a problem with the particular environment I happen to be in.
Maybe I’ve simply been unlucky with the people I’ve met.
But sometimes I genuinely wonder:
What’s the point of identifying yourself with something if you don’t actually try to live by what it teaches?
I’m not trying to attack anyone or claim that I’m somehow better than everyone else. I just genuinely miss having people around whom I don’t have to constantly explain why basic empathy, respect and emotional maturity matter.
Maybe I’m just looking for the wrong people.
Or maybe there are others out there who feel exactly the same way.
