r/SingleParents • u/sqorlgorl • 16h ago
burnt out
My 12 year old nibling is with me full-time now and yesterday was their first day of school. I didn't realize how emotional it would make me. I have a remote job but I also have an in person office and can go in when I choose. I chose to go in yesterday because I'm behind on some work and was hoping I could catch up. I ended up keeping my office door closed most of the day because I was sobbing. I was exhausted. Not enough sleep (maybe fell asleep around 11pm) and up at 4:45am to help nibling get ready for school. Their school starts early and so their bus comes early (around 6:45am). I hardly got anything done at work yesterday and I was worried about nibling at their first day. My mom (raised nibling from birth until now) stayed with us from last Thursday until this morning. Her being here was somewhat helpful - with cooking and dishes and just having another adult here so I'm not the sole adult. But she has an awful temper, projects her anxiety onto nibling, and has a generally negative attitude. Before I left for work yesterday she said "you're wearing that??" So it's confusing to have her for here for help, I love her but also she can be very hurtful. And I'm constantly on guard to protect nibling when ever mom goes from 0 to 100 out of nowhere.
Now it's Tuesday and I'm exhausted. I got better sleep but not enough still. Maybe fell asleep around 10:30/45pm and up at 4:55am. When I got nibling to the bus stop, they were feeling nauseous and like they were going to throw up. I suspect maybe anxiety and I feel like I wasn't helpful. I said to take deep breaths, breath the fresh air. Talked with them about their tv show and they lit up a bit. But then once on the bus they were texting me they feel really sick. I said they're probably tired and it can feel like that in your body when tired. I said to drink water and eat their granola bar. They said "trust me, that isn't going to help."
The last 2 year of school when they were with mom they missed school frequently due to nausea (I think anxiety and not getting good sleep). I don't want to set the precedent that nausea means you get to escape whatever is making you uncomfortable. But I also don't want to dismiss her and leave her to deal with it all on her own. I know it's the first week of school and we're both getting used to this new routine. They're also in a new city in a bigger school.
I'm just so exhausted and I start grad classes tomorrow (working toward my CPA) and I'm still worried about when I will get the brain processing power I need to catch up at work let alone take on studying.
I suspect I have ADHD and that thus far in life - I've been able to kind of coast by without medicine because my life was flexible enough. I spent 2 hours down a rabbit hole trying to find a doctor - with no success.
I am just TIRED and EXHAUSTED.
How do single parents do this?? When also working full time, having virtually no support system, and going to grad school, and possibly having ADHD???????
2
u/BurdyBurdyBurdy 16h ago
I’m feel for you, can’t imagine having to deal with that. And yes every kid comes home sick after the first few weeks of school. You need to plan ahead, set a schedule, at 12 yrs old the child can be very helpful with many things like lunches and dishes.
Good luck, you’re a good parent for going thru this. Eventually it will get easier.
2
u/ColloidalPurple-9 14h ago
What is a nibling?
3
u/sqorlgorl 14h ago
gender neutral term for children of your sibling.
1
u/ColloidalPurple-9 14h ago
You’ve entered parenting on hard mode. I recommend the book “Hold Onto Your Kids” by Gordon Neufeld and Gabor Maté. Erica Komisar also has a book, I’ve only listened to her interviews. And I liked “Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents” by Lindsay Gibson. My co-parent is emotionally immature but they are open to change, so it’s been helpful.
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u/AutoModerator 16h ago
Author: u/sqorlgorl
Post: My 12 year old nibling is with me full-time now and yesterday was their first day of school. I didn't realize how emotional it would make me. I have a remote job but I also have an in person office and can go in when I choose. I chose to go in yesterday because I'm behind on some work and was hoping I could catch up. I ended up keeping my office door closed most of the day because I was sobbing. I was exhausted. Not enough sleep (maybe fell asleep around 11pm) and up at 4:45am to help nibling get ready for school. Their school starts early and so their bus comes early (around 6:45am). I hardly got anything done at work yesterday and I was worried about nibling at their first day. My mom (raised nibling from birth until now) stayed with us from last Thursday until this morning. Her being here was somewhat helpful - with cooking and dishes and just having another adult here so I'm not the sole adult. But she has an awful temper, projects her anxiety onto nibling, and has a generally negative attitude. Before I left for work yesterday she said "you're wearing that??" So it's confusing to have her for here for help, I love her but also she can be very hurtful. And I'm constantly on guard to protect nibling when ever mom goes from 0 to 100 out of nowhere.
Now it's Tuesday and I'm exhausted. I got better sleep but not enough still. Maybe fell asleep around 10:30/45pm and up at 4:55am. When I got nibling to the bus stop, they were feeling nauseous and like they were going to throw up. I suspect maybe anxiety and I feel like I wasn't helpful. I said to take deep breaths, breath the fresh air. Talked with them about their tv show and they lit up a bit. But then once on the bus they were texting me they feel really sick. I said they're probably tired and it can feel like that in your body when tired. I said to drink water and eat their granola bar. They said "trust me, that isn't going to help."
The last 2 year of school when they were with mom they missed school frequently due to nausea (I think anxiety and not getting good sleep). I don't want to set the precedent that nausea means you get to escape whatever is making you uncomfortable. But I also don't want to dismiss her and leave her to deal with it all on her own. I know it's the first week of school and we're both getting used to this new routine. They're also in a new city in a bigger school.
I'm just so exhausted and I start grad classes tomorrow (working toward my CPA) and I'm still worried about when I will get the brain processing power I need to catch up at work let alone take on studying.
I suspect I have ADHD and that thus far in life - I've been able to kind of coast by without medicine because my life was flexible enough. I spent 2 hours down a rabbit hole trying to find a doctor - with no success.
I am just TIRED and EXHAUSTED.
How do single parents do this?? When also working full time, having virtually no support system, and going to grad school, and possibly having ADHD???????
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