Hi!
So, for context, I’ve been dealing with taking care of my grandparents for a few years (I’m 29 now), and they’ve been really ill (my grandma can’t even flip on the bed on her own). Since last year, due to a dementia we didn’t know she had, we had a lot of episodes of abuse from her toward my mom and me (directly hitting, spitting etc)
This has always been my second mother, the person who has loved me the most all my life, so it was really stressful and hurtful not knowing what was happening suddenly.
As of now, my mom and I are the sole caregivers and I also have to look out for my mom.
The thing is, it’s so much work I let go of myself completely. Got into a relationship late 2025 (and yeah I’ve been doing therapy all year, therapist told me I got really hooked up on the guy also to evade my current reality, like finally something in all the mess that was good) that destroyed me, and they dumped me march 2026.
Failed at my business. Failed classes(doing a degree rn too). Failed to sleep well. Failed to eat well. Failed to balance life in general. Spiraled like never before. Then april they told us my grandma was terminal… And spiraled even more.
That’s when I reconnected with magic! I was really into my intuition through my teenage years.
It honestly helped me with my anxiety, to trust the universe, the moon, speak to them… It balanced me. I put up candles and spoke my worries to them. It gave me peace of mind. Started meditating, everything was going well (except you know, everything outside my control but I could live with it). Still learning day by day but well.
And suddenly since a few days after the full eclipse (which I did put candles and speak to it), I’ve been all over the place. I can’t meditate, can’t sleep, can’t eat again. Lost 4kg in 10 days. I can’t get in touch with anything. My mind is constantly racing and I can’t seem to calm down. All the manifestations, spells etc seems to have “dissolved” into nothing, and they were stuff that was working. It’s like I can’t keep my flame up, it keeps going out.
I really want to be able to reconnect with this part of me again, and I know that if everything else got “solved” I could calm down and do it, but it’s not an option. This is just my life.
Did divination last night. It told me to stop trying to control everything, guide everything towards an end goal and to let go… That that’s when everything would fall into place. That my energy was too unbalanced.
So, any tips? Life experiences? I feel like I need everything to just stop and let me breathe. Magic was the only thing that was letting me do that and it seems like it slipped away.