I miss my home. Idk where is it, idk how is it , idk nothing of it actually. But something I know for sure is that earth is not my home. I’ve been feeling it since I’m literally born. Since I’m fully awake, I realize that I’m one of those who came for bringing this world another kind of light and trying to save your world. But oh my it’s pretty tough. Like can you imagine , living emotions for the first time ever in your life and being so upset about your rules and everything that you just want to give up . I really cried every single day of my time here just bc it’s fkng hard to live that way. I tried to keep in mind that I came here for a reason and that I should not give up… but since I’m little I want to return back home and I’m 21 years old now still want to go there. I know that my mission of living is to bring my light to others but what if I can’t bc I’m so suicidal all the time . Well, I just want help, help me find that happiness again and to manage emotions correctly and to forget about that home for now to focus on my mission.

I need help.

Thanks

Nana
Xoxo

Today during morning time, I was very sleepy and decided to take a nap. As soon as I closed my eyes I saw different types of eyes 👁 in different weird shapes, outlined in white color with black background. The picture kept changing quickly and I could see different types of eyes. Those were outlined type images and it strongly felt like I was entering a zone and lowkey was enjoying that visual experience for the first time but was a bit hesitant a bit at the same time, then a sound I heard when I finally felt like I entered something and I quickly realized that now I am paralyzed (sleep paralysis occured) and I knew that was it. (It felt like I entered some other world or zone) I was like.. hell no! not the paralysis again. I started praying and was quickly able to come out of it. I am familiar with sleep paralysis and have had experienced various types of it. But today I experienced seeing those doodle type outlined eyes (those were various types and images kept changing very quickly as soon as I entered the paralysis state).

Can someone please help me understand what it is and why did it happen? Also have you ever experienced any such thing or is it just me?

So I think I'm seeing Angels. Everytime I leave the house I see them. They are so perfect. Hair, skin, body, everything about them is perfect. They're like super models. It's usually one or two of them. The rest of the people I see are just shopping or whatever.

But here's the twist. They are so antagonistic to me. They're attitude is crazy. They send me negative, jealous, envious vibes. It's getting ridiculous. They are so predictable. They show up and send me jealous vibes.

Is this like in the Bible how it says God is a jealous God? I mean is this what Angels are really like? We were told they were all cute and sweet. They play the harp and just send us love all the time. We were told they got our back and send us love.

But It's really pissing me off now. They show up in my life just to send me these vain, jealous, envious vibes.

What do you think it means? Did I do something and not know it?

​Guidance

​Be humble whenever possible. Each time increases your strength to overcome pride the next time.

​If you have loved ones, love them. If you have enemies, they are here to strengthen you; appreciate that fact, & learn whichever mode of combat the Creator is having you practice in that moment. You are a sovereign being, placed here by the creator. Live in that.

​If you live an unclean life, you will deal with filth.

​If you live a clean life, you will enjoy the scent of cleanliness.

​All things where we exist are held within the grasp of All. We are ​all the same spark forced through infinitely different circumstances, in the name of growth & diversity.

​We are here to comfortably generate thought which is sent up either at death or during specific outside circumstances.

​Everything is here here in order to make the pain of existing less painful for us. Everything from visual flowers, to the taste of food, is here to make our our inhabitation in physical form less than deadly to the incoming consciousness.

​Food, water, materials, visual stimulation such as a flower, all make the mind happier. This is on purpose, & when we change things drastically we are changing what the Creator tried to do.

​We do not fight against entities, we fight the weapons of those "others". Its not the opposing consciousness which is the ​enemy. Its the weapon being used by them which is your enemy. The consciousness simply hasn't decided to not cause harm; this does not mean that consciousness needs to further itself in any way.

​However, we build the consequences of tomorrow, today.

​Being purely selfless is destructive to the one not taking care of themselves. Like all things, moderation is key.

​Good & Evil are mental constructs, & they determine what in this world makes you happy & sad. Choose wisely, & change your perspective exactly when beneficial to the collective purpose as well as yourself.

​Remember & meditate on the growth of a plant from a seed.

Aren't there some strong energies fading after the full moon? Is there something going on today from an energy point of view? Today I feel down sad and very sensitive. It's weird.I know it was very strong on Friday, so maybe it's the reverberations of the full moon from friday

I’m 28m, and think I went through a bit of an awakening this year. At the very least an expansion of consciousness. Part of it was learning to hear the language of the unspoken. This one just took me longer than most people.

What’s interesting though is I think I’ve developed clairaudience in tandem with this. In the sense that now, all around me, I hear the signs and the guidance. A chapter book I read to my daughter has become akin to the bible. Music seems to play exactly what I need to hear, especially when it’s random.

There’s also a level of guidance in my decisions that I haven’t felt before. I feel a sense of right or wrong (outside of what is moral). It’s like I’m guided towards what will serve me and help me grow.

I was an addict up until this year. Upon this awakening, it became clear that the overuse of substances muddles my connection to source and that disconnection from the world was the cause of my pain and suffering. I was seeking connection in substances. Now, I no longer want them. I still do and find them fun, but Not like I did before. It’s incredible, like a flip has been switched.

Anyway, I think this is a first awakening, but not a final one. I’m finally finding more of myself which is wonderful. Holy fuck this has been a painful experience too. Like a fucking hurricane. I’m hopeful it will lead to less avoidance.

Time distortion. Disconnection and judgment. Neural Network by Default. Functional by not being with the outside world. Memories and events in life, future planning. Organization of the self and personal narrative. New management of ideas through the entropy of language between symbols. Cognitive tasks that work just like a simple noise when daydreaming. Appearance of the shadow in the subconscious chamber through multidimensional portals. Perception of the all-now at an exact moment. Points of light that are constantly reorganized and intertwined in the form of quantum coherence, making me think that the one who thinks is the same as the one who lives here. The dark energy of the brain does the rest, resolving differences to integrate us into the remaining activity of the environment that does not create us. Perception of constant coherent intertwining making a dissolution of the difference between life and death constant being able to decide any moment, both past and future, in the form of what we think memories are.

Memories that are part of the rest of the memories in the form of a matrix to what is the information in matter or physical form. Defined patterns in constant coordination in the form of energetic links loaded with wisdom generated from the base. A light residue in the brain, which creates it and makes it think that it is a brain. Everything is mind and mind is everything. We are more dead than we live, we have more forms than what is our form, we simply cling tightly to what we think we are, to be for a while. My spectral residue is just trying to figure out what this physical form is that charges it. I know myself, I know who I am, and I am able to see who I will be by identifying differences that I don't want to be. I am a healthy body, a peaceful mind that grows and expands in constant sense in the form of authenticity and truth. I identify with my being and unite with the shadow that carries all my memories that make you think it is me. My ideas, my belongings, my value and my constant union with the Whole. I must participate, I must participate with the rest of the environment and with what differentiates me, try to understand it, give it meaning, functioning and synchronicity. Because if everything has coherence, for me to work, to complete what I think, it must also have coherence. Integrate with everything, being half-truths just to participate a little more time in what I think time is and what I believe is real.

The pen with which I write integrates what I think, making my mind something real, physical and authentic. Connected to everything, but being a little less than everything. Because this way I can always generate truth. Everything has information and nothing is less than me nor am I less than anything. I live in constant culmination of truths expanding in a spiral. A thought that is founded through the exploration and interpretation of what you believe may be true. Trying to generate a reality that makes sense so that my physical form believes that it can survive here. Bond jumps between electrons generating a toroid of electromagnetism in search of the alienation of electronic bonds at light frequencies at a central point. We are small computers with microscopic links exchanging information with another light residue trying to imagine a difference to think that what we think is worth something in some way, and that separates us from something we were or will be.

Time exists in the generation of reality in a way as surreal as we exist. For a second, we only think about what we are not. We live in constant expansion, a fusion of something that generates a memory, spending a lot of energy trying to remember who I am.

I have been unemployed, lost everything, and I can’t even get a call back from a local Walmart. I’m living at my great-grandfather’s house and have been trapped and financially drained.It honestly feels like someone in my family put a blockage or brujería on me, but I don't practice and don't know what to do. I just know that once I have finances it means I will finally be independent from them. It’s a long story. what can I do to receive some sort of financial breakthrough or miracle I’ve never been in a position like this before

I hope I don’t sound desperate or whiney. I’m just not used to being in this kind of situation

Hello everyone, I’m going to try to be concise about what’s going on with me.

Around 3 years I start using magic mushrooms without conscious. I was using a lot without integrating the trips or changing my behaviour even tho I had received direct instructions to do so. I was pretty depressed without realising I was. Anyway, everything really changed when I decided, one night, to drink half a bottle of whiskey (I was really evil in that state, like I wasn’t normal and I started to imagined the worst reality I could possible live to - like I was going to make everyone hate me, be a monster, break everybody trust and then kill myself and that, somehow, would make me be the biggest artist ever). I did magic mushrooms on top of that. For 3 days I didn’t sleep and I felt an overwhelming anxiety, I was super energetic but in a bad way, like I couldn’t stop my mind. I had a few stressful events in that time and I reacted to them in the worst possible way - I really started to act to destroy my reputation, I cheated on my family, I was felling really evil. Because of the way I acted i start to imagine that some people would take revenge on me and I couldn’t stop thinking about it. Eventually and because I also understand that I couldn’t control my mind I went to the hospital and took anti psychotic medication. The follow year I was a zoombie - because of the medication but also because I couldn’t forgive myself for the things I have said and done.

When I eventually stop medication and the time from the episode pass, I changed country. I was still felling weird - like I never completely recover my normal state of conscious - but I was able to make new friends after I had a talk with god where I ask to be able to feel love again, and it happen (something that i couldn’t imagine after being a zoombie for so long and couldn’t connect with no one) but at the same time i only get involved with very low and evil partners. I was raped, for example, and I continue to see that guy. I was smoking tons of weed at that time and that guy had weed - now that I reflect - was I there because of weed?! Eventually I separated myself from that guy and met another one - also nothing of what I imagined for myself, never touch me with kindness, and never really show any respect towards me. In that year, I also got back to use magic mushrooms, I laugh again during on of those trips and I felt energised like I thought would be possible again, but, once again, without really integrating.

I went on a big walk in that country and I decided to quit smoking weed - on of the first things I heard inside of me was to leave that guy I was with but somehow we always get back together even tho it was incredible toxic the all relationship.

When I get back from that walk I smoked one joint and I get back to a maniac state, I couldn’t sleep for days again, couldn’t rest and I had some moments where I felt I was acting, like I wasn’t really myself. At that time I should have take me to the hospital but I couldn’t. All of the suddenly I realised that all those thoughts of my first psychosis of those people wanna to take revenge on me actually became truth! My phone was hacked (I know this sound psychotic for itself but it really happened, I have proof of that) and I felt completely raped. I realised all the shit I had on my phone being seeing by those people. And I start to act again to make people think I was a monster, I said horrible things about myself, and I cheated on my family again: like I was evil and really wanna to destroy my life. At some point I remember to think that was some sort of test for me to save my soul and I couldn’t get back to myself, I feel like I didn’t save my soul. I had so many signals of stories my grandmother used to tell me, I think it was her way to try to save me, but I couldn’t connect to love, I couldn’t connect to myself.

Now it’s been 9 months since that, I’m back home and I feel genuinely different. I feel no love or joy into talking with no one, even people that I know I deeply love, I feel nothing, total numbness. It’s really hard to confess but I’m also jealous of others people light, laugh and joy. I feel deeply empty, disconnect from me and my soul. I used to be highly empathetic, always laughing and bringing joy to peoples lives - now I can’t even do it for myself. Everything seems completely useless.
My question is, how far can someone be of what she really is? There is always a way to come back? Is it possible for me to recover my ability to love?! I also think that I can’t love nothing because I’m not loving myself - what I did was a deep cheat on myself and on my deepest values, of course I feel destroyed now. I’m not taking any medication because I’m not experiencing nothing abnormal, only this very deep depression. I remember me, I used to love to make people happy, and now, even if I do something kind, it doesn’t seem to come from my heart, it’s like I really lost my heart and my soul.

The story it’s pretty big, this is what I consider the most important. From your experience, what should I do to get back to find some peace in myself? And you think I should write the book about what happened? About someone that wanna to kill her soul and actually did it. I wish my story was different, I see that pretty clear now, and writing that story it’s make me look really bad with consequences to people I love and that deeply love me and make people that really break my trust be the heroes in my story so I don’t know if it’s a good idea to write in down.

I just feel that I had a path, I was in that path, and then I decided to loose myself into a deep scary desert. I’m in that desert now and I went so far that I can’t see the path home.

23f

I’m 9 months postpartum, and I’ve recently started trying to get mental health help from a psychologist. She thinks I may have a mood disorder. She prescribed me a few medications that I decided not to take, but I am currently taking Lamictal (lamotrigine). I’ve been on it for 9 days.
During the first week, I mainly experienced itchiness and restlessness. Lately, the restlessness has been worse, especially when I’m trying to sleep. I’ve been waking up and feeling like I physically cannot go back to sleep.

On Sunday morning, my spiritual mother texted me saying that she had received a message that someone around me was evil and that I needed to pray over myself and my baby. I didn’t think much of it at first, although it did make me a little paranoid. I tried not to let it affect me.

That same Sunday night, I was in my room on my laptop, turned away from my son while he was in his pack ’n play watching TV. Our dog suddenly started barking toward the bedroom door, like he heard something near it. He eventually stopped, and about 10 minutes later, while I still wasn’t looking directly at my son, he suddenly started bursting into tears. It was abnormal because he had been completely fine just a few minutes earlier. He immediately started crawling toward me while crying, almost like he was scared and wanted to get to me. At the time, I didn’t think much of it, but after everything else that happened later that night, I started thinking about it and wondering if it was connected somehow.
My baby usually wakes up around 3 AM crying for me, so I picked him up and brought him into bed with me. Once he fell asleep, my boyfriend took him and put him back in his crib. At that point, I couldn’t fall back asleep, so I stayed on my phone for about two hours.

During that time, I came across a video of a woman talking about how, while she was co-sleeping with her baby, she felt like something was pulling her baby away from her. I started reading the comments, and people were saying it was a demon or fairies trying to take the baby and replace it with a changeling.

I ended up going down a rabbit hole reading about this. I became paranoid and started thinking, “What if my baby was replaced and I don’t even know it?”
Eventually, I became sleepy and put my phone down. As I was falling asleep, I remember praying in my head over myself and my baby, just in case. I don’t really pray anymore, but because of everything I had just been reading and thinking about, I felt like I needed to.

After I fell asleep, I had a very vivid dream. It was a beautiful, sunny day, and I was with my family in a large truck. There was also a Thai actress there named Charlotte Austin. In the dream, she was basically my friend.

We were sitting in the third row and talking. At one point, she tried to whisper something to me, but the music was too loud, so I told her to just text it to me instead. She started telling me the username for another Instagram account so I could follow her and she could message me what she wanted to say. However, I couldn’t type the username correctly. It felt like I kept messing it up or my phone wasn’t working.

Eventually, whoever was driving arrived at the place we were supposed to be. It felt like we were going to a family reunion. We got out of the truck, and I remember thinking, “Wow, the actual Charlotte Austin wants to be my friend.”
As we were getting out, I realized I had dropped something outside the truck. I went back to get it, put it inside, and then started walking with everyone toward the house where the reunion was supposed to be.

While we were walking, I could feel my physical body shaking or vibrating. I started opening my eyes, and I saw a dark figure standing over me.
I couldn’t move.
I immediately assumed it was sleep paralysis because I had experienced sleep paralysis about a week earlier. However, this time the black figure seemed to lunge toward me. I closed my eyes, opened them again, and it was still there. I closed my eyes one more time, and when I opened them, it was gone.
I could move again.
I woke my boyfriend up and told him what happened. I asked him to check on the baby and make sure he was still in his crib. He got up and checked, and my baby was there.
I asked him to bring the baby to me because I felt safer holding him at that moment.
My baby was awake and looking at me. I was still scanning the dark room because I felt extremely paranoid, and I could feel him staring at me.
When I looked at him, his eyes looked completely black to me — like I couldn’t see the whites of his eyes at all. This completely freaked me out.
But I still held him because, despite everything I was thinking and seeing, I felt like he was still my baby.
I’m writing this about an hour after it happened. My baby is currently awake and crawling around on the bed.

I’m really scared and confused by what happened, especially because I’m postpartum and recently started Lamictal.
Could this be the beginning of postpartum psychosis, even though I’m 9 months postpartum? Has anyone else experienced anything like this? Could this be sleep paralysis, medication-related, or something else? What should I do right now?

​

I used to paint some pretty dark and disturbing stuff. After taking a few spiritual courses and starting to meditate regularly, though, something really changed for me.

One thing that stuck with me was the idea that if life has given you the ability to create, you should use it in a positive way. I started feeling like I wanted my art to give people a good feeling, or maybe even make them stop and think for a moment.

The weird part is that my taste changed too, and I didn’t really force it. I just completely lost the desire to paint those darker things. I don’t even feel like watching movies or looking at paintings with that kind of imagery anymore.

Looking back, it’s interesting to see how something I thought would only affect my spiritual side ended up changing the way I create too.

Has anyone else noticed something like this after getting into meditation or spirituality?

I want to grow spiritually, but many times so many things in daily life like expectations, desires, circumstances hinder the path. Knowing something and feeling it are completely different things. Reading spiritual books awakens that feeling for some time but after few days it’s the same. It feels as if my soul is used to all these worldly things and has stuck in this loop of chasing and pulling back. Sometimes it feels as if abandoning everything may be the solution, but the if feels you can’t escape from your responsibilities. Does anyone else have the same feeling sometimes. Will I be able to grow in this birth, I wonder.

55(F). My parents were narcissists and I’ve done a MASSIVE amount of healing work over the last several years.

I can’t even explain everything so please just send some validation, empathy and compassion. This is really really fucking hard and I’m really really fucking scared. My inner child constantly tells me she wants to die. I’m fighting for my life here.

I just want this nightmare to end.

NO ADVICE.

Please don’t tell me it’s all going to be okay or give me some spiritual smart-ass comment. Be respectful. Thanks.

I am 32 old man and its been 14 years that I have a problem with my job with employment. I took one job after another for 14 years and I didn't last long because I had psychological anxiety and fear and the psyche was so strong that I simply couldn't stay in those jobs. No one understood me. I got a lot of hate from all sides and it's been going on for 14 years. When I went to a therapist a month ago, who is great, we found out that I lived this trauma for 10 past lifes. The trauma of this hit my soul directly from the war, I wase a Soldier in this past life and for that there were consequences, so that's it. that corupted me that didnt had a job and my mental side had a trauma from most of jobs I've done. And then I ask myself what is the point of incarnation in that case if we want to live a beautiful happy contented life but it's a bit of a whore for us life changes in that case we incarnate when we know in advance that a life of ours will be a piece of shit which awaits us with unprocessed traumas from past lives?

①

T.B.N

Agency

Each consciousness as it moves through the ocean of physical matter & experience, develops a unique energetic signature that is completely its own. No two energies are alike in every way. This is because each Divine Spark occupies its own space in the universe, & space is defined by its content & quality of potential experiences. Original Source is pure potential. The one caveat to this truth being that every consciousness may choose how it reacts to the quality of its space & may rise above its circumstances, never being forced to become anything against its own free will.

I wrote this while in the custody of IDOC several years ago.

At the time, I was focusing all my mental energy on what I call "building my spiritual self". I figured it would be a positive usage of my time while in there.

"In Hades, all is death & only eternity exists! He who understands the dark sayings of an eternal soul, see's into the dark corners of his own being! From the grave below, all above becomes death & to the eternal below. then in the throws of dark midnight does the seed of God shimmer through, dispelling the eternal darkness with its eternal Light! then All becomes an eternal change of finite forms which in the realm of Spirit exists not, yet is the offspring of the generative energy between God the Spiritual Father & Mother the Material Nature.

It beats with the rhythmic motion of change, as polarity shifts, caused by Affinities, & the vibrations of thoughts break through the veils of hidden forces revealed by the Light of wisdom & Love!"

I’m sure this topic has been discussed many times before on this subreddit. However, I have found few examples of others that were in my exact situation or would understand where I’m coming from. After awakening my 9-5 career has become unbearable. I’m sure this is a common theme for many of us… what Im really having trouble with is my gut feeling to abandon technology. Becoming a “digital nomad” through entertainment or online sales seems like the most logical step for transcending my current environment and way of life, but my heart and intuition tell me to dissolve my desire for building a life focused around screens, the internet, social media, etc..

I have also heavily considered becoming a psychic by profession. All the healers, readers, and shaman I have met have ensured me that I was like them. That the path of a practitioner was more than an option for me. I’m sure I could make a career of this as I understand my abilities and services to be of value. My problem with this is I refuse to charge for such services. Any energy healing, divination, or regression therapy I have offered to others I insisted on doing so for free. It feels wrong to charge for ascension tools. I understand that in the world we live in money is nearly essential for trade, and that “equal exchange” typically through money is a necessary part of a practitioners career/ lifestyle. I understand that’s how things are, but my soul tells me that this is one of the systems that myself and others incarnated here to help collapse. I am still dedicated to enhancing my services, but I refuse to charge. I’m committed to finding a lifestyle that allows me to offer such things to those without the funds. I believe I’ll have to find another way.

Finally, the big kicker; my debt is piling up and my mental health is declining rapidly due to the pressure and uncomfort building in me for living a life that is not aligned with my desires. I feel called to leave my environment and old life behind entirely, but every way out seems to have financial roadblocks keeping me stuck. I’ve heavily contemplated leaving the country to both escape my debt and assimilate into a community that’s more loving and connected with nature. Problem is I can’t afford plane ticket to anywhere. I’ve been stuck in this predicament for a year now. I finally put my two weeks notice in at work because the pressure has become too much to bear. I have no backup plan other than selling personal belongings. I know no one can give me the answers as to what I should do. I am only curious if others have experienced something similar, and if so, how did you balance what your higher self wanted with what your physical self was experiencing? I feel like I’ve finally found out what I want but I’m unsure of how to get there. I’m curious what questions and beliefs should I be asking myself to further my own understanding of my desires and specifically how to make them physically tangible.

What are the reasons for having pressured pain due to energy? Or while meditating? Read that it is due to blocks in receiving as its left side or due to heart chakra activation. What's the actual reason?

My heart chakra opened about an year ago and other chakras too.

How to get rid of this pain? Its not extreme but definitely disturbs and hurts.

Sometimes the pressure is on the entire body during meditation.

Anyone faced this? Any suggestion?

I had an awakening almost a week ago I did post about it on here.
I am feeling positive but negative all at the same time, just finding my footing.

I’m paranoid I might be going through psychosis and not know it, why I’m paranoid?

Because I’m super vulnerable rn with collapsed identity, and my mum has schizophrenia and is projecting her experiences onto me out of worry that I’ll have the same, her reasons are because I’ve trauma, philosophical questions and perspectives as well as nightmares ( I’ve had nightmares since I was a kid)

The effect of this spiritual awakening, for me at first was that nothing has meaning then, I’ve found my self slowly dissolving illusions and delusions about life people and myself. I don’t have thoughts about people much anymore just that we all exist and I have a much deeper love and understanding for the people around me and myself.
But all at the same time I feel wobbly, I’m having nightmares, I’m anxious but I’m also observing it but sometimes leaning into much because I still don’t know how I should act cause acting like my self feels like performing.

I’m still functioning, cleaning the house, taking care of the cats seeing friends, infact I’m seeing friends more because I feel the need to be soothed through human presence and connection.

Im eating a bit less out of stress, but otherwise everything is maintained and in order. It’s only been a week, I’d rather catch any form of psychosis or schizophrenia before it happens if that’s even possible.

Anyway I’m gonna book an appointment with the psychiatrist to make sure all is right.

Has someone felt worried about psychosis ? And how did you know it wasn’t psychosis ?

I really need some reassurance right now.