Is 2026 the year of the Kroenke's!?

Call 1-800-DK-Punch to recieve your very own Seattle Mariners guide to The Self Inflicted Dick Punch! For just three installments of your own sanity, our expert operators will walk you through the epitome of baseball induced testicular trauma!

Bottom of the 9th. You have the lead. You have the momentum. All you need to do is play exceptional defense to get the 2nd out and hopefully hang on to win the game. Enter J-Rod.

Step 1: Instead of an out, Julio completely whiffs on a sliding catch, eventually turning into a disastrous triple.

Step 2: Ceddane Rafaela drives Roman Anthony in to tie the game. If this doesn't numb you, I don't know what will.

Step 3: The Galaxy-Brain Milkshake. Scott Servais looks into his bullpen and decides to shake it up, by intentionally walking not just one, but two hitters. Bold strategy Cotton, let's see how it pays off. BASES. LOADED.

And right on cue, the Red Sox walk it off in the 10th, 9-8. Nothing like a beautiful shot to your nether regions.

DON'T WAIT, PUGET SOUND OPERATORS ARE STANDING BY TO PUNCH YOU DIRECTLY IN THE JEWELS!

CALL 1-800-DK-PUNCH TODAY AND GET YOUR GUIDE FOR ABSOLUTELY FREE! THAT'S 1-800-DK-PUNCH. OR GO ONLINE AT WWW.SEATTLEMARINERS.COM/DICKPUNCH!

YOU ALLOWED NINE HOMERS IN A GAME

ANGELS FANS YOU’RE FREE!!

Stan Kroenke is the new owner of the Angels

The Reliaquest Bowl and Shrine Bowl gave me too many delusions.

Look at his track record

Rams- won a super bowl

Nuggets won a Championship

Avs won a Stanley Cup and probably could've won this year if not for the Presidents curse

Both Arsenal teams won

If he can get the Angels to a playoff in a couple years then he'll be considered the master of winning in sports.

Arte Moreno finally sells the team! Now hopefully the Angels finally trade Trout to a playoff contender. Probably won’t happen until the trade deadline next year at the earliest. Moreno kept holding that up to sell tickets.

I’m gonna let you take a wild guess as to what happened.

I want to do another ESPN league. Any degenerate shitposters up for it? I'd be down for a 10-12 person league. Thinking we could do the draft on Sunday in the afternoon or Monday night.