I’ve been wrestling for all 3 previous years of high school. My first year as a freshman, I was unbelievably shit but tbf I was jv and that’s not that crazy. Sophomore year and junior year, I had a horrible record despite being able to beat guys with really good records in my wrestling room, and I mostly believe it’s because I have really really bad anxiety as a result of some trauma I have along with some mental disorders I have. The problem is, I’m really not bad at the sport but out in matches I perform terribly, even after 3 years because of my anxiety. I also should mention that i have pulmonary fibrosis which significantly hinders my stamina and it shows since after all three years i still can’t last 6 minutes. I think part of my anxiety comes from how ill be seen, even more so because its my senior year now and i feel like going out and consistently losing as a 4th year wrestler is just laughable even if im strong in the practice room.
I think my anxiety has made competing (not practicing) a genuine living hell for me and I really wish I could enjoy it like everyone else on my team but instead I just feel existential dread. I think another big contributor has been that my coach treats me like I’m not there, even though I’m probably the 4th best on the team. He doesn’t let me practice with people my level or higher out of fear of me making them worse or just seeing me as unusable, he always has tips on peoples wrestling EVEN THE FRESHMAN, but he never gives me advice and just shrugs it off.
Overall I’ve lost so much love for the sport when it comes to competing but I don’t want to leave cause I like it I just wish I could like competing, and seeing all the hard effort I put in go unnoticed, through bleeding coughs and hospital visits from pushing myself, it’s destroyed my passion and my mental health, but man I really want to love it and I do love practice.
(Btw I’ve tried asking my teammates for help with the anxiety, I’ve tried therapy, I’ve asked my coach even tho he told me I’m just being a pussy, I’ve tried asking friends, nothing has helped)