(Context: Agender was an ""option"" of mine in the past (because I was confused about where to place myself))

Me 28 (amab) just discoverd agender. I was bit sceptical cause i was growing up with "there are 2 genders and some people love to change that and thats it" but coming out of the closed as pansexual opend pandora's box.

First i thought i was non binairy then it thought i was genderfluid. This whenned on for a long time till i came across a video that someone identified themselfs as agender. Out of intrest i looked it up and everything made sence.

Because i was like that i just have a "manelyhood in my pants" and further i dont really found myself male nor female but also didnt feel the non binairy vibe or trans vibe and struggelt with pronouns. Then i came across agender like i sayed and if felled good to identify as it. With pronouns im more of a any/all type of person.

Hi, first post here. I just wanted to hear about other people's feelings regarding gender and neurodivergence.

I am AuDHD and lived most of my life feeling like I don't really fit into any gender category. For a long time I tried to not actively think about gender expression or being able to choose whatever makes me feel most comfortable, I assume due to shame.

When I started going to therapy I quickly found out I was autistic aswell as ADHD. With time I found out that the overlap between the neurodivergent community and the queer community is huge - I believe society's rules are not made for either of those two groups. I am personally having a really hard time accepting myself as non-binary or anything other than my assigned gender at birth.

So I would love to know:

If you are ND and queer, which did you 'discover' first? Are there any strategies to survive a world not built for either of those? How do you deal with prejudice?

To feel more comfortable with my identity I'm trying to interact more with people like me, so any kind of comments are welcome.

Thank you and goodbye

I've been pretty open about being agender for a while but the discussion around non-binary/agender being considered trans and also whether or not to take hormones to achieve androgeny has come up with my fiance.

It's been on my mind for a bit and I wanted to get other agender peoples' opinion on the subject.

Do you personally consider non-binary/agender people to be trans? Or do you not identify with the trans label?

(posting a photo of my plush pig piggy to make this post seem less scary and intimidating.)

Some people seem to think that seeing someone who is wearing pronoun pins or wearing too many pronoun pins is going to inspire impressionable voters to vote more extremely in another direction, and so it isn’t advisable to campaign with them on. Is there a lot of merit to this idea?

Hello! I am AFAB, and I was wondering if anyone had any makeup tips to look more androgynous. Thank you!

A vent because I'm sad. :(

There's so much pressure to find a label to put on yourself. It's like people can't see you unless you label yourself.

You can't have community unless you have a label, it seems.

And if you say you don't like labels... well, I get the impression people think thats a bi/homophobic or transphobic dogwhistle?

I am just me and I don't know where I fit and I've been trying to label myself for a good 15 years now, and it all just hurts. :(

I've been struggling with my identity for ages, and I feel like the label of greygender fits me the most. I don't feel like my sense of identity fits in any category of male, female or non binary (I know non binary is deliberately not binary, but I still don't feel like how enby people describe themselves). I also don't really relate to being agender either, as I am not apathetic to my sense of self, I care about labelling my gender a lot (probably a mix of identity OCD and the autistic need to put things in boxes). Agender is often defined as "not having a gender". I feel like I have something, but something unlabelable. It's there, but it's translucent, it's unable to be pinned down. Kind of like maverique ("a gender characterised by autonomy and inner conviction regarding a sense of self that is entirely independent of male/masculinity, female/femininity or anything which derives from the two while still being neither without gender nor of a neutral gender") but I lack the conviction and that firm sense of having a gender. For futher context, I also identify as greyaroace / greyrose (RO = romantic, SE = sexual), so I feel like a lot of my emotions are really wispy and lacking definition, which I really can't handle because it's painful to not understand yourself better by knowing you're not alone in your feelings by having at least a word to describe yourself. Like realising you're a zebra, not just a weird horse.

Anyway, greygender (and I am spelling it that way, I'm British) seems to have a very small community and doesn't get discussed a lot anywhere. I was just wondering if it and those that identified as it had been swallowed by the broader agender / genderqueer / nonbinary community / label, or whether it had just died out due to disuse. If so, that would be very sad. Plus, I don't even know which flag to use, since there's two. I'd prefer to use the one that doesn't have the weird stripe width ratio and uses the primary blue. It looks nonstandardised. I prefer the other one that matches the greyrose flag with the teal. The thing was I was thinking about the greygender label since there was a YouTube video about a person identifying as greyaroace that came out recently that made me feel more confident knowing that there were others and it hadn't died out, so I wanted to know if greygender was still around, too. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8iy8WMLPTMs

I’ve been going by Wren for 6 months. Then realised it’s rising in popularity as a girl name And have lost the euphoric feeling I used to get from it. I’m anxious that in 10years or so it will not be viewed as a neutral name.

But equally would be anxious to change it again, my social media, work colleagues and family/friends are getting used to using Wren

Today I got my drains out, five days after my surgery. My body is healing crazy fast and I am so grateful.

Tonight I took some time to really look at how my body is now and I feel SO good about how everything looks, even though I look massacred 😂. I opted for no nipples and I’m just so giddy with how everything looks. I wish I would have done this the first go-around but I was afraid before to have anything medically trans on record before. (Had a “medically necessary” reduction before.)

I wish the agender euphoria fairy visits you all tonight, and you feel connected to yourselves in small and large ways tomorrow.

As a kid I always had this feeling that this body is not quite right. I allways had these moments where I kind of questioned if this was really my body because I allways felt very detached from my body. It felt like I was experiencing live in a third perspective like in games. I really wanted to have a female body because I hated to be in a boys body. Because I acted so differently as every other boy around me and really felt excluded. But then I saw girls who acted similar to me and had friends. And then I thought Mabye I should have been a girl after all and it was all a mistake. I had these feelings a lot mainly subconsciously.

I'm about to start college, and I've already finished high school. Well, in my country, when you're in high school, the rules are strict, but after that, there's a lot of freedom.

I’ve been agender since I was 15, I’m 17 now, and even though I was born male, I’d like to look and act like a girl while maintaining my agender identity. I’ve made it clear before that I’m agender, and I have this huge doubt because, as I mentioned earlier, that’s how I want to look and identify myself.

I’d like to get some advice from everyone here, and I’m sorry if I was too direct.

Any suggestions will be gladly taken into consideration :)

I wish I were the type of agender person that was gender apathetic. I wish I didn't care how people see me. But god, getting misgendered still gets to me which SUCKS because everyone always wants to assume instead of just using gender neutral terminology until knowing for sure.

It's only queer people that tend to not do this, but I have had some even worse experiences with a few queer people at times that project onto me and assume that I'm binary trans. Like one person just straight up started calling me a man because they just assumed I was a pre-T trans man and ran with it. It was fucking awful.

I'm very ambiguous and get seen as both a man and a woman quite often especially after going on T, and I'm usually seen as a somewhat feminine man or a somewhat masculine woman. And while being confusing is nice because it is indeed my goal to not look like a man or woman, I hate that being neutral looking just makes people guess. I am not a feminine man, and I am not a masculine woman. I don't want to be seen as either of those things.

When I get misgendered, it's like suddenly there's this expectation on me to conform to the gender I'm being seen as. The whole vibe of the interaction just shifts entirely. If it's with a stranger that I'm talking to for 5 seconds, whatever, it sucks but it's over fast. But when it involves anyone that is more than that, even just an acquaintance, oh man, I get so so uncomfortable.

I'm just a person. I'm just a fucking person. I wish this wasn't so hard for people to understand or grasp. It's exhausting and I wish I could be gender apathetic so bad. I genuinely wish I could go by any pronouns but I can't stand he or she. I just can't. I'm so exhausted of being uncomfortable every time I interact with anyone outside of my friend circles.

Okay, so I was pressured into having a vaginectomy when I really shouldn't have. I'm a man still, but vaginectomies, imo, are brutal. It was a perfectly healthy organ, that I made clear to the surgeon that I didn't feel horrible dysphoria toward. Additionally, I had an intersex/autoimmune scarring disorder (only externally) that meant he couldn't even complete the metoidioplasty properly. But I really want to focus on the reality of a vaginectomy here. Some people will probably agree, maybe some others won't.

To me, a vaginectomy feels like exactly what it is. A mutilated vaginal canal. I can still feel it there, because removing the surrounding structures would collapse your pelvis, and as it turns out, those structures very much get swollen and erect and continue to do so. I also get recurring, unsolvable cysts due to trapped fluid.

I don't know. My surgeon really made me feel like it was the only way to be happy, and now I'm actively seeking medical assistance in dying in Canada (MAiD is legal here). Filling out forms. Because I just feel massacred. I could've just had both and now I have nothing, because of my own sadness and impulsivity and a surgeon's desires to keep his California office open (they were struggling monetarily at the time, according to a nurse).

I just want people to know that vaginectomies don't feel like you never had one to begin with. They feel like you had one and now it's superglued shut with skin. It's just body horror.

So technically, a lot of what I’m doing is considered trans masc. (just had non flat top surgery 🙌, and am on T.)

Someone referred to me as transmasc today and it made me recoil in my head. I don’t feel like I am trans masc. I don’t look masculine at all, and that’s not my ultimate goal (my ultimate goal is just to feel good in my body and it needs some medical boosts to get there - but I also have an underlying medical thing where that’s been a whole hell of a lot of my life’s journey).

Idk I don’t really have a point other than, words are weird. It’s weird how they shape our experience and communicate things to each other but it can also just not be right. Like maybe trans-agender will be a more common understanding of things in the future? But it’s just weird, and can sometimes feel defeating, to like be seen but not seen, ya know?

im from the other part of Nonbinaryville (genderfluid) and im curious

I’ve been struggling with gender for a few weeks now, because I actually thought about it. I’ve thought genderfluid, but that doesn’t fit. I think I’d be happier with any/all pronouns. Ive always gone by strictly he him, and I think throughout my life there’s always been signs. Like a big deflection when someone calls me “girl”, which I’m now realising is because I never wanted someone to think I was okay with that. I feel like I’ve always tried to fit myself into strict male protocol, but now that I’ve stepped outside, I think I’m more comfortable with either. I know for other trans umbrella terms, there’s like a hypothetical or something. I dont really know. Idk if this even makes sense.

Naan biryani.

hello!

like many people here, i care deeply about trans rights, and while i don’t have all the answers to secure and enshrine them, i will always do my best to fight for bodily autonomy and the right for self-identification. i go to protests, write and call members of the government, donate money to LGBTQ+ organizations when i can, and try to support people online. i’m not saying this to brag, or to indicate that trans rights are the only issue i care about (they’re not), just to demonstrate that i do take physical action when i can, and also ask if there’s anything beyond that i should look into.

but that’s only part of the question.

i consider myself to be agenderfluid, and i don’t strongly identify with any body or physical characteristics, so i’m not medically transitioning, but i love medical transition for anyone who wants/needs it, and believe it is healthcare and, therefore, a human right. i do struggle with dysphoria, which sometimes ebbs and flows; i don’t believe you need dysphoria to be trans, and i also don’t believe that my experience with it is the only or best experience.

i’ve seen a lot of posts on various subreddits by people who are, understandably, in a lot of pain, and who i interpret - maybe incorrectly, and in a biased way, because i feel like i’m among the people being lashed out at - as lashing out at people whose trans experience is different than the original poster’s. it is a very painful time to be trans right now, and has been for a while, and i don’t blame anyone for searching for solace in these communities, but i think it can be true that both these people are hurting, and that i am allowed to be hurt for being called a “psyop” or “less progressive” or “damaging to the community” for not having something to transition towards.

but at the same time, i am incredibly privileged: because i have not modified my body in any way, i pass as a cishet woman. and now is not the time for someone like me to be platformed or heard; i acknowledge that my struggle, while connected to the struggles of all other trans people, is not the best story for us to put forward right now, because transphobic cis people will see one “normal”-looking silly woman who claims to be genderless but is obviously very very sexed and is not able to transition, and will generalize that to all trans people under the guise of taking trans healthcare away: *i mean, SHE says she doesn’t need it, so the rest of you are lying…*

i don’t want my presence in the trans community to cause harm, i deeply believe my fight as an agender person is connected to binary trans people and nonbinary people’s fights, regardless of if or how any of us transition (or don’t). i never intentionally talk over other trans people, but i get the feeling that my experience existing at ALL reads as talking over, even if i’m UNHAPPY with my experience, drowning in dysphoria for which there is no conceivable release, and need support. i wish there were more ways to help, and to be valid as an agender and genderfluid person while doing it - which i understand is a deeply selfish wish. advocacy doesn’t hinge on who is or isn’t “valid”, because everyone’s valid but that’s not the point. but i also don’t want to be used as a strawman or a catalyst for infighting just because i have wide hips and can’t do anything about it.

what do i do?

I'm sick of putting my given name on everything, I don't want to be known as that, I want to be known as the name I'm using with only a couple people: River. (I'm a little closet gremlin to most people, my parents are low-key kind of transphobic, mainly my mum).

But like, I was filling out an application for college and had to put my legal name, but hey at least there's a section for a preferred name, so that's cool. Dunno what I'll do if my parents see that, lol.