Subreddit to help people who struggle with anger issues. Mods delete posts that are about struggling with anger issues. Huh?????? Whatever, just ban me already i really dont care

Long story short I tend to get angry at myself when family or people close to me get angry and raise their voices at me. Most common example is when my partner is upset at me. Reason seems to be me feeling maligned/helpless/cornered.

I used to hit my head on the wall or scream out my frustration into a towel in the bedroom when this happened. I’m on meds (for a different condition not related to anger, for mood stabilization) and have had therapy. I still want to hurt myself or act out when I get furious or feel threatened/helpless but now I’ll cry into a pillow quietly or make small cuts on my ankles or feet in secret.

My reasoning is that it’s better than a very loud or destructive way of venting my anger like what I did before. I know it’s similar to controlled aggression but I wish I didn’t feel the need to vent this seemingly overwhelming anger in the first place!

I would like a better way to calm myself down in the immediate moment and I wish I didn’t feel this disproportionate anger. What are some ways to regulate or moderate anger, in the immediate 10 minutes of a trigger? ://

hey..so idk how to even start explaining this.. i'm in therapy atm but i feel like it made my rage worse. i had a few situations in the last week where i got so angry- mostly when i got accused of stuff i didnt do- and i just went off the rails.. screaming, cursing..i felt like i need to defend myself and afterwards i felt so ashamed :( for the longest time i burried my feelings (especially rage and sadness) and i just felt so empty. and stuff like that happening would just make me insecure and question myself but never THAT angry.

i got angry in intimate relationships but never outside of that and not that often.. and now i'm left feeling that i'm just this angry person that goes off at things and i hate it. i just feel like the worst person and so cruel and like i'm not kind and everyone would be better off without me

like i hate everything happening around me

anyone ever experience that or similar after being empty for the longest time? i started to open up in therapy in terms of showing my vulnerable feelings, i even cried.. before i was very much joking around most of the time

so this feels related in a way bc i finally felt the things that hurt me so much in the past

this shit scares me .. i'm so afraid that i'm a bad Person and just didnt let myself feel it before and now it all gets out.. idk if any of this makes sense

would appreciate some thoughts on this x

(english is not my first language so sorry for any mistakes or bad grammar)

When I was younger I despised everyone and everything, I was always angry. I accidentally made some decisions in life that changed this, and for the past 10 years, I have been a fountain of patience and positivity. It sounds dumb but I was genuinely very happy, never lost my temper, never felt the way I did. I thought I had solved it and understood. I was super wrong. I lost my job, and my field became relatively obsolete. I'm starting from scratch and it has all come back in the blink of an eye. Ive realized the thing that made me happy was having control over my day, feeling like my job was meaningful, that my hard work was appreciated, and above all else that my work moved me forward not just socializing. My job is more stable now, but is tedious and meaningless. I have tried to get moved but it has become clear my manager has no intentions of doing this. The thing I hate the most about being this angry, is how it compels you to make the wrong decisions. To snap and make things worse. I hate how hard it is to fight that feeling

I had the biggest meltdown at this intersection this morning. The intersection is low traffic and low priority so the light is usually mostly green and only red for a short amount of time. Until this past week when the light pattern changed and started to stay red for a lot longer than necessary and green for a shorter amount of time. It got really bad this morning when it was backing up traffic and the cars were not accelerating fast enough to get through the green so I ended up being stuck for 3 light cycles. I got so fucking mad about this that I cut into the left lane and ended up crossing the intersection while the light was red. Turns out there were construction workers fixing one of the lights and they waved their arms at me.

God I seriously have serious anger issues it’s been getting so bad while I’m driving that I’m getting more confident into doing stupid shit like this. Will I have to get arrested to finally learn my lesson and stop this shit? Maybe I might get arrested for this, I know the intersection doesn’t have a camera but I might get tracked down by a flock camera or something. It’s what I deserve, I live such a spoiled life but I’m so depressed and mentally ill I just fucking break down anyway and do stupid shit.

I’m very nasty when I drink. I black out most of the time when I’m out with other people. I caused issues with me and my ex ( part of the group ). Now they all blocked me and told me they want nothing to do with me. Are they right to not want to be my friend because I black out ?

I know, I absolutely know I shouldn’t do this and that it’s not good and also consequences depending on what happened.

my dumbarse is idk what it’s doing.… nothing great. just randomly going between meh and chill and pissed the f off for no good reason.

Im not sure how to chill back down

and I need to..workingnon breathing exercises though but I’m just pissed off at everything like my keyboard got angry? pissed off at that. not much else right now honestly. some guy kept being weird in a car behind me and I just blasted my music really loud. Shouldntve but it’s better than road rage or whatever

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is it okay to feel the strong urge to hurt people, no not just hurt I wanna end someone l_ife. I can even imagine the exact scene, how to what time and how can I hide the body it self or even the evidence

At first it never like this, when I was youg Ihave this feeling of emptiness, but no i'm not lacking of emotions —although there are times where I can't help but ask my self why aim I so detach to people, I cry yes but not from sadness mostly from so much annoyance anger and embarrassment

I'm always been like this, even when I'm young the only way I can express my anger and frustration is by destroying things, or even hurting our pets ( sorry guys I was young at that time and she scratch me ) and when other people aligth me it's either I sabotaged them or hurt them back .

And now at the last stage of being a teen, there are times where I ten to imagine what it would feel, to finally try that . I don't really know why. At first it's due to some trauma ( yes I lived a good life ) but no it didn't affect me that much so I'm really curious why.

You can al give me some opinion since I'm curious

So I am a 20F and I live with my boyfriend 20M, but we live with 20M’s brother and brother’s girlfriend. I am extremely close to both of them and they are very understanding towards my feelings and the situation. They know exactly how he is and apparently he has been like this since a child, but emotions/mental health was never a topic in his family. His dad basically taught him “boys don’t cry”, so that mentality is already a lot to unpack. My question is if anyone has any advice on how to help a person who gets so mad at the game to the point of breaking/hitting things and yelling? My boyfriend is a very big rager when it comes to games, noted he does have anger issues/ADHD and I am very understanding towards that. It’s just now we’re at a point where multiple things are getting broken, things I’ve paid for with my own money. I personally struggle with c-ptsd and other illnesses that make it hard for me to stay in the same room as him when he rages and I get extremely anxious. So i’m just at a stand-still, we’ve had the same conversation over and over about how it’s an issue because of how it’s making me feel/the damage to our things. He promises and apologizes over and over again, with no change whatsoever. Last night it was about 1-2am and I went to go to sleep in the living room because he was starting to hit things and getting loud. I’ve tried telling him that I can help him find more ways to calm down or prevent himself from getting that angry. That if he comes to me then I will help, but he has continued not to come to me. I realize it could also just be him really not wanting to change but I genuinely feel like he could get help for this. I just need advice on how to deal with it or what ways that can help. I do not believe this warrants me leaving him at this point because he has also handled a lot of my mental health issues. Anger issues are very real and I would rather help him deal with his emotions than treat them like he just needs to get over it. Please try to be kind and respectful, very much appreciated.

I get angry very easily, sometimes even over small things. The strange part is that when I am alone, I sometimes imagine situations or arguments in my head, and then I actually get angry about them even though they are not real.

I know these situations are only in my head, but the anger still feels real.

For people who have dealt with this, what actually helped you reduce this kind of anger?

I’m looking for practical methods I can use when I notice myself getting angry, not just general advice like “calm down” or “think positively.”

What do you do in the moment? And what habits helped you become less angry over time?

Hi all.

I struggle with expressing when I get angry. Often times I push down what I mean to say and it builds resentment. Which will then explode on someone, giving me anger issues or an issue of not being able to fix that. I want to be able to feel free to speak my mind and what I’m going to say and what I feel without it feeling like I’m going to get yelled at if my true opinion is there. I would love any and all advice when it comes to this, I know it’s my first post here but I just really would like the advice. Thank you all.

TW: Explosive anger, mentions of DV

Firstly, really sorry, because this is going to be long. I have a lot of context to give.

I (31 f) am really struggling with the temper of my husband (30 m).

We've been together two years, and about a year ago his temper started to show around me for the first time and things have only gotten worse. For context, he's Latino and when I have mentioned I'm concerned about his anger he has made various excuses. "I'm Latino, we are fiery" or "I'm a man" or makes some comment about not letting people "disrespect" him. Some stories of his temper he tells with pride, such as smashing the wing mirror off another driver's car (whilst driving) during an altercation or the time he smashed a wall to stop an argument between his parents. "They stopped doing XYZ, so it worked", he says.

He is a very "grumpy" person, often goes quiet and sulks when things don't go his way. His mum says he is "a small boy in a big guy, whose feelings need to be protected". A bad mood can disrupt days or sometimes weeks, but his rage has become more frequent and unpredictable.

He always claimed that I was the only person who could calm him down, that I have a calming influence over him that nobody else ever had before.

Well, not anymore it seems...

As time went on he felt more and more comfortable getting in yelling and screaming rows with his parents in front of me. One time after a huge f-up in his company, I told him that he still had to make sure he paid his staff on time, he screamed at me "Are you stupid? I've just lost XYZ and you're worrying about that?! You're stupid!" I quietly let it go because they just switched to their own language and started screaming around me.

Things have escalated now and gotten scarier. I'd seen him slam doors and punch walls during arguments with his parents before, but on 3 separate occasions now he's flown into violent rages and smashed stuff up in front of me.

The first time was when he was emptying his car to get it taken to scrap, and he just couldn't get a wing mirror extender into the trash bag without it falling back out, and he flipped out and started stomping the s*** out of the mirrors and the bag. His mum just did what she always does and tells me "He's sensitive. Even his grandma always said as a child" and "You have to learn more about him, he is like that." and "I'm his best friend, the only person who knows how to talk to him. You don't know how." then proceeds to somehow shift the blame onto me "You lived alone too long, you have to learn to deal with other people. Not everyone can behave like you want" or "Make sure you don't tell him he is wrong, that only makes him worse" I felt crazy for being frightened of his outbursts.

The second and third time it was just us alone together, which made things even scarier.

The second time, at work (his bar), he got angry at his mum's text messages and started kicking and throwing things out of nowhere whilst I was cooking. I've been in DV situations before from my previous relationship, so I immediately went into freeze mode. I kept silently cooking while my whole body shook with fear. After over an hour of complete silence, he asked me if I wanted to come to the beach and I quietly declined. After he returned, after a looooooong awkward silence, he simply said "You know I was mad at my mum right? You don't have to feel bad, it wasn't you" Confused I said, "I didn't think it was me but even if it was me, nothing makes it alright to do what you did" No response.

Two weeks later, again at work, the third time came around. He was moving the food processor off the top of the freezer when he dropped the machine part. Without missing a beat, he immediately threw the plastic jug and lid part hard into the ground, smashing it to pieces. I leapt up and went over. I saw him throw the jug to the ground with my own eyes and, astonished, I blurted out "You destroyed it" and he lost it and started throwing other things around. Frozen baguettes, trays, anything. This time I went into Flight Mode and grabbed my bag, said "I can't be around this kind of behaviour" and left. As I left, I heard further smashing and crashing and decided, when I was a safe distance away, to check the security cameras. I caught him throwing plastic boxes and heavy thick beer glasses at the back wall. I stayed away for the rest of the day, but went back to see if he was going to open for the evening. No. So we went home and pretty much didn't speak for a day or two, until he exploded on me in a shop. We were buying things for work when he asked "What do we need?" and I said "I don't know, what's your plan?" because I knew he wanted to do a special menu, but the plans changed from day to day, so I wasn't sure what he settled on. He blew up on me in the shop and said "You don't want to f\**ing be here, so let's just not f***ing buy anything", I said *"It's more than fair for me to be upset after you smashed up the place"** to which he responded "Yeah because of you" and then put on a whiny childlike voice mocking me "Oh you destroyed it, you destroyed it". I was appalled to be mocked like that in public, and said "I was scared. Your reaction was unstable" which was brushed off with him saying "Oh because you're sooo stable"

When we finally returned to open, there was a bin bag containing the smashed food processor and he'd simply piled everything from the back into the sink saying "I figured you'd be better at making sure to get all the glass" and left me to clean up the WHOLE back and dishes, and inspect every shelf, every bag, every can, every inch of the place. When I say there was glass everywhere... Over two hours to clean the place.

I've not been able to bring myself to be intimate with him since, which was almost 2 weeks ago, because I'm honestly scared. He's noticed and made comments here and there, but not pressed it. I sleep as far away from him as I can in bed, I've not touched him or instigated a kiss since, because I genuinely can't look at him the same anymore.

The other day, during a one-sided discussion about the bar possibly closing down and him wanting to run away from all the problems, he said he would smash the place up before he leaves because "They have to know who I am. They have to know who they're f\**ing with"* (I'm not sure exactly who "They" is, as there's really no outside party at fault for the place failing). I quietly started gathering my things from around the place before they could become projectiles (speaker, phone, my laptop, a metal water bottle that is very special to me that a few days prior he said he almost hit someone with after getting into a verbal spat) and he started laughing when he saw what I was doing. As he laughed with tears in his eyes, he finally managed to get out through giggles "You're getting all your things together when you're going to be eating here for the rest of your life" (For context, we live near the bar and don't cook at home, so even if the bar is closed we eat there). With the violent behaviour I felt a shiver run down my spine. I kept wondering "What does he mean by the rest of my life?"

I have a go bag packed in case he ever turns his violence onto me, but I'm in a foreign country where I don't speak the language, have no money of my own, and no friends here, so unsure how I will get somewhere safe. But also I don't want to walk away if this is just a no-money-high-stress situation that might get better. I love him so much, but don't know how to help him.

He can be so kind, and loving, and wonderful on his good days, but he is terrifying on his bad days. I have so much love for him, but he refuses to get help, speak to a doctor or a therapist, or even to acknowledge his reactions are his own responsibility.

I would feel terrible to walk away and leave everything between us behind, but I genuinely feel like one day it'll be me being thrown around the place.

So I wanted to ask if there are any people who've had or been with someone with explosive anger issues, who could tell me how they finally realised they needed help? Is there something other than therapy or medications that can soothe an explosively angry person, or help them see what they're doing to the people around them? His mother always says "He'll be fine when he has money. When he doesn't have money, he is unhappy, so when he has money everything will be good" but I don't see our situation getting any better, and do I have to spend the rest of my life fearing a low in life making his anger come back? I want to try to help him before his anger drives me and others in his life away.

I welcome any advice because the last few months of severe stress have left my physical and mental health completely ruined. I'm having chest pains, extreme tiredness beyond what my chronic conditions already cause, nightmares, depression, and anxiety. Were you or your partner ever explosive? What helped you overcome it?

TL;DR Struggling with my husband's increasingly explosive rage. Looking for advice from people who have had/been with someone who has overcome explosive anger.

I normally don't get angry, but this particular person is sooooo dumb and okay for once i could care less about them being dumb but their level of stupidity affects my life all the time (we live together) they have no sense of situational awareness and no sense of responsibility. Plus omg their voice is so high pitched when they speak it makes my ear hurt. They turn into a baby whenever anything hurts them, or if they fall or cry or whatever. I can't explain but i get this ick ugh. They use outside shoes INSIDE OUR APARTMENT and they claim to be a clean freak. LIKE PLEASE. I really want to stop letting their things make me angry or irritated but I'm clueless. How do i do that? Please give me some tips

My boyfriend and I seem to have very different ways of dealing with conflict. I'm naturally a calm person, but more importantly, I make a very conscious effort NOT to react in the heat of the moment. Even when I feel attacked, spoken to disrespectfully, or someone raises their voice at me, I try not to give them the same energy back.

It's not because I'm not angry or hurt. I just don't want anger to make me speak to someone I love in a way I wouldn't normally consider acceptable or respectful. I'd rather control my reaction, cool down, and communicate without saying things I'll regret later.

My boyfriend is very different. He is anxious, he can get heated extremely quickly, and I've noticed recently that relatively small disagreements can escalate very fast.Three incidents involving his puppy made me realize how much this pattern is starting to affect me. (For context, I've never owned a dog and have basically no experience with puppies. He obviously knows his dog and its limitations much better than I do)

Incident 1

The first time his puppy came to my apartment, he peed on the floor. I told my boyfriend to take him outside while I cleaned it. After cleaning, I put a few drops of bleach on the floor because I thought it would disinfect the area and help with the smell. I genuinely had no idea that this could potentially be dangerous around a dog. When my boyfriend came back and smelled the bleach, he immediately got very angry. He told me I was putting his dog in danger and that he couldn't trust me. I told him I genuinely didn't know, that now that he had told me I obviously wouldn't do it again, and suggested keeping the puppy in another room and closing the door so he wouldn't be exposed to it. I completely understood him being worried. What was difficult for me was that even after I acknowledged the mistake, explained that I didn't know and offered a solution, he remained angry at me for about an hour.

Incident 2

Another day, after a walk, we were walking home when he noticed that the puppy seemed to be stumbling or walking a little differently. He said something like, "Maybe we walked him too much today. It might have been too intense for him." I looked at the dog and said, "You think so? To me he seems okay, and we also sat in a bar for about an hour, so he had a pretty long break."

That was literally it.

I wasn't trying to tell him he was wrong about his own dog. I wasn't trying to convince him with anything as we are on our way home (5MIN) . In my head, we were simply having a normal conversation where one person says what they think and the other responds with what they think. He suddenly got very angry and said, "Stop minimizing what I'm saying. Am I allowed to worry about my own dog? He's a puppy, he shouldn't walk too much," etc. Again, he stayed angry with me for around an hour. I tried to explain that I wasn't minimizing anything and had zero intention of invalidating his concern. I was just responding to what he said and sharing what I observed.

This is where one of our biggest communication problems comes in: when he gets angry, I try to explain what I actually meant or clarify my intention, but my explanation often seems to make him even angrier rather than resolving the misunderstanding.

Incident 3

The next day, I suggested that we take the puppy to a park. Before leaving, I asked my boyfriend if he was okay with going there, and he agreed. He didn't know exactly where the park was and apparently thought it would take around 10min to get there. While we were already walking, he checked and realized it was actually still about 20 minutes away. He became angry with me because that would be too much walking for the puppy. He asked me whether, from now on, he needed to explain things to me in terms of kilometers — basically, if a walk is over approximately 2 km, I should understand that it's too much for the puppy. I said okay. Then I said I also had one request for him: when I suggest a place or activity involving his dog, I'd like him to do his own due diligence and check whether it works for the puppy before agreeing, because he's much better placed than I am to anticipate his dog's limitations and challenges.

I'm happy to respect whatever constraints he tells me about. But since it's his dog and he has much more experience and knowledge than I do, I don't think I should be the main responsible for anticipating every possible issue when I suggest an activity.

That's when he exploded.

He said what he had explained to me the previous day was perfectly understandable and asked why he needed to repeat himself. He asked whether I was capable of retaining information for 24 hours and whether I was a child who needed things repeated to her. He told me I was putting his dog in danger and said that if his dog eventually needed surgery because of this, I would be the one paying for it.

I still tried not to react to the way he was speaking to me. I told him that I understood his concern about the puppy. I wasn't asking him to repeat anything and I wasn't arguing that the puppy should walk more. I was simply asking him, as the owner, to also check whether an activity is suitable when I suggest something. I also told him that I didn't see why this disagreement justified asking whether I was a child or talking about me paying for hypothetical surgery.

His response was basically, "Okay, now you're really pissing me off. Stop. I'm not coming to your place or your city anymore. You're putting my dog in danger. Stop, I don't want to talk to you anymore."

At that point, I felt like nothing I could say was going to land well. So I stopped trying to defend myself and basically surrendered. I told him, "Okay, I'm sorry I suggested that park."

He walked away saying, "Stop, I can't anymore."

Later that evening, after he went home, he texted me: "I hate myself for getting this worked up every time."

And that message is important to me because he IS aware that he gets disproportionately angry. I am sure he's proud of it, and I'm not posting this to portray him as some horrible person. What concerns me is the pattern I'm starting to notice.

When he's upset with something I've done, he can express that very strongly and I make a conscious effort to listen, stay calm and not retaliate, even when I feel attacked. But when I try to explain my side, correct an assumption about my intentions, or especially set a boundary about HOW he's speaking to me, it almost never seems to land peacefully. It heats things up even more.

If I say, "That's not what I meant," he hears me as arguing. If I say, "I understand you're worried, but I don't think you should speak to me like I'm a child," the conversation escalates. If I ask him to take some responsibility too, it escalates.

And eventually I find myself thinking less about the actual disagreement and more about, "What can I say right now that won't make him even angrier?" ( i hate having coversation or being in the same room with a furious person). That's the part that bothers me.

I don't expect my partner to never get angry. And I don't expect myself to always be right. I can apologize, accept criticism and change my behavior when I've done something wrong. But I also don't want the solution to be that because I'm the calmer person, I'm always responsible for absorbing the anger, for managing the situation, staying diplomatic and carefully managing my responses while he gets to communicate however his emotions make him communicate.

For people who have been in relationships where one person is very calm/conflict-averse and the other gets heated very quickly: have you actually managed to find a healthy middle ground? Especially if you were the calmer partner, how did you handle being spoken to aggressively without either escalating the fight or just absorbing it?

And if you used to be the quick-tempered partner: what actually helped you change the way you communicated when angry? Was there something your partner could reasonably do that helped, or did you eventually realize that regulating your anger was something you had to learn to do yourself?

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I do not wish to be angry. I just do not get how people do it. It can be the simplest things that get me livid, like if I am trying to unwind, and somebody is being toxic in whatever I am playing. Especially if I lose, I start thinking about some really horrid stuff happening to that person, like Josef Mengele type morbid. I won't do anything in real life, but I wish to know how to stop getting so angry, or to never be, at that matter.

Me (15F) and my younger sister (10F) have not been the strongest duo ever, but we don’t really dislike each other, I guess? Ever since she was younger, she had anger issues and would take it out on anyone or anything. More recently, maybe when she was 8-9, she got diagnosed with ADHD and just finished an around 2-year program called Brain Balance for treatment. I believe she has a maturity setback as well, but anyway, there’s still been visible improvement over the years.

Every time she does something that I do, like, or one of my interests, I cannot help but feel enraged. It’s so bad. My mom already hates me because she thinks I bully her because of that. I just don’t know what to do. I get in trouble for anything now, I get overstimulated so quickly with her, and I cannot handle this anymore.

I am typing this now as a way to cope because I got dressed and did my makeup for a wedding, and my mom asked to see it, and my sister came with her. They both gave me compliments for my makeup (my mom’s always stingy with makeup and shit and just scolded me multiple times for it because I guess ethnic aunties are judgy lol). My mom asks me to iron my clothes as a slight gesture, then my sister goes, “What’s that on your forehead?” She was innocently referring to my slightly unblended concealer, whereas I responded in a mutter, “Can you please stop?” out of frustration because if I didn’t, I probably would’ve smacked her, no joke.

My mom started yelling at me a lot and telling me to stop shutting her out (true ngl), and they all left the room. This is definitely not the first time something like this has happened before.

Can anyone help, please? I feel like everyone around me thinks I’m a villain.

Let me know if you need any more info.

Have yall ever felt wo much anger that you couldn't even move?

Hello, I am a senior in high school, (F17) for context. My bf, is also a senior in high school, (M17). We both have had the feeling we will be together forever for a long as we both can remember since we started dating. I have been sleep deprived for pretty much all four years of high school to various degrees, but on average I get about 6-7 hours of sleep. I used to feel that was enough, but lately it has been hitting me so hard. I started energy drinks I think either junior or softmore year, and they do help, but I do not wanna rely on them you know? Also they are just really sweet, despite getting the 0 sugar ones. I think the most frustrating thing for me is lately he hasn't been talking as much for one, and two, usually can't call me anymore until 10, or 11. It's either he can't call until then or I can't call until then. And of course, we want to call because we only see each other once a week, for a few hours. That is it. And of course that sucks for both of us. My mom wouldn't let me see him during the school week, and honestly his parents probably wouldn't either. Anyway, we call until we both get super tired, and lately this has been around 12-1 am. Not exactly great for me because I get up at 6am for school. I think he gets up at 7. And after getting 9 hours of sleep one night, I noticed something. My depression felt almost nonexistent, I didn't feel on edge hardly at all. It was almost scary to me how good I felt. I actually had motivation to do things. But now I am realizing that will hardly ever be able to happen during school. I am clingy as in, I stick with routines we both have. I never allow anything to happen on Friday's after school because that is when we see each other. Even if I have exams, or tests, I still will call him until I can't stay awake. 5-6 hours of sleep just isn't enough, it never was. I was just lying to myself. I almost feel selfish for wanting more time with him. Every now and then he stays up with his sister, which I usually anymore don't stay on the phone for because she is very energetic, and I get drained sometimes. Nothing personal, just something I noticed. He will stay with her until 11 or 12, and it drives me fucking crazy sometimes. YOU LIVE WITH HER. YOU SEE HER EVERYDAY. WHAT ABOUT US? I feel so selfish sometimes for thinking this but night was OUR time...... it sucks. He does this I'd say a few times a month, so I know I probably sound so dramatic. But the even worse thing is, hardly any of my friends talk to me outside of school. It's worth noting him and I do not go to the same high school. The friends I do have at my school, half the time do not message me first, do not read my messages, and do not respond. I even noticed I've started detaching myself from them. I do not wanna be the girl who "only talks to her boyfriend" but what other choice do I have? My friends hardly interact with me at school anyway. I hardly share any classes with them. And at lunch I still just feel lonely. I feel seen but not heard, yk? Like this one girl in our group NEVER STOPS FUCKING TALKING. She spends the whole lunch telling us a story and then whoops! Lunch is over! Oh well! IT IS SO FUCKING ANNOYING. He is the most social interaction I get all day.... and it both excites and exhausts me then the next day and morning. I am so tired of this cycle. We can't even text at lunch anymore, because our school has changed rules since freshmen year. I get my school work done, but at what cost? Less time with him, less time to myself... I'm just trapped....

I haven't had angry outbursts in about a year or two now. I thought I finally got my anger in check. Now, especially today which is why I'm posting, I suddenly feel extremely annoyed and irritated by everything. It's driving me insane.

How do I begin to deal with this? I can't enjoy life this way. I'm getting annoyed at normal things that aren't even supposed to be annoying. Just looking at a person or a person looking at me can annoy the shit out of me.

For instance, I was waiting for my break today at work so I could relax for a moment and when it was time to go in break my manager said hey, you can take a break now. And for some reason I got super annoyed and didn't even want to stop working. What the irrational hell is this?

I got annoyed yesterday by someone at my other job telling me not to take so long to pack up at the end of markets and then he kind of started lecturing me which was extremely annoying and I nearly snapped but he eventually shut up, thankfully. I'd say lecturing is annoying, but he wasn't wrong. I took too long to pack up.

I can't live on like this, it's becoming a serious issue now.

Growing up I've had this anger issue where if im overwhelmed with emotion I would snap and either yell my lungs out or lash out. I've tried so many things to keep it under wraps I've tried therapy I've tried medication I've even tried to find ways to stay on top but none of it ever works for long.

The good news is I don't get angry often just once in a blue moon. Recently I gave my wife of 2 years a black eye and my knuckles cut her forehead. I felt bad I told her to press charges and be rid of me but she wants to work through i tried causing harm to myself feeling like im a failure and I don't deserve to live and such but she insists it's alright.

Look I know im a bad person for harming her but I dont want to harm her ever again everytime i look at her I see her bruised eye and I break down I want to fix myself, any idea where do I start?

For most of my life I have been known as “the calm one”, the one who ”never gets angry or upset”, the one who is “always rational and logical”, “never gets over emotional”. all well and good, but recently (39m for reference, turning 40 in just over a week), I’ve been seeing a therapist for anhedonia and realizing that I actually AM capable of more emotions - and my wife has said she didn‘t particularly like me being so placid and calm. she’s told me repeatedly that if something is bothering me that I should tell her because, in her words “if it bothers YOU enough that YOU have to say something, people will listen and take it seriously”. this is something many other people in my life have agreed with.

Well now I’m doing just that - and the reactions are NOT what people said they would be; I am getting yelled at, talked down to, interrupted, ignored and told that I am “over reacting”. I’ve come to the conclusion that I prefer being asked to show more emotion than being chastised for doing just that - because at least being asked is calm and reasonable and not making me feel like what I‘m feeling is “wrong”. So…how do I basically ”undo” my therapy? despite being told people will take my genuine expressions of my feelings in stride that has not been the case and I find I’m actually feeling WORSE now than when I was simply ignoring those feelings. I need to get back to how I used to be. I feel like that Family Guy episode where Meg says she feels like the lightning rod of the family, the normal one absorbing all the weird; basically I’m the one who never gets upset and is able to balance everyone else around me. now I’m starting to show when I’m upset, there is no one to balance things and the entire dynamic of all of my close relationships - marriage, parents, brother, close friends - are suffering. All me discovering that I am in fact, a human capable of feeling proper emotions has done is hurt those I care about, but I can‘t seem to put the genie back in the bottle by myself. please can anyone help me with this before my relationships with those I care about are forever ruined.

Talking with them about it doesn’t help - I just get more of the ”well tell us, we’ll listen” and they either don‘t remember, or refuse to accept, that they don’t.

EDIT: if anyone is going to answer saying things like “you should be able to express yourself when you need to” or things like that, while I appreciate the sentiment, my situation has proven that this is not conducive to any kind of healthy atmosphere so thank you, but that advice is not what I am looking for.

I want to stop. I’m so tired of blowing up and sometimes it’s over something really small.

I only blow up maybe once a week but I need to stop I’m a grown man I shouldn’t be throwing temper tantrums.

I keep reading that I should just walk away next time im angry maybe I’ll go for a walk or something.