Hello, I am M/30-ish with 9 years of experience, mostly in Frontend web (2 years as fullstack, but it's only Node JS Frameworks and PHP), I have a wife and a daughter, living in SEA (hint: one of SG's neighbors).
I lost my job this year because of efficiency. I just got a job about a half and a month ago, but it's only a 4-month-contract. Currently working on my 3rd month here, as a Frontend Engineer. As I will be facing my final month of my contract job, I am having a massive anxiety right now.
I got this job about 6 months after the layoff. That was a painful processes. The job market is dire, hundreds of ghostings and rejections, and once I considered myself to end my life, crashing myself to the train or poisoning myself. But I felt I need to survive for my daughter, so I postponed my plan. Thankfully I got this job to survive, but maybe only for 4 months.
I also have regular sessions with a psychiatrist, he gave me Kalxetin, Lansoprazole, and Alganax. Currently I am feeling better because of my work and I am only obligated to consume only Kalxetin now. But now I am not sure with my next steps, and I am worried about what if those dark thoughts come back?
Currently I am considering to take some of backend responsibilities (even though the company use Java Spring Boot and I don't have the experience on it) to diverse my portfolio, or maybe I need to use my MBA degree. I had a business analyst job as a secretary in a project basis too, and I am told to prepare myself for future business analyst jobs on the same group. But they don't have a permanent contract for employees, only contractual basis.
Sometimes I feel regret, why I picked IT major? Why I picked MBA major? I picked IT because I love to analyze human behavior on using technology and I planned to study Human Computer Interaction too. Web Accessibility was my passion, but now AI taking it all from me. For MBA, I was being pragmatic, because I wanted to apply to State Owned Enterprise (which I have done it and got accepted, but I got bullied there and there are too many meaningless ceremonies, so I resigned).
I am also worried on my wife as she is an illustrator and rejects AI too. But I feel like her future is not as worrying as mine, as human drawn illustrators will still be having a lot of places. But human written code won't, or at least that was I thought.
I am also considering myself to switch career, like to Presales Engineer.
What should I do? Which direction should I follow? Can you show me the way? One thing for sure, I don't want to end my life. I want to stay alive. For my wife and my daughter.
Thank you