r/AntiJokes • u/gm3ccomedy • 1h ago
r/AntiJokes • u/AutoModerator • Nov 06 '25
New Rule: No Politics
r/AntiJokes is no longer allowing posts or comments about politics. Even if you are just using a politician's name, it will be removed. This is because everything a politician does is a joke.
r/AntiJokes • u/Anxious-Today8489 • 13h ago
What's brown and sticky?
Many things, including:
Molasses
Soy honey glazed chicken skewers
An old toffee apple which has partially oxidised
Dog poop on soles of boots which have zig zag grooves that you resort to using the end of a broken match stick to help you get that sticky poop off
Tan, mid and dark brown paint which has not yet dried
Gorilla brand brown duct tape (the underside)
The hand of a chimpanzee that has dipped his hand in EITHER honey OR molasses
Wood putty
Chocolate icing on a donut
Chocolate icing on a cake
The hand of a chimpanzee that has been eating undercooked, soft, squishy brownies and who tends to have too tight a grip when handling food
I mean, there's so many things.
r/AntiJokes • u/Catpitalsea • 21h ago
What do etymologists and entomologists have in common?
I always get the words mixed up and don’t know which one is which
r/AntiJokes • u/Anxious-Today8489 • 1d ago
What's the difference between a chickpea and a lentil?
Lentils and chickpeas are both healthy legumes, but lentils have more protein and iron while chickpeas have a firmer texture and more healthy fats.
r/AntiJokes • u/Pale_Efficiency_2188 • 17h ago
It would probably be really convenient to be gay because every time you’re horny you could just touch your own cock
r/AntiJokes • u/Catpitalsea • 1d ago
My grandparents died during WWII.
I’m having an existential crisis
r/AntiJokes • u/That_5_Something • 2d ago
What do you call a horse that swims?
A swimming horse.
If you think the answer was "seahorse," then know that seahorses are a type of fish that only resembles horses. They are completely not related to horses.
r/AntiJokes • u/TheSmartToasterUnion • 2d ago
Why do firemen wear red suspenders?
To keep their pants up.
r/AntiJokes • u/That_5_Something • 2d ago
Humpy Dumpy sat on a wall
He's just chilling out. Leave him be.
r/AntiJokes • u/wwarlock1337 • 2d ago
What did Batman say to Robin as they got into the Batmobile?
Get in the car Robin
r/AntiJokes • u/Brian051770 • 3d ago
What did the Mexican firefighter name his twin boys?
Jose and Carlos
r/AntiJokes • u/dalegarciaece • 2d ago
“Dog, what’s one plus one?” “Woof woof.” “Good boy! Dog, what’s two plus two?” “Woof woof woof woof!” “Great! Now… what’s one million plus one million?”
This was three days ago. He just died. I guess we’ll never know if he actually knew.
r/AntiJokes • u/bc00pr • 2d ago
Ahmed the Gerbil
Ahmed the Gerbil went to the local saloon and ordered a piece of blueberry pie.
Dr. Timothy W. Schnitzel, the saloon viceroy, handed him a zucchini stuffed with rice and a bottle of room temperature cider.
Ahmed the gerbil turned to Monique Wu, the saloon cashier and said: shoot him for me will ya?
Monique Wu pulled out a 38 and shot Dr. Schnitzel in the balls.
Ahmed the gerbil stood up and screamed: I WAS ONLY KIDDING YOU STUPID KRAUT!
.
.
.
And now the punchline: Dr. Timothy W. Schnitzel gets up and says: Relax, I always wear a bulletproof vest around my balls.
r/AntiJokes • u/Tramelo • 3d ago
There are two types of people in this world
Those who belong to the first type and those who belong to the second
r/AntiJokes • u/Existing_Art5236 • 2d ago
A man is lost at sea...
He does not know whewre to go. He is starving to death.
Suddenly, he seas a pirate ship.
He says "oh fiddle sticks!"
r/AntiJokes • u/Special-Ocelot7425 • 2d ago
What do you get when you cross a zebra with a digital watch?
Answer: A lion.
r/AntiJokes • u/Alejandr0_TDI • 3d ago
I saw a man walking his dog the other day.
The dog was on a leash
r/AntiJokes • u/Green-Client4772 • 3d ago
A scientist floats into a magical land using a hot air balloon. Confused, he asks a local "Where am I?"
The local answered "In a balloon."
r/AntiJokes • u/Redbeard_1303 • 3d ago
Cheese grater
I heard that Trump signed a new executive order banning shredded cheese.
He wants to make America grate again
r/AntiJokes • u/Redbeard_1303 • 3d ago
3 Men and a bar
2 men walk into a bar, the third one ducks.
r/AntiJokes • u/Anxious-Today8489 • 4d ago
A barman walked into a bar.
"Time to start my shift", he said.
r/AntiJokes • u/38girthycock • 3d ago
😂😂🤣🤣😂
🤣 😂 😂 😂 😂 NOTHING AND NOBODY CAN STOP ME OR BREAK ME BESIDES GOD
r/AntiJokes • u/dalegarciaece • 4d ago
My wife asks if that dress makes her look fat.
I said no. “Wanna know what makes you look fat? Fat.”