Hi all,

I want to preface that some details of this story have to get very detailed in order to receive proper advice as I can’t seem to find info from people who have cases similar to mine.

I just found out my dad passed at home alone and was left there…. for around a month. I haven’t seen his body and I have no intention to at this point but from what I know, it seems there wasn’t much left of him. I live in a humid climate and the house was fully enclosed with no AC on in 100 degree weather.… you can do the math.

I say all this to say, what is the best option for his remains? Obviously embalming is not an option, but is burying still an option? Is cremation the best option? Green burial?

I’m an only child and my dad had no post-life plans and with this extra complication I could really use some advice. TIA.

My dad and his wife died together in an accident. They were cremated about two weeks apart due to notifying next of kin, etc.

As next of kin, my sibling and I signed off on dad’s cremation, with his remains split and sent to my step siblings so their mom and our dad could continue to be together.

The cremation place sent my step siblings the metal tag and the cremation certificate. I got the black plastic temporary urn with a bag of his ashes. No identifying information, and no paperwork.

Is that unusual or it is just me? I just want to make sure I’m thinking level headed since this is a stressful time all around.

I am in Kentucky. I am wondering if many funeral homes or funeral directors in this state will do a private viewing for just a few minutes, with no more than ten family members, just before cremation the process starts. This would be without any embalming or preparation that a more traditional funeral has.

Is something like this possible in the state of Kentucky?

hello! i have been very interested in pursuing a career in this field for a while- specifically as an embalmer but I want to learn about all the opportunities possible. it hadn’t seemed realistic till now for me, so that’s why i’m very very green to all this.
i’m 19 and ive been an emergency medical technician for about 2 years now, and currently my plan is to start paramedic school next calendar year. so i have a decent understanding of anatomy and experience being around death and grieving families.
i currently work as an EMT but i figured it could be smart to try finding a job as a mortuary assistant or removal tech while i’m in paramedic school so that i can break into the industry a bit. then pursue mortuary school online while working as a paramedic. i’m currently located in the hudson valley, but plan on moving to jersey within the next 2 years.

so basically i was hoping to find out my chances at getting maybe a part time job in the industry while i do medic school? because I’ve heard a lot of places would rather hire mortuary students- but i’m not at a point where i could start mortuary school instead of medic school. i at least plan on trying to call funeral homes and maybe speak with somebody to get to know the job a little better, but I guess I’m just overwhelmed with starting out fresh!
i hope this post is allowed, but any advice is really appreciated 🙏

edit: field not feild lol

And that warms my heart. It's a rural area. Her and her daughter are willing to train me from the ground up and will also support me when/if I need to go to school.

My dilemma is public perception... Can anyone give me some insight? Are people weirded out when you tell them what you do or are they accepting and interested?

I have the opportunity for this or something else. Roughly by the end of it all, I could be doing the other thing. I don't want to make the wrong choice. My other option is easier to explain and bring up.

Thoughts? Experiences?

Edit: Why am I being downvoted? 😭😔

So, I have POTS and a hypermobility disorder that make standing/walking pretty painful after a while. I'm wondering if, in an IDEAL setting with accommodations (being able to lower the table to my height maybe, being able to use my chair, ect.) if it would be possible to be a mortician for me. I can stand and walk, but only for so long.

And I'm wondering, how long are you on your feet per day as is? And how much of that time do you think you could get away with sitting down during if you tried?

Hello all, I’m a licensed funeral director/embalmer who’s been in the industry about three ish years. I started with corporate and now I’m at a family owned funeral home. I hated corporate because it was honestly all about sales but now I am overworked to the bone. I’m on call for removals every four days, on Thursday I worked from 8am-4 am and then back again at 8:30 am on Friday. Worked all weekend because of surprise embalmings, and my boss is either the nicest guy in the world or the devil. I clocked out at 68 hours last week. Is this normal? Should I just go back to corporate? I love what I do and I’m great with restorative cases I am just so burnt out.

Hi everyone!
I have a question for mortuary assistants and mortuary technicians working in the UK, particularly in London.

A bit of background about my situation:
I have a medical degree (Doctor of Medicine) from a third-world country.
I have an ENIC certificate confirming that my medical degree is comparable to 3 years of general undergraduate study at RQF Level 6.
I have previous experience with autopsies and anatomical dissection/preparation.
Unfortunately, for personal reasons, I’m unable to provide official documentation confirming my previous experience from my home country.
I currently have a dependent visa with the right to work in the UK.

I’ve tried applying for various mortuary assistant/technician positions through different websites, including apprenticeships, but so far I haven’t even received a rejection — just no response at all.

So I’d really appreciate hearing from people who are already working in this field:
How did you get your first job in a mortuary?
Where did you complete your training or apprenticeship?
And one more important question: how realistic is it to find mortuary work in London after completing the necessary training? Are there enough positions in London, or is there a significant chance that I would eventually have to move to a smaller town/city to find work?
I’d be very grateful for any advice, personal experiences, or pointers on where/how to apply. Thanks!

I'm a single Mom, my son is 16 so reasonably old enough to take care of himself. I just want to know if this career is feasible to have while maintaining a family?

I'm sure many folks do it with more children who are younger but usually have partners to help.

Thank you for your time :)

Hello,

I am a new to my position as a safety person for a municipality in Canada, and our crew is responsible for digging graves at our cemetery.

Our graves are dug with a mini excavator. I learned that the current practice for our guys is to enter the excavation to clean around and ready the bottom.

I am worried that they are entering the excavation with no shoring or trench box. So I am trying to look into what would the most practical option for shoring be? What do you use?

Thanks in advance for any advice. Cheers.

Hello everyone I posted about a month ago asking about my brother’s autopsy results. This is my post above and i’m wondering if it’s ok that i still haven’t got the results back yet? It’s very hard existing not knowing what has happened. My parents are still in shambles and i’m trying to exist as well as i can but i feel like i need answers to settle this. I know people say having answers won’t really bring peace but i truly feel like i need to know because I have a lot of ocd symptoms and i really fixate on the obsessive thoughts part and i think i need those answers to “feel better”. i’m having outlandish thoughts of anything that possibly could’ve killed him and it’s really getting out of hand in my mind.

Since you all were so lovely on my previous post I thought I’d ask a follow up question:

Deceased is 42M, white, history of alcoholism and depression

My friend passed away alone in his apartment. He was found via a welfare check, at which point he had already been deceased for a few days and was therefore in the later stages of decomposition. His death was originally investigated as a suicide but was ultimately deemed natural due to chronic alcohol use. There was ethanol in his liver tissue and multiple empty bottles in his apartment. This, however, is all the information I have to go on. Does this indicate a death due to alcohol poisoning or a different symptom of alcoholism? Perhaps he was just too decomposed to get the necessary information needed to make that call. I’m assuming it wasn’t esophageal varices due to the lack of blood. Any information you can provide would be helpful.

Thank you

Can we talk about how ridiculously underpaid funeral industry workers are?! I have been in this profession many years in CO. and I never plan on leaving but I have no choice but to get a second job soon just to make ends meet.

Seriously, is there anything that can be done about the garbage wages in this industry?

I've never understood how a profession that demands SO much can pay so little. Funeral service isn't an easy job. We're on call at all hours, work nights, weekends, and holidays, deal with emotionally exhausting and traumatic situations, and help families through some of the worst days of their lives. Not to mention the physical demands. We carry a huge amount of responsibility.

Yet somehow, many positions in this field pay just a little above minimum wage. Even after all the schooling for licensing.

People outside the industry don't see everything that goes on behind the scenes. They don't see removals at 2 a.m., the long hours, the stress, the emotional toll, the paperwork, the preparation work, or the pressure of making sure everything is perfect for grieving families. They just see the service. The amount of work that goes into caring for the deceased and supporting families is enormous.

What really frustrates me is that funeral professionals are constantly told how important and meaningful our work is, but that appreciation rarely seems to translate into fair pay. I am incredibly passionate about my career but passion doesn't pay rent. Dedication doesn't pay for groceries, or help me provide for my children.

No one gets into funeral service expecting to become rich. But we should at least be able to make a decent living doing a job that most people couldn't handle for a single day.

The funeral industry is facing staffing shortages and burnout, yet many funeral homes are still paying wages that make it difficult to survive. Then people wonder why good employees leave the profession.

We deserve wages that reflect the skill and commitment this work truly requires. Until that happens, the industry is going to keep losing passionate people who simply can't afford to stay.

Sorry for the long rant but I am seriously interested in hearing your opinion. What can we do?

My friend passed away alone in his home discovered after a welfare check. Cause of death was determined to be sequelae of chronic alcohol abuse and there as was ethanol in his liver tissue, though he was too decomposed to get an actual amount. We first feared it was a suicide but the manner of death was eventually determined to be natural. The report also indicated that his teeth were absent?? I’m confused by that. Was that a postmortem change or did it have to be antemortem?

Thank you.

Hi everyone! I apologise if this is a dumb question… im 20 years old, and its my dream to be an embalmer. I ended up leaving school in 2020 during covid, i was 14 at the time and suffering bullying and covid wasnt good for anyones mental health back then, so i wasnt worried so much about getting my qualifications as much as i was trying to stay alive back then. I was just wondering if this is possible? Would anywhere even accept me? Im passionate about this and know i could do it, but i dont know how, and if any place would even accept someone who left school so young without any kind of qualification worth taking on. I do know most of the time its about working your way up, but if i got a job as a funeral director, would that option even be available to me? Did anyone else leave school young and manage to do it? How did you? Thank you to anyone who answers.

Hi all, I have a weird situation and not sure what to expect.

My mom passed away almost 3 years ago and I have her ashes. I’d like to have them buried in a nice cemetery in Chicago with my grandparents. My grandpa has been buried there in a casket since 1987 and to my understanding, my grandma’s ashes were placed on top of his casket after she passed in 1996. I had always wondered why she did not have a headstone and I could not find her in the cemetery directory. I just assumed my family couldn’t afford a headstone. I was 9 when she passed, so I obviously wasn’t in the loop with anything.

After my mom passed, I thought about having her buried there with them. I asked one of my aunts why my grandma never had a headstone. Welp, turns out one of my uncles was a gravedigger at this cemetery at the time and apparently he had dug up a spot and put my grandmother’s ashes there. So the cemetery likely doesn’t know she’s there. I reached out about having my mom’s ashes buried in the same plot as my grandpa, and the cemetery staff said that they will do a survey of his gravesite to see if there’s space and get back to me but it could be awhile. I’m concerned about what would happen if they find my grandma’s ashes. My uncle that did this passed away over 10 years ago. I just wanted my mom to have a nice final resting place but I worry that I’m opening a can of worms. Will it be an issue if they come across my grandma’s ashes?

Does anyone else’s work make you keep your suit jacket on at the cemetery even if it’s 100 degrees outside? About to pass out, sweat dripping down ur back, Good times..

My grandmother is currently on home hospice and may pass very soon. She is a longtime Hudson County/Jersey City resident and her Medicaid, benefits and permanent address are through Hudson County, but she is currently receiving in-home hospice care with family in Middlesex County.

She already owns her burial plot at Weehawken Cemetery.
I’ve spoken with several funeral homes about using the Hudson County public assistance funeral benefit, and they all seem to be telling me that the viewing/service would be limited to around two hours.

My grandmother has lived in Jersey City since the 1980s and we could easily have 80–100+ people coming to pay their respects, so I’m worried two hours will be extremely rushed.

I’m hoping someone familiar with NJ public assistance funerals can help me understand:

Is the two-hour limit actually a Hudson County/NJ requirement, or is that just how funeral homes structure their public-assistance packages?

Could a funeral home pick her up from the home in Middlesex County, prepare her and provide the casket, then bring her to our church for the viewing/service and afterward transport her to Weehawken Cemetery?

Could we have more time at the church while still using the Hudson County assistance?

If we decide to pay privately instead, what is typically required upfront? Do NJ funeral homes offer financing or payment plans?

Are there any other programs, nonprofits or financial resources in NJ that could help with the cost?

We’re not looking for anything extravagant. I just want my grandmother to have a proper funeral where the people who love her have enough time to say goodbye without putting our family into serious debt.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

How common is it for small children in the same family who happened to die at the same time to be commingled after cremation?

For context, I am a full time student and on call 96 hours a week as a removal tech. I’m working towards my bachelors to becoming a funeral director but it’s very draining. I love the work and know it’s what I want to do in every aspect, cremations, embalming, meetings, and directing itself, but I’m so tired all of the time. I expected it and I’m pushing myself because in my mind I’ll be done with school eventually and that’s my main driver, that and rent lmao. So what are your driving factors to keep going? I might put some I like into practice myself

Hello all! I checked the Q&A for this but couldn't find it.

I know I'm going to struggle with working on the heads and was wondering where I could get one in advance to practice. My professor did say I could already start to practice.

Yes, my school does sell them but won't let you get them until you're in the class.

Can anyone recommend where I could get one to practice?

I'm a licensed director who automatically works a couple evening shifts a week, and if a visitation falls on one of those, I work it. Two people stand in the foyer, open the door, direct visitors in. My fellow employee is usually an older retiree or a student.

Not sure if it's because I've been licensed for a while and there's always a million things I COULD be doing in the office, but my patience is wearing very thin.

I've worked plenty of visitations before but lately I feel every single, slooow, second of these eight hour visitings. The squeak of the door is torture, the music is annoying, I could go on. Obviously, we try not to sit, and no phones on the job to an extent.

I can leave my coworker a couple of times for a few minutes if I really need to get office work done, but it's not good form to disappear repeatedly. My coworker gets breaks as well

Any tips on surviving these long boring shifts? Idk what I was on when I was a student/apprentice, bc I probably did 2/3 a week very happily.

What do/did you guys do? Am I overreacting lol?

EDIT: 12-8pm visiting is what I'm talking about, but usually it's more like 2-8 or 3-8! Yes, someone expected to be at the door at all times. Thank you for all the tips!!