As an Aspie, what type of romantic / intimate relational dynamics do you sustain or appreciate?

A few examples for GPT to help with your reflection: Monogamous relationship.
Open relationship.
Polyamorous relationship.
Casual dating.
Friends with benefits.
Situationship.
Long-distance relationship.
Living Apart Together (LAT)
Interdependent relationship.
Independent relationship.
Dominant/submissive (D/s) relationship.
Traditional relationship.
Swinging.
Monogamish relationship.

Among my autistic friends, we all don't like to gamble. We are all genuinely surprised by why it's a huge thing in our society. Meanwhile, my neurotypical coworkers all talk about gambling, and it's definitely been worse since sports gambling has become a big thing. One reason I speculate autistic people don't like to gamble is because we tend to have a better understanding of probability and reality. Another is we don't give into the social pressure of gambling, especially sports gambling. Also we don't really have dreams of making it big and having a huge fortune. What do you all think?

I've been going to therapy, multiple different therapist for years now. I finally found one that I thought was helping pretty good. I saw him probably 10 sessions.

We discussed many things including dealing with an abusive ex and how I see and go thru this crazy world being autistic.

I have a legal hearing with my ex over many things (it's a disaster) custody and stuff. Last time I saw him in court I had a major panic attack and it hurt me on my case.

So I asked this therapist if he could write a letter saying something on the lines of "I've being seeing xxxxx for 10 sessions and believe she would benefit but conducting a legal matter away for her x and being given these following accommodation xxxxxx (like virtual hearing, allowed breaks, etc)". He said he'd do it and have it ready for me.

I just saw him again and this letter was to be completed but now he says he need me to fill out some release form so he can talk to my attorney before writing the letter.

This is annoying, delaying, and now going to cost me hundreds of dollars so he can talk to my attorney. Seems like another case of a NT making promises they can't keep, moving goalpost.

Anyone have similar situation? i write here because the legal reddit is full of very NOT nice understanding feedback. Would just providing the court my medical diagnosis be enough you think?

TIA

I’m COMPLETELY BLIND, have Aspergers and a heart lung condition and BEFORE you ask I did write this by myself with the magic of screenreaders.

Why do certain songs remind me of tews?

When I was a kid, a very young kid, I dreamt of these things called tews who look like the nineties sit&spin without the steeringwheel, kind of shaped like a pawn from the game sorry or a hershey kiss.

You sit on it cross-legged and hold onto the post, and it spins very fast, sounding like a tattoogun and a VCR rewinding at the same time.

Tews are still in my nightmares but more warped but why does the song get your roll on remind me of a tewhttps://youtu.be/5v0_B8Z3AV0?is=ajeBXCq4KZGA4UDE

I remember the first ever time it played on 99.9 the beat, or it might have been K104, it just felt creepy in that tew way.

Same when I got to be a little bit older, like eleven?

Mom got a CD burnt by her and she got cowboy by Kid Rock, burnt on this CD.

One day she left for three seconds to go to the store, and she let the CD play as I ate my hot dog.

In my head, I thought “I got to finish eating and run away while it’s Fiona Apple because cowboy is next.

I knew the layout of the CD because Mom played it a thousand times and I knew that criminal by Fiona Apple, came before cowboy so because I started eating during Fiona Apple I only had a short window to get away before cowboy came on.

Yes really bad Asperger burn out. To point washing and showering is nightmare.

Anyone have or had Asperger burn out feel really overwhelmed doing most simple things like putting on clean pants or brushing your teeth you feel really overwhelmed?

Never use to feel overwhelmed before.

46M

I want companionship.
I want to love.
I want to be loved.
I love women.
I love sex, giving more so than receiving.

But the strong emotions that come with relationships (ups and downs, innevitable conflicts, and repair) are very challenging for me. In fact, it's exhausting.

I'm considering being single to avoid all this.

But as soon as I spend a few days alone, I start craving women again.

I'm torn.

How do you navigate this?

Women are such beautiful creatures. How can I NOT have or want one in my life??

Context, I'm 35, spent all my life really playing vidya and not having friends or gfs, basically being 13. At around 32 I got hit by the loneliness pretty hard and started exerciscing, wanting to go out and do stuff socially, talk to women etc. Mentally I'd say I'm 20 in that regard (and in every regard, since I have no life experiences whatsoever). This may be the autism version of mid lifecrisis, but instead of cars we suddenly want to be social.

Now I'm back in college, the 'tism makes me look late 20s so I'm not that out of place, but I keep failing at bonding with others, constantly. I see groups forming in class from thin air, but whenever I try to socialize I get -signs, like the other person not looking at my eyes, responding the absolute minimum, turning the body etc. I dont want to go much in detail there, since a few words can't really convey anything and the rest will be filled with the person reading's biases, so replies about what exactly am I doing wrong will not help, but for example today before class there was a semi circle of 5 people from my class waiting outside, from 2 different "sub" groups, and I noticed one of the girls that is usually by herself was standing behind the semicircle, oriented towards it but effectively cut off by someone's back. So I got closer, opened the circle somewhat, by pointing my shoulder and feet towards her and asked her a question.. and her response was a dry "yes". Careful here, it's not like I'm expecting people to be like "oh my god yes bond with me!", but it's an example of me trying to be nice, ask questions, include others etc.

Now, concretely, the only good idea I've had about how to see my errors (and let's assume we're the ones fucking up, for the sake of simplicity) is to somehow record myself socialing. I feel that THAT would precisely show me where I go wrong, I could for example study the body language of people nearby, the way I move or sound, gestures etc. This is the only thing I think would show me, without (too many of) my personal biases to interfere, to better respond to the "what makes it so hard to connect with others?".
The obvious problem is, you can't really record yourself and others in public with a good angle, not without a lot of really difficult to explain and really easy to misinterpret regardless setup. The alternative I've thought of (only today, for some reason) was to use Omegle or similar "video chat with strangers". Obviously not as good, but still, it should tell me something by looking at my interactions from the outside.

What about (You)? For the ones trying to measure their social skills in a less vague manner than "Ask them questions about themselves!" and "Just be approachable!", what do you do? How do you quantify success? What did you learn, practically, to do better at making friends, or at least to know exactly what you need to work on?

I have VASP/VGP (voluntarily generated piloerection) which means i can trigger my sympathetic nervous system and release a surge of noradrenaline just by concentrating, giving myself goosebumps on command.

it feels like a wave of electricity spreading from the back of my neck down through my whole body. i actually discovered this as a kid after watching avatar. i used to stare at trees with intense focus, trying to airbend😭 and thats when i first felt it. nowadays, i can do it on command easily, though listening to music makes it even easier.

ive always thought its a normal common thing but i wondered what is it actually and i recently looked into it and found out its an actual, documented physiological trait. according to research, its quite rare. only about 0.1% to 1% of people can do it

I wonder if it's something related to autism. Do you guys can do this too?

I feel awful and so embaressed. I’m a grown man, and my grandma meant the world to me. She pretty much was my world for most of my life. She was always my go-to when feeling lonely, and we shared a lot of common interests. She passed away, and for the funeral I had prepared a speech (a rather decent one, if to say so myself) and a musical composition I wrote for her. I hate public speaking, hate it so much despite being a performer, but wanted to do it for her, also cause I didn’t get to say goodbye. The performance went well, but as soon as I started the speech, I just went blank, and had to stare at the paper constantly, despite already having rehearsed it point to point. I couldn’t stand still and dropped all the papers and they flew out over everywhere, and then I tried to collect them, but I was so embarressed at this point I just wanted to hide. I read two or three of the speech in a monotone no emotion voice (which I don’t normally have), then sobbed through the next parts, so had to cut it short. Then during the priest speech, I started giggling over a word and couldn’t stop each time he said it. Then just burst out in laughter after he was done. It wasn’t even funny, and I felt more like crying, but just came out as laughter, grinning and yawning. I just put sunglasses and hat on, and went home early right after they put her coffin in the ground. I’ve thought of nothing else, and how I failed my grandma and feel like I complete mess. Still haven’t left the house since..

I worked at a broke TV station for 2 years editing news which was a highly stressful job and to top it off, my pay was dogshit.

People who do the same job at other TV stations earn at least triple what I do but because the station is basically a propaganda station owned by a failing political party which had severe financial issues after 4 consecutive defeats in my country they could only afford to pay me LESS than a waiter in my country on top of lying about the hours worked to save even more money.

They never gave me a contract and overworked me 70 hours a week, sometimes doing a 2 man job and as soon as the previous election passed they reduced my hours to basically nothing and got replaced by a student intern.

Im thinking of finding remote work that pays at least double what I did on top of not dealing with work beurocracy.

I’m COMPLETELY BLIND, have aspergers and a heart lung condition and BEFORE you ask yes, I did write this by myself with the help of screenreaders.

I thought this skit was creepy as a kid but as I got older, it’s even more creepy https://youtu.be/_ZHpyXBc0Ys?is=FOexHhJ5H3THq3aj

I had this song on a CD, my first year of the school for the blind and it was creepy the moment my CD player first played it.

However, one day it came to me in a dream and the dream made it even creepier.

In the dream, the first word was replaced by a calm “babycakes,” and then the rest of the skit was same as reallife, but right after he screams “YOU KNOW I,” in the dream, it switches to the very sad melody of the vree night in my dreams song.

It’s like the version in the dream as a kid WAS worse because instead of going into the rap like the reallife, original, JaRule version does, the one in the dream, transitioned right into the vree night in my dreams song from titanic.

I said in a post yesterday on this sub about how the vree night in my dreams song, for me, represents death or loss, so the dream version of the skit was creepierer.

It’s like they were trying to simulate that word I hate that rhymes with tape and also means canola flower, and is also a crime.

They have all the ingredients, the whispering over the audio, the “TELL EM, the talking about doing stuff to you in the middle of the night, the laughter in the end, I mean?? Um?? How did that even get voted through to be published?

Did anyone else notice this?

I’m just curious about your guys’ experiences, because in mine, I notice this to be a pattern.

For example, I’m friends with X, who another friend with Asperger’s is also friends with. X, about a decade ago was a significantly different person (improved for the better), almost to the point of being unrecognizable. But the thing is, it’s quite clear that the friend with Asperger’s still treats that person as if they are the same exact person as they were 10 years ago.

Is this similar in your experience? For me, I’ve noticed it various times across different people and examples

I really struggle with vague interview questions.

I promise I'm a really good worker once hired, but I can still never seem to get past the interview. (Only have a job because some place was desperate, and then they are surprised to find I produce good numbers).

But when Im asked a vague generic question, it's hard for me to not give a vague generic answer.

Question: how would you solve a problem?

My brain's first thought: by solving it.

Question: how would you handle a difficult situation with a coworker?

My brain's first thought: I would handle it. (How I would handle it depends on the type of situation)

I know they want examples of situations from the past, but my brain just freezes up with these generic answers, scrambling for an example of a situation.

Question: tell me of a time when you had to handle a difficult coworker?

Answer: theres this one team lead at my current job that hates me for no reason, and sets double standards. I just do the task anyway.

Maybe the problem is, I just don't have a big emotional reaction to most situations. I'm kinda just used to being treated like shit by coworkers and leads sometimes, and I just suck it up and do my job anyway. It's not my job to handle a lead with an attitude, so I just ignore it basically.

I guess all I can tell them is, I'm just chill. I don't really show a reaction if someone decides they want to be an ass. That's their problem not mine.

I probably went a little off topic. (Also might be AuDHD).

Question is, how do I answer these vague questions without giving vague answers?

And it's hard for me to plan ahead and script answers for later, because my brain just freezes up and I forgot everything I was going to say because of my anxiety in job interviews.

My parents denied the fact that i have aspergers and other disorders, despite multiple people telling me that i am 100% autistic. Theyve also denied my requests of sending me to counseling/therapy. Ive spent my whole life walking around undiagnosed and unmedicated. I dont understand basic interactions or greetings.

Ive been in isolation for about a year without real connections with anyone due to my lack of social skills and social knowledge. Any advice?

I have a love/hate relationship with the shower.

I hated it as a child, but in my adolesence I started to enjoy how refreshing it usually is. It feels like a reset of the mind. But I still struggle every day to actually go and do it. For context: I am 39 years old.

The issue is probably that it's a sensory-intense thing; or actually a combination of multiple activities that are all sensory annoying.

On top of that comes that I have to pick clothes to wear, and I'm really slow to decide. Then I need to know what the weather will be first. So I check my phone for the weather, and I end up just avoiding it altogether.

I really would like to be clean and hygienic. I also know that I'm usually relieved, and usually feel refreshed after taking that shower. But it's a 'fight with myself' every day, and between 1/3 and 1/2 days, I just skip it.

My question: Does anyone have suggestions how to make this easier?

My family never told me I had autism. I don’t understand why. I feel like it would have been better to know then to finally wake up to it in my later twenties. When I ask them they deny it and just say “they thought I was super smart”. But it’s got to be bullshit. I’m so obviously autistic it’s not even funny. Why would they keep that information?
Would you rather not have known?

Ive noticed that i learn things in a pattern sense. Make connections etc.
But ive also noticed that *life* learning, something like "oh this suits me, this doesnt", that happens on a deep/felt level, doesnt really occur to me.

For example i can type into my diary endless times, that a certain type of woman/partner is good for me, and this comes from a deep realization.
But this NEVER integrates to be automatic finding, its just lost in some sea of data in my journal.
And id need an outside tool to reach this info, and in the real world, trying to make it, i will just react to things from an erratic place - because basically - all of these learnings dont happen on a deep level.

The best way to describe it, I believe neurodiversity (in my case at least) is extremely dissociative.
Meaning my affect CANNOT integrate anything, that would expand my sense of self and expand a sense of wisdom, on an intuitive level.
I am a toddler forever.

Now i do have other neurodiversity issues cptsd and likely personality disorder, but frankly im starting to think an underlying autism has to do with the ability of the nervous system/body to PROCESS and INTEGRATE life learning.
Its like a LIFE learning disability.

Others basically drop out of fight flight, into rest/digest -> this triggers deep realizations about self and life, the brain goas "a-ha so thats me", this learning gets added to the sense of self and becomes intuitive, and the person grows and matures.
Im basically stuck in preschool writing into my journal knowledbase.

This is dissociative trauma, this has nothing to do with effin neurotypes, this is just damage and life in fight/flight.

Does anyone relate?

When everyone else started chewing their food, I still spat out anything that wasn't blended. When everyone else started walking, I still refused to leave my stroller since it was too comfortable. When everyone stopped drinking out of baby bottles, I was still using mine to a point where it became a danger to my teeth. When everyone else stopped playing pretend and developed "older" interests, I still wanted to play pretend.

I'm 27 now, and people think it's "weird" and "creepy" that I'm basically 18 mentally, but I cannot help it. I've always needed much, MUCH longer to catch up to my age group. A big part of me wishes that the entire concept of "age" would be abolished, so there wouldn't be all of these rigid, NT designed expectations. I mean... I still haven't went to college, got a job, or anything else. I don't even know how to go outside by myself without getting lost. I've also only recently started paying for things myself...

Hi, I've been viewed at times as "evil" cause I've on afew times laughed at people getting hurt, view handing situations as see it as really wanting getting their driver license

they don't care of they have to lie it's gonna be done,

Don't think I "fake" empathy?

Like, if someone told me they have an issue

"I'll go eh, that's unfortunate"

Or use dark homour to draw attention to the problem

Know what I'm doing

Plus, I've issues behind compulsively lying and or coming off as dishonest at times, think something is wrong with me,

That a part of me likes to instigate people in order to feel like they care about me?

Thought about telling a therapist if I see one again

That can be a "emotional arsonist" in a way?

Therapist didn't really help me per say?

Looked into DBT abit

Plus, PDA and felt it's lines up especially the socal aspect's

Can think of many examples where it's can be applied

When I try to be more outgoing or extroverted I burn out and seem anxious.

When I am just natural I just seem quiet and monotone.

How should I deal with dating and my social skills?

I am able to make friends ok but dating is a struggle.

I was diagnosed with Asperger’s syndrome at the Madalyon Clinic in Levent because ICD-10 is the classification system used in my country.

Honestly, I’m not comfortable with the process of introducing ICD-11 in my country. (My country uses İCD-10)

For this reason, I created a separate proposal suggesting that Asperger’s syndrome be recognized as a subcategory within ASD.

(It has actually been there since July, but hardly anyone knew about it, except for people on one subreddit.)

I didn’t include a direct link because I didn’t want this post to come across as advertising or promoting another topic, and I also wasn’t sure whether that was allowed on this subreddit.

However, if you create an account on the ICD-11 proposal website using your Gmail address, you can vote in support of the proposal listed under code #368L.

Whether you choose to vote or not, thank you to everyone who takes the time to read this and support the proposal.

I don’t know how to cope with this feeling anymore of being completely detached from neurotypical humanity. I cannot leave the house without being laughed at or having comments about the way I walk/speak. It’s so incredibly draining and it makes me feel like I’m sort of below humanity and treated like a creature. I have a part time hospitality job and every single time I serve a table I can always see the look on their face, the grins and look of intrigue into my mannerisms it just makes me feel awful.
Do other people relate? How do I accept that I will be laughed at for the rest of my life just for who I am?