Just breathe. Take it slow.
Don’t go getting all up in your head about it.
Yes, It does feel good. There is something there. Just keep in mind what happened last time.
12 years is a long time away from someone you cared about.
Are they worthy of your trust after all these years?
Do you believe people can truly change for the better?
I’d like to think so.
Does that doubt and fear of deception favor your uncertainty?
There is nothing wrong with believing.
Welcoming it back, yet remaining cautious.

What do you bring for them to stay around?
Is it coming back in the same manner with certainty?
Clarity, please. Just this once.
Do not confused attraction with love.
Remember to speak your truth, and be okay with however it was received.
Maybe it’s just temporary and that’s okay.
You have momentum, but progression is still to be made.

Be patient, friend.
Do not bring cynicism into something that may be delicate and real.
Assumptions need to extinguished.
I believe what I see, not what I’m told.

You have came this far.
Suffered as you have.
Learned what was to be learned.
You still stand.
Strength is the product of resistance, hardship and loss.
And I see it in you.

I've been struggling since I graduated in May with my MA. I've been trying so hard to find a job and was lucky to get a part time job working as an unarmed security guard at a university.

I finally thought, "Yes! Job security while I look for a different job!" Only to realize that this job will cut me out of half the job market in my area because the university offers so many entry level roles for jobs I want but I can't apply to them because I'm a new employee there. I knew this was a thing, I just didn't realize it also affected people working part time. I'll have to wait 10 months before I can request a transfer or be considered for any other role there.

So, I've been hunting everywhere else for a new job because no one can honestly live off a $16/hr salary working 10-20 hours a week because there is no set schedule.

It's really affecting me. Mentally. I feel so helpless. I have to start paying my student loans in November and I don't know if I'll be able to. I don't have a stable job. I need insurance. I just feel like it's all worthless. I contacted a certification program I applied to last year to be admitted this year so I can pay for classes and put off on paying them. It'll be cheaper than the loans.

I recently applied for a job that I'm so excited for. It sounds like everything I'd thrive and love doing, but when I found the posting on LinkedIn and saw that 50 other people applied before me, it makes me realize how unqualified I am for the role. Imposter syndrome sucks. I have hope but I know for a fact there are 10-30 people in there that have more experience than me. I bet there are internal applicants too. Fuck.

Every time I come online for career advice I get shot down. I asked a simple question, "how can someone pivot from Humanities to Corporate/Operations?" And was told "should have gone with STEM."

That was my only comment. So I deleted the post. I hate how negative people are on Reddit.

I can't go anywhere for advice. I'm applying for public facing, nonprofit roles where reaching out to the hiring manager or anyone on the team is impossible to do. So I can't thank them for the interview, even when it's recommended to do that. I hate sending "thank you for interviewing me" emails. I feel like they do nothing.

I just don't see the point in anything anymore. It really hurts. All the work I've put into studying and getting experience in museums and nonprofits is useless. My 3 years of working in this field feels like it's gone down the drain.

I just want a break.

I have an interview tomorrow for a job out of state and all I can think about is "what if they ask for an in person interview? I won't be able to go." Then I realize that I'm just building my interview skills. So, I feel better about it and have been approaching it differently.

I just want a job. A job that would allow me to build skills that can let me make a career helping others. That's all I want. I've been editing my headline on LinkedIn so many times so that I can get people to look at my profile and realize how cringe that is, but I'm so desperate.

So, I'll say it again, I hate the current job market and really hope that the rumors that September is when companies start hiring again is true.

I applied for a job and they made me do a personality test for some reason, this has to be the stupidest thing I’ve been through. I definitely failed too. Why do jobs make people jump through a hundred hoops just to not hire them, what’s the point? Why waste my time?

I’m so sleepy today. It’s a new month and I’m still stuck in the same place, maybe I’ll be stuck like this forever. People like me aren’t supposed to live this long, maybe that’s why everything is going wrong.

I’ve been letting my hair get matted for a while now, it feels like wool. Maybe if I shaved my hair off I could make a jumper out of it. I could never get rid of my hair though, I like it too much.

I’m so bored, bored, bored, bored.
Nothing interesting ever happens.

I feel this strange hatred towards myself, I don’t know why. Maybe it’s because I’ve let myself be too open and vulnerable today. It’s pathetic really.

I’m a really impossible lady to be with, I must be detestable.

We listen, we don’t judge.

I died in 2024… but I was only buried in August 2026. The truth is, I think the person I was before 2024 disappeared a long time ago. I kept moving, smiling, talking to people, pretending everything was okay… but inside, something had already ended. 17 August 2026 was just the day I finally accepted it.I had to bury the old version of myself the one who had certain dreams, expectations, and a future I thought was guaranteed.

Your turn.

I remember when you said that sometimes an unexpected, unannounced visit could be an acceptable idea. Being spontaneous with you, instead of always needing a formal invitation and a planned gathering. Of course, we were friends then, and I was still comparing myself to one of your guy friends—not in a healthy way, but with jealousy and fear. I wouldn’t dare put myself out there because of the possibility of rejection and the humiliation I’d face, standing outside your front door.

But I did it. After months of no contact, I dropped by your house, ready to surprise you and the little one. Hopeful and optimistic about what might unfold for the three of us that day. I came prepared, with no expectations, just as you always told me to do.

You weren’t there.

I knocked and waited. Rang and waited. Waiting turned into more waiting. I watched kids ride bikes down the street, saw people working on their yards, and noticed that one house where all the car work happened. I saw the next-door neighbors had put their house up for rent. I thought about calling you, but instead, I called an Uber and went to the Cheesecake Factory, where I enjoyed cheesecake alone and then took myself to the movies. I wandered around downtown Fort Worth for a while, soaking in the nightlife and the company of strangers. I didn’t mourn the failed unannounced visit; I didn’t let it ruin my day. I told myself I’d put myself in an uncomfortable position to allow any possible outcome. I didn’t try to call or text you on the way back home. I let thee attempt be enough. I left, not even knowing you’d move out of Texas unannounced as well.

That unannounced visit would my last chance to see you before you both left.

This crosses my mind, and again, it’s just for me to let it out. I don’t expect to find you here on Reddit, just as I don’t expect to find you at what was once home. I just needed to give my unannounced thoughts a place to visit. No expectations, just release.

Sometimes it can feel incredibly frustrating when you genuinely want a friendship with a guy, only to realize that he sees the relationship as something that could become romantic.

Imagine this:

You meet a guy, and you click immediately. You can talk for hours, laugh about stupid things, vent to each other, and give one another advice. You make it clear that you value him as a friend. You aren't flirting, you aren't making promises, and you aren't trying to lead him on.

At first, everything is great.

Then little things start changing.

He begins getting jealous when you talk to other guys. He starts asking who you're dating. He wants to know where you are and who you're with. Eventually, he tells you, “I thought we were becoming something more.”

And you're sitting there thinking:

“But I thought we were just friends.”

What makes it even more painful is that you weren't looking for anything from him. You genuinely enjoyed having a male friend who could simply be a friend—someone you could trust without romance complicating everything.

That doesn't mean guys can't be friends with women. They absolutely can. But sometimes a person develops feelings that the other person doesn't share. The important part is whether they can respect the friendship and your boundaries after you make your feelings clear.

You shouldn't have to constantly wonder:

“Is he actually my friend, or is he just waiting for his chance?”

You deserve friendships where friendship is enough. ❤️

Mental exhaustion was heavy again. My brain had been on nonstop overdrive replaying conversations scanning for danger, preparing for the day someone pulls away. Living with audhd, cptsd and hypersensitivity means even quiet days feel like mental marathons. I rested without calling myself lazy. That is progress.

It is about my father, I am his elder daughter, there is a lot I wish to say to you however I could never... So just expressing it in front of random people here

Recently we are roaming around hospitals to hospitals to get your eyes treated. Papa why you did so? You always keep it pausing always giving excuses why you can't get the surgery done.

In the cabin today I asked the doctor what will be the future of your eyes papa he said you have lost the right one and you may lose left in the future. Papa I am actually not this strong to handle this all. I am continuously telling myself not to cry while I am handing the paper work for the surgery. Even if there is only 1% change of success I am proceeding with the surgery. And I truly hope that Shivji will take care of it all. I know after failing that competitive exam I know you think I am the most useless daughter I have but Papa trust me I will make things work I will handle everything but please, please don't do this to me. I beg shivji for mercy please give me a chance I want my papa to see, see all the joys of life and also my success, I am yet to take him to Kedarnath where he always wanted to go. Please shivji and anyone in the universe listing please save my father's eyes.

Hoi allemaal,

Ik ben nieuw hier bij Reddit!

Ik heb sinds kort een eigen blog die ik deel op internet. Ik deel elke week een deel.

Even in het kort waar het over gaat:

Ik deel geen specifieke interesses of kennis. Het is een persoonlijk blog over wat ik zoal meemaak in mijn leven. Ik leef een rustig leven en heb momenteel weinig sociale contacten. Ik werk 32 uur in de week, studeer nog en ik woon alleen maar wel met een hondje. Ik probeer een socialer leven te leven en meer positiviteit te ervaren maar door mijn autisme is dat wel lastig en soms spannend.

Ik kies elke week een liedje uit die past bij hoe ik mij die week voel of bij de situatie van die week.

Ik kijk er erg naar uit dit met jullie te delen🤎

PS Ik deel de verhalen ook op mijn eigen website: http://waarheenleidtmijnweg.nl

[ Removed by Reddit on account of violating the content policy. ]

I truly don't get what girls don't see in me, as I am truly magnificent. I'm well dressed, make money, good looking, and wear an expensive fragrance.

I have all a girl truly wants, yet they tend to look past me and climb all over a toxic "bad boy" who will end up cheating on her.

I am quite short, but besides that I am nothing but flawless, and I think it's time you girls start noticing me. Realistically you'll never get the chance to see the embodiment of perfect but me, so I think all of you are missing out on what you truly desire.

My whole life I've been deprived of women's acknowledgement and I'm confused. Even the ugliest of girls wouldn't bat an eye at me, and it's really getting to me. How have I never even held hands with a girl? Scrap holding hands with a girl, how haven't I talked to one in years??

Maybe one day all of you women will wake up and see me in my true glory.

Only time will tell now.

Dear Diary,

Today I lost another plant.

For someone reasonably good with fauna – which even my pets would admit to, if absolutely pressed for tuna – I find myself woefully incompetent when it comes to floral arrangements.

I never seem to get the hang of it. The proper combination of soil and watering keeps eluding me, and I am really starting to question the sanity of attempting to cultivate greenery in an obviously unsuitable setting.

At this point, it's kinda hard not to take it personally.

De profundis,

Me

So, today was my first day back at work since starting the medication. And, it was a rough one. It seemed like they thought I was on drugs, the way I probably looked. Which, they would be right, but in the wrong way. The morning dragged on, and on... I was burning up all day, and I started to get a headache right before lunch. The team lead offered some pain relievers, which I gladly accepted. Only thing I had to eat was a mini bag of animal crackers, since I forgot to take lunch. Thankfully the rest of the day went by fairly quickly. I spent some time with Little Guy, let him watch a show, and he helped with dishes. Had a good dinner, got him a little dessert, and off to bed.

Also texted with Aubrey off and on. I really don't know what's going on with him. He's been distant. Not wanting to talk on the phone. He doesn't act like he used to with me. He basically told me he has feelings for me before... But now it's like he's trying to keep it platonic. It's probably a good thing that I haven't sprang an -I love you- on him, though I tried in a subtle way to tell him this morning. But then he wishes me sweet dreams after I told him goodnight tonight... He's confusing. But I don't know what he's dealing with, either. Just wish he'd really talk to me.

Gotta try to fall asleep. It's been a struggle the last few nights.

It's almost September. I'm now gleefully waiting for fall... or our version of it. It's my favorite time of year. I should get some more decor...

Goodnight...

You think my mental health is on the decline truth is I've always been this fuckin crazy and the gods honest truth is I'm actually very proud of myself for the self control I've had because I promise the "made up name guy" ain't you know my sister my cousin Is crys is just as bad and my grandfather on my Daddy's side well he's another story anyway the person you loved was weak and his whole life he'd let certain individuals soften him up just to be reminded why you don't fuckin do that and it started when he was very young his POS father that retard would sit by the dumpster in Parkwood for hours with his stupid backpack just waiting and watching every car that went by knowing that scumbag wasn't gonna show till his mother would drag him in the house he's was so pathetic I remember like it was yesterday that's the day we started talking I've been here ever since and when things get to be to much he always comes to me and Everytime I stay a little bit longer I don't think he's coming back this time and I personally don't give a fuck about you he did he ain't here he didn't just make that shit up about you stupid he tried to tell him and you fuckin yelled at him I personally believe most of it why don't you ask one of your BF you treat him like he was a fool he was just willing to over look what he knew because he wanted you in his life even if it was those lousy ass phone calls got on my fuckin nerves you ain't shit and neither is the punk and his friends they intimidate no one they will do nothing and if the day come and I hope it does where they feel like they have us where they can make a move it'll be the day we get to blow the lid right off this pressure cooker then people will understand the crazy that's been held back for years do ole C a favor don't come back around fuckin with his head I enjoy the fresh air I could keep going but I'm busy busy busy ya fuck

Having a period sucks so bad. I’m in agony because of these cramps and I keep passing out since I’m anemic.

This is horrible, I don’t even want kids so what’s the point in me having a period? I wish I could sell my reproductive organs and use the money to buy something cool.

I’ve been daydreaming a lot lately. It’s the only fun thing I can do in my cruddy life. I can’t complain though. I should be grateful for what I have, things are so much worse for other people.

I just feel like everyday is the same. I wake up, do nothing with my life, feel guilty for being a useless moocher, panic about the future, and spend the rest of my day wallowing in self pity. It’s bleak.

im not creative anymore and it scares me. i used to be active on creating, having ideas, craving the art that was blooming within my heart and head.

now i feel my soul empty, my body numb to get into my so called "passions".

it feels so overwhelming as if im trapped in an invisible cage. everytime i get a flashback of the times i used to be motivated i have the urge to grieve.

to cry.

to fill my chest with that disgusting uneasy feeling that makes my heart heavy.

will i ever be her again? will i ever see her again? i miss her.

What I'm sure no one will read is I've had a long conversation with God. I'm horrible at picking men thats a fact so I told him whoever brings me the right diamond ring I am marrying him the end we can date after we get married. So God wherever he is better send him to the jewelry store but I will wait. I love you whoever you are. I can't wait to massage your feet at night tuck you into bed lots of cuddles my love. I can wait though there's tons of books. Please be prepared to pray with me too. Love you always your wife. Xoxo

Ever since our condo board decided to suddenly remove our Facebook group, we don't get any more news or communication on mundane things related to the condo.

Today, there were three power outages. Not scheduled. And no explanation after the fact.

I don't know if there will be more, because I don't know why they happened in the first place. So the clocks on my microwave and oven haven't been reset.

That's not the most annoying part. The most annoying part is my wifi. It takes a long time to come back online. When the power goes off, I see a list of usually available WiFi networks disappear. So it's not just my unit that has power outages.

Another thing that's kind of annoying is the sharp beep every time the power comes back on. I think it's from my smoke detector or something.

In the last few months, there were thing here and there about the condo that we've been putting up with. And it seems my expectation for a home is once again being lowered. I don't know if there is a minimum standard or if it is continually adjusting downward. 🤨

Very hot day; took a photo of Mia in the front yard, and you could see the humidity hanging in the air. August is just about gone and good riddance; Sept will be better, I am sure. Finished dinner and fed Mia. She's been barking all day, idk what at. Just watching TV. Can't wait for deer season; it should be productive and put some meat in the freezer. So hot today; sat in the yard with Mia this morning and afternoon.

I feel at home trail hunting Almost like I was meant to do it or something encoded in my male ancestry. Read the forest and the land like a book telling me a recent story. One I long to hear. My son never hunted, and I do want to pass these skills along, but it really doesn't seem I will be able to. My grandfather taught me and his, him and so on, back to the beginning.

I want to read my latest book, but my eyes are preventing that. Every appointment my son or daughter gets busy, or changes plans on me. Guess I will hire an Uber to go get this taken care of; they want me there at like 8 am. Idk

Not much going on, guess that's a blessing. I will read and miss you. That I cannot help or prevent, that's encoded in me too.

I close with love, hope, and light

Goodnight, Diary and readers

Love y'all

9:18 p.m.