r/extroverts • u/Unkown-Girl_8740 • 8d ago
A introvert. Need help guys
Ok so this is going to be a long one. Basically, today was my first day at my a levels college. I wish i could say that my day went so good, I talked with alot of people and made new friends but thatt sadly isn't true. I did talked to a few people and sat with one for all my classes but she isn't interesting. I think our personalitie sdo not match and she is also a introvert so i honestly did not enjoyed much.
I want to ask from the people who arre very freindly, have alot of friends like how do you make friends. And also those who used to be really shy but now are very confident. Like how did you guys stopped fearing intercations and being judged. I am honeslty so done with this. My whole school life i was the shyest, most quitest kid. I was never good at making friends neither talking with teachers. I think the reason for me not beibg able to amke friends and jsut not knowing how to tlak to people is beacuse, when i was in 2nd grade i made a friend and she was BESTTESTT friend. Like I never felt lonely with her, and i just stopped talkibg to my classmates and making new friends. But she changed schools in grade 7. And since then i am sturggling so bad. Its liek everyone else just naturally know how to talk and keep a conversation while i am just a baby in this thing.
I am not gonna say i had absolutely no change in me since nd grade. During my o levels, i became more confident, like i can talk to teachers and ask questions and things, once i get comfortable with them but i feel in the aspect of making friends i am still on square one.
I have so many questions in my head when I am talking to my classmates and new poeple my age. Like what if they find me boring, if i am not funny enough or i am just not equal to them. Especially if they already have friends, what if they feel badd why i am interfering. Or if theres a big friebd group, i cant approach them bc i think why would they even need me. They already ahve friends and it just feels wrong to me to try to make firends with epople who already have friends. I know this sounds so dumb abd childish but i really do think this. And I want to desperately change myself.
Well, sincerly thankyou if you guys read all of it. And if you guys can give me some advice.
1
u/Bulky-Transition849 8d ago
Yes u are not equal to them but , u may better then others ♥ . don't try to impress them. stay with them during shit covensation happens. Like a person differ from u but u like that think they does . then its happen ♥♥♥
2
u/AtomicFeckMagician extrovert 8d ago
I hate to tell you, but there's not really a way to "teach" social confidence. It's just about practice. It sounds like a lot of your issues are anxiety based. You're worried about what other people will think of you, so you're afraid to put yourself out there. I can't say "Just stop caring about what other people think and do it" because it's not that simple. You could try therapy for the anxiety.
But even extroverts feel shy, and even social butterfly extroverts can have problems making real friendships. It's actually a common struggle talked about here - feeling lonely even though you're outgoing. For example, I can talk to just about anyone. Yesterday I stopped a woman who was wearing a dress I've been looking at online for a while and chatted with her about how she liked the brand, etc. since I've been hesitating on getting it. That sort of thing is easy for me. But I wouldn't say I have many close friends and I easily lose touch with the new ones I make.
Making a significant connection, like I shared hobby or interest is, I think, more important for friendship than being outgoing. But being outgoing is part of the first steps to find those people in the first place. Maybe if you think of talking to people as just the first difficult step then it will be over, that may help?