I suddenly am impressed

Ughhhhh especially when I’m not expecting it

When I first started my sw journey it was irl with escorting, and then sugaring, and then content selling, then irl femdom sessions, now I only do online femdom/findom!

After a few months of getting into femdom/findom it became the only thing I truly enjoyed kink wise.

I had a man message me on fansly asking for a dick rate as I was doing them half off, but he prefaced with 'idk though I'm pretty small...' I told him all sizes were welcome, he paid up and I asked

'do you want an honest rating, a cruel rating, or an encouraging one?' he went with honest and a little encouraging.

Since I got into femdom and more specifically findom sph and spe have become my favorite kinks to work with, so i was excited!!

He sends me his pebus and...it's like 2 inches. I say something to the effect of

'youre definitely small, and although I wouldn't let you fuck me since I'm a size queen, I think we could have a lot of fun with my mouth because blah blah blah something about his balls blah blah blah something about the tip blah blah blah'

Overall it was honest and I added some fun encouragement in there, but I think I talked to him too much like a sub instead of just a buyer because he did NOT like the rating.

He was PISSED when he found out I was a size queen and said 'well I told you I was small, why would you agree if you're a size queen and wouldn't fuck me'

Mind you...it isn't like I would have fucked him regardless you're a random man on my paid site like hello it's all fantasy 😭 also you asked for honest which I was! It isn't like I called it a shrimp or anything, I was actually pretty sweet because he wanted some encouragement tossed in there.

Overall, he ended up saying 'because of you I'm never getting a dick rating again' - and then I QUOTE 'you ruined my penis'

WHAT DO YOU MEAN I RUINED YOUR PENIS 😭 I think I hurt its feelings i guess?

I apologized for the experience but refused to refund because he got exactly what he asked for. Not to mention, my bio says size queen. It isn't like I said anything about fucking bigger dicks or mentioned cucking or anything either.

Tldr : I made a throw away comment in a dick rating I gave about how I'm a size queen and proceeded to ruin his penis.

A sub fucked up. He fucked up in a very avoidable way. I gave him every opportunity not to fuck up. And he did.

Admittedly, I was putting myself in a precarious situation: forced intox with a finsub. He'd said while sober that he didn't want to send during the session, which was fine with me because I enjoy the kink very much in its own right. Once we got into it, though, he started begging to send. I knew he was good for the money, so I let him (with a proviso that I wouldn't transfer the money to my account until the morning when he was sober, in case he regretted it).

When the session seemed to reach a natural end, we ended the call. He started messaging soon after, though, saying he was feeling weak and other dommes were messaging him. I told him not to message them because he would end up sending. So he begged to go on call again and send more to me.

At this point I should have noped out of there. So I fucked up too. I was already in my pyjamas ready to go to sleep. But I got worried about him and wanted to give him a safer outlet. I briefly went back on call with him. He sent more. I told him explicitly not to message or send to other dommes.

Guess what he did.

Yes, I should have seen this coming. But I had imagined a nice connection in what had essentially been him indulging an addiction which he was going to indulge with or without my attempts at care and safeguarding.

The money he sent me on the call has been returned. I feel a bit dirty (in a bad way) and used. You live and learn.

An ode to my love of humiliation with ✨care✨.

Where are all the other people who love some good, old fashioned, light-hearted humiliation? Teasing, bullying... Every once in a while, punching your arm and saying "You know I'm just fucking with you, right buddy?"

For you, what makes humiliation feel good, instead of just cruel? Or, do you enjoy the cruelty of it?

I honest-to-God love and get turned on by humiliation. Like, to the point where sometimes it freaks me out a little. 😂

There’s something about having full permission to absolutely roast someone—and having them get off on it—that brings me an unreasonable amount of joy.

I’ll play with harder degradation too, but most of the time, what really gets me is someone being a complete fucking idiot for me. Not just anyone, either. Someone who holds it together all day. Someone competent, composed, responsible, maybe even a little intimidating to everyone else.

And then they get around me and the mask comes off.

They can be completely unfiltered, ridiculous, unhinged, and stupid together with me. And I get to encourage the hell out of it.

But for me, the magic is in the fact that we actually respect each other.

I want to genuinely like you. I want to enjoy spending time with you. I want to respect you as a person and care about you on a very human level. And then I want you to give me permission to absolutely fucking go there.

That’s when humiliation becomes...just...delicious to me.

I think of it like an MTV roast. Lots of little jabs scattered throughout the night, enough to keep you squirming… and then every once in a while, I land one that goes straight to the bone. 😂

And then, after I’ve thoroughly ruined you, I walk over, give you a hug, and go:

“You know I love you, right, man?”

💛

That contrast is EVERYTHING to me.

Because the humiliation isn’t powerful because I secretly think you’re beneath me.

It’s powerful because we know exactly how much we respect each other—and we trust each other enough to take our masks off together for a while.

Just makes me want to sink my teeth into some wimpy little subby while I drain their wallet dry 👄

I just wanna share that my newest prey is completely under my virus and we have messed so well since the beginning, they are most certainly out there.

ever since I have expanded to fetlife, I just have attracted rare diamonds amongst the rough!

the way he calls offerings: appreciation, just so shows me he has what other do not. 🩷👏🏻✨️

In findom as a domme I know there is the whole drain them and leave them with nothing you want to see them broke for you. But a broke sub is not a good sub and is mostly going to quit and is not going to be long term. When I’m in your life you should want to improve yourself, have goals, get that side hustle, second job, hit the gym, start improving your life to contribute better to mine that's the way 💗

When you feel good you do good and that’s why all dommes should want from their subs.

Dommes do you think this way too? And subs do you like when dommes treat you this way or you like the short term getting broke and take a break kinda thing?

All packed and ready for a trip to Georgia with my man. So excited for the views, new experiences and dates paid by our subs 🥰 What’s a better way to finish this summer than a trip like this!

Lately it seems I'm getting more subs that just want sessions and not a long term thing. I want to play but they ghost too quickly. I'm considering adding chat sessions to my repertoire. Maybe celibacy is just taking it's toll and I'm sexually frustrated? Idk. Thoughts?

I honestly don’t know where to ask I kinda landed here because I make feet content and landed here after awhile because someone said because of my personality and personal likes I might like to try this. But where do I start? Where can I learn from? I want to genuinely approach this lifestyle with the respect and wanting to learn and I want to know where to start. I don’t want to come off as one of those dommes that clearly think it’s a quick money scheme because I know it’s more than that. I just want to be myself and have that translate while also understand my role and what boundaries I need to set and red flags to look out for I guess. any and all advice are welcome! Most places I look to learn it just seems like the person talks about how to make money rather than what it takes to do that and I just genuinely want to learn.

LOL peer review anyone? Generally enjoy talking to other dom/mes about how we market, experiences, tribute policies, kink interests, etc!

So if any of you lovely dom/mes wanna chat, review each other's profiles, I'd love to reciprocate!

Pls don't flame my profile in the comments lmao. Looking for friends here, not annihilation.

what is the best birthday gift that a sub has given you? both times i’ve gotten busy right before my birthday so i haven’t been able to experience someone gifting me something and i doubt i’ll have someone by thursday 😭 do yall prefer cash gifts or do you prefer someone getting you something? im not sure what i would prefer!

Hello everyone.

Time for a little rant. I started using reddit, actively, for Findom about 5 days ago and I've already seen a few differences with other plateforms.

I would not say the differences are massive but from my short experience up to now, i would say that the number 1 issue is consistency and the discrepancy between what is being said and what is being done.

I have had many subs drop in my dms, Av and tribute. I Find the subs, on here, more keen to AV which is a huge quality of life thing for me as it was a bit more tricky on twitter. I'd say big Green flag right there. ( still got one of the dumb ones that thought this was optional, needless to say i blocked them as soon as that message hit my inbox.)

Once that's done, many claim to be ready to serve and even claim to seek a '' long term dynamic ''. I am all for that. I've only had longish dynamics up to now but reddit seems to be kind of different on that ; I had a couple subs tell me about themselves, their budgets and how much they wanted this to be something that lasts.

Alas, it's a lot of talk for pretty much nothing. I enjoy big sends as much as any other domme on here, it gets things done but then why all that talk? Why get someone ready to be invested then dropping x4 your budget in one night and going AWOL the day after? Especially if you're going to create a new account and message again tomorrow begging for the same treatment ?

Have, any other dommes, had this happen to them? Is this the norm on here? What do you prefer?

I’m still starting up my online femdom stuff, but I’m definitely experienced with that in general. So I am not looking for Domming advice, but just ideas on what to do on lives as my experience is mostly one on one and in person. I just started my LF account and plan to start adding to it when I get some time. What do you do when you go live?

Hey other doms and vixens,

I sadly had to take a break from training wallets due to an ankle fracture and have been out of the game for quite some time.

Just wondering which social media platform you have the most success on as far as securing pigs goes.

Thanks!

Psychological dominance works only from inside. It exists only in their… interior. I’m working with what’s happening in their mind, with their attention, their thoughts, their surrender, their submission.

Findom brings that surrender and submission into their real life, their material world. Their actual wallet becomes part of the dynamic. I find that extension incredibly satisfying, because among other things, it means that engagement carries weight outside. Outside a session, outside the conversation, outside the headphones and the screen.

Tell me your thoughts on how financial investment impacts, extends, or reinforces your dominance. 🖤

As a white-presenting findom with mixed Middle Eastern and European heritage who grew up in an Islamic household and is now spiritually atheistic, I’ve noticed a recent pattern. A growing number of subs approach wanting to roleplay or discuss some perceived “white supremacy” dynamic with me, as if my appearance is the full story.

It isn’t. My background gave me direct exposure to multiple cultures, religious frameworks, and the nuances of identity that go far beyond surface presentation. Race, ethnicity, faith (or lack of it), and lived experience aren’t flat or interchangeable. Treating them as a single visual cue flattens real complexity.

If you’re coming in with assumptions based solely on how I look, that reads as lazy and reductive. It ignores the layers that actually shape how someone thinks and engages. In this space, curiosity and respect matter more than projections. Approach with that awareness or don’t approach at all.

Identity is rarely one-note. Acting like it is an immediate turn-off.

It should be treated in kink spaces the same way ALL boundaries are. If you have a specific kink, vocalise it in discussion of boundaries and interests but explicitly approaching EXPECTING it is like an unsolicited dick pic.

Has this happened to others in this space?

Not really looking for advice, I’m just venting because it’s disappointing. I realize that I definitely have to cut ties with him because that behaviour is just really disrespectful. But I really liked spending time with him. So I feel like once I post this I can really get those feelings out of my system.

I’ve only been into findom for a couple months, but I’ve always been a gentle domme with Sadist urges.

It’s been really hard for me to find subs and pets because I’m queer (nonbinary and bisexual) and I’m neurodivergent (AuDHD) with some unique interests. (I like things like comics, taxidermy, and horror). I also have a very intimidating look that doesn’t really match my personality.

I should say we started out as friends and have been friends for four months prior. I forget how we got onto the topic but he admitted he was looking for a master/pet dynamic and I explained that I was looking for a pay puppy. So we moved forward with that dynamic in mind. I told him we were friends first but I wouldn’t mind indulging in his fantasies and he told me he wanted to reciprocate mine. I firmly established that I was aroace and wasn’t looking for any romantic relationships nor anything physically sexual. It’s been a boundary I kept firmly establishing throughout the months of texting. Yet somehow he’d only ever acknowledge it (making me think (but doubt) that he understood my opinion on the matter). Yet he kept holding out hope that I would have changed my mind.

At first, he’d send me good morning texts and offer to pay for anything I needed. Occasionally paying for my dinner or buying something that I really wanted (ranging from niche interests to more expensive things like jewelry and concert tickets). We would flirt and I’d obviously give him encouraging and sweet texts, all things within the preestablished boundaries I wrote down and expressed verbally. (I tired to get some screenshots of our conversations but a couple of them also happened irl).

But I think it went downhill after our second hangout. We met online and my intentions were to keep things online, but he lived an hour away and I was invested enough to chat irl. Our first hangout went great, he bought me lunch, took me to a bakery, then bought me a cute little antique from an antique shop. Then we hung out a month later and went to a concert. The entire time he kept trying to touch my hand and when I told him I don’t like physical contact (a boundary because I have autism so physical contact is hard for me and makes me uncomfortable). So I told him no and jokingly said “I’d rather die” and he says “I didn’t know it was that bad”. Then he kept trying to get me to share a bed with him despite there being a guest room, eventually I did convince him to let me sleep in my own bed. But he kept giving me the ick by looking at the hem of my dress and making sexual comments despite my exhausted state. Then when he dropped me off he hugged me (again, I told him I didn’t like being hugged, but he did it anyway) he didn’t text me for the first two days after and didn’t send me any tributes and wasn’t showing any interest in the things I wanted or expressed wanting or liking.

Then, thinking “oh maybe it’s my fault” I gave him consent to see other people to fulfill his sexual needs (sue me I’m a cuckqueen). But that wasn’t enough because when things started going back to the status quo with us, he invited me to stay over again. With the promise of going to the carnival and then going out to dinner. He bought me nice things and was his usual cute subby self. But then we witnessed some really troubling things and he did nothing about it and had zero empathy, so I got major ick. Still it was midnight and I was tired so instead of heading home I just put up with it. When we got back to his place, we got high and watched a movie, it was going great until he started getting creepy again. He kept staring at my chest, when I called him out on it, he said something to the effect of “your nipples look great”. Then he kept looking up my skirt again and muttering “damn” under his breath. I literally had to send him to bed because how uncomfortable I got. I also had to (didn’t really have to, but it was more comfortable for me to do so) lock my door.

Then the next day when I called him out for it he was trying to gaslight me telling me he wasn’t doing any of that. Like I know he did because I had to wrap my arms over my chest because I felt so uncomfortable and nervous.

When he dropped me off he tried to hug me again despite me saying I didn’t feel like it. Now he’s back to barely acknowledging my presence.

I really don’t think me being Asexual means that I can’t explore BDSM and that because I am interested in that it means that someone can change my aroace-ness.

Previously I have kept my DMs open to any account cuz I know that there’s lots of subs that aren’t necessarily “fake” but more so trying to compartmentalize their kink. Perhaps they feel shame, suffer from heavy bouts of PNC or are trying to hide their kinks from their partner.

Usually they’re not hard to spot cuz those type of subs usually have no issue with sending AV promptly. Time wasters and scammers will usually quietly exit after you insist on AV.

But I’ve come to a point where my DMs get flooded quickly and it’s become a pain to have to sift thru them, turning on this feature will automatically filter out a portion of requests. I also tire very quickly of drains followed my panic deletions. It kind of just takes the fun outta the moment and I prefer subs that have a handle on navigating their urges and emotions. Furthermore I don’t think that subs that went deleted on me should have immediate access to my DMs again anymore. The point here is quality over quantity.

A lot of u may not even know that this is an option in your settings. This is also a useful tool for subs to avoid DMs from new and potentially fake Domme accounts. If you’re looking to simplify your seeking experience I suggest turning this filter on.

What’s been your biggest win of the week?

I have a suspicion I’ve not seen mine just yet…