This post is part of a series of reviews. To see them all, click here.

Historical information found on Shannon Sullivan's Doctor Who website (relevant page here) and the TARDIS Wiki (relevant page here)). Primary/secondary source material can be found in the source sections of Sullivan's website, and rarely as inline citations on the TARDIS Wiki.

Story Information

• Episode: Series 7, Episode 8
• Airdate: 13th April 2013
• Doctor: 11th
• Companion: Clara
• Writer: Mark Gatiss
• Director: Douglas Mackinnon
• Showrunner: Steven Moffat

Review

Hair, shoulder pads, nukes. It's the eighties. Everything's bigger. – The Doctor

Mark Gatiss is the most confusing Doctor Who writer of all time.

Nobody can take an excellent concept and turn it into a mediocre episode quite like Gatiss. There are exceptions, his first Doctor Who novel, Nightshade was genuinely excellent. On the other hand, "The Idiot's Lantern" is very much on the lower end of Series 2's offerings, itself a weaker series. And today's offering "Cold War" is a bit better than most of Gatiss' work. But even with that I'm still left with a lingering sense that this concept, dropping one of the Ice Warriors onto a Russian nuclear submarine at the height of the Cold War, that should have led to a better episode than what we got.

Okay, maybe I'm being unfair. I'm on record with the opinion that the Ice Warriors are the most generic of the Doctor's rogues gallery. Given that, can it really be said that any concept involving the Ice Warriors has potential by virtue of it having the Ice Warriors? Well, my opinion on that has shifted slightly. I still feel like the two black and white Ice Warrior stories – The Ice Warriors and The Seeds of Death – fail to make the Ice Warriors particularly distinct from most one-off villains of the era. But then we get the two Peladon stories, and everything changes. The Ice Warriors are given nobility, but also, in Monster of Peladon we learn that there is a faction of Ice Warriors that wants a return back to the old empire days. And, bear in mind, that's half of the Ice Warriors classic appearances. The Ice Warriors, at least by the end of their pretty limited appearances in the Classic era, do have a lot going for them.

From their origins, the Ice Warriors were loosely based on Vikings, so a warrior culture is natural to them (plus being from the planet named after the Greek god of war). With the context of the Peladon stories, we can infer a Martian culture that has at its core a lot of emphasis on honor and an uncompromising but balanced sense of justice. So that setting, it has a lot of juice. There's this moment that really does give a sense of that potential, when our Martian, named Skaldak, has the Cold War explained to him and seems genuinely confused as to how "mutually assured destruction" hadn't happened yet.

And look, this episode is mostly good. Moments like that one pepper the whole thing, from fun little character beats to serious moments, including pretty much everything the Doctor does or says from the moment he realizes who he's dealing with. In fact, I've got very little to criticize about the episode as a whole. But it just ends up feeling a bit forgettable. Which is the thing with Gatiss' writing. I've described it before as "sufficient", and that's kind of the issue with his work. It's all technically solid but often lacks real impact.

Still, it's a story with an Ice Warrior trapped on a nuclear submarine, in which the Ice Warrior tries to set off World War III. All the while the crew are trying to repair the submarine. The episode doesn't have to try very hard to build tension effectively. Oh and this isn't some anonymous Ice Warrior grunt either. This is Grand Marshal Skaldak, and while you've never heard of him (because he was invented for this episode), the Doctor has and makes it abundantly clear that Skaldak showing up is Serious Business.

The presentation of the Ice Warriors for their introduction to the Revival era feels like it's striking a balance between their 2nd and 3rd Doctor eras' portrayals. This is a Martian from before Mars joined the Galactic Federation, so naturally he's not as interested in peace as those Martians were. At the same time, the 3rd Doctor era characterization does pull through by humanizing Skaldak and emphasizing his sense of honor. The old Martian law is apparently "harm one of us and you harm us all", a code that Skaldak takes very seriously. When he's attacked, the Grand Marshal, after spending some time learning about the Earth, decides to launch nukes and trigger World War III. The episode ends with a standoff between the Doctor and Skaldak where Skaldak is threatening to enact his plan with the subs nukes, while the Doctor is prepared to blow up the submarine to prevent it.

And yet there's that humanization that Skaldak gets (I really wish we had a species neutral word for that, but I guess that's only a problem in speculative fiction). There's a lot of talk of his daughter. And it's worth remembering, he is essentially grieving the loss of his world. He is a Martian from the time that his people ruled their home planet. It's not to say that what he does is proportional…in any way. But it helps explain why he hesitates to kill an old man. Which Clara is able to use to get through to him at the end of the episode, for long enough at least for some Ice Warriors to show up and pull him out of the submarine (and, conveniently, pull the submarine out of the water). And then, although we don't see it, Skaldak shows mercy, not trying to get his fellow Martians to take revenge for him, tying a nice bow on the whole thing. And I just wrote that out and I think I've nearly convinced myself that this is an amazing episode…except, I have to again point out in practice it's just not as memorable as you think it is.

Oh and I can't wrap up talking about Skaldak without mentioning that he leaves his suit of armor, something never seen before on television. It's mostly decent effects-wise, largely because we only ever see parts of the creature in question. Martians apparently have long spindly fingers, which are rather creepy. However in the light things don't hold up as well. At the end of episode he takes off his helmet and the Martian face just kind of looks goofy unfortunately. It's a combination of unconvincing animation and a fairy generic reptile-head design. Probably should have kept on the helmet.

The rest of the secondary cast is pretty solid. Most memorable is Professor Grisenko, the old man that Skaldak spares. Grisenko is the one who dug up the Ice Warrior, and wants to bring it back to Russia to study, not realizing it's still alive under the ice. Mostly he's memorable for being a lot less serious than the Russian naval types who are running around. He still knows how to take care of himself, but isn't interested in all of the drills and the like that the ship's crew are doing. Oh and he's played by David Warner, who had, and would continue, to play an alternate "unbound" version of the Doctor for Big Finish, which is neat. Warner does deliver quite a good performance in this as well.

The captain of the sub is Zhukov, who gets another good performance from Liam Cunningham. Beyond the performance though there's not a lot to say about this one. He's a reasonable man, though he's still got the bearing and attitude of a warrior, appropriately for a story about war and warriors. But he's really just kind of a generic reasonable military authority figure for the most part. On the other hand you've got Lieutenant Stepashin, warmonger extraordinaire. Stepashin is definitely the weak link of this cast, just because he's so eager to get World War III started. Mind you, he's the one who explains the whole concept of Mutually Assured Destruction to Skaldak, but he still seems to want MAD to happen. He ends up getting killed by Skaldak shortly after giving his explanation.

As for our main cast, the thing that sticks with me most from this episode is the Doctor's reactions to Skaldak. From his initial switch from his usual hyperactive self to deadly serious once he sees he's facing down an Ice Warrior to his horror at realizing which Martian he's dealing with, that initial scene very quickly sells the Ice Warriors as to be taken seriously to those who were being introduced to them through this episode. His anger at Stepashin for electrocuting Skaldak is promptly followed by an ice cold "Lock…him…up". The ending confrontation between Skaldak and the Doctor is really good as well, though I think you can argue that Matt Smith slips a bit into the melodramatic at times.

Clara meanwhile…once again I find myself looking at a story that on paper does a lot to build up her characterization but in practice just kind of feels a bit flat. What's most notable here is how much less eager she is to put herself in danger than the typical companion. She's willing to if the situation calls for it, but she doesn't seem to relish it like many do. Particularly obvious is the part where the Doctor does his usual spiel of telling the companion to stay behind…and she actually does. We also see a lot more open fear from her than most companions. Still, she shows bravery by going to talk to Skaldak, even if that doesn't amount to much. And I guess that's ultimately the thing…none of it really amounts to much. Sure she's fairly active all things considered, and even forms a solid bond with Grisenko, but it still doesn't feel like the character has much depth. I can't even say much on Jenna Coleman's performance this time around, as while it's not bad, Coleman doesn't quite find the highs that she has in her previous Doctor Who work.

On the whole, "Cold War" is a solid enough story. But it feels like it should have been a lot better. On a conceptual level this is an excellent episode, and it's not like it's got any massive failings. But it ultimately ends up feeling pretty insubstantial, and aside from some elements of Matt Smith's performance, and a fun turn by David Warner as Grisenko, none of it is really memorable.

Score: 6/10

Stray Observations

• Clara is the only female character in this episode. This hadn't happened since The Power of Kroll in 1979. It feels a lot more forgivable here, seeing as this one is set on a Cold War-era submarine. There's no reason why there couldn't have been multiple women in Kroll besides Romana.
• Showrunner Steven Moffat was reticent to bring back the Ice Warriors, feeling they were stereotypical of the Classic era's goofy monsters. Writer Mark Gatiss was a fan of theirs however, and pushed to have them return. Moffat was eventually convinced due to Gatiss pitching the submarine idea and the prospect of seeing an Ice Warrior out of its armor.
• The earliest drafts of this episode were written when the companion would still have been Victorian Governess Beryl.
• This episode was the first televised story to include the Ice Warriors not to be written by their creator, Brian Hayles, as all four of their Classic-era appearances were written by Hayles.
• The Ice Warrior design in this episode remains pretty consistent to the original. This was done partially because Gatiss insisted on keeping the same design, and partially because Moffat felt that the Ice Warriors weren't well-known enough to put a new spin on their design.
• Early versions of the script had Skaldak as a time traveler seeking the wipe out humanity with their nuclear arsenal before they could take control of Mars in his era.
• Professor Grisenko was going to be a villainous character until the later stages of scripting. He would be trying to preserve the Ice Warrior as a weapon for the Kremlin.
• This episode might just have the most chaotic TARDIS landing ever, as the submarine is sinking and the crew are mid-attempt to fix it when the TARDIS just kind of shows up, the Doctor yelling "Viva Las Vega-aaa!". You can barely hear the TARDIS noise over the soundtrack and the crew yelling.
• The Doctor explains the TARDIS translation circuit to Clara. Honestly, a bit weird that she didn't realize something was up when in last episode all of those aliens were all speaking English.
• The Doctor mentions resetting the HADS (Hostile Action Displacement System) as the reason why the TARDIS flew off. Those haven't been mentioned on television since, unless I'm forgetting something, they were introduced in The Krotons, a 2nd Doctor story which aired in 1969.
• Said HADS sent the TARDIS to the South Pole, almost as far as you can get from where the Russian submarine was. It would have taken Clara and the Doctor months (at least) to get all the way to the South Pole, and they would have had to deal with the hell of taking on an Antarctic expedition. Of course, they might have found some other way of getting to the TARDIS or attracting the TARDIS back to them, but we don't see that, and honestly, that feels like an oversight.

Next Time: The Doctor and Clara go ghost hunting. Naturally this somehow results in a romantic reunion

Had to post about this! There is a media tracking app called Movie Paradise — r/MovieParadiseApp — that as of this week includes all the NuWho specials in the correct order, along with the regular seasons, instead of shunting them off into a "Specials" category with all the DVD extras and "Fan Show" episodes. This is the only app I know of that a new Whovian could use to make sure they see everything and see it all in the proper order.

Every other show-tracking app (save for Reelgood, which hasn't been updated in 4 years, and has many shortcomings) shunts all the ±30 arc-vital holiday episodes etc. into a "Specials" category, mixed in with 150-odd making-of DVD extras and episodes of "The Fan Show." But Movie Paradise has the specials amended to the end of their preceding seasons — and even includes "The Night of the Doctor."

This app was launched last year, and I've sent a metric nut-ton of feedback to the very receptive developer (shout out u/Croco_Grievous), who has built an app I genuinely think is great, but now is great for "Who" fans specifically.

If you're familiar with TV Time (RIP) and Ava Assistant (Android), it's like the best of both those apps, plus some really good features neither of those had/have. There's quite a bit of social-community stuff built into it that I personally don't use (however, TV Time refugees will definitely be happy to see it) — but it's highly customizable, so I can mostly just see the features I want and use.

Anyway, I'm genuinely not here shilling for the app. I'm actually excited that there's a media-diary app that doesn't do "Doctor Who" fans dirty.

Appreciate any help! I'm looking for the Blu-rays but I've seen so many posts talking about this version, and that release, and this disc error... I'm at a loss of which versions I should be looking for (and how to actually determine whether or not I'm holding the correct one in my hand).

I'd like to pick up the discs while I'm here so that I don't have to pay for shipping back to the States. And I know they might be Region B while I only have a Region A player, but I'm not concerned about watching them immediately - I know I'll have a region-free player in the near-enough future.

Any info would be amazing - and discounts wouldn't hurt either! Can go to stores or buy online.

As well as infamously cancelling Dr Who.

He lost a fortune on Bruce Forsyth's Big Night

He nearly cancelled the sitcom Blackadder,

Canceled The Tripods

Brought Neighbours to the BBC

He commissioned Eastenders, Howards' Way and Casualty

Cancelled After Dark

Brought Friends and ER) to Channel 4

Attacked Chris Morris's Brass Eye

Her was also behind the dreadful Millennium Dome experience

Anyone know where I can get the type of leather wallet thing that the doctor keeps the psychic paper in or what prompts to put into something like amazon or ebay etc?

Why does the doctor grow frustrated when their meddling makes things worse like with the hoothi,cybermen,daleks and fendhal them using draconian methods covering them and erasing everything and them putting lucie under eighth doctor care

I dont know if this is the right place to post this, but I just wanted to share my thoughts on the recently released Battles in Time cards.

First, I want to talk about the the topper cards. These are enlarged versions of 6 different cards from the set, and the characters are really obscure. Theres Missy which is the best one, and then in order of obscurity theres Cyberking, Wrath Warrior, Kerblam Man, Missbelindachandrabot and Nephew. I dont get why they chose obscure characters, when a much better idea would have been to do the 5 Doctors present in this set (11th, 12th, 13th, 14th and 15th).

Second, I want to talk about the cards themselves. I was always disappointed that Battles in Time didnt continue after Series 4, and the cards that followed never felt the same to me (eg. Monster Invasion, Alien Armies). I feel this set fills the gap left behind well, with a lot of memorable characters and the slightly more obscure ones Battles in Time was known for (Anybody remember Ribbons?) They could probably do a follow-up set, as there are still enough aliens, villains and characters to pick from. These cards also feel higher quality, being made of a thicker material and having a nice gloss/shine to them.

Now, I want to move onto one unforgiveable error made by Master Replicas. When I was opening my packs of cards, I noticed a pattern occurring. A significant number of packs had 3, 4 or 5 identical cards in them, and I opened 3 packs that had all 6 cards in the same order. Out of 36 packs in a box, I have 33 cards that had 3 or more duplicates. The worst offenders were:

1)Sutekh (Common)- 7 cards

2)War Doctor (Rare)- 7 cards

3)1st Doctor at Ypres (Common)- 7 cards

4)The Shreek (Common)- 7 cards

5)Nephew (Rare)- 6 cards

Now, you could just put this down to bad luck. But I have seen 4 unboxing videos on Youtube where they have video proof of them opening all 36 packs and getting a high percentage of duplicate Commons,  Rares and packs with identical cards in the same order. I am also reading a lot of online comments and seeing photos where people are getting their box/boxes and sharing the same issues. 

Clearly something went very wrong in the factory, and if they produced 2,026 limited edition boxes worldwide then this is one major cluster-... from Master Replicas. They clearly cannot be trusted with selling collectible cards, and they conned everybody at over £100 per box.

Hey guys, this has been a pain in my side for years at this point. As stated in the title, I'm trying to find a youtube video/series that focused on the 9th doctor (Pretty sure...) swearing a lot and the classic era doctors living in some kind of retirement home set outdoors.

Would be a huge help if someone knows what I'm talking about or can help point me in a direction.

Thanks.

Hey guys, I'm learning sign language and I'm a massive Whovian. I live outside the UK so I'm not able to access the BSL translations of the episodes. Can someone pls give me the sign names of major characters/objects/villains or anything else notable? Thank you!!!

I'm trying find the following particularly evasive, obscure/out-of-print material. Is anyone able to point me in the direction of:

1. It's Even Bigger on the Inside by Quinn and Howett (this is an expanded version of the original, plain old It's Bigger on the Inside)
2. Cybermen by David Banks
3. 'Doctor Loo', a strip from The Dandy (featured in a few issues, starting with #3,516: 'Desperate Dan vs a Pig!')
4. The Beano Special #24: 'The Bash Street Kids: Dr. Wotsit' (1990)
5. The Portuguese-language text of Doutor Who e os Zarbi and Doutor Who e a Invasão dos Autones
6. Disney's French Le journal de Mickey #2,494 (April 2000) - features an English-language Doctor Who-spoofing strip called 'Lost in the Jungle'
7. ‘Dr. Hu’: an unlicensed 1980s comic from South Korea featuring an East Asian version of the 4th Doctor, published in the Treasure Island anthology (보물섬)
8. Disney's Topolino #3,300, from 2017 (features a Doctor Who spoof called "the Engineer", in the strip ‘Topolino e l'Inseguimento Epocale’)
9. The 'Doctor Who: Time Lady' comic strip from the Star Begotten fanzine (starting with #16), which featured a pre-'Curse of Fatal Death' Joanna Lumley-inspired version of the Doctor
10. Unofficial Jim Mortimore anthologies The Book of Shadows (https://www.deviantart.com/jimmortimore/art/The-Book-of-Shadows-PPB-cover-392674520), The Age of Broken Miracles (https://www.deviantart.com/jimmortimore/art/The-Age-of-Broken-Miracles-PPB-cover-392672306), and The Sun in the Bone House
11. An online version of Crackerjack: '2000⅜ A Space Odyssey' (1976)
12. -
13. Planet Mirth: ‘Doctor Who and the Dialects’ (ITV, somewhere between 7th August and 30th December 1997, Milton Jones portrays the Fourth Doctor)
14. Doktor Hoo and the Buttercups of Doom (1984/1985) - live-action fan film starring a pair of junior-high siblings
15. Fan film: Paul Mark Tams’ The Image Makers
16. Fan film: Ocean in the Sky
17. Any of Randy J. Leblanc’s Professor What series (1990 to 2009)
18. Female-Doctor fan films by Stone Circle: 'Rutan’ and 'The Alliance'
19. Fan film: 'Resurrection of Evil' (1993)
20. 'MTV, Doctor Who Style', by the Federation (https://shillpages.com/feds/fed-prod.htm) - a fan film including a version of Rocky Horror's 'Time Warp'
21. Doctor Wow: 1960s Doctor Who, muppet style - by Barry and Belinda Noble.

Any leads very much appreciated. Thank you!

Recently was thinking about the frankly odd depiction of Omega in "The Reality War" that seemingly retconned/reinterpreted many aspects of his story, such as:

• Replacing the anti-matter universe with the under-universe.
• Introduction of the "Tomb Of Omega".
• Omega being remembered as a mad god purposely sealed away by the Time Lords instead of as a hero who was tragically marooned.
• He's a giant freaking skeleton.

Considering these numerous changes, wouldn't it make more sense if at some point post "Arc of Infinity" (probably during the Time War) Omega returned to Gallifrey, did some crazy evil stuff, degenerated into a CGI skeleton, and THEN was sealed away into the under-universe? It would explain why The Doctor was hardly surprised to see his new look. Anyways, I'd love to hear any thoughts.

Which stories would you give a sequel to? Maybe even how would you write it?

Off the top of my head, I can think we've had so far:

Impossible Planet -> Planet of the Ood

Midnight -> The Well

Aliens of London -> Boom Town/Half of SJA Series 1

Basically every Dalek/Cyberman/Master story when they link.

Talk about whatever you want in this regular thread! Just brought some cereal? Awesome. Just ran 5 miles? Epic! Just watched Fantastic Four and recommended it to all your friends? Atta boy. Wanna bitch about Supergirl's pilot being crap? Sweet. Just walked into your Dad and his dog having some "personal time" while your sister sends snapchats of her handstands to her boyfriend leaving you in a state of perpetual confusion? Please tell us more.

Please remember that future spoilers must be tagged.

Regular Posts Schedule

• Latest No Stupid Questions
  
• Latest Rewatch
  
• Latest What's Who With You
  
• Previous Free Talk Friday

This post is part of a series of reviews. To see them all, click here.

Historical information found on Shannon Sullivan's Doctor Who website (relevant page here) and the TARDIS Wiki (relevant page here)). Primary/secondary source material can be found in the source sections of Sullivan's website, and rarely as inline citations on the TARDIS Wiki.

Story Information

• Episode: Series 7, Episode 7
• Airdate: 30th March 2013
• Doctor: 11th
• Companion: Clara
• Writer: Neil Cross
• Director: Farren Blackburn
• Showrunner: Steven Moffat

Review

Stay back! I'm armed…with a screwdriver. – The Doctor

With "The Rings of Akhaten" I'd like to start, unusually for this review series, by talking about music. Not the musical moment you're probably thinking of either. While "The Long Song" – the piece that plays under the Doctor's iconic speech from this episode – is undeniably beautiful, I'd like to talk about the music playing under a different speech. The Doctor is trying to convince a young girl not to sacrifice herself, and he does so by emphasizing that the girl, Merry Gejehl, is unique in all the universe, and that uniqueness makes her special. It's a really good speech, very well performed by Matt Smith. I suspect it gets overlooked largely because of the other big speech at the end of the episode.

Of course it might also get overlooked because the music under it is generic action music. Not bad action music by any stretch, for a different scene it would be perfectly acceptable, good even. But it's entirely out of place in this moment. The Doctor's tone is contemplative and sincere. The music makes it sound like we're in the middle of a chase sequence. But maybe the music is like that because this scene takes place past the halfway point of the episode and only just now have things started to happen. It sort of feels like the music is trying to make up for the lack of action.

"The Rings of Akhaten" is a story built around not its plot, but its worldbuilding. There is evidence of this in the title, which is named after the location that the story takes place, rather than any story element. And in fairness the woldbuilding here is fascinating. The "rings" in question refers to a star system with seven habitable planets. Most of the first half of the episode takes place at a marketplace on one of those planets, where we see an astonishing number of differing alien designs. The whole effect is visually stunning. The marketplace looks great. The later scene where merry Gejehl is performing her role in proceedings and leading the various aliens in song is a gorgeous visual. And then you've got the odd form of currency used by this culture: sentimental value. Yes, sentimental value is turned into a currency and it's such an imaginative idea and I love it.

But the problem is that we get all of these scenes of the marketplace and singing and it all feels like I'm watching a guided tour of Akhaten, rather than a story of any kind. All the way up until Merry starts singing the only hint of danger in the episode is Merry running away from her responsibilities. I'll grant you that it's very appropriate that Clara's able to calm her fears, seeing as how she works with children. And Jenna Coleman is a natural acting opposite a kid. But it's a plot point that feels pretty weightless before you find out that Merry's basically just suffering from stage fright. It's not until the 20 minute mark, after Merry's finished her performance that a Doctor Who story breaks out. Even City of Death, a story famous for having the Doctor and Romana spend the entire first episode fucking around in Paris, has the good sense to intersperse those scenes with the actual plot (and also one of its writers is Douglas Adams who has a talent for writing those kinds of scenes).

Even when the plot gets going…it's really just a lot of time wasting. That speech I mentioned up above, about the uniqueness of every living being due to the unique circumstances that were required to create her, as good as it is, and thematically relevant as it is…you could probably remove the entire idea of Merry sacrificing herself and the episode would remain unchanged. Because that whole section of the plot is just marking time to get to the Doctor confronting the villain. Sometimes referred to as "grandfather", the star at the center of the Akhaten system turns out to be sentient and, like everyone else in the system, is really into sentimental value. Except it goes the extra mile and eats people's souls (technically their stories, but, according to the Doctor, "same thing"). And so the Doctor, after initially having no clue how he's going to actually confront this thing, gives one of the most beloved speeches in Doctor Who history.

I don't quite have the affection for this thing that most do, but it's still a great speech. What it comes down to is the Doctor betting that grandfather can't actually take everything that the Doctor has. It's well-written and excellently performed by Matt Smith who really lets the speech build naturally. Smith starts out the speech at slightly quieter than normal speaking voice and ends it yelling at the top of his lungs. It's a triumphant moment. Funny thing is, this doesn't work: Grandfather isn't sated. What does defeat him…is a leaf.

So at the beginning of the episode, we see the story of Clara's parents meeting thanks to a leaf blowing into her dad's face. The leaf ends up becoming a symbol of their relationship, in a scene that sets up that first Doctor speech I keep talking about, as the leaf had to grow in a very precise way and get blown off at the exact right time for the two of them to meet. They get married, have a child, name her Clara, and well, we know what becomes of her. Now we're following this story…because so is the Doctor. In what would be very creepy with any of his other companions, the Doctor has decided to check into Clara's past. In this one instance, I'll give it a pass. It makes sense for the Doctor to check to make sure there wasn't anything funky with Clara's past going back to before her conception given the whole "impossible girl" of it all.

Point is that leaf, which we actually saw last episode, was passed down to Clara. And then, tragically, her mother died. And so, to Clara, the leaf has taken on everything that could have been. The life that she should have had, if her mother hadn't been taken from her so early. And because the leaf is given that significance, grandfather cannot survive trying to eat it. And…I really like this idea. It's well set up thanks to the sentimental value as currency system that was introduced earlier. It absolutely makes sense that Clara would have infused that leaf with all of that significance. It's an idea that absolutely works.

Except…

So writer Neil Cross originally meant the first speech to be what defeated grandfather. It was showrunner Steven Moffat who suggested that it should be Clara who saved the day. This is unsurprising. It reminds me a lot of the ending of "The Beast Below" where Amy proved herself by finding the solution to Starship UK's problems. While the stakes are a bit lower for Clara in this instance as she's on good terms with the Doctor, it's still analogous, and it absolutely make sense with that context that Moffat would be the one to suggest this ending.

The problem is that Clara's bit feels very tacked on. Pacing-wise it really feels like the Doctor's first speech should have defeated grandfather. When the speech doesn't work, it feels weirdly deflating. Now, I should point out, without Clara needing to do something, this episode would have even less happening in it. But in spite of that, you can still feel that the episode was meant to climax on the Doctor's speech, not on the Doctor and Clara presenting grandfather with a leaf.

Based on that ending though, you might think that Clara gets some actual characterization in this episode, after we were very light on it last time. And the thing is, like last time, on paper she does. We see her cry at her mother's grave. We see her childcare skills in action when she comforts Merry. We learn that she's the sort of person who, like her parents, would give a leaf that added bit of emotional significance, both before, and after, what it symbolizes was lost. The final scene of the episode is her confronting the Doctor and demanding to be allowed to be herself, rather than whoever she reminds the Doctor of (she doesn't know, of course, that the whoever in question is more like her than he's letting on). That all reads like emotional depth. But in practice it still feels like the show is nervous to let us get to know Clara Oswald too well. Her characterization in this episode, like the last, just ends up feeling very surface level.

And I don't have a ton to say about the Doctor. He's very much in investigative mode with Clara, and then keeping that a secret from her, but none of this is new from the 11th Doctor era. He, like Clara, is good with Merry, but the 11th Doctor has had so many scenes opposite children that this doesn't feel new either. He drops a bit about him having a granddaughter (can't remember the last time Susan got referenced on this show) but it's a blink-and-you'll-miss-it thing. I guess the one thing to note is how invigorated the Doctor seems now that he has a new mystery to solve. More than getting a new friend, what seems to have pulled him out of his post death-of-the-Ponds slump is a mystery to unravel. That's interesting at the very least.

The secondary cast…the only notable member is the child. And she's a child, there's nothing more to say about her.

So I guess I should wrap up here. "The Rings of Akhaten" takes place in a setting that's really cool and makes you want to know more. It has two great Doctor speeches. And, unfortunately, barely anything happens over the course of the episode. There's really not much more to say.

Score 2/10

Stray Observations

• The earliest title of this one was the very bland "Alien Planet". Sure, at the time the planet itself would have been sentient, rather than the star, but it still would have been a pretty generic title.
• This was the second episode that Neil Cross wrote for the back half of Series 7, after he finished work on "Hide". He was dubious that he'd have the time to devote to two scripts but was won over because of the concept that the production team had suggested.
• That concept was actually showing off an alien planet, created in the studios in a way that would make it feel like a distinct location.
• The marketplace was partially based off of the Catina scene from Star Wars: A New Hope. Neill Gorton, founder of Millennium FX, the company responsible for prosthetics and make up on many Doctor Who episodes, must have been pleased, as apparently he'd always wanted a chance to do a Cantina-like scene.
• The Doctor apparently visited Akhaten with Susan, presumably before Barbara and Ian joined the TARDIS.
• In spite of the TARDIS translation circuit, Clara is unable to understand an alien called Doreen ("loose translation" according to the Doctor). Apparently it's been speculated that this is a sign of the TARDIS' dislike for Clara, although I don't know if this was remotely the intention, and it doesn't really feel like that in the scene itself.
• So a general observation on the recent "Next Time" trailers, not specific to this one, but definitely applying to this one. They've been starting with a highly chaotic sequence, usually with some related sound effect playing over the top of it…followed by music and a bunch of random lines of dialogue, usually ending on some dramatic proclamation of the Doctor's. Is this bad? Not really, but it is noticeable the degree to which these trailers have homogenized.

Next Time: You'd think an Ice Warrior would be happier in the Cold War.

Curious as to what people's feelings on WhoCulture, the YouTube channel, are?

I ask because I used to find their content engaging, but have recently begun to find them a bit of a content slop farm. My feelings changed especially when the main host, Ellie, had a little rant about young people not wearing poppies around Remembrance Day.

I found this a little off-putting because anyone who has been in online British spaces in the last few years know that the right have unfortunately turned the symbol of the poppy into a culture war thing and, imo, desecrated what it stood for. The poppy has now become a politically divisive symbol, which is pretty sad.

Anyway - what does everyone else think about the channel and the hosts?