r/hysterectomy • u/barker2017 • 3h ago
You’d think I committed arson…
35f. 9wpo - had everything removed but the ovaries. Went private as I was told I’d get nowhere with the NHS. Had my first GP appointment post surgery today and prefaced it by saying I’d had a hysterectomy which could be contributing to my symptoms for the issue I was there for.
You’d think I’d committed the most awful of sins!!
His face just dropped and I got a barrage of questions…
You had a what done?
On the NHS?
Then what provider?
Why?
What were your symptoms?
What did they take?
How many children do you have?
What do you mean you have no children?
Have you been pregnant?
Do you have a history of issues with the uterus in your family?
What were your symptoms again?
Have you been pregnant?
You have, but you have no children?
Do you understand it’s a major organ?
And you don’t have children?
Dear lord! God forbid women have bodily autonomy. I said I am very, very happy with my decision and went on to discuss what I was actually there for. Hoping I don’t have to go through this every time I have an appointment now…
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u/Turbulent_Seaweed198 2h ago
I've said it before, and I'll say it again: traumatize them back! Effing men.
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u/Embarrassed-Jello-97 1h ago
It's not just male doctors. I've gotten same from females doc too unfortunately. Traumatize the all!
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u/ritesideuppineapple 1h ago
My female dr was more concerned about preserving my fertility than my pending cancer diagnosis. "I really wish you would have at least one more kid before we take it out".
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u/mondonutso 1h ago
Yup, my primary care doctor is a female and she was the fucking worst. I had to kindly remind her that I was more comfortable taking medical advice about my uterus from the doctor who delivered both of my children and actually specializes in OBGYN.
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u/Turbulent_Seaweed198 36m ago
Very true! My female gyno wouldn't even entertain the idea of a hysterectomy. I had to see a specialist 100 miles away. I ghosted her (best feeling ever!)
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u/Emergency-Air-1142 1h ago
How would one traumatize them back? Asking for a friend. Really I need lessons.
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u/harmonyineverything 51m ago
Just spitballing a couple of ideas:
"It was actually my previous hobby to just keep getting pregnant and aborting them thangs for fun but it got a little expensive so I decided to cut back 😇"
"Actually I really really wanted children but I found out I was already infertile because of (adequate medical reason for hysterectomy)" and start WAILING (ymmv if you're at the doctor and they know your fertility/medical history). but anyway make it uncomfortable
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u/Turbulent_Seaweed198 31m ago
For me, I just tell them thr truth: period cycles of 2 weeks on two weeks off, anemia, two uteruses, endo since I was 12, 24 ibuprofen in a day when I was a teenager due to pain, infertility, talks of a hysterectomy at TWELVE due to genital birth defects, still bleeding while on THREE birth control types. O and my hysterectomy surgeon found a SECOND VAGINA mid operation that went undiagnosed for almost 3 decades. Every gyno can take a very long walk off a very short pier.
My point is, just be graphic and tell them everything that was wrong that led to your hysterectomy. I'm sick of being polite.
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u/greenteazy 2h ago
I am so sorry! I wish I could say that the whole system doesn't feel built to shame women into motherhood, but it really does. 😅
It took 18 years of struggle and health catastrophes before I had a doctor open to even exploring the idea of a hysterectomy when I knew that I wanted it after the birth of my only child at 21(who barely made it because my body was not built for this). I was told no repeatedly because I would want more children or because my husband would want more children. Even when I explained that my pregnancy was incredibly traumatic and that both my child and I nearly died both during and after the pregnancy, I was brushed off because they KNEW I'd want more. 😐 Guess who had zero more children? The girl who said she wouldn't back when she was 21!!!!!
Sorry. I get super heated over the experience of women who get denied their own bodily autonomy or who are forced to explain and justified the choices that they have made for their own wellbeing. And it’s honestly rarely a choice of, "I'll just find somewhere new to go" because resources can ba scarce. ☹️ I hope you get no more shame or 5th degree from your doctor! You have nothing to be ashamed of and nothing to justify.
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u/tocahontas77 2h ago
Yesterday I saw a video of a little girl. She was maybe 4-5. Someone was handing her an amniotic sack... Then it burst, and a baby doll flopped out of it, and into the little girl's arms. I found it sickening. There's so much conditioning and pressure on girls/women to have kids. It pisses me off so much.
I'm so sorry you went so long without help. That's so wrong!! When I went in for my initial appt to request a hysto, I was ready to fight. I was ready to cuss out a doctor and shame them lol. But when I asked, they were just like, "ok cool". I asked if she thought I would get any push back over it (she wasn't my surgeon). She said, "No, I don't see why you would. It's your body." And that hospital network is my favorite ever, and they've never done me wrong. So I feel really blessed.
(Btw, I'm 36 with no kids. I have a partner, but we're not married.)
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u/greenteazy 1h ago
What the French toast?! That's terrible!
I was actually ready to be dismissed by my current OBGYN because even after using Liletta for 3 years, I was still having 2 periods a month and couldn't even imagine what I would be told to try instead at that point. Instead, she brought up a total hysterectomy and was like, "If you feel you're done with family planning, and we have documentation of everything that you've tried over the years for insurance, then I'd like you to do your research on a total hysterectomy, come back with all of your questions in two months and we'll go from there no matter what you decide." I almost didn't have words to respond with. 😅
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u/tocahontas77 1h ago
Aww! That's so nice! Did you tell her you didn't need two months? 😂
That's a good doctor! I wish everyone had a good doctor! I cried in the first appt with my doc, because it was the first time I felt I had seen a real doctor. She actually helps me. That's how it should be.
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u/greenteazy 39m ago
I totally understand that emotional release!!! I'm so happy that you've found a doctor who genuinely listens, too! At my appointment, I did joke, "You can take it all now!" but she insisted that I do my homework so that it would be as informed a decision as possible. 😋
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u/Mystic_Wunder 2h ago
Kindly remind them that it is 2026 and it would be good to pop their head out of their practice and learn about the modern world.
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u/HushedCamel 2h ago
2 weeks po and I've already experienced this too! Had to go to the ER for an unrelated issue, mentioned I'm post op, the female staff super understanding (minus 1) yet the male staff are all "have you completed your family!?" "You're so young!" "That's a major operation I'm surprised they were willing.." EUGH.
Like. We know. And now we finally have the relief of surgery and we have to endure these insufferable patronising questions.
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u/PokemonLadyKismet 1h ago
Yup. My uterus almost killed me and was making me go septic, plus I have two kids, and I’m older than you and people still act like I committed the most grievous of crimes by having a hysterectomy instead of letting myself die.
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u/sakuramab 2h ago
Ugh I hope not! I went private as on one hand my GP wouldn't even consider treating my decades of heavy bleeding (took my private consultant to suspect after a short chat that I might be a little anaemic ... turns out I was severely anaemic), and on the other hand even with finding a huge lump in my abdomen the first GP appointment I could get was not for 5 weeks.
Eesh. I really rate the NHS in many ways (my consultant has his main practice in the NHS and I don't think I would trust him otherwise) but sheesh I think I have to change gp... !!!
She was a bit shocked when I finally did go for that appointment... I'd already got my surgery booked in by the time it came round. And to her credit she was tentatively supportive, she shrugged.
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u/FarmandFire 1h ago
Do you mind sharing how you got it done privately? Is it hard to find a provider that will take you for self-pay? Did you have to pay the entire sum up front? Really want a hysterectomy for my anemia / severe pain etc. but I’m afraid I wouldn’t be able to get one with insurance. It’s more for future reference, because I don’t have enough saved and can’t afford to not work for several weeks of recovery
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u/sakuramab 24m ago
I went to see a gynaecologist at a Nuffield health hospital, who did various investigations into my health and advised the range of treatments with hysterectomy as the one that I chose. They have finance options for splitting the payment with no interest too.
Hope this helps! I wasn't looking for a hysterectomy, but for treatment of my symptoms plus the anxiety over finding that big lump (turned out to be a mobile fibroid)
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u/_youmustbekidding_ 2h ago
What bullshit. And it’s not like there’s anything to do now anyway, you know, besides be supportive. 🙄
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u/Embarrassed-Jello-97 1h ago
I had a female doctor tell me that "the MOST important thing is to protect you fertility" ...had not even bothered to ask if I wanted to be parent.
Another doctor (also female) accused me of giving birth to a child and not telling her...I hadn't...she just saw a hemorrhoid and assumed it had been caused by pregnancy (it was actually caused by fibroid riddled enlarged uterus, Endo, and constipation)
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u/RevolutionaryTea1265 2h ago
It’s pretty much like this at all the NHS GP surgeries I’ve visited since my surgery in January. It’s like what why you are under 40, where are your countless children, what do you mean you had severe health issues, who did your surgery…yada yada 😭😅
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u/Celitha11 1h ago
I'm so happy my GP is normal. She went "cool, let me mark off the need to ask about a pap smear real quick. I have also had a few people ask me for gyno recommendations for tube removals and hysterectomies - so if you could hit me up with who so I can pass that info along I would appreciate it!" Both my GP and Gyno are awesome but I had to search and go through some bad doctors before finding them!
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u/No_Dot6414 1h ago
Geez, as a childfree woman i don’t know it was my age (over 40) or just I was lucky with where I am that nobody asked me these questions
. This is sickening.
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u/Any_Meeting_4082 2h ago
ANY medical provider who would barrage ME w those questions would get a prompt FUCK OFF, NONE OF YOUR FUCKING BUSINESS & I'd walk out, oh & please get that in my record please.😆 Tell the front desk staff to remove me from their database & I will NEVER be going back to that practice. I'd than file a FORMAL COMPLAINT of harassment against that jackass pig! And have ZERO regret! F that shit.
They get away with it because people don't speak up and say it's inappropriate or reprimand them. JUST because you have a MD behind your name does NOT allow you to play "God" or insert YOUR political and religious beliefs onto your patients.
Maybe it's true what they say once you hit 40-50 you just don't give a fuck and aren't afraid to stand up for yourself. I'm 51! 🤣😊
Sorry that happened to you. Hope you stand up for yourself! Or the next time let them know you are there to discuss xyz issues and do NOT give permission to discuss anything else & anything like the last visit will NOT be tolerated. Be strong! You got this! It's YOUR body, not theirs & YOU are in CONTROL!
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u/WideDecision 3h ago
I get so tired of these issues only be looked at through the lens of a woman’s fertility.