Hello, I am a 36M with a wife the same age and a 2 year old daughter. For all intents and purposes we have a great life with present and loving grandparents for our daughter on both sides. But I find myself dreading to be around my parents whenever the topic of money comes up. They just can’t help themselves to find a “teaching lesson” and insert their opinions on how we spend money, never stop going to friends weddings and birthdays, and just generally how this generation “doesn’t care” and is “wasteful”. They think because of their success story - putting 2 kids through college on one college degree - it’s their obligation to impart their wisdom to their children.

The one thing is my parents have gotten a lot better about not broadcasting these feelings in front of my wife. Earlier on in our relationship they were relentless. It felt like every time we saw them, it was a repetitive lecture on how they made sure to buy a house they could afford on one salary.

It’s like they have no idea the world we’re living in today. We live in North Jersey just outside NYC, and my parents think we could buy a 500-600K house near both grandparents and work (wife is in east Manhattan), which is basically impossible for anything desirable. We are looking at $1M+, which isn’t that crazy considering our combined household income is ~500K.

What makes this more difficult is my wife and I’s different upbringings. My parents are frugal middle class born to simple means, and my wife’s parents are both doctors with a lot more disposable income. When topics of travel, events, or house buying come up with my in-laws, it’s a total flip. Their responses are “sure” or “oh that’s fun/nice”. Never judgment or the need to share their opinion on how we might be overextending.

The whole topic feels like it’s coming to head this fall where we have both a close friend’s wedding in Mexico and my wife’s cousin wedding the same weekend. Wife’s family was extremely disappointed when I said I wouldn’t be able to make the cousins wedding, for some deep family drama I won’t get into, so we landed on compromise and we are now both going to the cousin’s wedding on Saturday, waking up and flying to Mexico for the wedding on Sunday evening and staying there until Wednesday. A bit chaotic and less than ideal I will miss the welcome party, but more or less a solution that makes everyone happy.

Naturally because of the cousins wedding, my parents need to take our daughter for three nights. They have not watched her overnight since she was a few months old. I can’t tell if it’s the craziness of balancing 2 weddings or the ask to watch my daughter, but my parents have expressed multiple times how insane this plan is. “It gives me acid reflux” were my mom’s words last night. It’s making me extremely uncomfortable to be dropping my daughter on them for multiple nights when they are against everything we are doing. They also don’t comprehend we are about to have baby 2, and this 3 day weekend is our last time to get away before then.

Listen, my parents aren’t totally wrong. We do have a crazy and expensive lifestyle. But my wife and I also work exceptionally hard and make a good salary doing it, and still track our expenses towards the goal of buying a house. I think the challenge is I’ve shifted to a different lifestyle having spent my 20-30s in a NYC urban area, compared to my brother who got married and had kids young, and still lives in my hometown.

Maybe I just wish they would hold back their judgement and not voice every disappointment with our lifestyle. My wife says I never graduated to an adult relationship with my parents and it’s still very much a parent/child dynamic. Maybe because I lived home after college for 5 years, where they let me save money that I am now burning in their mind. The other factor too is that I can’t expect my wife, who comes from wealthier means, to automatically conform to my family’s penny pitching lifestyle.

It kills me to say this but the need to walk on eggshells around my parents regarding spending money and joys of life is almost pushing me away from them. It’s sad too because despite the overbearingness, they really are loving and fun people. In the same way my in-laws are apathetic towards our lifestyle, they are not always as engaged emotionally on other topics. My parents are always checking in on my wife and me.

I welcome all thoughts and candor. Thank you.

TLDR; Overbearing parents who are hyper focused on my lifestyle and spending money are extremely annoyed they have to watch my daughter for multiple nights while I try to complete a 2-country wedding weekend extravaganza.

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I'm 17 years old, and I'm really struggling mentally and financially. I have an issue at home because my father wants me to take care of my relative, who is 34 and has a mental health condition and is financially incapable of supporting herself.

But I'm also struggling mentally, and I can't even take care of myself properly. All I want is to get a stable job, become independent, and eventually leave our house. I feel like I want to rush into adulthood so I can give myself a better life and get away from this household.

I don't think I can take care of her. I have my studies to focus on, and I'm already struggling to take care of myself. My parents always ask, "What are you struggling with?" But whenever I try to explain, they just say, "It's because you don't believe in God," or "You always talk back."

I want to leave this household. My parents said they shouldn't always be focusing on me, especially since I have a bad relationship with them, and that I should instead focus on helping others.

I really struggle focusing on school and having a problems in home it affects my grades and social life

Can u guys give advice to me

so obviously my title is a but dramatic but there is genuinely no other way to say it. for the past few months i have gone through what i would say is the worst time in my life. i am 19 years old, i live with my 2 sisters and my sisters bf all because my mom moved 10 hours away to another state with her husband that used to make inappropriate and sexual comments towards me. my mother knew this and was even around for some of them, she just never truly cared.

my family and i have always been very close, we have never lived more than 30 minutes away from eachother my entire life, and now when i finally barely become an adult my mom decides its time to jump ship and run to another state.

i am the youngest out of my siblings, my mom let my sisters live at home until they were 25 and 22 respectively supporting them through college and relationships but at 19 in my sophomore year of college she just leaves like she couldn't wait to get away. like i know this doesnt seem bad, but as the youngest child it hurts A LOT, my mom has always said she will always be here for us but when i need her she just disappears.

on top of all that, my sister is having a baby in about a week and i was called on to be the full time babysitter while my sisters boyfriend, who is the father if the baby, does nothing all day. he doesnt have a job or do chores around the house. being the full time babysitter and a full time online college student means that i cant have a job, which means i have no money or any way to support myself or get things that i want. luckily i dont have to figure out a way to pay bills because babysitting and playing housewife (cleaning, cooking and taking care of the baby) is how im contributing to the house.

AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST IN THE SLIGHTEST. i am the sole owner/ caretaker of a 12 year old cat that has kidney disease and requires dental surgery to have her teeth removed due to tooth resorption. these 2 things cost a lot of money. roughly $2k for her tooth surgery and $60 every 3 weeks for the food she needs. and i have no way of getting the money for any of these things without putting myself in massive debt before i am even 20 years old. she is my only lifeline at the moment so i will do what i have to to keep her healthy and alive.

all my support systems are gone because my friends have school and work and family problems of their own and i am so so lost and my life really just sucks right now.

i really need help, i cant do it on my own anymore

I (F19) lost the calm, optimistic version of myself. We've only been married 10 months

Everyone (except my in-laws) are begging me to leave. Logically i know that, but i'm still clinging to the hopes.

I don't know why im like this but i never feel like i tried enough or for long enough.

He lies a lot, but he only does it not to worry me.

Every time He gets Mad it's Like He immediatly loses all respect for me. Yelling to me i'm an idiot, he hates me, im a pain in His ass, the most annoying person, im childish, insults even my Family and my whole country! He also started threatening me with severe violence and even bruised my wrists by grabbing them (accidentally, He says).

Every single day, then i think i will surely leave him now i've had enough. And still after a few hours i just can't do it. What about our Future Plans, i dont want to be alone, i did so much, mainly i dont have Energy, i still love him, i feel bad for him... Then i feel Like even If i leave i will still miss him and never have Love or a Family. I don't even have any friends

To be fair he is under a lot of pressure. Lots of debt, working 12-hour night shifts without Break. He says Hes doing this because he's providing for us, but he chose this lifestyle it could've easily been avoided.

He is willing to do anything and Go to therapy.

I feel like i can never leave

So basically I'm not attractive at all, like I'm objectively ugly, but I still have this part of me that wishes and hopes that one day someone will actually love me and be attracted to me. I know this cant happen because of what I look like but I cant get these feelings to go away, how do I put this behind me and accept that I will be alone forever?

I (26F) have a father (64) who has jad early onset dementia for a few years now. My siblings (36M & 33F) have been doing what we can to help our mother (61) with things. I live at home with my parents still and currently looking to move out but places are expensive so it's taking time. In the mean time, I've seen what goes on at home. My father has been getting worse over the last few months and my mom has been getting frustrated with him.

When I'm home, I try doing things around the house or even going out to take some of the workload off my mom. The other night, my sister and I talked on the phone to discuss what we (or mainly I) can do to help. We also talked about what my sister knew about a recent appointment my father had up there. My sister lives a little over 2 hours away and has a family of her own; especially when her eldest (toddler age) just started preschool and doesn't want him to miss too much of school. I told her I do what I can before going into work (I work evenings) and on the weekends. I told her what all I can do at home for the time being, but also reminded home that I won't be at home forever. After I (eventually) move out, I plan to come down at least one day during the weekend (hopefully avoiding my brother).

My sister and I were on the same page thar our mother could use some therapy for all of what's going on, but, when it was brought up by my sister, mom said she was fine...which neither of us are convinced about it but we can't force her to go. Our brotber does come down but he always bitches and complains that my sister even told him to stop with his assholey attitude.

Part of me feels I don't have the right to feel as upset as I do since my mom is doing the primary care of dad. We don't feel as of right now that he should go into a nursing home. It's just hard to see dad the way he is and declining as well as mom constantly getting frustrated with him. I feel selfish that part (not all) of the reason why I want to move out is because I can't continue seeing him getting worse everyday like that. I'm aware I haven't been too specific on what I've seen from dad, but I like to keep that part at least quiet.

Idk what I'm trying to accomplish by writing this aside from getting out my feelings and just want to have some support...even if I don't deserve it

im going to present this as unbiased as possible. since I was little, my parents were the strict overprotective parents as compared to my friends'. and this wasn't as huge of a deal when I was really young because the extent of it was really just no sleepovers or riding with other peoples parents driving. but then we moved a lot and the rules just kept getting harsher. for example, in 7th grade we moved to a city where all the kids biked around. I wasn't allowed to. and when I finally was allowed to, it wasn't to the same extent. I had hard lines I couldn't cross, and I could technically bike around but only in a little box around my house whereas the other kids could bike all across town. was also not allowed to go to any friends houses, and the car ride rule also impacted me more here. I missed a lot because of this and found it difficult to make lasting friendships. so then we moved again, im now in 8th grade. and all the rules still stand, but theyre impacting me even more now. I don't have anywhere near the level of freedom as my friends do. my parents would often say no to me going to events and not even provide a real reason. I missed a lot and became very depressed because when you keep saying no to invites eventually you stop getting invited. this went on for years. fast forward to when im 15, all my friends are getting their permits around their birthdays. I had to wait till June to get mine, my dad didnt give a reason. I finally get my permit, and he never takes me driving, so I suck at it. he doesn't let me take my test until 6 months after my 16th birthday. I fail because he never took me practicing. he doesn't let me attempt it again until February of my junior year...almost 17 at this point. he said this time it was on account of my behavior. on this topic, he has extremely high standards for chores being done in the house, and a very strict schedule. though I always get them done, sometimes I miss small details or do them 5 minutes past my deadline and so he gets mad. we have a 3 strike system for mistakes. strike one: no phone for a day. strike two: no phone or going out for 4 days. strike three: flip phone and no going out for 2 weeks. a strike can be something as small as leaving a sock behind the door when I clean the bathroom. so fast forward to today. I have a concert tomorrow but he won't let me go unless I earn it. so I do all my chores as soon as I get home to prevent missing my deadline. one of them was sweeping. so I sweep, then my brother tracks in leaves etc, and spills some seasoning in the kitchen. I was upstairs when this happened. my dad gets home and calls me down, mad because he thinks I didnt sweep well. but I did, my brother just made messes after the fact. he doesn't believe me (he never does) and I just sweep again. he says "these chores are so simple a caveman could do them, you're just too selfish". he's fully convinced that I never do my chores, but I do, they just aren't always up to his standards or within his deadlines. and I have a reason for this, I have a 4.0 gpa and am in 5 ap classes as well as big extracurriculars and making a portfolio bc I want to go to architecture school. anyways so he says that and then also tells me that I have to clean the bathroom today. I cleaned It yesterday but of course it wasn't up to his standard. so I clean it again. later, im doing the dishes from dinner and my keychain with my car key on it is sitting on the counter. he walks up, and very deliberately takes my car keys off the keychain. when I ask him why he says because its his car and he can take his keys if he wants to. (this feels like flexing control to me???) he does small things like that all the time btw. anyways, that really upset me but I finish the dishes and go to my room. he comes in a few minutes later, mad about the bathroom again. he says I have to throw away a couple empty bottles on my shower caddy. (they've been there for weeks bc I use them to spray water on my hair more directly). these have not been an issue until tonight. he does stuff like this a lot this is just tonights example but I really feel like he's just constantly finding reasons to be mad at me, especially when I have an event the next day. (ask for other instances if curious, I just can't type them all out haha). for some other background info, im not allowed to have a job during the school year, but am still expected to pay for gas. he says I have an allowance (very small), but then he finds reasons to not give it to me. idk theres more I can say but my hands cramping from this. my mom always take his side so im wondering if im really just crazy. please help me. and please feel free to ask any further questions!

Hello! So over the past few months, I’ve been realizing I’m only telling my friend I want to move in together purely because I feel bad for them. Each time they visit I’m practically irritated and drained the entire time, I feel like we aren’t compatible enough to be roommates, especially if I can’t even stand a few days. As much as I love them, and understand that their current situation isn’t the best, I really don’t think it would work out. Plus, I feel like we aren’t the same financially. They are constantly spending hundreds on concerts and such, while continuing to talk to me about “finally starting to save”, and as someone who just got a relatively good paying job, I’d like to move out much sooner. All this is quite hard for me, I’ve always struggled with telling people no and voicing my opinion, and I almost always end up back tracking my own words to salvage whatever relationship it is. I adore my friend, and I really do wish to continue being friends, but I just feel like it’d ruin our friendship. The more I think about it, the more I realize that I am content as an independent, somewhat of a loner. They are… kind of dependent? If that makes sense, and I feel like they’re too sensitive about things even for me, which is saying something cause I’d consider myself pretty sensitive. I don’t know, I feel like shit. Like a bad friend, like I’m just leaving them behind because it’s not “convenient” for me.

I, 18m, have yet to get my license, and it's slowly becoming more and more of a hurdle in life.

I do have a learner's permit that I got shortly after turning of age to take the written test, so there's that at least.

All my family moved away about 3 years ago, and I don't have any friends to help me either. It's me, my mom, and my stepdad. My mother works nights and sleeps during the day when the DMV is open, and my stepdad has malignant MS and is unable to drive/help.

All of these factors, combined with severe anxiety + Autism, have made getting my license extremely difficult. I have nobody to help me practice, nobody to come with me for the test, and nobody to really help me. I have panic attacks on the road when I do drive and have to pull over because I can't see with how much I'm crying and hyperventilating sometimes. Yes, I am medicated.

I feel so silly hearing all my younger cousins getting it before me. I feel like a failure because I can't do something everybody seems to achieve so easily. I feel stuck, and I don't know what to do, but I know I have to do it somehow.

I've always felt so worthless and I really don't know how to think otherwise. I'm (27M) so lonely, I feel like I have no friends and nobody cares about me, and it's really messing with my self worth.

I have made a lot of effort to be more social, join communities, reach out to people but nothing ever really worked. I focused on myself, but even after improving a lot, I simply can't comprehend how loving yourself or being content alone feels like when nobody else does. All these skills and hobbies are not bringing me joy. There's just no proof that my life matters or anything.

I try to make friends in real life and end up feeling lonelier than ever. People say they like talking to me, but I still get left out a lot. Means they probably don't really like spending time with me. They always ask how I have so many friends when I really just talk to people.

I try to make friends online and get ghosted a lot. Okay that's normal I guess, but sometimes it looked like jt worked then they asked for pictures, whenever I do send them they immediately ghost. Hurts even more and further proves something is wrong with me.

I'm tired of being alone, I don't want to be here anymore.

Hello everybody,

First i would like to apologise for my disappointing english. Im not native to it.

I have like a really big problem, and i would really need some advice (and a hug would be really nice i guess).

In a couple weeks im going back to australia, which i call my home for some time already.

Unfortunately im going there super broke, without a safety net i can fall back to, after i was threatened with coercing me to suicide and me in turn deciding that i will break contact. ( Just the last straw of a very long list destroying my mental health, but thats not why im here.)

So, how do yall guess could i survive? I could stay for 2 weeks at a wonderful friends house, but i dont wanna burden him, so i wont accept. Do you y'all have any advice what i should do? Everything is so overwhelming. I just dont know what to do. I feel so hopeless about everything.

What happened was Friday was a class event, for all four years, and I went with my friends. It was at a classmates backyard. I accidentally drank too much, I also was on an empty stomach, take antidepressants.

Apparently I blacked out, and was slightly unresponsive. My friends tried to get me into the car but it didn't work, and some girl who came from us in another program, called the ambulance even though everyone told her not to. Everyone who was still there saw me get into the stretcher and have to go to the hospital. The same girl who called the ambulance also took my shirt off in front of everyone. One of my friends went with me to the hospital.

The next day, my friend who went with me told me the girl who's house it was at was worried about liability. The club host said that they needed to tell the faculty advisor and that there would be a meeting. She seemed irritated with me and everytime I apologized she said that we can't erase the past and it happened, and eventually said it was okay. She said most people had cleared out by then, and about 15 people were actively around me when it happened. She rated it 8/10 bad, and she said it was blown out of proportion, but we all had been there.

I apologized to the club advisor and the girl who's house it was at. the girl who's house it was at just said she was glad I was alright, and the club advisor said do not worry at all, and she's glad i am okay. I called the girl from the club and apologized profusely and she said there was absolutely nothing to be sorry about, and injuries have happened before at school events. She just needs to tell the faculty about what happened because they need to know, but she was going to tell broad strokes, and she said that no one would get in trouble, the faculty just cares about us. I tried calling the host who's house it was at and she didn't pick up.

From my friend group (five of us including me) only two of the other friends asked if I was okay. One was there, one was not, and the one who went to the hospital I talked to in person. Another friend was there but didn't say anything. I apologized in our gc, no one said anything. Yesterday I tried calling the other two friends, and they said nothing. The one who was not there isn't mad. The other two did not pick up my call at all. The girl who went to the hospital with me, I sent another apology text to she hasn't responded.

Finally, the friend who was there and asked if I was okay finally responded and the message basically said, she was glad I was okay but she needed space. She said it was serious if the faculty had to be involved for a meeting, and that I had no right to put responsibility of me drinking on them and that regardless people would wonder who let me get that bad. She said that I have been going down a bad path that she doesn't support and that she needs some distance since our friendship has been more bad lately than good. I responded, telling her there would be no meeting and I completely understand and respect her decision and would do better. I saw her this morning, we did not walk together or talk, and she sat away from me.

The other friend who I called and she didn't answer I saw her. She said she did not want to talk about it, and that she was overwhelmed by the events of the weekend. She said that this isn't the first thing, but I have been making so many mistakes before. I know I have, and I do not have an excuse for being a bad friend. I'd miss some classes due to my mental illness, and I sometimes would go MIA, and I have cancelled on them when they needed me. There is no excuse for my behavior, but it was a bit hypocritical because they all miss class too sometimes. She also said that I should have understood that this was a school event, and that I do so many things she doesn't like in a friend and aren't good for her moral compass. I apologized and told her I understand if she needed space or did not want to be friends anymore, and she said that she thinks I just need space to recuperate and she herself has been overwhelmed with things in her own life. She said when I was ready I should regroup with them.

The friend who went to the hospital with me said that it was a lot for her and everyone involved as well, and she needed time and distance as well.

I know it is selfish, but I am now worried all my friends want distance from me and do not want to talk to me anymore. I am worried that them saying they need distance is them saying they do not want me as their friend anymore, and they all will just hang out without me. They are already starting to do that. I don't want to lose them, but all I can do now is try to be better and do better and give them the space they need. I also need this space to work on myself.

I'm worried about showing my face in school again because what will everyone say. There will be talk, and I just don't want them to have the bad idea of me because of one bad night. I don't know what I would do if my friends stopped being friends with me. I need advice because I feel so alone and lost right now and I do not know what to do.

Tl;dr: I blacked out at a school event and now my friends are mad at me and I don't know what to do.

EDIT: I think everyone is assuming I have an addiction problem. I do not, I only drink when I go out. Unfortunately, I am struggling a lot with my mental health, which caused me to overdrink on Friday. Sorry for the confusion

Edit For the Mods: I'm not looking for medical advice, I just want to share how my experience of living has been, I have grow up a very odd way for some people and even myself feel like I need to share this with someone because this took me years to get out of my chest with the right words and is the first time I share this.

I’ve always been an introvert; I never had friends, even back in elementary school, I was mistreated for being gay.

I’m an only child.

I’ve always lived in my own world, and I’m at a point in my life where I feel like I’ve just been drifting through the years. I struggle to form or maintain relationships—whether friendships or even family ties—because other people seem so strange to me.

Now that I’m 30, I suspect I might have autism or something similar; I’ve never felt "normal," and it took me years to grasp social dynamics.

This have caused me a lot of troubles with co-workers because I stopped letting other people walk over me. I decided to stop injustice towards me and it's so hard that even if I have tried assertive communication in past jobs, others don't seem to care and I have had problems in the past 2 jobs because of literal and real issues I've informed professionally and they never cared.

I’ve had to consciously analyze even the way I speak to others. I’ve only just learned basic concepts—like the fact that a conversation is a two-way street—and it’s hard to believe I’m 30 and never realized I hadn't learned how to socialize with people.

I feel foolish for not knowing how to do this sooner. Being an only child played a part, too, but I know I’m not stupid.

Due to various forms of exclusion, I never did well in school, and I’ve realized I’ve spent years working incredibly hard just to function in ways that come naturally to everyone else.

There’s something not quite right with me and I'm afraid of knowing, I don’t know what it is. I have no one to support or stand by me—no friends, no partner, and my parents don’t care about me.

How can I fix this at this stage of my life? I feel so old.

p.s: Even tho i didnt want this post to be this long it ended up long. Sorry. But please read it i assure you my story is not usual

My dad is a police officer. In the country i live in police officers have mandatory service at more eastern provinces. My dad already did its service but at that year the government started to take people in for a second service.

When that happened i was 14 years old and was going to start highschool. It was after the covid pandemic too. Before the pandemic i was a extrovert chilf making people laugh and stuff. The kind of children that makes u smile when u see them on streets. After the pandemic i became introvert and i was in depression trying to figure out what to do with my life. Even i was extrovert before i was always different but in a bad way. I was always kind of sad. Most of the photos i have from my childhood im just looking blank to the cam. I know that my family took me to a psychologist and i know that i peed my bed till like 12ish yo. I remember that my kindergarden teacher got worried bcs i used to do paint with only black. And this year when i was talking to my dad and mom i dont remember what the topic was but it wasnt related, they said when i was child like younger than 10 yo, i was saying that i dont want to live stuff like that. I dont remember most of my childhood only the good times with my brother.I think that all of these stuff was because my dad and mother argue and cant get along.

In my country you get in to exams for highschool. In that exam i got good results and i remember that i was in %2,31 in the whole country. So my dad and mom gave me two options. They didnt want me to go to eastern provinces with them so they told me that i can choose a school in an another city. One of the cities was my fathers hometown and other was my moms. I choosed my moms one and i still live at there. I can say that at that time i was super depressed and only thing i wanted to do was run away from my family and fix myself. I was feeling broken in some way i cant describe.

Lets name the city qcity

I started to live with my grandmother. Before me she was living alone and feeling alone too. She always says that she couldnt sleep and was scared at night before me. I made life easier for her and love her a lot. I went to qcity without knowing anyone. I wasnt close with my relatives that much and plus i was already depressed. In my first years i was trying to become the child i was before the pandemic. This was my exact goal. First year was hard, I was trying to learn everything by myself including socilizing with other people but i had 2 very close friends. I remember that i was angry to my dad for not being a good example to me in socilizing. I observed and thought that people in my age get their social skills and the way they live life was coming from the thing their dad thaugth them. So i was trying to have friends with skills i thought i didnt have and learned by observing them. Plus i was still feeling agnoustic and maybe suicidal i could say.(I did read the rules.)

In Highschool in general i didnt call my mom nor dad. My dad was upset with me and didnt talk to me for like first one year and a half maybe two years bcs i wasnt calling him. Of course i was going to my familys home but it was only long holidays, like maximum 1.5- 2 months in a year maybe less.

Its sounds weird and funny when i say thay i learned everything by observing people around me but i did it good. The second year of the highschool i got my first love and broke up with her.I One of my super close friends stayed friends with her, lied me and went out with her. Im talking about these stuff cus these thing are very traumatic for me. My friends were more precious than my family for me because they were only people i could be transparant at that time. Still the way i value my close friends is different than most other people. I think that in general the way i think is very different and i could say unique cus i built it myself.

At the same time my dad was still upset with me and we always argued when i was with them in holidays. I remember that i was only able to cry when i was around my family and i was crying easily after arguing. Other than that in last 4 years i didnt (couldnt) cry more than 3 times i can say which is not normal i think.

I always argue with my dad. We always think different no matter what topic is and he gets angry over things he shouldnt. He has diabetes and he doesnt use his meds since a year. He gets angry super easy and later he regrets it. He doesnt openly say it of course but we could understand by the way he acts and talks. He does love me.

I dont want to make this post too long i will skip some time. So i will talk about what happened in recent times

This year I graduated from highscool and i took the university entrance exam. Btw my school was above avarage and was like third best school in the city. The city i live in is very developed and important for the country. I worked super hard for the exam for 9 months. Some days 9 hours only studying math. Anyways the exam was 2 phases. I got a good result from the first one but couldnt do good in the second phase bcs i paniced and got stressed.

I always wanted a job with planes, especially military jets and aircrafts. My childhood dream was to become a fighter jet pilot. I applied and won to enter Air Force Academy interviews. I passed every test with good results but got eliminated by the doctor. He said i had 14 degrees scoliosis but it turns out its only 4. I could have entered Navy Force academy but its what it is.

During the interviews. We were in car going to the hospital and started to talk about a guy i met from earlier that got eliminated in oral interview. It was a random and casual topic as u read its nothing more. At some point we started to think different about something and i was stubborn on what i think. I think at some point i interrupted him without noticing. He started to punch the sterring wheel and scream 'Listen to me for once' more than once. Meanwhile the car he is driving the car so we are moving and every time he punch the sterring wheel he honk the car. At the same time my mom was talking to someone on the phone too so she hang up instantly to avoid getting emberassed.

So even tho i worked very hard for the university and being a military pilot i couldnt succed. At first i wanted to work again for the uni exam but this means i need to return to where my fam lives and i dont trust neither my dad or mom. I feel very sad about how i couldnt spend time like usual people with my family in my teenage ages so i was already planning to move to my fams home if i would fail the exam. But my dad told me some stuff he regretted later again about how he wouldnt support me if i work for exam one more year and i would need to work my ass myself. Btw like 2 weeks ago during a call he said i can try one more year if i want.

We dont argue much with my mom but i struggle to get close with her too. She wants my good but she always lie. A year ago when i wasnt at home she went thru my pc and read all my dms with my gf for about 9 months. She made us break up and threatend me to talk to her mom if we didnt. I did love the girl but the thing hurts me now is how it affected my relationship with my mom.

My brother is 3 years younger than me. I always feel ashamed and i think that when i was running away from all the noise and loudness in my family i forgot him. I abondoned him in that mess all alone. We always talk on phone and in contact. He cant get along with my dad too. And sometimes he complaint about how i dont understand or get him serious. I think he too does think that i left him alone but cant say it openly.

After the uni exams results published i rearenged my plans and made a new university preference list. My result was not goot but between good and mid. I was aiming for endustry engineering and according to my results i should have won it like before 10k people. But somehow this year there was bunching in the rankings and i won the last university in my list. Its metalurgy and materials engineering. I can say that its not what i imagined but its not bad.

Plus all this mess my dad will retire in 6 years and i need to earn money and support my brothers education.

My dad wanted me to be a civil servant and he doesnt want me to study something since he doesnt want me to work in private sector. Cus its more risky. I know that he wants my good but i want to take some risk. My dad doesnt take risks in general.

So since my father doesnt want me to work in private sector he didnt support me going to uni at first My mom doesnt talk to my father for last 3 months and defending me and she succeded i guess. Btw my dad is working in another city and me, my brother and mother are at my grandmas summer house.

In the second year of the highschool the second mandotary service was cancelled by the gov due to upcoming elections. And my dad and mom asked me to if i want to come again and live together. I choosed not to and did feel how they got sad. My dad never told me this directly but he thinks me studying far away severed my ties with my family too and he regrets.

All these stuff i just wrote feels incomplete and feels like oversharing, a mess with everything combined. I really feel lost. Plus alot of stuff happened in succesion so i couldnt even react to all of them. I dont know how my relationship with my family evolve and i dont know how i will handle it all. My mom and dad will divorce at some point. I feel like its like a ticking bomb. I think my mom kinda waits for me to earn money and my brother to grow up some more. All of these i talked about are just quarter of the thing i lived thru in last 4 years.

I dont know how i choose this path at the age of 14. What a courage right?

Even tho i couldnt succed i feel proud about how i managed to built my character and everything from zero.

Excuse my english

Its hard for me to find close experiences on internet since my story is unique. Thanks for reading i need some advice on how to get more close with my fam and especially my dad. Otherwise i feel like my fam will get scattered.

I dont want to contuniue running away from my family. I need to fix this but i dont know how

Its like i poured my head out here since i feel burned out recently. Thanks for spending your precious time and reading.

I’m 20M and the guy I’m talking about is also around my age, I think we might be in the same year. We’re both anthropology majors. I had a class with him last semester and we never interacted, but I thought he was cool from afar. Now I have a class with him this semester as well. In this class, the professor requested we sit in the same seat every day so he can better remember our names, and this guy happens to sit behind me. It’s hard to explain why but he just seems like someone I’d get along with, so I’d really like to talk to him, plus I’ve been struggling with loneliness so it would be good for me to meet someone new. The thing is, I have no clue what to say to him. He seems like a really shy person and I’m also socially awkward lol. Plus me sitting in front of him makes it a little more difficult, it would feel a little odd to turn around and talk to him. I know the usual answer is to ask if he’d like to study together, but this isn’t really a class that requires a lot of studying and we don’t get much homework. What should I do? Thanks!

I have a friend who will make rude "jokes" and get very snappy and condescending with me, and I noticed it got especially bad while we were on a vacation together. I had a conversation with them about how I think that some of the things they say are hurtful and that I was very upset with the way I was spoken to that very morning. I tried my hardest to say it politely and in a non-agressive manner because I know they are a very intense and emotional individual, so I really watched my language. After I explained my feelings they proceeded to tell me that I was really mean to them, and when I asked what I did, they walked away from me. I asked them again what I did because I felt especially bad since I was doing something to upset them without knowing. They told me that because I was taking too much blanket in our shared bed they believe that I am very mean as well. I have a really hard time standing up for myself and I typically allow people to walk all over me and cut them off silently, but I have decided to start being more assertive and confrontational, so I'm feeling very self-conscious and a bit embarrassed, like I did something wrong. Is this normal in conflicts?

I 21m am miserable, for a number of reasons. How do I move forward?

I have no family as I grew up in an abusive household, and my brother died two months ago which has only severed the few (very thin) family ties i had.

I live with my 39f coworker that seems to jump between wanting me to live with her, hangout, and all the fun things, to accusing me of doing things like trying to break into her devices, steal from her, etc… It doesn’t help that I used to really like her, and seem to still do.

I live in a very conservative town where making connections is hard without being racist or generally unlikable. I have a few friends that I’ve known since I was in high school, but they seem to keep disappearing. That, or I can’t relate to them anymore.

Honestly, it feels like I have nothing to look forward to or enjoy. I only have two positives in my day: my cat will hangout with me at night and in the morning. I’ve tried new hobbies like painting, reading, hiking, all the jazz and still, I find that I don’t enjoy any of it.

How do I move forward? Is it possible for someone to start a new life and leave everything behind? (minus the cat)

27/F here. My parents have been against my 30/F girlfriend of 7 years (WLW couple) since I came out 3 years ago.

Some of their reasons have been that they think she is only using me for her personal gain, that she comes from a sketchy family (her dad's a househusband), etc. Despite multiple attempts to fix things and give them opportunities to get to know her, they have not softened at all.

They have since taken to pretending my relationship doesn't exist by never asking me about her. However, whenever she inevitably comes up, they still question why I involve her in things or why I continue doing things with her despite knowing they don't approve.

I have since moved out of my parents' house and regained some sort of sanity. My partner is loving and supportive, and very accomplished in her career. I don't feel like she has isolated me from my family; a lot of the distance I've created has been because I feel uncomfortable being myself around my parents when my relationship comes up.

Fast forward to now: I finally got an opportunity for migration. My GF and I decided that she will be my dependent so that we can move abroad at roughly the same time. She might be a few months delayed, but the plan is for us to eventually build our life there together.

My parents know I'm migrating, but they have not asked at all about whether she is coming with me. Because they have essentially chosen not to acknowledge the relationship, I don't feel compelled to volunteer this information. I'm currently planning to keep the setup a secret until my partner is actually set to move with me in a few months to avoid friction. My mom has a tendency to cuss at me or physically threaten me which is why I want to tell them when I've already moved away.

I feel guilty about this because my parents have done a lot for me, and I am genuinely grateful for them. But I don't know where gratitude ends and feeling indebted to them begins. They also tend to feel betrayed whenever I don't tell them something from the get-go, so I'm worried they'll see this as me deliberately excluding them.

At the same time, I don't feel like I'm trying to hurt them. I just don't feel comfortable sharing information about a relationship they have spent years refusing to acknowledge.

Would I be wrong for applying for the visa with my girlfriend as my dependent and not telling my parents until she is actually set to move?

Am I being disrespectful or ungrateful by making this decision without involving them, or am I allowed to keep this part of my adult life private given the circumstances?

Hello, I'm 28, living at home due to ✨ The economy ✨ with both my parents (early/mid 60s) who are married. My dad works. My mum doesn't.

My mum carries a lot on her plate with looking after all the house work, assisting her elderly mother, assisting my disabled (full-time wheelchair user) sister, plus bits like doing additional laundry for my brother because he's currently not got anywhere to do laundry at home and no launderette nearby (we live rural)

My dad, on the other hand, works a physical job - which is obviously difficult and tiring. However, he makes almost no effort otherwise. At home, he leaves messes, never does anything housework-related properly, has basically been sucked into tiktok as his main source of entertainment, etc, and also doesn't really acknowledge the emotional labour my mum takes on.

My mum is stressed from all the family stuff she handles. I'd like to say my Dad is always exhausted from work, and honestly sometimes he is... But not always. He has energy to do the things he wants.

My mum asks for help and she does nag him a bit. He just gets angry and has a victim complex over "Not doing anything right".

My mum just wants a bit of support. She never asks my dad to anything big - it's not laundry, or vacuuming, or cleaning the whole bathroom, it's basic shit like wiping water off the sink when he's gotten ready in the morning, or putting dishes into the dishwasher in their proper place.

My dad claims he tries, but is fundamentally unwilling to learn to be better. The way he does things is fine and doesn't need to change, he says. He just wants my mum to stop nagging and doesn't think he needs to do anything different... It's been 40+ years of this.

I've tried to explain things calmly to my dad and he is genuinely just too self centered. I've asked what happens if my mum does just leave him alone - how that makes her life easier? He claims to care but also doesn't have an answer.

They've discussed their marriage being at its end. I'm aware it's probably close by now. I don't know what to do. I can't help them, I don't think? My mum said she'll be less stressed if my dad could just help a bit more, but my dad doesn't want to hear that positive change comes from everyone being willing to help eachother.

So, what? Do I just have to sit in this miserable house until something happens? I can't afford to move out on my own to be free from them. It's so tense in this damn house.

EDIT/UPDATE: it seems to be a problem that I've said I help my mother when I can, but I struggle due to working full time and being neurodivergent. Being ND isn't an excuse to live a lazy life - I work a busy job (which I love), go to the gym, have a long term relationship, etc. I do everything I can to help my mother, and being ND means I can't do everything I wish I could. I try my best. I'm sorry if that isn't enough :(

I won't be replying to any further comments.

Growing up, my social life was non existent until my early 20s. I really only have a few childhood friends that didn’t last enough until high school.

During elementary school time there were some days where I was just not hang out with anybody during recess. I would just walk around. Even my friends didn’t want to do much with me.

This also lasted until high school. But the funny thing was that when I failed nursing school and went back to my city, I reconnected with an old high school classmate and we became close friends. Another high school classmate also reconnected with me and we became close friends.

Even the first high school friend invited me to a cottage trip, in which I became friends with his sister and her sisters friend.

I also made some friends at a warehouse job where we were all students. As well as one friend in uni, when I went back to school.

All I want now are more friends, but I’m scared it’s too late now to make more. I’m almost 30 years old.

Hey there, so. I don't really know where else to ask this and I just really need help from other adults.

I had a bad car accident (girl ran stop sign and t-boned me/rammed my car, my car ended up in oncoming traffic. She didn't break either just full throttle. I was able to avoid other vehicles luckily. She was looking right at oncoming 2 lane traffic not left which is where I was, also 2 lanes.) This was on Friday (2 days ago) and I'm dealing with a concussion and exhaustion so all of this is a nightmare.

I'm trying to deal with my insurance claim which I've never had to do before. I went to the ER but I was really disoriented the whole time so I don't remember everything they said. They sent me a few documents to mychart and said one of them I'd need to submit to my insurance. I can't for the life of me remember which ones need to go to them. But I just want to confirm, will I need to submit my entire after visit summary to them? The others I can figure out later I just wanted to get to this while I was thinking about it and while screentime wasn't hurting as bad.

Thank you in advance ❤️ also any other advice would be helpful too. I've never been in a wreck like this before. She did admit fault like immediately, I'm just partly worried what her insurance looks like. I'm still waiting on the police report. Her car is basically fine and looks like she had a small fender bender. Mine is basically totaled and undrivable and of course I'm the one with the loan. The whole passenger side is crushed in. Idk how long it's going to take for the adjuster to get in touch with me and I'm worried about like a million things rn. I greatly appreciate any advice!

I’m a 27-year-old African woman getting married soon, and I’m struggling with something I genuinely don’t know how to navigate culturally.
My father and I are not close. He was physically, mentally, and financially abusive toward my mother for years, and my siblings and I grew up witnessing and experiencing the consequences of that environment.

There is currently a very intense legal battle between my father and my mother over divorce and a property dispute. A lot of old wounds have been reopened because of everything happening recently. My father has also been making some extremely hurtful allegations about my mother, including claiming that my teenage brothers may not be his children and saying that my mother wanted to abort them . He has refused to do a DNA test to settle the paternity issue. From everything I know, these claims are completely false and seem to be part of the ongoing conflict.

My mother is now finally ready to divorce him after enduring years of abuse. I have also reached a point where I have absolutely no desire to have a relationship with him. I have recently let go of every feeling of love I had for him. and everything happening now has brought back a lot of memories of what my mother went through and what we experienced growing up.
I have informed my father about my relationship and intention to marry someone from another culture, and my father was accepting of it. He even started talking about all the traditional rites of marriage we will have to perform (which I don’t really care about tbh)
Now my fiancé wants to formally approach my father and ask for his blessing before we marry. He’s not aware of family dynamics but not 100% privy to the details.
This is where I’m conflicted.
I know that traditionally, the groom approaching the bride’s family and seeking the family’s blessing is considered important in many families.
But I don’t want to ask this particular man for anything.

I don’t even want to give him the satisfaction of being approached as if he still occupies that position of authority in my life.
My mother and extended family keep telling me that regardless of everything that has happened, it is still customary and important to receive my father’s blessing for marriage. They aren’t necessarily telling me to reconcile with him, but they believe I should at least allow the traditional process to happen.
I get it. But At the same time, I feel like asking him for his blessing would be deeply contradictory to how I actually feel.
And I don’t know whether I’m making this decision just from anger and spite. And I wonder if years from now, I’ll regret completely excluding him.
My fiancé isn’t familiar enough with the full history to understand why this feels so big to me.

If you have dealt with abusive parents, what would you do in this situation?

I’m also interested in the cultural perspective here.
And do I need to tell my fiancé the details of my family dysfunction ? He has an idea, but I have been advised to not share the details , as to not give him ammunition in case of a future dispute between us.

TL;DR: I’m getting married and have an abusive father. My fiancé wants to ask for his blessing out of respect for Nigerian culture, but I don’t want his involvement or approval because I don’t like him anymore. My family says I should follow tradition anyway. Am I wrong for refusing, and what would you do?