I am stuck in a loop where my mom keeps on shaming me in several areas. Eat too much? I get body shamed. Eat too little? I get shamed for being wasteful and she will claim that she spent time and effort into making sure I have food on the table to eat.

I understand her intentions of not trying to be wasteful, but when she says I eat too much and tells me to eat less, I end up getting stuck in a loophole where she once again asks me, "why are you eating less?! You're wasting food! Finish it all up!" She seriously has the guts to tell me that when she also says I eat too much?

I will be honest here, I'm not skinny but I'm not overweight either. But I am absolutely insecure with my body. I don't even know if it's normal anymore after my mom keeps on saying, "oh no you're gaining weight!" or "oh no you're losing weight!" My own perception of myself feels so cloudy. It's become so bad to the point where I can't even look at myself properly in the mirror anymore. Everytime I look at myself all the negative words she said about me start to fill my mind.

She says she loves me. She says she cares about me. She says she wants the best for me. But is all of that really true when she makes me feel so unlovable? When she makes me feel as if my weight defines my worth? I am tired, and I am almost feeling broken. I don't know how much longer I can deal with her... I want to be a good son to her but she's always so good at making me feel as if I'm the problem, and maybe I am since I could just ignore what she says but unfortunately I'm very sensitive to her words... :(

my father is a fucking asshole and I hate him.People think that I am bad daughter because I am not taking care of him. He is sick, parkinson, depression and probably dementia . He always was a dick for me and I just hate him.

my toxic mother always is on his side because he is sick

Hi guys can you maybe help me with something? What should I do if my father is always talking about how shitty my music taste is and it hurts me deeply because people bully me for it in school too.I told him so many times that he should stop but he keeps calling the music that shaped me as a person shitty or bad. I listen to everything but mostly vocaloid and pjsk songs if anyone asks. And I had enough because lately he's been judging everything about me like making comments anout my body, and what school I will go to. He puts too much pressure onto me. What should I do to make him stop?

Hi! This is gonna be hard, as I'm writing this from my perspective, but I'm gonna try to keep this as unbiased as I can because— while I have had problems with my family in the past, this is the one time I can confidently say I'm confused on what I did to deserve this reaction.

Last night, I was grabbing my dinner right after my nap (I was a bit groggy and I admit, not in the best mood because I was still sleepy. It was the first day of Senior year, and I had only gotten about 2 hours of sleep the whole day). My mom, out of nowhere, asks me for $600 and then promised to give it back. I was bewildered and shocked because it was a random Monday and I was getting asked to give $600, even when it'd be given back. I stared at her, eyes and eyebrows furrowed in confusion and shock (she says I was glaring), and I told her I didn't want to. Just for some context, we had gone on a month vacation and I gave a total of $1,090 for expenses and emergency funds, so my savings were in a state I didn't like. I'm very cautious about my money and what it goes toward as I'm trying to move out at 18, and I didn't want financial support from anyone but the person I plan to move with and myself.

Later, I remembered that I gave her $200 for emergency funds, and I admit, I misunderstood her condition of repaying it and asked for it back over text. I was called upstairs, and it was me, versus my parents and older sister, which is like another parent. My mom was angry and asked why I wanted $200, so I explained that she said she'll give it back. She explained rhat her condition only meant that she would give it back if she asked for the money, rather than me giving some to her. I told her, "Oh, I thought it just meant if I gave you money", trying to come across that it was my fault for assuming that it wasn't under a specific condition, which I'm okay to admit and I wholeheartedly meant to make it come across as it was my fault because... well it was. I told her I'll give her the $600, and she can keep the $200, just trying to go back to eating my dinner downstairs.

But she kept me upstairs and started yelling about how disrespectful I was; how she's provided me water, food, electricity, the house, everything under the roof and how I disrespected her. She brought up comments about how $600 was small compared to how much she's provided, and how I wasn't willing to give her even that. I restated that I'd give it to her, then she says she had my dad so she doesn't need it. She also brought up how "How will you take care of me and your dad when we're older? We're not even relying on you yet!". She then moved onto a classic I always hear everytime this happens: How "all you listen to and tell everything to are your friends" and "how can you say that 'me and my mom have a bad relationship' when I provide for you?".

My dad was also yelling at me during this, saying how "When you turn 18, you should move out. Get a boyfriend or go to your friend's, I don't care! If you wanna act like that." My plan had always been to move out young, and when I brought this up to them, they were against this. My dad was the one to think that I was doing this to spite them, that I didn't love them.

My sister, had a lot to say. She's 24, and she has always been my parents' advocate, no matter who was in the right or wrong. All things considered, she is, without a doubt, my parents' favourite kid. As she ignored our mom for a month, and she didn't get any scolding about it. She cursed me out and called me an asshole.

I finally went downstairs, and I gave my mom $800 to try to meditate stuff. They refused, and I had a lot of texts.

Maybe I was in the wrong, maybe I was being a bitch, but this feels like such an overreaction? I'm only 16, and the fact that they (all 3 adults) had ganged up on me made me feel like I was caged and forced to take these assumptions about myself.

So, right now I'm the worst person in the house apparently. I'm done fighting with them, I'm just gonna do what I need to do for myself, and work around any obstacle they put me through. I have changed my plans and I'm now gonna move right after graduation, not even when I'm 18.

? I’m 29F and three weeks into NC with both of my parents. My wedding is in 8 months. It’s been years of boundary crossing, manipulation and guilt tripping, the wedding planning just made this all worse. If you cut off your parents and went ahead with your wedding without them, how did you feel? Regret? Guilt? Empty on the day? I’m worried I’m going to feel this way on my wedding day. But if the wedding wasn’t happening, I would still be making the decision to go NC. Would really appreciate anyone who could share their experience with this and let me know what to expect.

I’m in a really difficult situation with my family right now and I don’t know what the right thing to do is.

My uncle is an alcoholic, he's extremely toxic, and has been aggressive and violent with me before. He recently gave me an ultimatum that I need to work. He can’t technically kick me out, but he can make my life miserable. He yells, bangs and breaks things, slams doors, becomes very threatening and has physically attacked me before. Once he grabbed me by the throat, and another time he chased me because I wasn’t answering him.

I currently have a serious health issue that makes working extremely difficult nearly impossible. Plus that I’m in recovery after stopping drugs and certain medications, and even months later I’m still struggling badly. One medication I quit has serious effects on the nervous system and it's like a neurological injury, not just withdrawal. I’m not myself yet, I can’t tolerate stress normally, and a lot of times basic daily things are difficult. I genuinely wish I could work and support myself, but right now I can't without triggering extreme symptoms.

I cant tell my uncle the details of my health problem, I don't want to either. He'd say it’s an excuse, and the conversation would become unproductive and he'd become very aggressive..I'm also trying to avoid any conversation with them.

So today I told him I'd start looking for work toward the end of September, mainly to buy myself some time. He told me to start now. I regret telling him I'd work because I should have stood up for myself and simply said no. But I also know that saying no would make my life much harder. He can yell at me and intimidate me, which is something I need to avoid, while he doesn’t treat my mother the same way.

My mother is currently in a much better position to work than I am, and my uncle knows this, but he isn’t putting pressure on her. I’m the youngest person here and I’m the one recovering from everything, and he knows that, but I’m the one being told that I have to work. He probably just doesn't like seeing me doing nothing, although I need a lot of rest. We have no financial problems so ..

My family, well they are treating me like I'm the enemy and they act like they resent me. They witnessed me at a severe point in my drug use,the drug use that my mother introduced me to, and I was barely able to speak and i was experiencing psychosis, and they still didn’t intervene. So there's that.

There is one grandfather I’m considering asking for help. He has the financial ability to help me move somewhere else for a few months while I recover. I recently told him that I have a health problem and that I won’t be able to take my exams this year. He was pressuring me about them for a long time. Not this time though. I stood my ground and told him we'll talk some other point in the near future when jm better.

We aren’t very close, and because he is part of the same family, I honestly don’t know whether he would understand or help me. He witnessed my drug use too and he was taking me for rides asking for my future while I was clearly in no position to talk. It was obvious...

I have about 250 €. I also have a friend in another village who said I could stay with him in an emergency, but I don’t think that would be a good solution. I wouldn’t have my own space or bed, and it would feel like I was escaping in panic rather than making a safe, planned move.

Things are a bit quiet this week so it's doesn't feel as urgent but I think it is. I’d also worry that my grandfather would see it as me running away and then wouldn’t want to help me later.

I feel trapped. I need to use this month strategically and figure out whether my grandfather can help me move, it would be some risk, and I don’t have the capacity to deal with a conversations, so many logistics.. but, i would deal with housing and all of that if I knew he'd help me , or at least consider it.

Any thoughts and advice would be very much appreciated!

I’ve always had a strained relationship with my parents because they used to hit me and my siblings as a form of punishment when we were younger (up to 10). I had to shut off my feelings because I thought crying was weak and I was always seen as the rude kid who would shout back. Of course, this got me hit. But I earned some weird kind of respect from my dad. Fast forward a few years, my parents have repaired their relationship and they stopped hitting us. My siblings don’t talk much in our household and I was usually the closest to my parents, but this was around the time I developed a mental disorder. All I can say is it really strained our relationship and made me question if they truly loved me. I hate burdening anyone and I hate how much I’ve affected my siblings and my family, but I think its cruel to constantly insinuate things and blame me for the disorder when we’ve gone through all that therapy and said all that stuff about how its not my fault. They like to accuse me of relapse and at this point I’m so tired of their tag team behaviour, their inability to apologise (like EVER) and rejection of me as an independent person. Being my parents, how they act and what they say to me affect me so much. I am constantly thinking about what they’ll do if I act a certain way (in regards to my disorder) so much so that I never say what I really want to say when they accuse me of things or are scolding me. I’m such a lively person outside of my home but when it comes to them I stay quiet and usually just take what they say even if it hurts so bad, because I can’t explain anything to them without crying. Is it bad I just want to point out that they hurt me? They‘ll complain about how I don’t share anything but genuinely if I do, they get so angry and don’t understand me or believe me. I am very sure of myself and my feelings and I have gone through a whole phase of learning to respect myself, which means cutting off negative influences. So there is no way in hell I’ll treat them as the loving parents they think they are if they want to corner me in a car on the way to school, complain about how stressed they are and how they doubt if I want to recover or if I’m trying, and then proceed to get upset that I’m giving them the cold shoulder. I think they need to learn some manners.

Hi everyone , this will be long….but , this past weekend I (28, F) finally cut off my mom.
To start off I didn’t have the best childhood, my parents were heavy drinkers, occasionally drug users. mom arrested for DV and inevitably my parents split when I was 12. I was homeless for a bit and couch hopping because my mom wasn’t allowed around the house and my dad was a drug user so I had to find some sort of stable place to get sleep and go to school.
Fast forward I move in with my mom at 14 finally, she got custody of me bc my dad was unstable obviously.
I ended up with really bad depression because she kept controlling me and was a narcissist throughout life. I could never talk to her, and I’d sneak out to do bad things and hide stuff (I shouldn’t have) but it was the only way I could see friends and not feel so lonely. I went through drug addiction and rehab 3x from 15-17 because of how depressed I was and how isolated I felt from her. I was finally sober but,
I got pregnant at 17, still graduated and had my first baby💜
My boyfriend at the time (the father) moved in with my mom and I, we quickly moved out because he also realized how controlling she was. She wanted his passwords and location to all of his stuff apparently.
Fast forward 2 years me and him are no longer together and I met a new spouse. He made some mistakes before we got together and had 2 arrests. He learned from it and got his stuff together and we eventually had a baby girl together (2019).
In the midst of all this my first BD passed away(2020) leaving my 3 year old son behind but luckily my now spouse took care of him like his own.
Anyways, my mom never seemed to like my new spouse from the start for absolutely no reason. But she never said anything just stayed quiet and petty. For 7 years!
Fast forward to now, we just had our second baby together (May 2026)
My mom offered to buy my son a phone, offered! I said sure and she said she would have control of his phone. I instantly felt uneasy about it but he’s a kid still…he needs control of his phone so I said ok…BAD IDEA.
She then offered to get my 2 oldest kids (my son and first daughter ) new tablets for seemingly no reason! I said okay again…bad idea also…

Well she was tracking us the whole time. Reading all text messages. Looking at all photos and videos. Everytime my kids weren’t home she was texting me “why are they here”
Or if she saw them online just even 15 minutes past her allowed bedtime for them in her head she was texting “have they ate dinner? Are they going to bed?”
I eventually started to get fustrated and politely asked her to stop.
This started the flame I think…
To note real quick she always asked to spend time with the kids. I didn’t need her too but I don’t wanna keep my kids from their grandparents so why not? I’d tell her no if I had plans but she always wanted to take them places on her days off. Well she started asking for my baby (3 months old now) to stay the night. I very much said NO. She is still breastfeeding. She wouldn’t do any sleepovers with grandparents till she’s way older anyways. So idk why she’d ask that other than control….
Well 2 weeks ago she offered to come help my daughter and I organize her room bc she had been a little messy so I said fine. Well she took it upon herself to stay as long as she wanted even after I asked her to leave because I was tired from work. She wouldn’t respect it. And I was silently frustrated till I told her to please leave I’m tired, kids had school the next day.
Now…This past week I cut my service with my phone provider (no service for one week till I can switch) and was using my kids tablet while they were in school for wifi (using their hotspot) my mom had no problem with that till I told her my spouse was also using it!
She said “he better not be using the hotspot”
Even though we were only using it outside of the house in case of emergency cause of the baby.
Well she locked up their tablets completely and my son’s phone right before his birthday party too all because of that.
So…we tried to see if factory resetting it we could get into the phone so my son could contact his friends for his birthday . Wrong move again on my part.

She stormed into my house the next day, demanded the phone and tablets and said “THATS MY PHONE”
She then became rude to my spouse over him using the hotspot while out and about, so my spouse politely asked her to leave. She then proceeded to cuss him out in front of my kids. They were crying hysterically and mad at her. She then put her hands up in the air , standing her ground saying “im not leaving!” and was acting a fool! She finally left because I had my daughter’s tablet with me at work that day because my daughter dropped it the day prior and I wanted to see if I could go get it fixed.
Well later that day she came back to get the tablet . I set the tablet on the ground gently, because I wanted no contact with her and she goes “oh you broke MY tablet, I’m going to file a police report over property damage “
I rolled my eyes and told her to get the fuck off my property and she gets in my face and goes “but you’re renting”
(Meanwhile My mom has nothing to her name and a sad 16 year relationship still not married)
I know this is a lot I’m sorry. But to sum it up- she’s always been this controlling, angry and always threatening false police reports. Especially now . She told me “you don’t let me see my grandkids this is what I’m gonna do.”
I have proof in text messages she’s threatening to make a police report of a felon with a gun in the house. We don’t own a gun and no one is a felon. lol.
Threatening to say we have a stolen car to the police. I bought my stepsisters car and still making payments to her. We have the title and everything.
So I talked to my dad bc he dealt with her shit far longer than I have.
My dad (now sober for 13 years) told me to give it some space and time. But I really just don’t want to talk to her ever again? If I told you guys every story of how she treated me or threatened me…it would be a long ass novel.
I won’t do that. But she ruined my life as a teenager. And as an adult. I’m almost 30 now and she still acts like she can try to control me or manipulate me.

Sorry for how long this is. I needed to vent elsewhere besides my spouse who’s still incredibly upset over this.
If you made it this far thank you for reading and I hope it makes sense. It’s really a lot to dive into and everything from being a teenager is circling back. Like when she got me arrested because she was pushing me so I pushed her back but I’m the one that got arrested. Anywho I just feel like I’m going crazy and incredibly stressed right now. I feel like I need some words of encouragement because I feel like she made me partially dependent on her also…or am I in the wrong???
I know some things I could’ve done better but…yeah. Okay I’ll stop for real before I write a novel. Thank you.

My husband tries to make me an open book and encouraged me to tell my mom about my childhood SA experiences. I told her about one for the 4th of July and said that I was the one who insisted on going to the house where it occurred. I told her immediately she was emotionally unsafe. The next morning I was distant and she asked me if I wanted her to go home. I told her do what she wants but her comment was not helpful. She then says. I knew what it was, doubling down saying that I wanted to go over there after she told me not to. Since then I’ve been emotionally distant. She blamed my pregnancy but I reminded her that no, it’s because of your comment of the 4th she then stated AGAIN that I played my part in it because I kept asking to go over there. Mind you I was 6 years old asking to go to a friend’s house. I told her she expected me to have the knowledge of an adult as a child and she’s mentally unwell. I’ve had my issues with her behavior in the past this experience completely made me emotionally detach. Sad that I won’t have close relationship with her like I once desired.

What do you guys think about this?

I'm gen z and my parents is gen x, we in Philippines that corrupt everywhere. In morning I just ready for school and my father saw me being lazy because I just ready for school instead help at house. As me getting late now. And then my mother join in and they both talking about their past if we nothing do it as we not born yet back then. They keep blame us as I was nothing do it in their past because I was born yet. I really hate hear that from their voice and it not helpful for me because I have mental issues.

Yesterday, I wanted to cut open a mango and eat it. I grabbed a knife, took my mango, and headed outside to disect the yummy fruit. My mom yells at me to come back inside and hand her the knife because I was handling it unprofessionally (and i sorta was), so I hand her the knife and she tells me to take it back. I take the knife back and I happily try to take my mango back outside because I want to eat it it. They're yummy. My Mom starts yelling at me saying I snatched the knife out of her hand. I try telling her I'm just excited to dig in to this mango. Then, she doesn't let me go outside and goes on & on about how I have been rude to her the entire day & how I treat her terribly (EVEN THO I HAD A GREAT DAY AND I WAS SO HAPPY THAT DAY WITH NO ILL FEELINGS TOWARDS HER WHATSOEVER. If anything I might've tired and a little less enthusiastic towards her) but anyways, I ditch the mango (never feel like eating when she gets upset at me) and sit on the table and ignore her while doing some of my penn foster studies on my tablet. She insists I answer her and because I had a great day, & didn't feel like souring my happiness, so I don't. She snatches my tablet out of my hand & threatens to ground me. I just try and be as quiet as possible, but because I'm being quiet, she gets even madder (I feel like. Keep in mind I am 19 and young ppl probably think they're always in the right so i can also just be not a good person. im trying to improve myself.) and so I move from my seat to sit on the table and I start eating an apple out of anger bc I rlly was hungry and the mango was unappatizing now. My Mom was ranting about something, like how she works 14 hours a day and supports me and how I treat her poorly and have been apparently rude to her and everyone around the house for the past week. (all sisters fight with their sisters, we have our differences, but only me and one sister argue rlly bc we're like that) but then she goes on and on about how I mistreat her in stuff. BUT. But, but but...because I'm staring down at the table and not up at her as I'm saying sorry, she gets very angry. She starts demanding I look her in the eyes and tell her I'm sorry. So, I look up not directly at her because her eyes are scary and I say sorry. She demands I stare at her eyes for longer and stop looking away for like 10 minutes straight. Finally, she says if I don't look her in the eyes for 30 seconds straight she'll ground me for 3 weeks. So I straighten up and look her in the eyes for longer, but I'm dumb so I look away a few times and she gets madder. As I'm staring her in the eyes she's telling me how I'm a rude person and I treat her badly and how she does everything for me, AGAIN, blah blah blah. She finally seems satisfied that I stare at her long enough and that I have said okay as she's demanded. But apparently the way I said okay wasn't good enough for her. So she's like: "that's all u have to say? I know you have a good heart, you can do better than that. I do everything for you yada yada." And then she tells me she's done talking and that I can have my stuff back. But then, I didn't say yes ma'am after that, so she demands I say it. I say it, she doesn't like that I didn't look at her when saying it, so she demands I look at her for more than 5 seconds when saying yes ma'am. And that was like it for then. I'm sorry the story is so long, she put me through a twister of confusing moments and circles that it was hard to try and redirect a story, where the events she makes are very spiraled and out of control/unorganized. So I head outside and sit on the chair (shaking idk y. I take blood pressure meds n stuff and my Mom scares me bc sometimes my dad takes her side and yells and I didn't rlly know what to do so thats i thought ignoring the problem would help, but it never does and neither does talking back so i just gave up). My Mom come outside and hands me my tablet back. I take it, she says I snatch it from her hand. Then, I give the tablet back to her. She tells me to take the tablet again, and that if I don't she's going to cancel my veterinary assistant degree & threatens to not help me start up a business like she promised (which i dont rlly care if she helps me or not. Parents won't allow me to get a job bc they want me to work at my Mom's trashy business where I make not even 100$ a week IF I work everyday. Demotivates me so I get lazy and don't go to work which makes them madder at me.) I take the tablet, then I sat outside for like 4 hours or something, just studying (I wanted to relqx and maybe try and figure out how i could not b a problem bc no matter how hard i try im always at fault and it makes me want to kms but im too scared too so i just live my life miserably hoping someone will shoot me in the brains for me. Like my dad, maybe he'll finally kill us all like he said one time). But anyways, she tried to pull the snatching thing again today, after I was excited to eat dinner and I thought she was just innocently passing me a fork. I take the fork, she says I snatched it out of her hand. I'm trying to ignore her and stay calm. The second time when I ignored her, it kinda worked. I just walked into my room and didn't eat dinner until she left the kitchen. I' not sure what to do. I'm trying to stay calm and not explode bc if I do it's going to make my dad mad at me and I'm trying to not make him mad bc I've been going to him and telling him about my Mom doing this snatching things out of her hands thing. He says he can't do anything about it. I don't know what to do. It's really messing with me to the point my heart medicine isn't working fully because I get little anxiety hiccups and my heart goes crazy. It also doesn't help I'm stressed out with just everything in life. I have a bad history with my Mom, she was sorta abusive both physically and mentally. After I got rlly sick as a kid she stopped abusing me physically, not I think it's a little of mental abuse I feel like. And I'm not like sick, sick, I just take blood pressure medication. Like, I'm fully healthy and everything.

Another thing, which I choose to vent about is how I've been begging for a drivers license since 16 and she still won't let me get one. I know she likes to lie around me to tell me what I want to hear, which makes me very cautious, because she'll sometimes use that against me. Like I had a situation earlier this month where I applied for a job. She took me to the job interview willingly. Boss guy said I got the job, I just need to show him my social security number. Told my Mom I got the job and she tried to convince me that I didn't. I don't want to talk about the rest because it makes me very nervous. I'll just say she stabbed me in the back and my dad got mad at me for getting a job and she joined in on it saying I bullied her into getting a job. So I lost a lot of trust to both my parents. I shut down for a week, didn't eat, only slept because sleeping is like death. You don't worry in sleep or anything. It's quite peaceful. But long story short, I'm not allowed to get a job. Nor do I have a bank account, nor much else I feel adults should have. My Mom insists I shouldn't be like everyone else and that I don't need a job like other kids my age and should stay until I'm 26 (because insurance covers me until I'm 26 if i dont get a job or something. She also tries to say a drivers license is too expensive but I looked it up, it's only expensive for kids rlly. Not adults. I still don't have a phone, never have had one, only a tablet.)

Another vent, is that I've been homeschooled since was 13. My Mom never tried to make me friends at the time, and even in school I was always too scared to make friends. So rlly, I've never had friends my entire life. I also never got to hang around family but like 1-2 times. a year for like a day or two. That was the only time hung around someone my age, but they never rlly liked me because I was naive and weird. (Ik I'm weird.) I tried to voice the loneliness thing to my parents. Mom insisted family is all I need and will ever have. She constantly tells me the world is dangerous. I'm never rlly allowed alone rlly unless it's near her (like seeing me outsid eher window when I sit outside). And there's nobody around me my age.

We also live in an rv. I share a room with 3 sisters. I threw a little bit of a fit when nobody was watching and started to throw things and slam my fists into the walls and such because I was stressed out. The rv was a mess, I mean just junk everywhere, and a lot of my personal items being mistreated or ruined. I wanted to cry, but I cry enough to sleep. And I did a mass clean (which ik is useless because the rv will get a mess again). I also get angry because there's not a lot of food, but I also try to gain weight sometimes and my Mom doesn't rlly help me or ig care. So I'll go from forcing myself to eat a bunch, to having 0 food in the pantry and i have to starve myself until she makes dinner. Because she only rlly has rver cooked 1 meal a day which is graceful, because when I was growing up we always had to fend for ourselves. But Idk I've been trying to hit 100 pounds, I was at 96, then the food stopped coming and I dropped back down to 89. This kind of weight loss has happened countless times and it's demotivating. And I'm not anorexic. My nana was a tiny lady like me but she's dead. Her highest weight ever was 120 and that was after having 4 kids. She's dead now though.

But I was just venting. I grew past the lonely stage about 2yrs ago. I'm far too damaged to interact with people. It's getting to the point yk. But I'm too scared to do it because I have this optimism that constantly gets crushed. And I can't just leave. I'm scared my parents will hate me. But I also found that dealing with my Mother's behavior is such a waste of time. It rlly bothered me when she threatened so easily to stop paying for my tuition, even though she's the one who won't let me get a job. This is rlly killing me. And the problem is that I can't leave. I don't know why I won't leave. I know the obvious reason why I want to. I know my life would be easier if I did. But I can't. And I hate nyself so much for not being able to leave. Even though I hate it here and I have a detachment from everyone here.

Ok so I'd like to start this by saying that I have a history with over reacting and seeing things that aren't there but I just wanted to know if you guys had any experience with things like this.

So my mom is kinda a b word sometimes she can be very harsh and judgemental basically whenever we're out doing something she's on the phone with somebody talking about how pathetic or bad thier life is compared to hers.

And she really hates me doing anything not within her world views or expectations like I can't wear shorts that go about and inch above my knee and I'm not allowed to have my door locked because she says I don't need privacy and I don't even have my closet all to myself because she has too many clothes and other things.

she also told me that I'm not allowed to go to any college that's not within an hour of our house because she doesn't what me to go far and I'm not allowed to choose my own hairstyle because she said my hair is hers because she made me therefore it's her hair.

She also said she won't allow me to move out until I'm graduated from college because of something with my brother and she told me I'm not a real adult until 30 which I kinda get, and shes racist against this one Hispanic friend I have.

She constantly calls me to do menial tasks like getting her medicine from under her bed or making her food or getting things from the car rubbing her shoulders taking off her shoes and she yells at me whenever I don't do specifically do what she says down to the exact detail and she comes into my room while I'm not here and rearranged things and steals my stuff and looks through my personal things.

She also took care of my grandpa last year when she was really sick and I'm grateful but once we left the hospital or nursing home she'd curse her out and say the most horrible things and I'd just sit there in silence as we'd drive home but to be fair she was really stressed at the time so maybe that's why he acted like that.

She also walks on me while I'm in the shower or listening to music etc anyways this is getting long the point is my friend told me to come into here because I told he i don't need therapy or help so what's your take from all this am I just being dramatic or is my friend right.

I've had a strained relationship with my mom since my mid teens. I'm struggling to decide if I'm the problem or if my mom is displaying toxic behaviors. We are both stubborn in our opinions and quick to a temper, so that's one issue, but she does other things that don't feel right to me, such as:

She thinks she's always right, I was arguing with her over something and my dad intervened and said I was right, she got upset and said we were ganging up on her.

She doesn't really like something unless it's her idea. She gets upset with some of the types of video games I play for being violent but was fine with suggesting we watch Deadpool. She also didn't really entertain the idea of me commuting when I said how expensive it was to stay on campus, but was completely on board once she saw how expensive it was, but she talked about it like she had to explain to me how much money I would save when I was the one pushing for it last semester

She constantly talks about the problems she has with my dad and compares me to him.

She gets upset and makes me feel bad when I try to talk to her about my problems with her, she says things like "I guess I'm just a bad mom" or "sorry you had such an awful childhood"

Gets upset when I interrupt her but seems to have no problems interrupting me and gets upset when I tell her she interrupted me.

She doesn't like it when I cry because of something she did, and hates when I rub my hands when I'm nervous.

Mentions how bad Gen Z is, like saying they make up mental health issues for attention, and then tells me I'm not like that. (Makes me not want to talk to her about my issues)

Her sorrys are almost always followed by a "but". It's almost always my fault or both of our faults when we fight.

If I didn't hear her tell me something, I didn't listen good enough. If she didn't hear me tell her something, it's because I didn't make sure she heard it because she has a bad ear.

I know I have issues too, I don't like being told I'm wrong, I can have a temper, and I have some self hate. But am I just overreacting or is my mom the problem. Maybe I have more issues then I realize.

I'm (f17) and I would say I live in a rather toxic family. Since I was 6 years old my parents had really bad fights where they insulted each other and my dad would beat mom. The next day they would act like nothing happened, or didn't talk for a few days. I was hit too, but rarely. When I got to middle school they became more angry with me, would often yell at me, have problems with anything I did, and get mad for any bad grade, even though I was one of the best students in my class. Except that both of them are really racist, homophobic and transphobic. In [2021](tel:2021) my mental health got to a really bad point and when I told my parents they became extremely controlling, worse than they were before. At that time they stopped yelling that much but it's clear they still upset with me all the time. I remember having so little privacy I ended up blocking my door with a wardrobe which caused a massive amount of fights. Up until july [2025](tel:2025) I never really fought back and just stayed quiet, but at that time we had a really big fight because of me blocking my door. When I tried closing the door she grabbed my arm and tried to twist it, I got really scared because I actually thought she would break my arm so I bit her so she would let go. Since that she has been bragging that I gave her a bruise and I'm aggressive towards her. After that I stopped caring and whenever we fight or even just talk I started screaming, insulting, swearing and calling them names. It's really hard to deal with since their mood switches drastically, since I remember after fighting with me they always act like they are caring towards me, and keep apologising to me.  At one point a few months ago I would attack them in anger while we were fighting since they always say to me the most hurtful stuff and ragebait me. Thankfully I stopped doing that, and apologised to my mom, even with that I still scream, swear, insult them and call them and I feel disgusting. I feel bad also because it's not like any of them really neglected me I had food, my own room, I even get to go to therapy, visit psychiatrist, and have provided medications. I don't know how to talk to either of them without immediately feeling angry

hi, im 21 F n recently things have been weird at our house.

so my related aunt's sister in law's older daughter ran away w her lover 3 years ago which is now being an impact to their 2nd daughter whos 20 years old in form of a marriage.

honestly i feel so bad for her. shes in 2nd year college her dad already said we aint gon let u study further or let u have a job so this is basically all she has left. marriage.

she's unsure but she said yes. they first said they'll get her married after graduation but now its js gon be within 4-5 months..which honestly is disturbing.

Her life did not even start yet and is about to end in a marriage. And coming from an orthodox Indian city, honestly, the people are gonna be the same, with the same orthodox mentality. I even wonder if the in-laws are gonna let her go to college or have a job. And maybe just in these hopes that that might happen, that cousin of mine is saying yes to the marriage. And honestly, topics of marriage have always scared me. Because I want to do something in life. I'm an interior design student, and obviously this degree is expensive and it requires a lot of college fee, tuition fee, and everything in general. And I wanna do something in life with this degree. I just don't want it just because of a formality. And I'm just so scared of my parents that it just makes me want to unalive myself. Being someone who has never taken her stand in my own household, though I'm the oldest sibling, I've always been very suppressed because of how controlling my dad is. It's not like he doesn't get me things or he's not a good dad. Sure he is. Sure he gets me whatever I wish for, and I'm grateful for that, but I don't know if they will accept me when I go to them and say that I have a boyfriend. Because last year they found out about my ex, and I covered the situation by saying that he's just my friend. And at that time my dad baited me for the first time. He kicked me. He didn't talk with me for a while. He was just so pissed as if I'm nothing. And mind you, that was just because apparently he was a mere friend from another city that I've been talking to online, apparently. I don't know what to do. I want to be rebellious. I want to be able to fight. I just get so scared that instead of fighting, death seems so much easier to me. And my grandmother and mother are just with such a low mentality that they think that getting married, a girl should get married by the age of 21, 22, max. Because my mother got married by 21. And honestly, I don't even know who I am. And I know they cannot force me into marriage if I say no for a good time. But I am just scared. And I, you know, convince myself that I'm gonna fight. I'm gonna be rebellious, and I'm just gonna stand up for myself for this thing at least. I'll do everything in life. I'm gonna change myself. And then just for like something, my dad speaks and just gets scared, be it a minor thing, literally. For example, my parents have to go somewhere tomorrow, and they were talking that who will stay at home, and obviously I have college, so my mother was like, You should ask her, ask me. And dad was like, There's no need to ask. You need to tell her. She will stay here at home. And I was like, I have the admissions. It's okay. He said, It's okay, submissions will happen day after tomorrow. And in a very scary tone. I am so scared of the concept of arranged marriage as well because I don't want to be with somebody who marries you, pretends to love you for a few years, you guys have kids, and then he cheats on you. Because that's what my dad did as well. There are so many cases of these types of marriages in my family that I just... I would die but yet marry to a stranger.

now I don't know what to do are there any advices? did anyone get through this situation?? please help im so helpless..

Toxic parents undermined me horrifically in life. I'm really overwhelmed by everything that I have experienced and faced. No words, I just feel bad. Especially my narcissistic father (and enabler mother who just stands by and makes excuses for him and let's him abuse us endlessly just because it's easier for her than standing up to him or making the effort to leave and put your children first). Between the two of them, I don't know what's worse. I guess that I was just meant to be an unlucky confused person in life, despite being a top student. They even sabotaged my undergraduate education, prevented me from leaving home and made me go to the weak local university which under-prepared me for careers and ruined my job prospects. Meanwhile, my younger brother, that was a worse student and disobedient, was set free. There is just no logic or fairness anywhere.

Sorry, just venting/ranting a bit, in case any other people have experienced similar or have any insights about this phenomenon.

This will be very long, I’ve never even told my mother everything I’ll say here, so I’m just letting anyone who reads this in advance that this will be long, and I’m looking to answer the question. Is my father a bad person and I should cut him off, or am I a shitty son and am too hard on my father. I would really appreciate just one person’s advice, I don’t really have anyone else to talk to rn lol.

Early life: when I was a kid my relationship with my dad was at its best. I remember the early days of my father playing God of war and Destiny with me, I would watch him. My father and mother had me at a very young age, both were 17 (age of consent is 16 in my state). My father is Hispanic and is in America now. When I was born I was raised by my parents and my father would do everything I wanted. My dad worked low paying jobs just to keep my happy and food on the table, toys I wanted, and I really wish things stayed like this. Not being poor, but the sense that my father loves me a lot.

Kid years: my dad never would raise his voice at me, never hit, never get mad at me ever, even if I broke something. My dad would go all out for my birthdays and even rented a bouncy house and had over 25 pizzas ordered to my house for me and my friends. By memory it was my best birthday, it was FNAF themed and I had so much fun, with much gifts given to me. Me and my dad would stay up late at night and watch clips of Destiny (his favorite game) and would litteraly run out the room when an update came or a new boss. I miss those days. The first time my father ever physically punished me was when I was 7. I was coming home from school but my friend wanted me to hang out at his house. I did but didn’t ask my parents, and my parents grew worried, wondering if I went missing. After 2 house I went home but was greeted by my mother yelling at me, and was dragged to my dad’s room where he hit me a few times with his belt. (I wanna mention that everyone has their own beliefs of how people should punish your kids, physically or not. My father believes that a whooping is necessary to fix a kid, and I wanna make it clear that I’m not calling my dad abusive for hitting me ever). I was grounded and then next year I made an even worse mistake. I was with my friends (all 8) and we were watching traffic go on the roads. My buddy told me to throw a toy at a car, young and dumb I did, but the car owner called the cops on us. The cop made me show him where I lived, and after the cop was gone, I was hit a couple times and grounded. Things from there kinda got worse, I was never good in school and would often get low grades, not failing but below average. Around my elementary and middle school life I was given many things that I’m very grateful for. (Consoles, a phone, a tv, a house, and food every day). My dad’s anger started getting worse when I had my first brother, who I will call my “Lil bro”. When lil bro turned 2, he was a very active kid, hyper and would stress my parents out often. Turns out lil bro has autism, and is getting the help he needs. When I was 10-11 my father started taking me to work with him, and my dad works as a land scaper/brick paver. At first it was fine, I wasn’t expected to do much I was only 10. The only bad experience at my 10-11 age range was when I was playing with my lil bro and it was on the bed. My lil bro accidentally hit his gums on his crib when I ticked him. My parents rushed in and my mom took my lil bro. My dad grabbed a hanger and beat me with it so hard it broke and my arm started bleeding. I started to cry and my parents told me to shut up, saying that my lil bro is more important.

(Teenage years) But after I turned 13, I feel like everything changed in my dad. My second lil bro was born (calling him lil bro 2). My dad would hit me if I came home with a bad grade, or ground me, the normal stuff. In the summer we would go to work bc he made me, and now anytime I did something wrong, wasn’t to his standard, or didn’t understand something my dad would just insult me. My dad called me, useless, worthless, stupid, crazy, idiot, say that I’m mental, claim I needed to be put in special needs classes, and would hit me at work. (My dad has a bad temper, and I will go on his life later.) my dad would basically just scream at me anytime I didn’t do something at work, or slap me, or ground me. Me and my dad agreed in my summer when I was 13, that if I went to work with him every day, he would buy me a meta quest 2 (vr headset). I agreed wanting one, but within half way of the summer I regretted this. My dad punished me for wanting to use the bathroom, called me stupid and useless daily, useless his most often insult on me. One day my dad hit me while we were at work, and said I was getting everything in my room taken from me, and wouldn’t get payed for the rest of the summer, and wouldn’t get my VR. I was devastated and started to cry in front of the house we were working on. My dad panicked and dragged my to his truck where I cried for hours. When he was done he came to the truck and stared ranting about how I’m stupid, worthless, and am a failure in life with no future. Eventually he calmed down and at the end of the summer I got my VR. At home my mom and dad would argue often, some things were going on between them. One night I was in my room and my dad shoved the kids in there with me, my mom lunged and started swinging on my dad. Me and my brothers sobbed and I hid their faces, this is the only time ever my parents got into a fight. Things changed there, my dad was more angry, would hit me and my brothers for smaller things, and would yell and punish us more often. My dad would only ever hit us with a sandal, belt, or a plastic pole from his work. When I turned 14 my dad stopped a lot of things he used to. When I was 10 and I heard my dad’s truck I would get excited. Today when I hear it I get anxious and scared, my mom does too trying to fix things around the house so my dad won’t yell at both of us. I tried to impress my dad and just make him proud of me, but nothing I did ever worked. If I came home with a bad grade I was hit. If it was a good grade my mother was proud, everyone was except my dad who never even acknowledges it, if he does he’ll just say “good job” in a lazy tone. At work if I did do something right, my dad would just nod at me, and I smiled, that was praise to me. My dad regularly yells at me for small things, not doing dishes, not doing laundry, or not cleaning the bathroom. Laziness on my part yes, but I don’t think yelling at me is needed. When my dad needs help with something he’ll snap his fingers at me, drag me to where he needs help and bark orders at me like a dog. Me and my mom noticed that my dad would yell orders at us but would never just ask for things nicely. Instead of “please do the dishes today” it’s “do the fucking dishes now and if I don’t tell you to do it you’ll never do it because no one does anything in this house” my dad mocks my intelligence, always telling me to use my brain, and is so convinced I’m dumb, I’m getting sent for some tests later this month to find out if something is wrong with me. My dad hurts my feelings in front of me, if he’s angry he’ll tell my mom in front of me to hurry with the medical appointment so I can get on meds because I’m so slow. I will admit I’m not a smart guy but hearing it from my dad just hurts. Things only got worse from here in my opinion. My dad rarely hits me anymore but his words hurt more. A few times my dad’s gotten so angry at me that he’ll punch me in my arm, and then I woke up with a bruise. When I was 15 me and my dad came home from work and he was yelling at me a lot louder and angrier than usual, when I got in the shower I heard my dad venting to my mom. My dad called me a failure and it broke me. I sobbed for hours and when my dad saw, he yelled at me because it’s not what men do. (I know my times are kinda all over the place but I’m just writing this as I go from memory). My dad yells at my lil bros too, and hits them more often than me now, they come to me for comfort after which I always give. Me and my dad are identical, even in weight as we are both overweight unfortunately. My problem is that my dad shames me for being fat, even though we are the same weight. My dad yells at me for crying, will call me a girl, and mock me for crying anytime he hits or insults me. When I was 15 my dad lashed out at me badly, I had gotten angry at my brother for messing with me, my dad told me not to hit my lil bro and I did. My dad hit me 6 times and my mom walked in the front door from her getting groceries. My mom guarded me and I begged my mom to protect me, my dad yelled at mom calling her a drunk and telling her to move. Eventually we all calmed down, and me and my dad had our usual one-on one talk. My dad admitted to me that he feels like giving up on me, saying that he’s tried for years to fix me but it’s causing him so much stress because I’m such a bad kid. Personally I dunno how I’m so bad, often when I’m home I babysit my brothers, do homework, and play video games, I don’t drink, smoke, or get in trouble with the law like other kids. My dad believes that all I do is play games, and I’m dumb at everything else. However I enjoy reading, thinking about history and have a nerdy hobby for ants. My dad refuses to believe or acknowledge these other interests and will just call me a liar.

Today. Things have never been worse with my dad. I avoid him constantly, he’ll get mad at me for not buying things for his birthday even though I don’t have money, and I actively avoid speaking to my dad, I’ve learned that avoiding him means he can’t yell at me. My dad expresses that he doesn’t believe in me, or my dreams, I wanna be a cop, my dad says I’m gonna turn out a loser. My biggest fear is that my dad’s right, and I will be a failure that he claims I already am. My dad constantly compares me to other kids, about how much smarter and better they are than me. My dad calls me lazy for not getting a job, but I’ve turned in over 24 job applications this summer alone, and I’ve finally gotten my first real job. I hoped my dad would be happy and stop calling me lazy, he refuses to believe that the job marked is bad today. Instead he just nodded at me and I walked away. My dad thinks hugging him at my age is weird, and will never hug me back if I do. Last time my dad hugged me back was over a year ago. Me and my dad rarely talk anymore, if we do it’s about how to get money and work since that’s all he thinks about. When my mom leaves me home alone with him, I always get scared that he’ll lash out and nobody will be there to calm him down, and he always ends up lashing out. When I expressed I was afraid of my dad, my dad calls me crazy and says he’s an amazing father, and that I’m grateful for nothing. Me nor my dad try to spend time together anymore, he never tries and I’m afraid to even approach him without him wanting something from me. It’s not all bad, in these confusing times he’ll always buy me a card, cake, and a few gifts for my birthday, so it’s not horrible for me I feel like. My dad will always buy me lunch at work, and he has told me he’s proud of me, but it was only 2 times in the span of 6 years now. Anytime my dad says he’s proud of me, I always breakdown for some reason. When I was 14, I was at church with my dad, I was wearing an outfit he wore at my age. My dad whispered that he’s so proud of me, and he’s happy at the man I’m becoming. I couldn’t stop crying, and I remember those words to this day. However as of last year I’ve stopped believing in god (personal reasons for another day). When I told my dad he was furious, he told me that In the future that if I’m ever low and need help and if I go to him, my dad will slap me and slam the door in my face. He never apologized for this. My dad used to drink but rarely does anymore, what’s funny is that he’s actually sweet and caring when drunk, and will always tell me that he’s proud of me. My dad shames me for also supporting LGBTQ+ people, as it’s a disgusting sin in his eyes. Anytime I call my dad abusive or anything, he lashes out even more, and I’ll admit I shouldn’t have said that. I feel like theirs more I haven’t said but I can’t remember everything, I’m crying as I write this and my memory can only take so much, I might make a follow up I dunno. As a whole of things I’m not mentioning rn, just know that it’s daily that my dad will yell and insult me. Now I wanna talk about my dad, and his mindset.

Father childhood/mindset.
Growing my up dad had it way worse. My dad, his brothers, and mom were beaten daily by a drunk who spends all his money on alcohol. My dad and his brothers would hide in bushes and under beds from their dad, as he would yell and rant in the night threatening to kill his kids. My dad’s mom lived pay check to pay check, and would steal old crops for dinner. My dad grew up with nothing is what I’m saying, an abusive dad who was beating his wife and kids. When my dad turned 14, he left his country and came to America. My dad started working real jobs, and by the time he was 16, he bought himself a big expensive truck. I have to admit my dad’s a hard worker and very strong. My dad bought his own apartment, and he was forced to grow up at a young age. Then my dad met my mom and to this day my dads still a very hard worker who never goes out, never drinks, and never abuses his kids, spending money on bills and food which I’m very grateful for. (I’m gonna list my dad’s world views and his views of me a little.) my dad is a religious man, believes that being gay is wrong and shames people for it, my dad believes that the current generation is extremely lazy and entitled, and that we are doomed with lazy kids who don’t wanna do anything. My dad believes that theirs 2 people in this world, wolfs and sheep. People who are strong and will overcome anything (wolfs/my dad) and sheep, people who are lazy and are followers(me and Everyone else). My dad hates gay people, is disgusted by them and believes they shouldn’t have equal rights. My dad has earned everything in life, so he feels that hes better than everyone, I dunno how I feel about that. My dad doesn’t believe in mental health like depression, believing it’s an excuse for laziness. My dad laughs at people who have mental health problems, believing it’s just an excuse to not “pick up a fucking shovel and make some money”. My dad looks down at atheists and believes that hitting your parents will send you to hell. My dad feels that his love towards him is conditional, and that he doesn’t feel appreciated by everyone. My dad wishes that his kids and wife were more grateful, would ask him if his dad was okay at work, and would show appreciation for everything he’s given my family. I will admit I didn’t at first but I do nowadays but it’s never good enough for my dad. Overall my dad has a very old mindset of the world, and refuses to change his ways, if a doctor for example tells him depression is real. My dad will call the doctor soft and believes that everyone is soft and crying isn’t things a man should do. I’ve only ever seen my dad cry 3 times in my life, all about family that’s either passed away or are dying. My dad calls his family often. My dad believes that he’s hard, strong and that America is lazy, and his country is strong willed. My dad is rumored to be bipolar, and has severe anger issues but he doesn’t believe in bipolar or anything else like that. I think he gets his anger from his dad.

Conclusion: I want to cut ties with my dad, we’ve had talks about fixing our relationship but it never lasts, all I want is for my dad to show he’s proud of me in some way, but he’s not interested in changing his ways. Since never once he’s admitted he’s in the wrong, and that he’s always right and I’m wrong. My dad has given up on me it feels like, and I still want his love, but today if I could move out, I wouldn’t tell my dad goodbye. Maybe I’m the asshole and I’m not grateful like my dad says I need to be, but I apologize for this being so long, I just needed to get this off my chest for now.

It’s okay but since I live in the same house it’s a bit tough. The house is kinda big so I am able to avoid seeing her 90% of the time. I will be able to move out in 9 months. I am overall happy that I broke contact with her but now all the other wounds have started like watching my friends with green mothers or watching an ad with a mother and a daughter or Instagram stuff where the entire family hangs out happily is all triggering and hurtful now.

In no way do I want to start talking to her ever again but I don’t know I live in a high taboo society I don’t know what to tell my friends when they ask about her. I don’t know what to say to people when they ask me why she isn’t at my future housewarming or baby shower. I wish I could just move countries and avoid this entire pea social dilemma and sadness that comes with cutting a parent off. I just watch others and wonder why me.

I am seriously so envious of people from the 80s and before how easy it was to just move out and rent back then was less than 50 percent of their income nowadays? It's fucking murder one bedroom apartment or common room cost as much as a house and in 2026 hard work means more work at job and rent especially in the usa and hong kong or like myself i live in singapore its more than 60 of your income add to that what our parents did to us the emotional abuse some of us can't work and have lost jobs because the job market is pure ass right now and not to mention how expensive the cost of living is in 2026 not talking about food gas and utilities if it wasnt for the economy i would have left a long time ago personally i still live with my parents and can't afford to leave anytime soon hang tight yall and please stop telling people to just leave or move out sometimes we can't especially in times like these i would have left from day one were it not for how expensive housing is.

I am extremely disturbed today, but I have to do some backstory to get to why.

In July, my father had a leg amputated. Over the course of 25 years he had 21 knee surgeries. This last situation was the last straw. They had to amputate because it couldn't be fixed. This was in mid-July. Two weeks ago on August 14, my Dad tried to commit suicide. He is currently in the hospital and doing very well. Today he told me what happened.

He had been suffering for weeks without proper pain management. He had also been taken off of his depression meds that he had been on for 35 years! Docs took him off Effexor cold turkey for the surgery. (Let's keep the medical malpractice chat for another post though...)

On Aug 14, he just couldn't deal with the pain any longer. He hadn't been sleeping for weeks. Off his depression meds, and a wreck. He has a chat with my Stepmother who let him know that she didn't care if he died. So he told her to leave the house so he could off himself, SO SHE DID.

My Stepmother leaves my father and drives over to my sister's house (half sibling with my father and stepmother). The story then goes that she (sister #4) wants to go to my parents home to check on my father. Instead she decides to call sister 5 first, who lives 5 hours away because she is a cop (another half sibling with my father/stepmom). Cop sister advises them to call the cops and not go there. Cops go and check on my father AN HOUR later.

I go to visit my father today in the hospital and he tells me this story! The piece that I learned that was new was the fact that they talked and pretty much decided he would kill himself. (I'm 54. My Dad has ALWAYS been a very outgoing, positive, happy upbeat person. This was SOOOO out of character for him).

I realize there is a lot of history missing here, but I'm also not trying to bore you by writing the entire book here. HOWEVER, my stepmother has pretty much been evil the entire 45 years I have known her. I could tell you a hundred stories, but just to sum them up... She has wanted my Dad dead for a LONG time. I would guess at least 20 years.

My Dad was extremely vulnerable at this time. He was off of meds. He was in a great deal of pain. I am suspicious that she might have even encouraged this! Not to mention, when my Dad came out of the coma, my youngest sis (18 years younger) said "Shit. I think I would have been more relieved if he passed. Now this is big." (This is the cop sis).

I am just so disturbed by ALLLLL OF THIS. My parents relationship has been SUPER toxic for a long time, but he never wanted to divorce my stepmother because he knew how traumatic it was for my sisters and I when our parents divorced in 1984.

At the hospital I told my Dad how disturbed I was hearing this story and the fact that she left him like that. He said he didn't want me to be mad at her. WTF???

How am I supposed to be around this woman again? She was very cruel to me as a child and I have always struggled being around her due to the fact that she is not nice, even now, but this is just beyond what I think I am capable of doing. I don't think I can be around her and be nice.

I didn't mean to write a book. I first went to the vent page, but clearly I created this new profile just to post this story and the vent page wouldn't let me in. Thanks for reading. Helpful comments appreciated.

I’m 21 years old and currently in the 3rd year of my B.Pharm degree from a standard local college. As many of you might know, entry-level jobs after B.Pharm don't pay very well, especially if you aren't from a top-tier college. Knowing this, my long-term plan is to work for a while, save up money, get my pharmacist license after graduation, and eventually open my own medical shop/pharmacy.

Recently, I decided to take the initiative and cleared an interview for a job that pays ₹13,000 per month. My goal was simple: use this income to start saving for my future business and cover my own personal expenses (like clothes, shoes, watch, and accessories) without depending on my parents.

When I came home and told my parents the good news, they completely lost it. They started yelling, telling me I’m not allowed to take the job, and demanding that I only focus on finishing college and then prepare for government exams full-time.

Here’s why their plan makes zero sense to me:

1. Past Track Record: I tried preparing for NEET before and didn’t clear it. I also tried studying for another exam and couldn't clear that either. I know myself well enough to realize that I cannot sit in a room for 2–4 years studying the exact same syllabus over and over again with absolute seriousness.
2. The Financial Drain: My parents are willing to spend ₹50k–₹80k per year on coaching fees, another ₹50k–₹60k on my living/study expenses, plus my college fee of ₹80k per year. When I suggested keeping that money safe and using it towards opening a business later, they claimed my thinking is "small" because I'm choosing a shop over a government job.
3. Their Logic: They told me, "Even if you fail government exam prep after 4 years, we won't feel bad. You can always open a shop or get a job later."

It feels like they would rather watch me waste years and lakhs of rupees chasing a low-probability government job just for social status, rather than let me take control of my life, gain experience, and build a stable business. It almost feels like they want me to stay financially dependent on them so I have to come to them for every small expense instead of earning it myself.

How do I navigate this situation? Has anyone dealt with parents who are obsessed with government exams at the expense of practical career plans? Any advice on how to convince them would be appreciated.

Growing up my parents were extremely abusive towards each other and myself. There would be police and social workers involved a lot.

Aside from that. My dad not only abused my mum but trapped and tortured and killed animals such as farm cats and sheep ( we lived very rural) he also had cameras everywhere to watch you.

Im 25 and after many years of really struggling with my mental illnesses and struggling to cope with what they both did I stopped contacting them and asked them to do the same.

But the past week I've been getting texts from my dad through messenger( fb) and the latest one was " what did I do to you to deserve this"

I have ignored it and all the other texts. Am I an asshole ? Am I making things worse ? Should I contact them and tell them why ?

(I'm sorry for any english mistakes, it's not my first language and I was in a hurry typing this.)

Hello everyone I'm a 20yo woman that still lives with her parents and I kinda need advice for a situation. I'm just gonna explain a few things before getting into the problem.

So, to first start off I'm not straight and I have a ftm boyfriend. I've mainly dated only girls in my life and I had 1 boyfriend before my current boyfriend.

Because I've never been straight I have withheld information and lied about things to my parents because I tried coming out to my dad when I was 13 and he completely dismissed me. And then later on the thought that I might be, when I was 16 they told me if I was they wouldn't be my parents anymore and I'd have to leave their house immediately, god wouldn't want me to be like that etc etc.

I've had a history of sometimes physical but mostly emotional abuse from my mother since I was a child. She's always been very explosive and made sure to tell me she wish she hadn't birthed me and that I am her biggest disappointment, every step of the way. She tried ending her life when I was a pretty small kid and I was the one who found her at that time.

My dad has been fairly good to me, but upon talking to my boyfriend, he tells me that that's what a parent should do which was give me money for food and supply me with some sort of transport + devices I need for my uni, hence I am an engineering major.

He potentially cannot stand his wife and she can't stand him either, but they stay together. They often blame me for their marriage problems, even though I'm the one they always complain to.

I have an older brother, but they do not treat him the same way they treat me, they just let him be.

Now, there's a lot more messed up shit in this, but I don't want to get too much into detail.

A few days ago I had a medical issue that I wanted to check out and it somehow turned into a big fight because I wanted to go to the doctor alone (20F). This has happened many times when I want to do things on my own, it always turns into a fight and then results into them cussing me out and not letting me go, or going with me and calling me useless (20F).

But something else also happened again. My dad used to do this weird thing where he'd say he had "a job to attend to" when I was a teen and then would follow me with his car to the area I told him I was in. Most of the time, I wouldn't be there because I was hanging out with my now boyfriend which they despised because he's trans and I'm banned from even being within the same vicinity as him. When he wouldn't find me there, after literally stalking me, I'd always get into so much trouble and then emotionally tortured for a while.

See, the thing is, he did this again a few days ago (I'm reminding again I am a 20yo) and I lied about something because I don't want them to stalk me and I want a private life to some degree and the same reaction happened. I've always gotten taunted by both of them whenever I was outside about my location and many other things. And I used to understand it when I was a teen, but as an adult, it's becoming too much, like everything they've always done up till now is becoming too much and I'm very tired it's affecting every part of my life.

And I know I'm a 20yo woman living with my parents, but the only reason for this is because I'm saving my own earned money to study my Masters in Germany because I want a good education my country can't provide. And also I want to live a peaceful life with my boyfriend.

I'm torn between moving out in our country with the money me and my boyfriend saved, or waiting 1 or 2 more years to be able to apply for the Masters and moving to Germany. I don't know what to do, it's too tiring.

Sorry about bad writing, my brain is still a little foggy even a day and a half later.

Yesterday I went to go to the doctor about my sleeping issues right after work and got myself an insomnia diagnosis and new meds. I went to pick up my meds and then immediately after went home and took a nap. (Never took my new meds)

When I woke up from the nap, I could feel a really bad migraine starting. I rarely get migraines, but I had been getting them a lot this year so I had gotten familiar with the sensation of one oncoming. I decided that before it completely incapacitated me I’d get some dishes done and make dinner. I live with my mom right now but she was up north so I had the house and the dogs all by myself for the week. As I’m doing dishes and loading the dishwasher, I try to think about the steps to take to make dinner. Basically, my brain went like this:

“Ok, I want my… uh… recipe. The… uhhh… what’s the word… the pasta one! Ok, how do I make… pasta… how do I cook… how do I cook pasta? Pot. What do with pot??? Do I need two???”

It went downhill from there. From completely coherent to barely functional. I decided to DEFINITELY not turn the stove on and immediately went to lay down on the couch where I had just had my nap. My brain was being really REALLY dumb and I forgot not to look at blue lights. So I pulled my phone out to catch up on notifications. Could not for the life of me understand any of the words I was looking at. I noticed my bestie Snapchatted me from the icon beside the notification and sent her a very concerning voice memo. Basically I was trying to say “I can’t read your message right now” but it was 2 minutes of incoherent ramblings as I tried to remember two words at once to form a sentence. I don’t remember much from there, but I texted my mom:

My magration is bad
I cannot way anything
My Brian
I woke up from my brain

(In hindsight, very funny string of texts, but also not)

Then I called her on FaceTime. I barely understood what she was saying. Every so often I’d understand a word or sometimes a sentence. “I’m blah with blah blah blah blah up?” Then I’d say something incoherent, to summarize the conversation. The neighbor came to help me at one point and I don’t remember much during that time. I just standing at the counter and desperately trying to remember what the word “ibuprofen” they kept saying was or meant. I knew I knew the word, but I was completely unaware what that word meant. Just that it was important because they were looking for it. Tylenol wasn’t an issue word for me, just ibuprofen. My neighbor finds it eventually, luckily. After taking Tylenol and ibuprofen, my neighbor lets me lay down while she talks to my mom.

I gradually “wake up” from my migraine like 20 minutes later to my mom on FaceTime in my hand. I’m catching every other sentence, but it’s getting better. She explains that my dad just landed at the airport and is coming to take me to urgent care.

I’m very very confused and not all there, but I immediately go “no. Not right now. I don’t wanna see him.” Because recently we got into a major fight. Basically, a few years ago my dad stole and sold over 10 of my Wii games I actively was still using and I had finally forced him to pay me back for 3. He also hired me to design some logos for him for his job and hadn’t paid me in over six months. He owed me $587 at one point, but our argument lowered it to $106.

He said the guy who was supposed to pay me for the logos wasn’t able to because he was out of the country. He also claimed he was being “awfully nice” paying me back for the stuff he sold. He also said the fact I got any money from him was a privilege. I said it was expected since he, you know, STOLE FROM ME. But he said that wasn’t very nice and I was calling him names.

Whomp whomp. Like I care. I went low contact after that. He’s been so mean to me my whole life and I was just done after this.

Anyways, back to it. My dad comes to get me and at this point I’m normal again. Completely able to understand and speak. Just a headache at this point and extremely tired despite taking a nap only an hour or so ago. He talks to my mom and we start to drive to Urgent Care. I want to talk to him about how scared and tired I am but he’s talking about himself and refuses to let me talk about anything on my mind. He’s pretty enthusiastic about the whole situation, actually. Any opportunity to get to talk about himself is a definite win.

We get there and I ask him to come back to the room with me since I’m terrified and on the verge of tears. He keeps worrying about my privacy and stuff and I’m trying to explain that I really need him. He agrees eventually, but it was weird. I go back, get some basic tests done (blood pressure, heart rate, etc) and then we sit in the office alone for a bit. I feel like falling over I’m so tired. But there goes my dad talking about himself.

“My back is killing me right now” “I get that, I’ve had back pain since I was in third grade. Sometimes it gets so bad I have to cry myself to sleep or limp around the house.” Yeah, but this comes with age.” “Third grade?” “Not you, me. Maybe I should ask them about my back pain while we’re here.” Tried so hard to circle it back to me for once, but nope. We talk about him for a bit and then I go “dad? Can we get Culver’s after this? I really am craving Culver’s. It would really make me feel better and I need some food. I didn’t get around to making dinner.” “Maybe, but I just had Culver’s the other day. How about pizza?”

The doctor comes in later and I explain the situation, I pull out my phone to show her the voice memos I sent my friend to explain how I was talking and sounding, but my dad laughed awkwardly and said “she doesn’t need to see that” and I’m like ugh whatever, I’ll just tiredly explain my symptoms since I’m not in the mood to argue. I tell the doctor and she cuts me off to say a bunch of bullshit that equates to “since you’re 23 and it’s literally impossible for you to have a stoke, this was anxiety. Ok thank you, bye bye.” And I’m like oh it’s one of THESE so I’m like “oh yeah, anxiety will do that totally” just bullshitting my way out of here.

My dad? Eating. It. Up. He’s fully on board with the anxiety diagnosis. Despite it DEFINITELY not being anxiety. But then that gets me thinking… she gave me two options… wrong or… stroke. I had a stroke????

We leave eventually with a handy-dandy print out of breathing exercises I already know and get in the car. Dad talks to me about it was anxiety so I explain to my dad how utter horseshit that was and how I just want Culver’s and to go home. He reluctantly drives us across the street to Culver’s, buys me food (not himself because he REALLY would’ve preferred pizza) and then we sat for me to eat. I call my mom and tell her (while my dad is walking over to join me from the bathroom) that the doctor said it was anxiety and dad agrees. Tell dad he is wrong. I hand the phone to him and he goes outside to talk to my mom. For a while. She’s definitely yelling, but I don’t care. I’m sat with my food and thinking about life. I ordered cheese curds when I meant to say pretzel bites and I said my phone number instead of my name when ordering. Maybe I did have a stroke…

My dad comes back and my mom (on speaker) says how dad will be spending the night at the house with me to take care of me and keep an eye on me. I’m happy not to be alone, even if it’s with him. I eat my food while dad talks about himself.

We get home and he says that my mom asked him to stay ONLY until 9pm so I could get my Tylenol and go to sleep. I say how I DESPERATELY need him to stay the night. He says how he really doesn’t want to then talks more about himself for a while. Then he talks about potential anxiety triggers. I say “not anxiety” and he replies “then stress” “not stress” and he laughs it off. I feel like SOBBING at this point. Like aggressive crying blood-type shit. Not literally, but the build up was that insane. So I text my bestie, catch her up, and she immediately drives over. I tell my dad she’s coming over and to leave. He does and I sit in the living room for 10 minutes alone absolutely inconsolable.

My friend comes in, sets her overnight stuff down, and gives me a hug. I sob for a few and I explain how I think I had a stroke and my dad literally refused to stay the night.

He’s done a few other shitty things since last night, but I won’t get into it since it has to do with my friend’s personal life and experiences and I’d rather not air out stuff of hers she doesn’t want out there even anonymously.

Um, but good news, my mom talked to my sister’s mother in law who’s a doctor and she was like “that doctor was wack and should be fired. Definitely a migraine.” So I’m feeling a lot better mentally.

I kinda just wanted to vent and get advice. Sorry there’s no happy ending other than that I didn’t have a stroke. My dad is driving me nuts lately. I never really wanted to post about this stuff about him online because I always thought my dad wasn’t THAT bad. No way, he just has narcissism! But no, this can’t be excused by having narcissism. No way.

Edit: forgot to mention that my account is new as hell because I deleted my old super cringey account and started a new one. Still cringey, but at least it’s just me lurking in r slash AO3 cringe and not the cringe of middle school