Big lubs and tank yuz alz 😻😻❤️❤️

Lub Bubba an Bits and Meomy

Frens! Iz me, Maggie Mae. Many fureberz ago mine hammy bruvver, Sir Roger von Chonky Cheeks, had an abenshure. Himz went on a long walkabout ob a week.

I sez “Hold my Churu” an I did a sneakeesneak to de gweat outdoorz! I wuz gone for elebenty fureberz … or mebbe eleben daze…A looooong tyme ennywayz.

Meowmy cwied and cwied. De not-liddle skinkittenz got all choky and leeky too. De food an litterbockz ladee sat on my catio wiff de krinklee baggo of gud treetoz every day while Meowmy was goneded.

I was chasing de skwirrelz and deerz an playin wiff de golf korse kitteez dat libe by de liddle vroomvroomz. De kountree klub workerz broughted us ROOM SERBICE. I was libin’ de HI LYFE!!!

But mebbe I got a liddle sadz and misseded my twinsies
Mollie and dat dum doggo Lucy and my hoomanz too. I comed home but dat Rudy dog nexx door did a barkbarkbark. Hims tynee but loud. I wuz not scairt but I not lyke himz bark. I walked away…and den Meowmy and mine hooman boyz see’ed me from de big vroom room. Dey stopped AN GRABBEDED ME.

Now dat Meowmy has stoppeded de cwyin’ and gibed me lots of Churus she be sayin’ “Mags, you a little cloaca and an a cat-ladydog for gibin’ us de scariez.

Frens, is dis salamander? Do I have a soo??? I iz not a cat-ladydog. I iz not a cloaca. I iz an ABENSHURER!

(Translation: the cat in question moved herself into the club’s golf cart garage. She ate filet mignon scraps and whatever else the staff puts out for the colony who lives around the golf course. SMDH)

Hello friends, is me Jiji the Gray. I'm a master of crime this morning. I was at the lawn with my silly hooman with his silly lightbox, chilling.

So I walked out, I saw a another cat so across the street so I ran and chase Brownie. Brownie is a silly neighbour cat that wanders into my big territory, he ran home fast. Then I saw Orange, chased him, but he's just standing there...Orange is no fun.

After that I snuck into neighbour's house and smelled everything until my silly hooman got another hooman to try to catch me, bery annoying me so me run out. (Hooman: Had to apologise to the home owner, tell her my cat is in her compound, she wasn't amused but she helped me chase her out)

Then, I saw a big pile of sand, so I dug into it and pretended to peepee, my hooman stood there looking for long time, wondering if I did it, his silly brain still don't know.

That was all in less than 1 long hand around the clock. Go crimez!

Dis Big Ted Kitteh. Mama bringed me boxes and putted them in MEOW house. den she taked dem away and say they for grampa becuz he moobing to “assistissited libbing.” Does meow have a case for de compensations? Dey good boxes a she just TAKED DEM!!! Grampa would want mwow to hab boxes! He sayed I am a good boi. Need PAWYER! How many churus an treats can meow eggspect???

Henlo Frens, is Hoku Prins of da Hœus an hamsum sunnavagun

Mine Neowmy (=dumdum) gib new bocks. (dis gud, no soo)

Ay hab her sayme bocks since littil illegal smol. Ay lib dat bocks! But also ay hab choo all da korners!

Yu guys lyke new bocks or ole bocks?
Ay kant desside

PSPSPS: dis pitcha be n boff bocks. Ay sit in new bocks an mine belubbed bocks necks to me

Henlo frenz is Purr.

We kno dat werk is bad, dey take away our hoomans from us. Well, my young female hooman has been LOOKING fur werk fur many furevers. I no kno why, as is best fur hoomans to be home worshipping us kitties.

Well she FOUND DA WERK at hooman fud hunting grounds! Now werk will steal hooman dat always home away from meow. Yes, big tom hooman do da werk from home, but I no like da change! I is pan-dem-ick kitty, need right hoomans ALWAYS home!!! Even if I nap during daytimez, I need dem HERE if I need fings! Need to soo werk to let dis hooman stay home as alwayz!

(Hooman note: I finally found work after a long while looking and COVID messing with the market. It's retail, but it's experience and hopefully paving the way to an office job or masters.)

That it's Ginger Appreciation Day. Us Ginger Boys appreciate all our fine criminal and litigious friends here. Gingers appreciate you!

-Beefy, Destroyer of Christmas Trees and his Longhair Brothers (Professor Longhair, very wise boy AND Harry Dean, everyone's best friend)

Henlo, furrens, dis is Nandor THE RELENTLESS today, from da Oh Hi Oh in da Merica. Webber here is hothothot agin. Also bery hoomid. Ai no lyke dis akkause mommy no lets me go rule ober da back yard in mai catio when is so hot. Air tempratchur todae will get up to 95 agrees in Freedom Units. Dat is 35 agrees fur da rest ob da worl. But akkause is hoomid, it feels hotter. Ai no unnerstand how it werks but ai can still do da repawt.

Ai has agara... aggre... pesky mews from mai kingdom dis mornin. Mine mommy let a STRANGER in da howse wifout comsempt by me an mai doggo siblings. He come to do a toon ob da pee anno mine mommy is still playin. Ai fink, ok, tuna, ai can let him stay. But him just plink around on da pee anno an NO TUNA. Hims so pesky wif da "plink plink plink" mommy finally pay him to go away. BUT he cleen owt hidden part of pee anno an say "dere's lotsa pet hair in here!" an do a LOOK AT NANDOR. Sir! Yu are in MAI HOWSE, an yu do a salamander ob ME? Da pawdacity! Ai did him a shun an no give himbs any attenshun. Ai hab bootiful orange fur and ai do NOT go round stuffing it into mommy's pee anno! Dat's dum! Ai hopes he feels broken heart all day akkause da most bestest orange cat he will see ALL DAY did him a SHUN.

In a few furebers, mine mommy is goin on bacashun wif herms mommy. Ai will be in charge of da howse. Mine daddy will be here to gib fuds an treets, but ai is plannin BIG PAWTY for da mommy gone time.

Ai hopes alla frens stay safe an cool. Until next time, Good Day an Good Crimez!

Nandor THE RELENTLESS (NTR for eezee typing)

Hai frenz, need soo, meowmy went hyk-ing an saw diz colugo. She berry eggsite an says iz sew kyoot! Iz nawt az kyoot as mez. I wanz soo coz meowmy shouldn't hyk too finz kyoot aminals, hermz shud juz feedz mez instead. Hermz awso stoopid an falz down an getz hertz nee, meow sayz hermz deserbz fur doin da bandon an go hyk. Diz picture ob dumdum colugo ina treez an picshure ob mez doon a kyoot. Olive da babygurl (mutc kyoota dan dumdum colugo)

Henlo it me Ember, did yoo no mai naem short fur September? Dis da monf dat a nyce laydee reskoo meez. Ai waz owtside an ai waz berri sik. Herm taek meez to da pokey laydee an ai lib at herm howse. Den wen meez was bedda mai meowy com pik meez up one dai!!! Ai waz sooo happee to hab nyce meowmy. Pawther ok too but me nawt leik himb den.
Eeneewai!!! IZ SEPTEMBER so mai hoomans muss wurship me, Queen Ember awl monf!! Ai iz askin fur da chimkins, da chooroos, da ross beefs, da smlamons, an eneeting else me want!!! Ai reekwess NO medeesin, NO brush, NO bladez steelin, and NO fayce cleenin!! Only wurships ob me!

Ohai frenz is me Daxos Thundercow! You may 'member me cuz ai has done many GUD CRIMES! Mostly against that awful dad's waif. Ai hate her.

This is why ai do crimes against her and try to hissassinate her! Ai was in mai spot for baffz, ON THE FLOOR BY THE BAFF TOWELS OK, like, WHERE ELSE IS GUD?

She laffed and TOOK A PICTURE!!! OF ME BAFFING! Roooood and INDECENT! AI AM A BABY!

Then ai gave her a LOOK that said "NOT COOL, LADY, YOU'RE WEIRD " and she TOOK ANOTHER PICTURE and spread it ALLL OVER THE INTARWEBZ!!!!!

Ai am inPURIATED! OWTRAIG! VIOLATED!

Dis sheepy makin fun of loaf. I am BESTEST LOAF. I snif snif an hop mebbe it go away but no, it jus sit an LOAF AT ME. UNAKSEPTABL.

Hai. Ai wont tew let ebbiwuhn no dat ai wel nawt bi hangeeng aut furr uh wail. Awl Mai Hoomans ar se-sepurr- DEY AR NAWT TEWGEDDUR N-E-MOWR. Ai yooz Mai beeg hooman fown, Nd Ai down wont tew yooz n-e-wuhn els's.

Ets owkey, dow. Mai hooman lubs bieeng en autsaid hooman laik S'mores, duh autsaid catto! Ai wont tew let ebbiwuhn now dat ai lub yew nd et wuhz nais tew lurrn hau uhdurr cattos lib der laibs. Ai hab sin aidiuhz furr fud nd crimez nd uhdurr Fon stoff. Ai Hab lurrnd ob fat Gary nd greebles. Ai now dat RATTOS ND BIRDOS AR NAWT FUD IB DEY HAB UH HOOMAN! Ai now ob duh eeks Nd duh pikkelz! Ai wuhld hab neburr nown ob Tali nd Teechurr Leo!

Etz awl owkey, dow. Ai gib ebbiwuhn purrmishen tew cheys der drimz! Ai wel si yoo awl sumtaimz, jozt nawt moch. Meybi twais uh yir.

Dank yew. Hir iz mi en KUHLURR nd aur famlee plos S'mores, Tiger, nd duh ausaid cattos

Ow, Nd Pokey iteeng hurr bott. Kikikikikiki.