r/onionheadlines • u/WebguyCanada • 9h ago
r/onionheadlines • u/tomtomglove • Nov 04 '25
ZERO TOLERANCE for rule 2: single sentence headlines only
We've been pretty lenient in modering run on headlines, but this ends today.
You need to make your headlines shorter. You can always make your headline shorter. If you have a headline that's over 30 words, rewrite it. There is a way to make it shorter I guarantee you, and there is a way to make it one sentence. You just need to use the meat in your skull to figure it out.
Also, do not include pull quotes in your headline. For example:
Trump Claims He Will Soon Replace Americans With AI - “All They Need To Do Is Vote Republican And Cheer For Me, And AI Can Do That Better, And It Doesn’t Protest At All”
Adding a dash here does not make this a single sentence in the eyes of us mods.
You can put the pull quote in the body of the post, but keep it out of the headline. Any headlines formatted like this will be removed.
Also please avoid headlines that are just a version of Trump: "I Have Very Bigly Hands and I'm The Greatest Golfer and on and on and on for 50 words"
A Trump impression is not a headline. Do better.
r/onionheadlines • u/Alternative_Risk_310 • 8h ago
Trump Renames San Andreas Fault To Joe Biden’s Fault
r/onionheadlines • u/wild_crazy_ideas • 8h ago
Trump Releases His Own Line Of Vacuum Cleaners Called “Trump Sucks”
r/onionheadlines • u/AskNo2853 • 3h ago
Trump Surprised To Learn That Canada Is Actually Located In North America
r/onionheadlines • u/SillyAlternative420 • 8h ago
Secret Service Tackle McDonald's Delivery Person On Whitehouse Lawn, Claiming The Worker Was "Threatening The Life And Wellbeing Of The President"
r/onionheadlines • u/wild_crazy_ideas • 14h ago
When Asked If He Ever Raped Children Trump Cryptically Answered That It Was A Rude Question
r/onionheadlines • u/Educational-Rock-191 • 19h ago
Rest Of Planet Officially Doesn't Give Any Portion Of A Fuck What He Calls Anything
r/onionheadlines • u/NewtoQM8 • 3h ago
Trump Orders All Ships To Use The Niagara River Instead Of Welland Canal
r/onionheadlines • u/Primary_Tennis_2196 • 1h ago
Donald Trump Tells Elon Musk To Make All Future Robots Look Like Trump And Give Them Citizenship So They Can Vote For Him.
Trump tells Musk to send the robots only to states where Trump is Losing. Musk says that means he has to send the robots to all 50 states.
r/onionheadlines • u/wild_crazy_ideas • 41m ago
Trump Claims If He Had Been Captain Of The Titanic He Would Not Have Gone Down With It As Crashing Wouldn’t Have Been His Fault Probably The Democrats Somehow
r/onionheadlines • u/Hot-Explanationista • 6h ago
White House Defends Trump's Orders To Put More Tariffs On Iran And To Bomb Canada As "Simple Mix Up Of Two Wars That President Is Currently Winning"
r/onionheadlines • u/wild_crazy_ideas • 17h ago
Trump Refuses To Sleep With Women Unless It’s Something Exciting Like Rape, Incest, Or She’s Secretly A Prostitute
r/onionheadlines • u/wild_crazy_ideas • 16h ago
Canada To Rename Nations Public Toilets As “Public Trumps”
r/onionheadlines • u/mellow186 • 3h ago
MAGA Eager To Trust Next Democratic President To Choose Whether Their Absentee Ballots Get Delivered
r/onionheadlines • u/wild_crazy_ideas • 12h ago
Hegseth Claims He Must Be President In 2028 To Stay Out Of Prison
r/onionheadlines • u/wild_crazy_ideas • 11h ago
Confused Trump Announces He Will Have Sex With Ivanka Before Her 14th Birthday
r/onionheadlines • u/gluten_heimer • 1d ago
RFK Jr: “I Won’t Rest Until Every American Has Access To A Balanced, Fully Contaminated Diet”
r/onionheadlines • u/erkose • 3h ago
Given Trump's Amazing Deal With Argentina, The FDA Announced They Will Not Recall Any Freedom Beef Allowing Every American The Opportunity To Save And Experience The Art Of The Deal
r/onionheadlines • u/wild_crazy_ideas • 1d ago
Freshly Taxidermied McConnell Now Seeking Reelection Afterall
r/onionheadlines • u/Im_with_stooopid • 12h ago
Americans Upset As New Canadian Tariffs Mean They Can No Longer Afford A Pot To Piss In Or Toilet Paper To Wipe Their Ass.
r/onionheadlines • u/johnnybna • 11h ago
Google And Apple Rename Selves Gargle And Asshole After Trump Misreads Names On Teleprompter
“We have always been Gargle and Asshole. We have always been at war with Eurasia,” said Gargle and Asshole spokespeople in a joint statement of compliant boot-licking.
r/onionheadlines • u/wild_crazy_ideas • 1d ago
Trump To Rename The Panama Canal To “The Hormuz Strait” So That He Can Claim Its Open
r/onionheadlines • u/Western_Flight_7540 • 8h ago