r/onionheadlines Nov 04 '25

ZERO TOLERANCE for rule 2: single sentence headlines only

13 Upvotes

We've been pretty lenient in modering run on headlines, but this ends today.

You need to make your headlines shorter. You can always make your headline shorter. If you have a headline that's over 30 words, rewrite it. There is a way to make it shorter I guarantee you, and there is a way to make it one sentence. You just need to use the meat in your skull to figure it out.

Also, do not include pull quotes in your headline. For example:

Trump Claims He Will Soon Replace Americans With AI - “All They Need To Do Is Vote Republican And Cheer For Me, And AI Can Do That Better, And It Doesn’t Protest At All”

Adding a dash here does not make this a single sentence in the eyes of us mods.

You can put the pull quote in the body of the post, but keep it out of the headline. Any headlines formatted like this will be removed.

Also please avoid headlines that are just a version of Trump: "I Have Very Bigly Hands and I'm The Greatest Golfer and on and on and on for 50 words"

A Trump impression is not a headline. Do better.


r/onionheadlines 9h ago

Dems To Convert Mar-A-Lago To Data Center Next Term

366 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines 8h ago

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140 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines 8h ago

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r/onionheadlines 3h ago

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26 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines 8h ago

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47 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines 14h ago

When Asked If He Ever Raped Children Trump Cryptically Answered That It Was A Rude Question

136 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines 19h ago

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292 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines 3h ago

Trump Orders All Ships To Use The Niagara River Instead Of Welland Canal

15 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines 1h ago

Donald Trump Tells Elon Musk To Make All Future Robots Look Like Trump And Give Them Citizenship So They Can Vote For Him.

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Trump tells Musk to send the robots only to states where Trump is Losing. Musk says that means he has to send the robots to all 50 states.


r/onionheadlines 24m ago

Trump Re-Names McDonald's To Donald's

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r/onionheadlines 41m ago

Trump Claims If He Had Been Captain Of The Titanic He Would Not Have Gone Down With It As Crashing Wouldn’t Have Been His Fault Probably The Democrats Somehow

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r/onionheadlines 6h ago

White House Defends Trump's Orders To Put More Tariffs On Iran And To Bomb Canada As "Simple Mix Up Of Two Wars That President Is Currently Winning"

11 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines 17h ago

Trump Refuses To Sleep With Women Unless It’s Something Exciting Like Rape, Incest, Or She’s Secretly A Prostitute

89 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines 16h ago

Canada To Rename Nations Public Toilets As “Public Trumps”

64 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines 3h ago

MAGA Eager To Trust Next Democratic President To Choose Whether Their Absentee Ballots Get Delivered

5 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines 12h ago

Hegseth Claims He Must Be President In 2028 To Stay Out Of Prison

20 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines 11h ago

Confused Trump Announces He Will Have Sex With Ivanka Before Her 14th Birthday

16 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines 1d ago

RFK Jr: “I Won’t Rest Until Every American Has Access To A Balanced, Fully Contaminated Diet”

251 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines 3h ago

Given Trump's Amazing Deal With Argentina, The FDA Announced They Will Not Recall Any Freedom Beef Allowing Every American The Opportunity To Save And Experience The Art Of The Deal

3 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines 1d ago

Freshly Taxidermied McConnell Now Seeking Reelection Afterall

130 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines 12h ago

Americans Upset As New Canadian Tariffs Mean They Can No Longer Afford A Pot To Piss In Or Toilet Paper To Wipe Their Ass.

11 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines 11h ago

Google And Apple Rename Selves Gargle And Asshole After Trump Misreads Names On Teleprompter

8 Upvotes

“We have always been Gargle and Asshole. We have always been at war with Eurasia,” said Gargle and Asshole spokespeople in a joint statement of compliant boot-licking.


r/onionheadlines 1d ago

Trump To Rename The Panama Canal To “The Hormuz Strait” So That He Can Claim Its Open

86 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines 8h ago

The Gulf Of Mexico Is Now The Gulf Of Southern Canada

3 Upvotes