r/politics • u/mom0nga • Jul 15 '26

No Paywall Hegseth announces annual testosterone screenings for service members

https://thehill.com/policy/defense/5969935-hegseth-testosterone-testing-dod/
16.6k Upvotes

96% Upvoted

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3.3k

u/Colonel-Mooseknuckle Jul 15 '26

And mandatory circle jerks for team bonding.

471

u/PaddlefootCanada Canada Jul 15 '26

Looks like they'll be adding a cracker to all MREs from now on...

247

u/evilglowduckie Jul 15 '26

I hate that I didn't need this explained.

62

u/EliteEinhorn Jul 15 '26

I'd forgotten (blocked) this information and now I remember that I remember it and I hate the dirty poutine eater that reminded me about the f-ing cracker.

12

u/spudaug Jul 15 '26

Is “dirty poutine” what we’re calling it now? Because it totally should be.

4

u/NordlandLapp Jul 15 '26

Saying dirty poutine eater reminded me of Norms poutine, thanks a lot.

5

u/EliteEinhorn Jul 15 '26

We're all suffering together.

20

u/CavalierIndolence Jul 15 '26

I hate to ask, but I may need that explained.

37

u/ColKrismiss Jul 15 '26

There is a frat ritual called "Limp Biscuit" where dudes circle up and jerk off. They race to ejaculate on a cracker (biscuit), last one to nut has to eat the cracker.

I don't know how real this is, I learned about it from the show Silicon Valley

27

u/Pretend-Cheesecake67 Jul 15 '26

What in the actual fuck.

Thanks. Kept reading out of curiosity and I regret every moment of this. I hate that I will never forget this.

8

u/Lower-Cantaloupe3274 Jul 15 '26

Sorry. Woman here. Don't all these hyper-masculine, macho types find masturbating in a room full of other men masturbating...well...a challenge to their heterosexuality? No offense, gay dudes, I'm an ally, but what about this seems heterosexual? Is it closer to a power/dominance thing?

5

u/Icy_Negotiation_5929 Jul 15 '26

Lemme mansplain gender fluidity to you real quick…

3

u/Lower-Cantaloupe3274 Jul 15 '26

Do you really think a room full of guys jacking off with eachother frat-boy style to make someone eat the ejaculation from a cracker are gender fluid?

3

u/[deleted] Jul 15 '26

[deleted]

1

u/CavalierIndolence Jul 16 '26

Sarcasm understood on my end, but with this administration, suspended inherent interpretation as sarcasm is always active since even South Park has a hard time making up stuff that isn't immediately questioned as reality.

2

u/ColKrismiss Jul 15 '26

I have no experience in this area, but what about this scenario leads you to believe that these are hyper masculine macho guys?

3

u/Lower-Cantaloupe3274 Jul 15 '26

Frat ritual. Hazing behavior is often exhibited by such people. I've not experienced such with the drama club or art club. But to your point, I have never joined a frat. I can only infer what their behavior is like behind doors by what I saw from the outside.

1

u/cjfi48J1zvgi Jul 15 '26

I was in the Marines and never saw or participated in anything like that...

Bad enough I had to watch dudes pee.  

8

u/kellenmoore21 Jul 15 '26

Always heard this referred to as "ookie cookie"

5

u/PassiveMenis88M Massachusetts Jul 15 '26

Always heard it the same

6

u/Psyren_G Jul 15 '26

I never heard of this ever and was happier for it.

1

u/corran450 Jul 15 '26

I am ashamed that this thought popped into my head, but…

Do you think knowing you have to eat the cracker makes it harder to nut?

6

u/Lower-Cantaloupe3274 Jul 15 '26

I would think being in a roomful of guys doing the same thing is what would make it harder.

2

u/KriegConscript California Jul 15 '26

boy, does it!

oh wait you meant "more difficult"

26

u/JoeSicko Jul 15 '26

Last person to finish eats the cracker.

3

u/wlake82 Colorado Jul 15 '26

Asking the question I was thinking about asking lol.

4

u/Uchihagod53 Wisconsin Jul 15 '26

Can I have a shred of context in these trying times?

8

u/evilglowduckie Jul 15 '26

CJ around the cracker, last to finish gets a snack. 🙃

3

u/SonoranLiving Jul 15 '26

Fred Durst has entered the chat

36

u/Next_Rip7462 Jul 15 '26

Oh, they've always had crackers in MREs.

8

u/ManagerSuper1193 Jul 15 '26

Thinking ahead

4

u/Beetlejuice_me Jul 15 '26

Yeah, but NOW only the last guy gets to eat it.

2

u/TurnkeyLurker Jul 15 '26

And I read this as "Oh, they've always had crackers in MRAPs."

2

u/Next_Rip7462 Jul 15 '26

No, actually, I literally meant they have always had a pack of saltine crackers in pretty much every MRE I've ever had to choke down (which is way too many).

3

u/Soma2710 Jul 15 '26

Post Katrina flashbacks.

Like the time I thought the gum tasted good and had like 6 pieces.

2

u/Next_Rip7462 Jul 15 '26

Oh come on, there's some passing joy with those specially-made M&Ms that don't melt in your mouth, they don't melt in your hands, in fact they pass all the way through and they still haven't melted. :)

2

u/Soma2710 Jul 16 '26

Hey that’s just recycling.

3

u/justabill71 Jul 15 '26

Let's get this out onto a tray. Nice!

2

u/EVMad Jul 15 '26

British army has digestive biscuits, more absorbent.

1

u/Beetlejuice_me Jul 15 '26

Anzac biscuits in NZ/Aus.

2

u/R3dbeardLFC Jul 15 '26

With his other stances on who should be in the military, soon it'll be oops! all crackers.