Trying to date again
So I’ve been talking to this guy. He’s really nice and doesn’t pressure me at all. Last night he kissed me for the second time. I was pretty drunk and I wanted to kiss him but I just couldn’t stop shaking. He pulled away and asked if I was okay. And why I shake like that every time we kiss. I just said I don’t know and asked if I was doing something wrong.
He asked if I had a bad sexual experience with my ex. He brought up how whenever sex is mentioned I get disgusted and uncomfortable, even if it’s just in a movie. I said I don’t know I don’t wanna talk about it. He said it’s a yes or a no question.
The truth is yes, my ex did sexually pressure me when I wasn’t ready at all. and didn’t care for me during or after it but that’s not why. It’s because before that I lost my virginity by an 45 year old man when I was 18 he beat and raped me and I’ve been terrified ever sense. I know I’ll have to tell the guy I’m speaking to eventually, but I’m afraid how he will react. If he would even want to speak to me ever again after I tell him. I wish I was normal and like other girls but I’m not. I am trying so hard to form relationships but I’m terrified.
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u/Dull-Cry7113 6h ago
I am going through recovery of rape and I think when you are dating someone, on those dates to be clear minded and to be completely sober, not even one drop of alcohol. Alcohol is a depressant and can alter your mood state and is not conducive to healing ❤️🩹 when you clearly are experiencing some traumatic stress when engaging physically with him. Take things slow, sober when with him so you can see if you two are a match when you are clear headed.
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u/Dull-Cry7113 6h ago
Also it is hard not to form boundaries when you are drinking even if its a drop, when learning how to conduct yourself in a date before the date, know your boundaries. Your body physically is shaking but you are not clear wether you want to engage in that activity. Your body is telling you it is not ready or is still processing those emotions and adding alcohol into the mix complicates things further. Write a list of things your mind and body do not want to do on the first few dates and try to communicate that with the person. If they leave thats on them, but dating right now isnt for others to like you it is to find someone who’s compatible with you and build a relationship with someone who respects your boundaries.
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u/Dull-Cry7113 6h ago
I havent dated in 6 years because i am not ready and idk if ill ever be. But yes create a list of boundaries, disclose them so you dont have to get to the point of shaking in front of them. The other person also deserves to know what your wants and desires are so know that first before engaging in dating so you dont get hurt even further in our vulnerable states.
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