There is something wrong with me.

[u/No_Key8587]

So, this post makes me come across as a destructive asshole. Idk, I do care deeply care about other people and I often sort of get depressed thinking of how I’ve treated people discussed.

Basically I think I have some form of (big) decision paralysis. Incident 1: I quit my job to pursue a masters degree overseas. It was something i felt firm on doing. However like two weeks before leaving I got cold feet, applied to a bunch of jobs, dragged me feet arriving, arrived two weeks late, was sort of wound really tight. Blew up at someone, left to come home after two weeks.

Incident 2: I am located in Texas. I applied to a teaching job in Austin (three or so hours from me). Interviewed accepted, always had a goal of moving to Austin. I even put down application fees for an apartment. Then sort of two weeks prior I accepted a job nearby, didn’t move. Sent a “sorry” email two days before Austin in service.

Incident 3: largely the same thing happened as 2 but for a school in Colorado but the embarrassing thing is that schools principal called my principal and my principal told me “errr you better tell them”.

All this was between 2023 and now, but I think a similar thing played out when I was choosing colleges to attend pre-covid.

Now… I am quite capable of holding down a job and I’ve worked regularly and (landed on my feet after #1) but I am also… sad and unfulfilled all the time. Anyways, I hate being an asshole even though I feel like i frequently am.