A few years ago I read a book called Ultralearning by Scott Young right?

In the book the author essentially taught that the fastest way to learn anything is to do a cursory amount of research… then do as much practice as you can tolerate.

When I wanted to learn how to talk to people after not being socialized my entire childhood here’s the exact routine I used for years:

Wake up, read a social skills book for 10-15 minutes ideally audiobook if you’re going to work/school.

The second you arrive to work/school practice what you just learned.

Then that evening reflect on what went well and what you’ll do better tomorrow.

3 steps + time was all it took me.

And if you’re too intimidated to go for full on conversations from the jump do what I call conversational training wheels:

Can’t hold a conversation?

Try just saying hello.

Can’t say hello?

Try just smiling and waving.

Can’t smile and wave?

Try making eye contact.

Start where you can tolerate then build upon that. Learn a little each day. Integrate that learning with practice.

I can elaborate on this more if anyone’s interested.

When I got into a good position and started seeing some success, grinding all by myself, I noticed that people around me started getting annoyed for no reason. They behave differently now and sometimes make fun of me. I can tell they’re not the same anymore.

I'm on a mission to get this info in front of as many people as possible. I can't recommend this enough (read below and you'll understand why).

Where I was 6 months ago:

• Depressed, anxious, extremely unmotivated, ADHD, feeling permanently behind.
• Knew exactly what I should be doing. Did absolutely none of it.
• Constant shame, which fed the whole thing. Death spiral/loop. Rince. Repeat.

What I tried first: TM (after watching one too many Ray Dalio videos lol), I threw the kitchen sink at it but no results. Felt like a chore before I'd even sat down. Never made it past 2 weeks. Not once. Too much friction (the wrong kind ;))

Then in Feb everyone was filming themselves being degens and staring at walls but at that stage I was desperate enough to try somehting that ridiculous.

Anyways, I did, and 180 days later:

1. My mood/motivation lifted like never before and it held across the whole day. Not the 20 min post-meditation calm that's gone by lunch.
2. 10 mins of staring = a 2.5hr work block (I used to fight for a measly 5 minutes).
3. Aced exams I'd quietly written off beforehand
4. Actually finished side projects instead of abandoning them 30% into it.
5. Confidence increased day by day which compounded like crazy [there's no way I would be writing this post right now back then]

Why it stuck when meditation didn't: there's no correct way to do it. So there's no way to fail at it. So there's nothing to avoid, no breathing, no mystical mantras. Meditation asks you to do something. Wall staring asks you to stop doing everything else. Only the second one survives a bad/terrible week IMO. The people who need meditation the most, it fails because it doesn't meet them where they’re at. In my case....burnt the f*ck out. It lowered the bar so much that even I saw it as approachable.

Consistency is the whole game. A mediocre practice you do every day beats a perfect one you quit in week 2 (+ everyone has an under-utilised wall unless you’re homeless but even then haha).

If meditation had two younger siblings, wall staring would be the middle child for sure. Like it's a bit wild/strange but you can't help but love them. That is the best way of explaining it atm. Might sound preachy but it's legit af, and I'd rather sound preachy than be silent on it and not present this as a viable solution to a lot of people on here who need it. 

Full protocol in the comments. Ask me anything, theres heaps to talk about. Anything I can do to help someone just like me 6 months ago, I'm all ears!!

Note: I wrote this after staring at the wall for the past 20 mins. Zero friction writing this. Can't say the same for spelling errors ahha

I’m putting together a personal diary of the best mindset lessons I can learn from other people.

Hi all, what are some videos that really helped you?

I’m open to any suggestions

Thank you!!

I'm going into college in a few days, while thinking on a lazy day at work, I realised that I have really wasted my teenage years, I have a small group of friends, only had one girlfriend (whom I got cheated on by), girls only ever really see me as a friend and rarely anything more, and I'm fairly weak and skinny fat and suffer heavy from porn addiction.

As I enter college, I want to try start making something of myself and changing how I and others perceive me and make a larger set of friends and gain life experience as well as hitting the gym and eating healthier.

I'm only struggling with where do I begin, it seems like a big task. How do I make a work out plan? How do I eat healthier?, what small changes can I make to my day to day? How do I find my own style of clothing and hair? And how do I defeat the devil that is porn?

I really want to change myself for the better and become someone I'm proud of.

Any advice is appreciated Big or Small! Thank you

This ended up being longer and more personal than expected, so maybe take it more as a vent with a question or something, lol

I dont know why, but my confidence can really swing a lot making be not able to have control over it, which also makes it hard for me to have control over myself.

I have heard before that my mood can swing from quite happy to real fucking depressed to "fine" in the period of a few hours.

One of the culprits I think is my confidence.

I really want to learn a lot and am open to learn as much as possible about different things, but i also want people to know that if I know something then I know it.

My work atm, is what have been my hobby for a really long time. I try to go as professional as possible.

At work, I'm the one with the books about standards and corrections. I'm the one that have been able to solve projects if others can't. And the past year or so i found 3 things we produce that was calculated incorrectly from the start.

But even then, people still want to treat me like a beginner and I fucking hate it.

"Gets told to make something for someone", then I get yelled at because someone else found other ways to make it instead.

"If i have to work on something that i have worked on befor where i have to use my hands more" then suddenly I get told that I can use that to "learn" something new.

"I have to make something" then suddenly there is always that "one extra thing" that they think I should add after adding item 100

And even myself is good in not believing in me.

If I'm just at home doing something, then I always see what I make as being shit or very bad

All these things have just made my confidence fall quite a lot and with then and from previous things I have had, I feel like I get quite depressed.

I have not been able to work my full day hours yet, I have just went home early all days the past month.

I also feel like it have made me not able to learn as much new because I just dont want to read a book or investigate things like that when I feel bad. And then it can suddenly feel like I'm just getting dumber and dumber.

And the whole depression thing of it just feels like a positive feedback.

If i am depressed suddenly, then I will proberly be it until something else comes to mind or someone else boost my confidence a lot

In the end i just want to ask how you all do this shit?

I REALLY want to learn a lot, but I just feel stuck in my own low confidence and depression everyday

I would say I am introvert. I don't have problem with being alone, I do a lot of stuff alone, and I honestly prefer to be alone.

Thing is I literally become lonely by myself. I ditched only few friends that I had (even though) they were my only friends, and online ones aren't the same.

I deleted my social media when I was 16-17 in highschool (now I am 20) in the name of "self improvement" and since then I find it very hard for me to socialize.
I have it hard IRL (I find people boring and not interesting) only few attractive that I don't meet much, and I think it would be same on instagram too.

So I though of going back social, but I don't know how to get people to follow me or just to chat with. I don't have anything to offer back.

I feel like I have different interest: politics, fitness, esports/games, family life and that's it. (and these are kinda like opposite of what my age group cares about)

What I acknowledge is that the isolation that I chose did that I lost access to know what people around me do, what they care about, what are the newest gossips...

How to not be "average guy" or "nobody" for people. Now that self improvement thing kick back to me, that I am not enough and I need to do more somehow. Just don't know where and how to start. Even if I made socials nobody would know about me.

What should I do?

I think there's a point where self-improvement can turn into constantly treating yourself like a problem.

Maybe some things aren't flaws that need fixing.

Maybe they're just parts of us that need understanding.

What did you eventually stop trying to change?

Not everything needs a reaction

My mind deserves a break too

Overthinking only creates more problems that don't exist

I'm learning to accept the moment

Let it be, don't over edit life

I don't need all the answers right now

I'm done creating all these stories in my head

My mind is just going to choose peace over fear

I’m the least confrontational person I know. I will sit in discomfort and seething rage before speaking up for myself. Something changed.

I went to the movie a couple of days ago and a group of 40 year olds sat behind me. Two guys and two girls. I’m assuming a double date. The guys were making jokes the entire movie and the women were talking. I sat for 80 percent of the movie stewing in frustration. Suddenly before I could even process what I was doing, my head turned around and I told them to be quiet. They just stared at me… THEN THEY ACTUALLY LEFT THE MOVIE.

I think I want to make being confrontational my new thing. Confrontation never worked when I was a kid, but it does work when you get older.

If someone hits me or kills me for it, oh well. I’m tired of living in a world where the assholes win.

When I say intimacy, I don't mean sex. I mean intimacy, closeness with a person romantically or emotionally, not just raw sex appeal or fulfilment. I want to become a constantly better partner for someone so that, eventually, I will be good enough to be with someone at all.

I don't really know what to ask specifically, but any advice is welcome. I always want to get better, in all avenues.

Waking up already feeling behind? Feeling insignificant and helpless? Problems at work or with your other half?

I want to be good at things so badly. I want to be good at game development, art, graphic design, ui/ux design, and writing. Im trying so hard, but im not creative enough. I can't think of any ideas. I go online and I see so many people who are infinitely more better then me. I know im overthinking. I know I should try and calm down and take my time. But I just can't. It's all I can think about. Everything else is an afterthought or a nuisance.

I've given many lectures in my life. I was never stressed, maybe nervous at times and that was it. One day, though, I suffered a panic attack out of nowhere. My voice was trembling, my fingers were shivering and my heart was racing. I was running out of air and I just wanted to die. However, I survived to live with the fear that I will experience this each and every time I have to speak in front of an audience.

I told these to a dear friend of mine who is a musician. For weeks (maybe months) we would meet and he would play the piano and he was giving me song to sing (I ain't no singer). He was running a chorus and they had meetings most days of the week. We would also do solo parts. I did all these so many times, being at stage was so natural.

Then I had to deliver a speech again (I'm a physician so this was not relevant at all). He told me, remember all of the times that you did great and bring those moments with you. Bring the music with you.

And eventually it worked out. Music heals. But you have to put your heart in it. Wishful thinking is not enough

So im an introvert and im tryna change that.i see some people who just connect wih everyone immediately. Like they make everyone feel wanted and no matter what keep the conversation going. I try to be that way but always fail to keep the convo going.

Whats the secret to it? How do yall connect with everyone so quick?

I want to change it because i got a brother whose extroverted and everyone knows him. Id say im known to people mostly becauseof him. I speak to some people and if they get to know that hes my brother they're all excited and I'vealways thought how does he do it😭. Like even some distant family members know him and dont know me. People tend to forget me or maybe im not memorable. And this isnt something new too. I've had experiences since small age where i speak to a guy in class one day and the next week they just forget who i am and act like they dont know me. I dunno if this is just people in general and it happens to me sometimes too but if i like connect with a person i dont forget them.

How do i become a guy whos unforgettable and the guy whose friendly with everyone and speaks with confidence?

If you want to make friends organically, stop trying to find where “your people,” are and start living a life you actually enjoy.

Then befriend people you meet along the way.

Example:

I love solo traveling right?

So whenever id book a flight somewhere new I’d start chatting to people the second I left my door until I returned home.

In the line for security at the airport.

In line for the check in at my hostel.

On day tours in whatever city I’m visiting.

Then if I really jived with someone I’d ask for their IG or WhatsApp and try to arrange meetings a few weeks later.

I invited a bro I met in Toronto to come visit me. I invited a therapist I met in Honolulu to come visit me. Anyone I thought was cool and made me think “damn I wanna hang out with you again.”

That’s it. I didn’t force myself to go to any meetup apps, and social groups, or anything that felt forced.

I just asked, “what do I want to do?” Then I talked to people along the way. Then I kept the ones I resonated with.

in my freshman year of college, my first friend group, who at the time i felt i was really close with, ended up treating me badly and eventually pushed me out of the friend group. At the time, i felt i got really close to these guys, so i ended up getting really depressed and withdrawn. And I dont want to get into the specific details. It honestly still affects me a lot now.

It shaped my entire college experience. I left clubs, let my grades drop, didnt apply for research, barely applied for internships. I became so withdrawn to the point that I didn't really pursue that pathway I wanted for my life. Like, by the time I realized what I had let go, it was too late to pursue it.

But recently, I have been looking at the linkedins and seeing them get exactly the careers and programs they wanted to get into. Some of them are even pursuing fields I wanted to pursue. And it sucks, because those were things i wanted so much.

I had to basically get bailed out by my dad for a job because how lackluster my resume was, which sucks because i really didnt want to take handouts.

And its not like I was dumb. I remember helping a lot of those guys with course work but now some are pursuing incredibly advanced fields, fields i wanted to do. I dont want to keep feeling this way.

And I dont want to keep blaming them. I know that I shouldnt have let how they treated affect me so long. I know at some point I shouldve got over it but I couldnt and still cant even now. And it hurts to know that I let them play such a big role in my life while they probably dont even think about me anymore. I unfollowed them on insta and linkedin, though I do find myself checking their profiles a lot. Like they really fucked up my self esteem.

I want to move on so that I can finally just focus on trying to fix my life and maybe in some small way move in the career direction I wanted to go in, even if the full path wont be possible anymore. Because I know im not satisfied with what im doing now.

I don't know what's happening

I've noticed how easy it is to turn every small change into a whole project. Better sleep suddenly needs an app, a tracker, a routine, supplements, and a perfect nighttime schedule. Exercise needs a program. Productivity needs another system.

At what point does trying to improve your life actually start making it more complicated?

I'm genuinely curious where people draw that line, because sometimes the simplest change seems more sustainable than trying to optimize absolutely everything.

I track my habits weekly, so 7/7 means I successfully went 7 days without doing the habit. (For my full story on each habit, check my profile where i went indept in the issues.

1. Escorts - 6/7 I was great lasted 6 days without seeing one but failed once in the week and wasted £240 wasn't even good, could tell she only wanted the money, brain kept telling me oh its the end of the month, don't do it again start fresh next month :(
2. Quit Porn- Failed out of 4 out of 7 days I stayed away from it, brain told me oh just watch what's new and I was sucked in
3. Quit Wanking- 3/7 I need stop playing with myself just kept giving in triggers were dreams and TikTok
4. Junk food, 1/7 massive failure, kept getting take out all week, but stopped using just eat
5. Quit X- On day ten huge win
6. Quit YouTube - 4/7 I've cut down massively but ended dup wasting huge amounts of time watchign serial killer docs that weren't even intresting lolo
7. Checking VivaStreet- 3/7 Kept checking for what's new hard not to check, need to use more willpower to stop

I relate a lot to posts about feeling “slow” or dumb, but I don’t even know if slow is the right word for what I experience.

It feels like my brain is constantly open somehow. Like information enters but nothing sticks or connects properly. Someone can explain something to me and even if they explain it completely sticking to the topic or from a different perspective, I struggle to process it. And the worst part is I can’t even come up with questions to ask because I don’t understand enough to know what I’m confused about.

I struggle with communication in general. I struggle to make friends. The only people who have consistently stuck by my side are my roommates and my parents, and even with them sometimes I just need to be completely alone and have space.

Academically, I can mug things up and vomit them onto an exam paper. But actually understanding something intricately? Being able to play around with an idea, connect different concepts, or come up with something on the spot? Nope.

I feel like I have to study absolutely everything beforehand because I can’t just “cook up a story” in an exam or discussion the way some people seem to. Then I end up getting fewer marks than people who can write convincing answers even when they seemingly know less than I do.

And this isn't just academics. Sometimes I genuinely don’t know what I think about things. I have trouble putting my thoughts into words, understanding situations, knowing what to say, or even figuring out what exactly is happening inside my own head.

Sometimes I get so exhausted with being myself that I wish I could just go to sleep and wake up as some alternate personality who could take control and handle my life for me.

Because lately I’m not even sure what is what anymore.

I don’t know whether this is an intelligence thing, an attention thing, anxiety, being mentally exhausted, or just how my brain works. I just know I’m tired of constantly feeling like everyone else received some instruction manual for thinking and communicating that I somehow missed.

Does anyone else experience this? Especially the feeling of understanding things only on a memorization level but struggling to actually think with the information?

I have been a huge tiktok addict my whole life and now ism seeing the consequences of it. Its just so much toxic content on there and if you are a bird like me you will believe most things you see there. How to act , how to be in friendships, relationships etc. i developed trust issues and kind of narcisstic traits . I stopped trusting my own intuition and lost my personality. I dont want to see any hate comments, i know its my fault and i should have known better but here we are. I never developed real friendsships never been in a relationship just because i didnt know how to act and how to be. Tiktok messed with my thoughts. I lost my social skills i was really a nice talkative, funny person. My brother tried telling me that its bad but i secretly deleted the app again and felt ashamed about it. It really is a drug. Tiktok feeds into delusions and false believes. Warn the people you love. I hope it gets banned honestly.

Edit: i know its kind of obvious that tiktok and social media in general is bad for you but thats just how it was for me.

My procrastination towards writing specifically is super bad because the progress to completion is so much looser and "flexible" for lack of a better word. Like I could put down "write one sentence" in my to-do list but the time varies on how long it takes. I have to think of an idea for the sentence and find a way to word it and put it to paper, edit it, and then decide if it conveys what I want it to say in terms of the topic. Science or math, I just do one problem then task completed because a lot of it is just using a formula or a concrete method that follows a specific series of steps to solve it.

In writing, it is so easy for me to push off even writing one sentence because "it's one sentence" yk? And then it builds up and overwhelms me because now I've got to write a whole paragraph. I do brain dumps sometimes, but I just fall into the hole of writing in a circle and it just doesn't feel good even if I know it is just putting any thoughts I have onto paper. I also use the three reasons structure, but it's really hard to flesh it out into an actual paragraph once I've spent all my efforts thinking of and researching those reasons.

I really want to know how people manage to consistently work on writing especially since I'm going into school soon. The process on writing and finishing a paper is so arbitrary to me because it really varies between each assignment and topic. I use pomodoro timers, but I end up just staring at the document for most of the time. Any advice on spacing out writing assignments into a consistent schedule is appreciated :)

Hey folks. I thought about posting this on psychology but I figured that so much more clinical subreddit and figured this would be the best place. While you can respond to me personally I'm very interested in your thoughts about the themes as a whole as well.

I constantly think about what I have named The Labyrinth of Self Assessment. Nobody can progress in anything without self-assessment. What's going well, what's not, what's causing problems, what needs more attention and focus, what strengths are present which can be drawn upon. But we are also, I believe, to some degree always unreliable narrators. Though I have a history of mental health issues so that may be clouding my judgment there. And to complicate things further, I am excessively self-critical and also self-aware in many many ways, but also have blaring blind spots. Hence the labyrinth.

I'll get into the meat of it where this all plays out for me in real context. I have severe ADHD. I have battled with depression my whole life, though I feel like at this time I have put a huge amount of work in and have gotten on top of the specific depression side of my thinking. It's definitely still there though, largely in my attitude, specifically learned hopelessness. I've worked specifically on this a lot but I still experience it regularly and actively combat it constantly (shout out learned optimism by Martin seligman, this book changed my life and really got me out of that mindset generally). As I've mentioned I'm simultaneously hyper self-critical as well as very self-aware. I also have chronic anxiety; I believe mine is what I've heard called silent anxiety, nobody knows from working with me, most are surprised it's an issue. But internally it's a constant bombardment: I need to be getting more things done, relationship anxieties are constant, I'm letting my life slip away, I feel like a whole lot of it is caused by not being productive because of my ADHD which causes me to feel like there's a million things looming over my head at all times. My teeth are chipping apart from constant clenching, which also causes constant jaw pain. I am medicated but my doctor sucks (getting a new one soon) and I think I'm under medicated, and either way, medication only does so much. I genuinely exercise as much as I can, I eat well, I have a therapist and a psychiatrist. I genuinely feel like I'm doing as much as I can with what I've got. But... The labyrinth of self assessment.

Despite my issues I am capable. I have had periods when I've been fully productive all day everyday. Things were a bit better in my life then. I have some chronic pain which is slightly limiting; and the really fun part is it could all be completely solved by doing the home exercises I've been given in physical therapy. But I just struggle so badly to do them. Other than that I'm perfectly healthy; well I do have other stuff going on but not terribly relevant.

So my issues are self-focused anxiety, some chronic pain, struggles with productivity due to ADHD. All of these things have very straightforward treatments that I believe absolutely would/will work if I do them. Meditate at least once a day ideally in the morning and then I think it would really help to have a short one in the afternoon and evening to ground me. Meditating helps, it just straight up helps a lot. I don't do it. Maybe a couple times a week. Journaling. This helps, it's less immediate than meditation but I know that a regular journaling habit helps me. Eating and exercise. I'm doing okayish here but I could be doing a lot better. If I could just stick to a better schedule with eating, that helps me out a lot. I really struggle to do my exercises for physical therapy, I'm somewhat on and off with it, but it's generally a very real struggle. When I do exercise I have a tendency to overdo it, usually going on a run for longer than I should, which often just sets me back. I've drawn up ideal daily routines multiple times of when to eat and exercise and stretch and meditate and journal and read etc. I just don't stick to it.

I want to get better so bad. Like I ruminate constantly about just wanting to get better. I have all of the answers in front of me and I know all the solutions. I know the tools that will help me with mindfulness, what will help me with my body, etc.

Which leaves me with why. Why aren't I doing these things. Which which causes the true entrance of the labyrinth of self-assessment. One thought, only because its like a legally mandatory accusation from therapists and others when you're trying to get better and struggling: "A, maybe you actually don't want to get better you're just a little sad boy who loves this suffering or B, you're afraid to do the work". I think that's horseshit. But guess what, it's me, so yeah maybe there's a chance. But I've done a whole lot of much harder things than meditating and journaling and eating well. I've gotten through some severely crazy life situations and come out the other side, I don't really see how it makes sense that doing these basic things every day to get out of this suffering would be what's holding me back.

Maybe it is biologic and I need better meds. I doubt it, I've done way way better for a periods of time in the past without medication. I put a very large amount of effort into building up a fulfilling life and I thrived for a while. If I built myself up like that without meds I would think I should be able to do it when medicated.

Is it motivation. I've done so much therapy and journaling about this whole subject. I have motivations. Just feeling better in and of itself is a huge motivation. I want to find my person in life. I want to do things like run a few races every year and go on trips. Honestly the biggest motivation that helps is envisioning my future self living a full productive life, nothing specific, just me thriving.

Similar to motivation, do I need a catalyst. In the past when I have gone from struggling to thriving, there has often been a catalyst. Once was me realizing I really want a future with someone I was with, and I turned around pretty much everything in my life. Another time was simply going to the hospital and getting the help I needed, I came out a different person.

So, I know my weaknesses. I'm disorganized, unproductive, not very mindful, often don't have a great attitude, and I'm hyper self-critical. I know the treatments for each of these things. But I can't do them. There's a number of theories why. And I'm attempting to address each of them as much as possible. But how does one even navigate this labyrinth.