A few years ago I read a book called Ultralearning by Scott Young right?

In the book the author essentially taught that the fastest way to learn anything is to do a cursory amount of research… then do as much practice as you can tolerate.

When I wanted to learn how to talk to people after not being socialized my entire childhood here’s the exact routine I used for years:

Wake up, read a social skills book for 10-15 minutes ideally audiobook if you’re going to work/school.

The second you arrive to work/school practice what you just learned.

Then that evening reflect on what went well and what you’ll do better tomorrow.

3 steps + time was all it took me.

And if you’re too intimidated to go for full on conversations from the jump do what I call conversational training wheels:

Can’t hold a conversation?

Try just saying hello.

Can’t say hello?

Try just smiling and waving.

Can’t smile and wave?

Try making eye contact.

Start where you can tolerate then build upon that. Learn a little each day. Integrate that learning with practice.

I can elaborate on this more if anyone’s interested.

When I got into a good position and started seeing some success, grinding all by myself, I noticed that people around me started getting annoyed for no reason. They behave differently now and sometimes make fun of me. I can tell they’re not the same anymore.

I’m putting together a personal diary of the best mindset lessons I can learn from other people.

I would say I am introvert. I don't have problem with being alone, I do a lot of stuff alone, and I honestly prefer to be alone.

Thing is I literally become lonely by myself. I ditched only few friends that I had (even though) they were my only friends, and online ones aren't the same.

I deleted my social media when I was 16-17 in highschool (now I am 20) in the name of "self improvement" and since then I find it very hard for me to socialize.
I have it hard IRL (I find people boring and not interesting) only few attractive that I don't meet much, and I think it would be same on instagram too.

So I though of going back social, but I don't know how to get people to follow me or just to chat with. I don't have anything to offer back.

I feel like I have different interest: politics, fitness, esports/games, family life and that's it. (and these are kinda like opposite of what my age group cares about)

What I acknowledge is that the isolation that I chose did that I lost access to know what people around me do, what they care about, what are the newest gossips...

How to not be "average guy" or "nobody" for people. Now that self improvement thing kick back to me, that I am not enough and I need to do more somehow. Just don't know where and how to start. Even if I made socials nobody would know about me.

What should I do?

Waking up already feeling behind? Feeling insignificant and helpless? Problems at work or with your other half?

I think there's a point where self-improvement can turn into constantly treating yourself like a problem.

Maybe some things aren't flaws that need fixing.

Maybe they're just parts of us that need understanding.

What did you eventually stop trying to change?

I'm recently 18. My immediate family was abusive growing up. They cut off my extended family due to them questioning their parenting techniques when I was around 8 or so. I reconnected with them at 16/17, but since they live several states away ive only seen them two or three times since.

Last time I was there I was informed that my grandparent wanted to give me an allowance and help me pay for my college tuition. (Alongside my sibling and cousins. I'm just the oldest, so it's only relevant to me right now.)

While I was incredibly grateful, it didn't really hit me until now. While I'm actually making my separate bank account for it. It didn't feel real. But no. Apparently they are giving me, somebody hardly better than a stranger, money. Simply for being in college.

I'm a failure. Out of my entire family generation, I am by far the worst. My cousins are in a special high school for smart kids, my sibling isn't the smartest but at least they're in honors highschool classes.

I never focused on my studies because I was being abused. I was focused on survival. Now that I'm in college, I'm still failing. And I don't even have the excuse of being abused. Since I'm not anymore. Things are fine now.

I failed two classes last semester because I fell into a deep depression and couldn't bring myself to care. I already missed a handful of assignments early in ***this*** semester. ***My college GPA is a 2.6.*** I've considered dropping out or changing majors entirely because I hate what I chose.

Like the only good thing I can say is that I have a job, but ***fuck*** they should have fired me. I'm shit enough of an employee for that.

And as much as the opportunity is amazing and I'm grateful, it's a waste on me. I'm an incredibly lazy person with little aspirations who's only in college because what the fuck else am I going to do?

I don't even think my grandparents know I failed two classes last semester. I should tell them.

Hi all, what are some videos that really helped you?

I’m open to any suggestions

Thank you!!

I don’t want to do anything in life. I want to gain skills but not willing to work for them. I want to start projects but get real bored quickly. I don’t have any friends to do things with. I have no career because companies are idiots. I don’t want to exercise because it’s hard and exhausting. I don’t know where to have fun anymore. Even my hobbies feel boring. I have no money but ironically I have no responsibilities either. What happens to people like me? How would you get out of this situation?

Every time I fell off I diagnosed it as laziness and threw more discipline at it. Better notebook, fixed time, streak tracker. Worked for a few weeks, died the same way each time.

What killed it was the blank page. Not the writing, the deciding what to write. By the end of a long day I had about forty seconds of energy left, and the notebook wanted two hard things at once: work out what I thought, then compose it into sentences worth keeping.

The thing that stuck was dropping the second one.

I started talking instead. A couple of minutes, no structure, no audience, just saying what the day was. I'll talk for a minute about something I'd never write three sentences about. Speaking is also much faster than handwriting, and it doesn't require you to know your point before you start.

The other change was making the bar embarrassingly low. Not "journal every night" but "say one true thing about today." Most nights that's forty seconds. Some nights it runs to five minutes because I hit something I didn't know I was carrying. The forty-second version is the one that survives a bad week, and surviving bad weeks is the whole game.

Two years in, no individual entry matters much. What matters is that the same three things show up every time I have a bad stretch, and I could not have named them from memory.

If you've fallen off journaling more than once, what specifically stopped you? I'm fairly convinced it's almost never discipline and I want to know whether that holds for anyone else.

I have some goals ive been trying to achieve for a while now, ive tried in the past but failed, ive asked for help from friends or family and didnt get any and ive tried on my own but didn't workout the way I hoped

Now im stuck trying to get myself motivated again but lately ive been lacking in that department, I dont know if its because im scared to fail again or be judged by others..

in my freshman year of college, my first friend group, who at the time i felt i was really close with, ended up treating me badly and eventually pushed me out of the friend group. At the time, i felt i got really close to these guys, so i ended up getting really depressed and withdrawn. And I dont want to get into the specific details. It honestly still affects me a lot now.

It shaped my entire college experience. I left clubs, let my grades drop, didnt apply for research, barely applied for internships. I became so withdrawn to the point that I didn't really pursue that pathway I wanted for my life. Like, by the time I realized what I had let go, it was too late to pursue it.

But recently, I have been looking at the linkedins and seeing them get exactly the careers and programs they wanted to get into. Some of them are even pursuing fields I wanted to pursue. And it sucks, because those were things i wanted so much.

I had to basically get bailed out by my dad for a job because how lackluster my resume was, which sucks because i really didnt want to take handouts.

And its not like I was dumb. I remember helping a lot of those guys with course work but now some are pursuing incredibly advanced fields, fields i wanted to do. I dont want to keep feeling this way.

And I dont want to keep blaming them. I know that I shouldnt have let how they treated affect me so long. I know at some point I shouldve got over it but I couldnt and still cant even now. And it hurts to know that I let them play such a big role in my life while they probably dont even think about me anymore. I unfollowed them on insta and linkedin, though I do find myself checking their profiles a lot. Like they really fucked up my self esteem.

I want to move on so that I can finally just focus on trying to fix my life and maybe in some small way move in the career direction I wanted to go in, even if the full path wont be possible anymore. Because I know im not satisfied with what im doing now.

So im an introvert and im tryna change that.i see some people who just connect wih everyone immediately. Like they make everyone feel wanted and no matter what keep the conversation going. I try to be that way but always fail to keep the convo going.

Whats the secret to it? How do yall connect with everyone so quick?

I want to change it because i got a brother whose extroverted and everyone knows him. Id say im known to people mostly becauseof him. I speak to some people and if they get to know that hes my brother they're all excited and I'vealways thought how does he do it😭. Like even some distant family members know him and dont know me. People tend to forget me or maybe im not memorable. And this isnt something new too. I've had experiences since small age where i speak to a guy in class one day and the next week they just forget who i am and act like they dont know me. I dunno if this is just people in general and it happens to me sometimes too but if i like connect with a person i dont forget them.

How do i become a guy whos unforgettable and the guy whose friendly with everyone and speaks with confidence?

So I’m a high school student and I also play a sport plus o go too the gym. I have training everyday for around 3 hours straight after school than I have like 30 minutes before I go to the gym for an hour and a half. So by the time I get back home it’s like 7-8. And I’m always so tired and exhausted so when I do my homework or try to study I just can’t do it and end up doomscrolling instead.
So I guess my question is how do you balance everything in your life together ? How are u able to still do the stuff u gotta do even when ur tried as hell?

Hello guys

After a shitty childhood i spend my 20-30 year age range whit depression and i`am a functional dr.g addict.

I hided this for more than 10 year, and i finally able to come out.

i cant do this face to face first time to my friends, but i made a video and first time in my life, i talked about this

its not much, but its a huge thing for me

This ended up being longer and more personal than expected, so maybe take it more as a vent with a question or something, lol

I dont know why, but my confidence can really swing a lot making be not able to have control over it, which also makes it hard for me to have control over myself.

I have heard before that my mood can swing from quite happy to real fucking depressed to "fine" in the period of a few hours.

One of the culprits I think is my confidence.

I really want to learn a lot and am open to learn as much as possible about different things, but i also want people to know that if I know something then I know it.

My work atm, is what have been my hobby for a really long time. I try to go as professional as possible.

At work, I'm the one with the books about standards and corrections. I'm the one that have been able to solve projects if others can't. And the past year or so i found 3 things we produce that was calculated incorrectly from the start.

But even then, people still want to treat me like a beginner and I fucking hate it.

"Gets told to make something for someone", then I get yelled at because someone else found other ways to make it instead.

"If i have to work on something that i have worked on befor where i have to use my hands more" then suddenly I get told that I can use that to "learn" something new.

"I have to make something" then suddenly there is always that "one extra thing" that they think I should add after adding item 100

And even myself is good in not believing in me.

If I'm just at home doing something, then I always see what I make as being shit or very bad

All these things have just made my confidence fall quite a lot and with then and from previous things I have had, I feel like I get quite depressed.

I have not been able to work my full day hours yet, I have just went home early all days the past month.

I also feel like it have made me not able to learn as much new because I just dont want to read a book or investigate things like that when I feel bad. And then it can suddenly feel like I'm just getting dumber and dumber.

And the whole depression thing of it just feels like a positive feedback.

If i am depressed suddenly, then I will proberly be it until something else comes to mind or someone else boost my confidence a lot

In the end i just want to ask how you all do this shit?

I REALLY want to learn a lot, but I just feel stuck in my own low confidence and depression everyday

I'm going into college in a few days, while thinking on a lazy day at work, I realised that I have really wasted my teenage years, I have a small group of friends, only had one girlfriend (whom I got cheated on by), girls only ever really see me as a friend and rarely anything more, and I'm fairly weak and skinny fat and suffer heavy from porn addiction.

As I enter college, I want to try start making something of myself and changing how I and others perceive me and make a larger set of friends and gain life experience as well as hitting the gym and eating healthier.

I'm only struggling with where do I begin, it seems like a big task. How do I make a work out plan? How do I eat healthier?, what small changes can I make to my day to day? How do I find my own style of clothing and hair? And how do I defeat the devil that is porn?

I really want to change myself for the better and become someone I'm proud of.

Any advice is appreciated Big or Small! Thank you

I’m 17F and I’ve wasted so many years doing nothing and I don’t know how to stop. I keep living the same days knowing that I hate it but I don’t know how to change it. I have no friends and nowhere to make any (until I go back to college) and no activities to do because I live in such a small area.

Frankly i’m just miserable and I need to know if it’s possible to turn your life around fully. Like has anyone ever gone to having no friends, multiple mental illnesses to their name and can’t be confident to save their life, to someone with many friends, who enjoys life to the fullest and doesn’t care about what others think and just does whatever they want to?

I know it’s entirely possible to live like that, but is going from the complete opposite to that possible (dunno if I worded that right)? I guess I could just force it to be possible to be honest, because I want this SO badly but I’m terrified of it and I don’t know how to embrace my fears yet.

That was more lengthy than I intended, my bad :’) but please let me know if it’s possible and if anyone has actually done this before.

Not everything needs a reaction

My mind deserves a break too

Overthinking only creates more problems that don't exist

I'm learning to accept the moment

Let it be, don't over edit life

I don't need all the answers right now

I'm done creating all these stories in my head

My mind is just going to choose peace over fear

Growing up, I was a kid with low self-confidence, and I dealt with it by making jokes at my own expense. I didn’t mind making fun of myself, even when the jokes were genuinely mean, if it made other people laugh.

The problem is that by the time I decided I wanted to start treating myself better, I had already conditioned a lot of my friends to treat me the same way. Some of them still call me things that I know they themselves would be hurt by if someone else called them that.

It feels really awkward trying to set that boundary now after years of insulting myself and letting other people do the same. I feel like I essentially taught everyone that I’m okay with being the butt of the joke, and now I’m suddenly changing the rules.

Has anyone else been in this situation? How do you “unclown” yourself and get your friends to start treating you differently without making it incredibly awkward?

m16. I stress a-lot about certain illnesses, certain body functions, a certain future and my attractiveness, etc. I often go to a-lot of doctors for all kinds for surgeries or other reasons. I dropped out of school and i’ve been home for a year. I need to find a job or a school soon. I became addicted to sexual dopamine and other drugs like nicotine. I never had a girlfriend. I lost all my friends. I hate going outside. im too ugly. Im too fat. im suicidal. I hate everyone. im too bad at life. My POINT is: I have alot of shit thats bothering me right now. And nobody takes me serious. My work addicted parents think a 16 year old thats been at home for a 9 months, is not able to stress because he’s not working on anything, while i’m out here developing cysts! I really just need to calm down. Any advice on what I should do to calm myself?

I've given many lectures in my life. I was never stressed, maybe nervous at times and that was it. One day, though, I suffered a panic attack out of nowhere. My voice was trembling, my fingers were shivering and my heart was racing. I was running out of air and I just wanted to die. However, I survived to live with the fear that I will experience this each and every time I have to speak in front of an audience.

I told these to a dear friend of mine who is a musician. For weeks (maybe months) we would meet and he would play the piano and he was giving me song to sing (I ain't no singer). He was running a chorus and they had meetings most days of the week. We would also do solo parts. I did all these so many times, being at stage was so natural.

Then I had to deliver a speech again (I'm a physician so this was not relevant at all). He told me, remember all of the times that you did great and bring those moments with you. Bring the music with you.

And eventually it worked out. Music heals. But you have to put your heart in it. Wishful thinking is not enough

I don't know what's happening

Lately I’ve been feeling really dumb, and I’m starting to wonder if it’s just an innate thing that I can’t fix.
I signed up for a stray dog feeding initiative recently, and when I got there, I felt incredibly childlike and helpless. I couldn’t think on my feet or figure out how to help the other people without being told what to do. Also this isn’t just specific to volunteering. I feel like whenever I’m put in an unfamiliar situation, and sometimes even familiar ones, my mind just goes blank and I can’t figure out what to do.
What makes it worse is that my mom doesn’t really trust me to do things at home either. She’ll let my sister handle things that she won’t let me handle, because apparently my sister is more capable. That makes me feel extremely inferior.
I really hate being incompetent, just because it must be so annoying to others in the team who want someone useful. It feels like I’m the least capable person around me, and I don’t know how to stop feeling this way.
I am not sure if I’m misinformed when I say this, but I know this might be a neurodivergent symptom. Even then, I genuinely want to be a helpful person. I dont want to just stand there waiting for instructions like a child.
Has anyone else felt like this? How did you become more capable and confident at handling things on your own?

M25, faccio l’università e sono indietro, sto sempre a casa con i miei genitori, la ragazza mi ha lasciato 10 giorni fa.
Mi sento vuoto, non so cosa voglio fare veramente nella mia vita e vado avanti sperando che qualcosa cambi.
Il tempo passa ma io rimango sempre qui
Cosa posso fare?
Cosa devo fare?
Vorrei essere più chiaro