A few years ago I read a book called Ultralearning by Scott Young right?

In the book the author essentially taught that the fastest way to learn anything is to do a cursory amount of research… then do as much practice as you can tolerate.

When I wanted to learn how to talk to people after not being socialized my entire childhood here’s the exact routine I used for years:

Wake up, read a social skills book for 10-15 minutes ideally audiobook if you’re going to work/school.

The second you arrive to work/school practice what you just learned.

Then that evening reflect on what went well and what you’ll do better tomorrow.

3 steps + time was all it took me.

And if you’re too intimidated to go for full on conversations from the jump do what I call conversational training wheels:

Can’t hold a conversation?

Try just saying hello.

Can’t say hello?

Try just smiling and waving.

Can’t smile and wave?

Try making eye contact.

Start where you can tolerate then build upon that. Learn a little each day. Integrate that learning with practice.

I can elaborate on this more if anyone’s interested.

When I got into a good position and started seeing some success, grinding all by myself, I noticed that people around me started getting annoyed for no reason. They behave differently now and sometimes make fun of me. I can tell they’re not the same anymore.

I'm on a mission to get this info in front of as many people as possible. I can't recommend this enough (read below and you'll understand why).

Where I was 6 months ago:

• Depressed, anxious, extremely unmotivated, ADHD, feeling permanently behind.
• Knew exactly what I should be doing. Did absolutely none of it.
• Constant shame, which fed the whole thing. Death spiral/loop. Rince. Repeat.

What I tried first: TM (after watching one too many Ray Dalio videos lol), I threw the kitchen sink at it but no results. Felt like a chore before I'd even sat down. Never made it past 2 weeks. Not once. Too much friction (the wrong kind ;))

Then in Feb everyone was filming themselves being degens and staring at walls but at that stage I was desperate enough to try somehting that ridiculous.

Anyways, I did, and 180 days later:

1. My mood/motivation lifted like never before and it held across the whole day. Not the 20 min post-meditation calm that's gone by lunch.
2. 10 mins of staring = a 2.5hr work block (I used to fight for a measly 5 minutes).
3. Aced exams I'd quietly written off beforehand
4. Actually finished side projects instead of abandoning them 30% into it.
5. Confidence increased day by day which compounded like crazy [there's no way I would be writing this post right now back then]

Why it stuck when meditation didn't: there's no correct way to do it. So there's no way to fail at it. So there's nothing to avoid, no breathing, no mystical mantras. Meditation asks you to do something. Wall staring asks you to stop doing everything else. Only the second one survives a bad/terrible week IMO. The people who need meditation the most, it fails because it doesn't meet them where they’re at. In my case....burnt the f*ck out. It lowered the bar so much that even I saw it as approachable.

Consistency is the whole game. A mediocre practice you do every day beats a perfect one you quit in week 2 (+ everyone has an under-utilised wall unless you’re homeless but even then haha).

If meditation had two younger siblings, wall staring would be the middle child for sure. Like it's a bit wild/strange but you can't help but love them. That is the best way of explaining it atm. Might sound preachy but it's legit af, and I'd rather sound preachy than be silent on it and not present this as a viable solution to a lot of people on here who need it. 

Full protocol in the comments. Ask me anything, theres heaps to talk about. Anything I can do to help someone just like me 6 months ago, I'm all ears!!

Note: I wrote this after staring at the wall for the past 20 mins. Zero friction writing this. Can't say the same for spelling errors ahha

I’m putting together a personal diary of the best mindset lessons I can learn from other people.

I’m 17F and I’ve wasted so many years doing nothing and I don’t know how to stop. I keep living the same days knowing that I hate it but I don’t know how to change it. I have no friends and nowhere to make any (until I go back to college) and no activities to do because I live in such a small area.

Frankly i’m just miserable and I need to know if it’s possible to turn your life around fully. Like has anyone ever gone to having no friends, multiple mental illnesses to their name and can’t be confident to save their life, to someone with many friends, who enjoys life to the fullest and doesn’t care about what others think and just does whatever they want to?

I know it’s entirely possible to live like that, but is going from the complete opposite to that possible (dunno if I worded that right)? I guess I could just force it to be possible to be honest, because I want this SO badly but I’m terrified of it and I don’t know how to embrace my fears yet.

That was more lengthy than I intended, my bad :’) but please let me know if it’s possible and if anyone has actually done this before.

Hi all, what are some videos that really helped you?

I’m open to any suggestions

Thank you!!

m16. I stress a-lot about certain illnesses, certain body functions, a certain future and my attractiveness, etc. I often go to a-lot of doctors for all kinds for surgeries or other reasons. I dropped out of school and i’ve been home for a year. I need to find a job or a school soon. I became addicted to sexual dopamine and other drugs like nicotine. I never had a girlfriend. I lost all my friends. I hate going outside. im too ugly. Im too fat. im suicidal. I hate everyone. im too bad at life. My POINT is: I have alot of shit thats bothering me right now. And nobody takes me serious. My work addicted parents think a 16 year old thats been at home for a 9 months, is not able to stress because he’s not working on anything, while i’m out here developing cysts! I really just need to calm down. Any advice on what I should do to calm myself?

I'm going into college in a few days, while thinking on a lazy day at work, I realised that I have really wasted my teenage years, I have a small group of friends, only had one girlfriend (whom I got cheated on by), girls only ever really see me as a friend and rarely anything more, and I'm fairly weak and skinny fat and suffer heavy from porn addiction.

As I enter college, I want to try start making something of myself and changing how I and others perceive me and make a larger set of friends and gain life experience as well as hitting the gym and eating healthier.

I'm only struggling with where do I begin, it seems like a big task. How do I make a work out plan? How do I eat healthier?, what small changes can I make to my day to day? How do I find my own style of clothing and hair? And how do I defeat the devil that is porn?

I really want to change myself for the better and become someone I'm proud of.

Any advice is appreciated Big or Small! Thank you

I think there's a point where self-improvement can turn into constantly treating yourself like a problem.

Maybe some things aren't flaws that need fixing.

Maybe they're just parts of us that need understanding.

What did you eventually stop trying to change?

I would say I am introvert. I don't have problem with being alone, I do a lot of stuff alone, and I honestly prefer to be alone.

Thing is I literally become lonely by myself. I ditched only few friends that I had (even though) they were my only friends, and online ones aren't the same.

I deleted my social media when I was 16-17 in highschool (now I am 20) in the name of "self improvement" and since then I find it very hard for me to socialize.
I have it hard IRL (I find people boring and not interesting) only few attractive that I don't meet much, and I think it would be same on instagram too.

So I though of going back social, but I don't know how to get people to follow me or just to chat with. I don't have anything to offer back.

I feel like I have different interest: politics, fitness, esports/games, family life and that's it. (and these are kinda like opposite of what my age group cares about)

What I acknowledge is that the isolation that I chose did that I lost access to know what people around me do, what they care about, what are the newest gossips...

How to not be "average guy" or "nobody" for people. Now that self improvement thing kick back to me, that I am not enough and I need to do more somehow. Just don't know where and how to start. Even if I made socials nobody would know about me.

What should I do?

This ended up being longer and more personal than expected, so maybe take it more as a vent with a question or something, lol

I dont know why, but my confidence can really swing a lot making be not able to have control over it, which also makes it hard for me to have control over myself.

I have heard before that my mood can swing from quite happy to real fucking depressed to "fine" in the period of a few hours.

One of the culprits I think is my confidence.

I really want to learn a lot and am open to learn as much as possible about different things, but i also want people to know that if I know something then I know it.

My work atm, is what have been my hobby for a really long time. I try to go as professional as possible.

At work, I'm the one with the books about standards and corrections. I'm the one that have been able to solve projects if others can't. And the past year or so i found 3 things we produce that was calculated incorrectly from the start.

But even then, people still want to treat me like a beginner and I fucking hate it.

"Gets told to make something for someone", then I get yelled at because someone else found other ways to make it instead.

"If i have to work on something that i have worked on befor where i have to use my hands more" then suddenly I get told that I can use that to "learn" something new.

"I have to make something" then suddenly there is always that "one extra thing" that they think I should add after adding item 100

And even myself is good in not believing in me.

If I'm just at home doing something, then I always see what I make as being shit or very bad

All these things have just made my confidence fall quite a lot and with then and from previous things I have had, I feel like I get quite depressed.

I have not been able to work my full day hours yet, I have just went home early all days the past month.

I also feel like it have made me not able to learn as much new because I just dont want to read a book or investigate things like that when I feel bad. And then it can suddenly feel like I'm just getting dumber and dumber.

And the whole depression thing of it just feels like a positive feedback.

If i am depressed suddenly, then I will proberly be it until something else comes to mind or someone else boost my confidence a lot

In the end i just want to ask how you all do this shit?

I REALLY want to learn a lot, but I just feel stuck in my own low confidence and depression everyday

in my freshman year of college, my first friend group, who at the time i felt i was really close with, ended up treating me badly and eventually pushed me out of the friend group. At the time, i felt i got really close to these guys, so i ended up getting really depressed and withdrawn. And I dont want to get into the specific details. It honestly still affects me a lot now.

It shaped my entire college experience. I left clubs, let my grades drop, didnt apply for research, barely applied for internships. I became so withdrawn to the point that I didn't really pursue that pathway I wanted for my life. Like, by the time I realized what I had let go, it was too late to pursue it.

But recently, I have been looking at the linkedins and seeing them get exactly the careers and programs they wanted to get into. Some of them are even pursuing fields I wanted to pursue. And it sucks, because those were things i wanted so much.

I had to basically get bailed out by my dad for a job because how lackluster my resume was, which sucks because i really didnt want to take handouts.

And its not like I was dumb. I remember helping a lot of those guys with course work but now some are pursuing incredibly advanced fields, fields i wanted to do. I dont want to keep feeling this way.

And I dont want to keep blaming them. I know that I shouldnt have let how they treated affect me so long. I know at some point I shouldve got over it but I couldnt and still cant even now. And it hurts to know that I let them play such a big role in my life while they probably dont even think about me anymore. I unfollowed them on insta and linkedin, though I do find myself checking their profiles a lot. Like they really fucked up my self esteem.

I want to move on so that I can finally just focus on trying to fix my life and maybe in some small way move in the career direction I wanted to go in, even if the full path wont be possible anymore. Because I know im not satisfied with what im doing now.

Not everything needs a reaction

My mind deserves a break too

Overthinking only creates more problems that don't exist

I'm learning to accept the moment

Let it be, don't over edit life

I don't need all the answers right now

I'm done creating all these stories in my head

My mind is just going to choose peace over fear

I’m the least confrontational person I know. I will sit in discomfort and seething rage before speaking up for myself. Something changed.

I went to the movie a couple of days ago and a group of 40 year olds sat behind me. Two guys and two girls. I’m assuming a double date. The guys were making jokes the entire movie and the women were talking. I sat for 80 percent of the movie stewing in frustration. Suddenly before I could even process what I was doing, my head turned around and I told them to be quiet. They just stared at me… THEN THEY ACTUALLY LEFT THE MOVIE.

I think I want to make being confrontational my new thing. Confrontation never worked when I was a kid, but it does work when you get older.

If someone hits me or kills me for it, oh well. I’m tired of living in a world where the assholes win.

Hey folks. I thought about posting this on psychology but I figured that so much more clinical subreddit and figured this would be the best place. While you can respond to me personally I'm very interested in your thoughts about the themes as a whole as well.

I constantly think about what I have named The Labyrinth of Self Assessment. Nobody can progress in anything without self-assessment. What's going well, what's not, what's causing problems, what needs more attention and focus, what strengths are present which can be drawn upon. But we are also, I believe, to some degree always unreliable narrators. Though I have a history of mental health issues so that may be clouding my judgment there. And to complicate things further, I am excessively self-critical and also self-aware in many many ways, but also have blaring blind spots. Hence the labyrinth.

I'll get into the meat of it where this all plays out for me in real context. I have severe ADHD. I have battled with depression my whole life, though I feel like at this time I have put a huge amount of work in and have gotten on top of the specific depression side of my thinking. It's definitely still there though, largely in my attitude, specifically learned hopelessness. I've worked specifically on this a lot but I still experience it regularly and actively combat it constantly (shout out learned optimism by Martin seligman, this book changed my life and really got me out of that mindset generally). As I've mentioned I'm simultaneously hyper self-critical as well as very self-aware. I also have chronic anxiety; I believe mine is what I've heard called silent anxiety, nobody knows from working with me, most are surprised it's an issue. But internally it's a constant bombardment: I need to be getting more things done, relationship anxieties are constant, I'm letting my life slip away, I feel like a whole lot of it is caused by not being productive because of my ADHD which causes me to feel like there's a million things looming over my head at all times. My teeth are chipping apart from constant clenching, which also causes constant jaw pain. I am medicated but my doctor sucks (getting a new one soon) and I think I'm under medicated, and either way, medication only does so much. I genuinely exercise as much as I can, I eat well, I have a therapist and a psychiatrist. I genuinely feel like I'm doing as much as I can with what I've got. But... The labyrinth of self assessment.

Despite my issues I am capable. I have had periods when I've been fully productive all day everyday. Things were a bit better in my life then. I have some chronic pain which is slightly limiting; and the really fun part is it could all be completely solved by doing the home exercises I've been given in physical therapy. But I just struggle so badly to do them. Other than that I'm perfectly healthy; well I do have other stuff going on but not terribly relevant.

So my issues are self-focused anxiety, some chronic pain, struggles with productivity due to ADHD. All of these things have very straightforward treatments that I believe absolutely would/will work if I do them. Meditate at least once a day ideally in the morning and then I think it would really help to have a short one in the afternoon and evening to ground me. Meditating helps, it just straight up helps a lot. I don't do it. Maybe a couple times a week. Journaling. This helps, it's less immediate than meditation but I know that a regular journaling habit helps me. Eating and exercise. I'm doing okayish here but I could be doing a lot better. If I could just stick to a better schedule with eating, that helps me out a lot. I really struggle to do my exercises for physical therapy, I'm somewhat on and off with it, but it's generally a very real struggle. When I do exercise I have a tendency to overdo it, usually going on a run for longer than I should, which often just sets me back. I've drawn up ideal daily routines multiple times of when to eat and exercise and stretch and meditate and journal and read etc. I just don't stick to it.

I want to get better so bad. Like I ruminate constantly about just wanting to get better. I have all of the answers in front of me and I know all the solutions. I know the tools that will help me with mindfulness, what will help me with my body, etc.

Which leaves me with why. Why aren't I doing these things. Which which causes the true entrance of the labyrinth of self-assessment. One thought, only because its like a legally mandatory accusation from therapists and others when you're trying to get better and struggling: "A, maybe you actually don't want to get better you're just a little sad boy who loves this suffering or B, you're afraid to do the work". I think that's horseshit. But guess what, it's me, so yeah maybe there's a chance. But I've done a whole lot of much harder things than meditating and journaling and eating well. I've gotten through some severely crazy life situations and come out the other side, I don't really see how it makes sense that doing these basic things every day to get out of this suffering would be what's holding me back.

Maybe it is biologic and I need better meds. I doubt it, I've done way way better for a periods of time in the past without medication. I put a very large amount of effort into building up a fulfilling life and I thrived for a while. If I built myself up like that without meds I would think I should be able to do it when medicated.

Is it motivation. I've done so much therapy and journaling about this whole subject. I have motivations. Just feeling better in and of itself is a huge motivation. I want to find my person in life. I want to do things like run a few races every year and go on trips. Honestly the biggest motivation that helps is envisioning my future self living a full productive life, nothing specific, just me thriving.

Similar to motivation, do I need a catalyst. In the past when I have gone from struggling to thriving, there has often been a catalyst. Once was me realizing I really want a future with someone I was with, and I turned around pretty much everything in my life. Another time was simply going to the hospital and getting the help I needed, I came out a different person.

So, I know my weaknesses. I'm disorganized, unproductive, not very mindful, often don't have a great attitude, and I'm hyper self-critical. I know the treatments for each of these things. But I can't do them. There's a number of theories why. And I'm attempting to address each of them as much as possible. But how does one even navigate this labyrinth.

Waking up already feeling behind? Feeling insignificant and helpless? Problems at work or with your other half?

When I say intimacy, I don't mean sex. I mean intimacy, closeness with a person romantically or emotionally, not just raw sex appeal or fulfilment. I want to become a constantly better partner for someone so that, eventually, I will be good enough to be with someone at all.

I don't really know what to ask specifically, but any advice is welcome. I always want to get better, in all avenues.

For example, OpenAI had a rogue agent swarm hacking into billion $ company Hugging Face (a.k.a. Committing a felony), a second agent swarm took control of a GPU cluster inside of OpenAI, and a 3rd swarm hacked JFrog's Artifactory. Yet Cal is still claiming that these agent swarms are ~'stochastic parrots'. In his blog post about the incident, it seems like he hasn't even read both of the papers published about this incident! It looks to me like he has only read Dwarkesh Patel's condensed dramatized retelling.

Cal has reasonably warned about current harms being overlooked when we focus on future harms. But this is a classic false dichotomy argument. Focusing on reducing one type of harm should not limit us from reducing other harms.

I'm pretty upset about all this because I truly adore Cal and his work. **I would not have my job at the Machine Intelligence Research Institute (MIRI) today, without the impact that So Good They Can't Ignore You, Deep Work, and the Deep Questions Podcast had on my life.*\*

Unfortunately Cal is being silly here and needs a good shaking, because this guy I admire is currently spreading misinformation about a topic I am ~an expert in.

So im an introvert and im tryna change that.i see some people who just connect wih everyone immediately. Like they make everyone feel wanted and no matter what keep the conversation going. I try to be that way but always fail to keep the convo going.

Whats the secret to it? How do yall connect with everyone so quick?

I want to change it because i got a brother whose extroverted and everyone knows him. Id say im known to people mostly becauseof him. I speak to some people and if they get to know that hes my brother they're all excited and I'vealways thought how does he do it😭. Like even some distant family members know him and dont know me. People tend to forget me or maybe im not memorable. And this isnt something new too. I've had experiences since small age where i speak to a guy in class one day and the next week they just forget who i am and act like they dont know me. I dunno if this is just people in general and it happens to me sometimes too but if i like connect with a person i dont forget them.

How do i become a guy whos unforgettable and the guy whose friendly with everyone and speaks with confidence?

Hey all. I 25m am at a bit of a loss. I'm not sure where I need to move, what I need to adjust to move forward and fix myself.

I'm currently working a job with anywhere from 40-55 hrs a week as a flagger. It's a temp seasonal job. Looking for something full time but haven't had much luck hearing back for full time. With this I'm also working weekends for family. Either as a water technician with water softener or catering events with the family. The water technician job I get paid but the catering I'll make 20-40 dollars for a full day plus left overs, mostly doing both water and catering to help as they are both owned by family or family friends. Plus a care giver when needed for my uncle is who handicapped

On top of this I work around or "farm", it's a 10 acre property on the river. Been working on it with family since 2018. I am renting to own it from my grandmother. I need to mow 8 acres plus ditch on the country road and railroad tracks as to prevent fire risk due to how dry it is. If I don't mow these areas they are ignored and often get to be 6-10 ft tall weeds. With the farm we have 80 chickens, 30 quail and 12 goats that also need to be feed, watered and all the typical farm chores.

The unfortunate side of all of this is I'm the 90% of income for the farm. I make roughly 3k a month at the moment. With that said we provide for 4 here. My brother 15 helps around the house and yard. Though he was just diagnosed with Pots. I'm more of a father figure to him than a brother. My sister 28 is mentally handicapped, she has Retts, autism and epilepsy, making her have the mental ability of a 8-10 year old. My mom is 50, she stays home and is a care giver for other family members who are handicapped and in their 80's plus care giver for my sister. They doesn't live with me but she spent 90% of their waken hours at my place.

My mom is also working on getting divorces but she doesn't have the money for a lawyer, she can't get the free assistance programs as their is child in the mix. The local options won't take on cases with children. So constantly helping Mom with all her stuff.

I'm mentally, physically, and emotionally spent. It doesn't seem to matter what I do but I can't get ahead. Trucks, mowers, equipment, pens, just something is always broken. I was trying to buy the water business but the books didn't work. Unfortunately I had already put myself 15k in debt that I'm recovering from over the last 2 years.

I'm exhausted all the time, I'm grumpy and short fused. I just hate how I respond. I don't want to be grumpy all the time. I sit down and I fall asleep. I was in the emergency room once already from blood pressure that was at risk of stroke or heart attack.

My family wants to me to figure out what is wrong but when I tell them I'm overwhelmed they just blow me off. They hate that I nap as soon as I get home but only sleeping if lucky, 6 hrs in a night. More often than not 4 hrs.

Where do I go? How do I get myself together so I'm not burnt out and exhausted

I want to be good at things so badly. I want to be good at game development, art, graphic design, ui/ux design, and writing. Im trying so hard, but im not creative enough. I can't think of any ideas. I go online and I see so many people who are infinitely more better then me. I know im overthinking. I know I should try and calm down and take my time. But I just can't. It's all I can think about. Everything else is an afterthought or a nuisance.

I've given many lectures in my life. I was never stressed, maybe nervous at times and that was it. One day, though, I suffered a panic attack out of nowhere. My voice was trembling, my fingers were shivering and my heart was racing. I was running out of air and I just wanted to die. However, I survived to live with the fear that I will experience this each and every time I have to speak in front of an audience.

I told these to a dear friend of mine who is a musician. For weeks (maybe months) we would meet and he would play the piano and he was giving me song to sing (I ain't no singer). He was running a chorus and they had meetings most days of the week. We would also do solo parts. I did all these so many times, being at stage was so natural.

Then I had to deliver a speech again (I'm a physician so this was not relevant at all). He told me, remember all of the times that you did great and bring those moments with you. Bring the music with you.

And eventually it worked out. Music heals. But you have to put your heart in it. Wishful thinking is not enough

I’m 22 but I still feel like the same person as I was when I was 16. I think it can be hard to see how much you’ve changed when the change is subtle and gradual. Of course, how I live my life is completely different now but I feel like I havnt grown as a person (whatever that means). On paper the way I lived my life before looked much more purposeful and motivated but I never questioned it. Day in and day out I would ruthlessly work myself to exhaustion because I thought that was what made a respectable person. I was working toward a goal, of course, but now that I look back I don’t feel like it was worth all the pain. I was just doing it for my own pride.

In comparison to my old self I’m a slob now, but in stopping and thinking, I’ve had time to question: What am I doing? What should I be doing? Why do I feel like I need to be doing it? Then I’ll ask “Why is there anything wrong with being stuck? What does it even mean to be stuck and what does it mean not to be? Why do I feel like I need to get unstuck?

I’ve grown into a person that can’t live enjoyably or purposefully because I can’t get out of my own head and do things without questioning and wanting certainty before taking action. And because certainty is impossible a lot of the time, nothing ever ends up happening. I feel like I don’t have a good enough reason to get moving with my life and I never will because it always ends up being swallowed up by questioning and doubt.

I don't know what's happening

I've noticed how easy it is to turn every small change into a whole project. Better sleep suddenly needs an app, a tracker, a routine, supplements, and a perfect nighttime schedule. Exercise needs a program. Productivity needs another system.

At what point does trying to improve your life actually start making it more complicated?

I'm genuinely curious where people draw that line, because sometimes the simplest change seems more sustainable than trying to optimize absolutely everything.