I am always thinking about looks and glowing up and how i need to improve . I am always comparing myself to others i am not even working towards these goals i worry so much about my looks i am losing my mind its the only thought in my mind i cant stop like i don’t understand what’s wrong with me . I am 17 everyone my age is so better looking than me everyone looks so put together . I know i can improve and everything but i feel so stuck like i can’t get out of my head. I feel so paralysed when it comes to working for a better future. Sometimes when i am thinking of stuff i should do to glow up there is always this recurring thought in my mind that it’s not worth it i was just born ugly. I feel like i am constantly depressed like it doesn’t go away i haevnt gone back to my hobbies in a very long time i feel like i just spend my time distracting myself numbing my feelings

My porn addiction and masturbation addiction is fucking disgusting. I feel like a disaster bro it’s so insane. I have been watching porn and masturbating consistently for 10 years and I’m currently 18 years old. I started this nasty addiction at 8 years old and my brain is absolutely fried. Crazy that I have been doing this shit for 55% of my life. I have made numerous attempts to quit, but the longest I’ve ever gone was three months. I have amazing discipline for so many areas of my life, such as working out consistently, staying at a low body fat, not procrastinating, you name it. However, when it comes to porn/masturbation, I am an absolute disaster. At this point idc if there’s benefits or not from not watching; I just need to stop bc I’ve been using this as a cope since 8 years old. I hate it and I regret it so much. I feel weak, debilitated, and can not control it no matter what. Ik relying on will power will not help, but I’ve tried so much like keeping my phone as far away from me, I’ve deleted instagram/snap/tiktok, but I still find ways to keep going. I need help from those that have succeeded.

Specifically I am referring to learning skills. I believe the idea that relearning a skill that you had previously learned the wrong way is harder than learning it fresh has been a roadblock to just getting started on trying out the things I want to try.

Should I legitimately be hesitant to start practicing a skill without taking care I'm doing it right?

I'm recently 18. My immediate family was abusive growing up. They cut off my extended family due to them questioning their parenting techniques when I was around 8 or so. I reconnected with them at 16/17, but since they live several states away ive only seen them two or three times since.

Last time I was there I was informed that my grandparent wanted to give me an allowance and help me pay for my college tuition. (Alongside my sibling and cousins. I'm just the oldest, so it's only relevant to me right now.)

While I was incredibly grateful, it didn't really hit me until now. While I'm actually making my separate bank account for it. It didn't feel real. But no. Apparently they are giving me, somebody hardly better than a stranger, money. Simply for being in college.

I'm a failure. Out of my entire family generation, I am by far the worst. My cousins are in a special high school for smart kids, my sibling isn't the smartest but at least they're in honors highschool classes.

I never focused on my studies because I was being abused. I was focused on survival. Now that I'm in college, I'm still failing. And I don't even have the excuse of being abused. Since I'm not anymore. Things are fine now.

I failed two classes last semester because I fell into a deep depression and couldn't bring myself to care. I already missed a handful of assignments early in ***this*** semester. ***My college GPA is a 2.6.*** I've considered dropping out or changing majors entirely because I hate what I chose.

Like the only good thing I can say is that I have a job, but ***fuck*** they should have fired me. I'm shit enough of an employee for that.

And as much as the opportunity is amazing and I'm grateful, it's a waste on me. I'm an incredibly lazy person with little aspirations who's only in college because what the fuck else am I going to do?

I don't even think my grandparents know I failed two classes last semester. I should tell them.

Question in title

This ended up being longer and more personal than expected, so maybe take it more as a vent with a question or something, lol

I dont know why, but my confidence can really swing a lot making be not able to have control over it, which also makes it hard for me to have control over myself.

I have heard before that my mood can swing from quite happy to real fucking depressed to "fine" in the period of a few hours.

One of the culprits I think is my confidence.

I really want to learn a lot and am open to learn as much as possible about different things, but i also want people to know that if I know something then I know it.

My work atm, is what have been my hobby for a really long time. I try to go as professional as possible.

At work, I'm the one with the books about standards and corrections. I'm the one that have been able to solve projects if others can't. And the past year or so i found 3 things we produce that was calculated incorrectly from the start.

But even then, people still want to treat me like a beginner and I fucking hate it.

"Gets told to make something for someone", then I get yelled at because someone else found other ways to make it instead.

"If i have to work on something that i have worked on befor where i have to use my hands more" then suddenly I get told that I can use that to "learn" something new.

"I have to make something" then suddenly there is always that "one extra thing" that they think I should add after adding item 100

And even myself is good in not believing in me.

If I'm just at home doing something, then I always see what I make as being shit or very bad

All these things have just made my confidence fall quite a lot and with then and from previous things I have had, I feel like I get quite depressed.

I have not been able to work my full day hours yet, I have just went home early all days the past month.

I also feel like it have made me not able to learn as much new because I just dont want to read a book or investigate things like that when I feel bad. And then it can suddenly feel like I'm just getting dumber and dumber.

And the whole depression thing of it just feels like a positive feedback.

If i am depressed suddenly, then I will proberly be it until something else comes to mind or someone else boost my confidence a lot

In the end i just want to ask how you all do this shit?

I REALLY want to learn a lot, but I just feel stuck in my own low confidence and depression everyday

Growing up, I was a kid with low self-confidence, and I dealt with it by making jokes at my own expense. I didn’t mind making fun of myself, even when the jokes were genuinely mean, if it made other people laugh.

The problem is that by the time I decided I wanted to start treating myself better, I had already conditioned a lot of my friends to treat me the same way. Some of them still call me things that I know they themselves would be hurt by if someone else called them that.

It feels really awkward trying to set that boundary now after years of insulting myself and letting other people do the same. I feel like I essentially taught everyone that I’m okay with being the butt of the joke, and now I’m suddenly changing the rules.

Has anyone else been in this situation? How do you “unclown” yourself and get your friends to start treating you differently without making it incredibly awkward?

I think there's a point where self-improvement can turn into constantly treating yourself like a problem.

Maybe some things aren't flaws that need fixing.

Maybe they're just parts of us that need understanding.

What did you eventually stop trying to change?

When I got into a good position and started seeing some success, grinding all by myself, I noticed that people around me started getting annoyed for no reason. They behave differently now and sometimes make fun of me. I can tell they’re not the same anymore.

I’m putting together a personal diary of the best mindset lessons I can learn from other people.

I'm on a mission to get this info in front of as many people as possible. I can't recommend this enough (read below and you'll understand why).

Where I was 6 months ago:

• Depressed, anxious, extremely unmotivated, ADHD, feeling permanently behind.
• Knew exactly what I should be doing. Did absolutely none of it.
• Constant shame, which fed the whole thing. Death spiral/loop. Rince. Repeat.

What I tried first: TM (after watching one too many Ray Dalio videos lol), I threw the kitchen sink at it but no results. Felt like a chore before I'd even sat down. Never made it past 2 weeks. Not once. Too much friction (the wrong kind ;))

Then in Feb everyone was filming themselves being degens and staring at walls but at that stage I was desperate enough to try somehting that ridiculous.

Anyways, I did, and 180 days later:

1. My mood/motivation lifted like never before and it held across the whole day. Not the 20 min post-meditation calm that's gone by lunch.
2. 10 mins of staring = a 2.5hr work block (I used to fight for a measly 5 minutes).
3. Aced exams I'd quietly written off beforehand
4. Actually finished side projects instead of abandoning them 30% into it.
5. Confidence increased day by day which compounded like crazy [there's no way I would be writing this post right now back then]

Why it stuck when meditation didn't: there's no correct way to do it. So there's no way to fail at it. So there's nothing to avoid, no breathing, no mystical mantras. Meditation asks you to do something. Wall staring asks you to stop doing everything else. Only the second one survives a bad/terrible week IMO. The people who need meditation the most, it fails because it doesn't meet them where they’re at. In my case....burnt the f*ck out. It lowered the bar so much that even I saw it as approachable.

Consistency is the whole game. A mediocre practice you do every day beats a perfect one you quit in week 2 (+ everyone has an under-utilised wall unless you’re homeless but even then haha).

If meditation had two younger siblings, wall staring would be the middle child for sure. Like it's a bit wild/strange but you can't help but love them. That is the best way of explaining it atm. Might sound preachy but it's legit af, and I'd rather sound preachy than be silent on it and not present this as a viable solution to a lot of people on here who need it. 

Full protocol in the comments. Ask me anything, theres heaps to talk about. Anything I can do to help someone just like me 6 months ago, I'm all ears!!

Note: I wrote this after staring at the wall for the past 20 mins. Zero friction writing this. Can't say the same for spelling errors ahha

I’m unemployed and currently not attending school so I have nothing to do. I doomscroll a lot, but I feel like I have no anything to do but doomscroll because it’s basically free. I need fun things to do other than take a walk here and there that’s free/low cost to do. I don’t have a car so anything that can help and be done at home is preferred!

Edit: Thank you everyone, I appreciate the genuine responses!

Waking up already feeling behind? Feeling insignificant and helpless? Problems at work or with your other half?

A few years ago I read a book called Ultralearning by Scott Young right?

In the book the author essentially taught that the fastest way to learn anything is to do a cursory amount of research… then do as much practice as you can tolerate.

When I wanted to learn how to talk to people after not being socialized my entire childhood here’s the exact routine I used for years:

Wake up, read a social skills book for 10-15 minutes ideally audiobook if you’re going to work/school.

The second you arrive to work/school practice what you just learned.

Then that evening reflect on what went well and what you’ll do better tomorrow.

3 steps + time was all it took me.

And if you’re too intimidated to go for full on conversations from the jump do what I call conversational training wheels:

Can’t hold a conversation?

Try just saying hello.

Can’t say hello?

Try just smiling and waving.

Can’t smile and wave?

Try making eye contact.

Start where you can tolerate then build upon that. Learn a little each day. Integrate that learning with practice.

I can elaborate on this more if anyone’s interested.

So I’m 23F underweight why do I always feel tired right after I wake up it started right after I left my work. I don’t do much anymore like I go out sometimes but I feel so exhausted after walking 3k steps. Eventho I used to able to do way more, I feel like my stomach is pretty messed up from eating spicy food to eventho i have been eating normally and taking lansoprazole, buscopan been on these medicines for few years. Oh I do have anxiety/depression to I take setraline for that. But other than that I don’t drink any caffeine the doctor did my blood and urine test few weeks ago but it was normal. My sleep is fine to ig but I really feel sleepy and exhausted all day it’s been bothering me sm I can’t function properly, And I keep thinking negatively did search on the internet and got the worse response made my anxiety worse.

So I dated my ex for 2 years and we lived together for a few months. After being in therapy my therapist described her as emotionally abusive and it was an unhealthy relationship.

A quick summary of the problems in the relationship was that I often felt like everything had to be her way. She could also be really moody, critical, cold, and dismissive, which made me feel like I was constantly walking on eggshells. There was very little affection, intimacy, quality time, or compromise, and I often had to ask repeatedly for basic emotional support, communication, and affection. Despite all the bad there was a lot of good too though

I broke up and got back together with her more than once in the span of 4 months. After we got back together the last time I did notice she was making some efforts with things like we had sex once and ever attempted to make out (for context she only had sex like 6 times and we never made out before) I ever noticed she was finally trying to spend more time with me as well. But I also noticed old patterns starting to slip back in as well and I even called her out on it and she got offended. In my mind it seemed like she was finally trying to change though but I finally got pushed to my breaking point once and for all after a few things she did like saying she was too tired to lay in bed with me after I was quarantined for a week with Covid and didn’t see her yet she had the energy to go snowmobiling for hours, also when I threw out my back she left me on the floor instead of trying to help me and then when I made it to my bed and wanted her to lay with me it was like pulling teeth.

I eventually left for good and the day I left for good she said I didn’t give her enough time and I’m wondering if that’s true because I did notice some efforts on here part and our roommate also told me she was finally looking into therapy but I don’t know if I even believe that because why didn’t she tell me herself and why did the roommate tell me that once I was about to leave her also I bugged her to go to therapy for months and even join me in my sessions but she never wanted to before.

I’m just so confused and blame myself a lot because I really loved her and I feel like I failed and ruined everything. After the final breakup I even wrote her a letter in the mail taking responsibility for things on my part and wondering if we could have a heart to heart conversation so there’s no bad blood and she burned my letter and posted a video of her burning it on social media and she said I should have done better and her life is better without me.

6 months after our final breakup she’s in a new relationship and she seems really happy she only got into this relationship because she kept posting videos on TikTok saying how she wants a masc and someone reached out to her and now they are dating. They’ve been together for a month and already calling eachother “my love” on a social media post. It just stings really badly everything I wasn’t perfect but I was a great partner for her and treated her great and I just keep wondering if I fucked up and wondering if she’s actually in therapy and helping herself now and will be great for the new person. Any advice would be great thank you

Lately I’ve been feeling really dumb, and I’m starting to wonder if it’s just an innate thing that I can’t fix.
I signed up for a stray dog feeding initiative recently, and when I got there, I felt incredibly childlike and helpless. I couldn’t think on my feet or figure out how to help the other people without being told what to do. Also this isn’t just specific to volunteering. I feel like whenever I’m put in an unfamiliar situation, and sometimes even familiar ones, my mind just goes blank and I can’t figure out what to do.
What makes it worse is that my mom doesn’t really trust me to do things at home either. She’ll let my sister handle things that she won’t let me handle, because apparently my sister is more capable. That makes me feel extremely inferior.
I really hate being incompetent, just because it must be so annoying to others in the team who want someone useful. It feels like I’m the least capable person around me, and I don’t know how to stop feeling this way.
I am not sure if I’m misinformed when I say this, but I know this might be a neurodivergent symptom. Even then, I genuinely want to be a helpful person. I dont want to just stand there waiting for instructions like a child.
Has anyone else felt like this? How did you become more capable and confident at handling things on your own?

M25, faccio l’università e sono indietro, sto sempre a casa con i miei genitori, la ragazza mi ha lasciato 10 giorni fa.
Mi sento vuoto, non so cosa voglio fare veramente nella mia vita e vado avanti sperando che qualcosa cambi.
Il tempo passa ma io rimango sempre qui
Cosa posso fare?
Cosa devo fare?
Vorrei essere più chiaro

So im an introvert and im tryna change that.i see some people who just connect wih everyone immediately. Like they make everyone feel wanted and no matter what keep the conversation going. I try to be that way but always fail to keep the convo going.

Whats the secret to it? How do yall connect with everyone so quick?

I want to change it because i got a brother whose extroverted and everyone knows him. Id say im known to people mostly becauseof him. I speak to some people and if they get to know that hes my brother they're all excited and I'vealways thought how does he do it😭. Like even some distant family members know him and dont know me. People tend to forget me or maybe im not memorable. And this isnt something new too. I've had experiences since small age where i speak to a guy in class one day and the next week they just forget who i am and act like they dont know me. I dunno if this is just people in general and it happens to me sometimes too but if i like connect with a person i dont forget them.

How do i become a guy whos unforgettable and the guy whose friendly with everyone and speaks with confidence?

I would say I am introvert. I don't have problem with being alone, I do a lot of stuff alone, and I honestly prefer to be alone.

Thing is I literally become lonely by myself. I ditched only few friends that I had (even though) they were my only friends, and online ones aren't the same.

I deleted my social media when I was 16-17 in highschool (now I am 20) in the name of "self improvement" and since then I find it very hard for me to socialize.
I have it hard IRL (I find people boring and not interesting) only few attractive that I don't meet much, and I think it would be same on instagram too.

So I though of going back social, but I don't know how to get people to follow me or just to chat with. I don't have anything to offer back.

I feel like I have different interest: politics, fitness, esports/games, family life and that's it. (and these are kinda like opposite of what my age group cares about)

What I acknowledge is that the isolation that I chose did that I lost access to know what people around me do, what they care about, what are the newest gossips...

How to not be "average guy" or "nobody" for people. Now that self improvement thing kick back to me, that I am not enough and I need to do more somehow. Just don't know where and how to start. Even if I made socials nobody would know about me.

What should I do?

I have 29 years old and I don't know how to deal with this feeling of sadness and apathy. I feel like I have a brake on my head, and even though I try to do things right—eat healthy, exercise, study, work, go out with friends—I never find satisfaction in anything. Everything feels like a chore, and I constantly think I'll never achieve anything important or that anything will turn out well.

I look to the future with hopelessness, and even though I have friends and family who love me, I hate my personality. I'm very passive, and often they're the ones who have to take the lead to have positive interactions.

Throughout my whole life, I've always struggled with my attentionspan - especially in school.

I would always get distracted. It didn't matter what it was, my eyes would often just pace off onto something else and it resulted in me struggling to get rid of these bad habits, even as I grew older.

It was pure speculation and in the end, I was not surprised when I got diagnosed with ADD a few years ago in my mid 20s.

Instead of forcing myself to try and find a way for me to pay attention, I had to find a method that I could feel most comfortable with, so my brain couldn't feel overwhelmed at the same time.

These days, I'm a student and I still struggle with the same things like I used to when I was younger. People would tell me to "Try and write things down" and yes, I am writing things down, but it gets to a point where Ill be looking at what I wrote and not entirely comprehend WHY I wrote it down, so things will just start over again.

Then, I figured something out that really started helping me.

You know how the teacher wants to make sure that the entire class pays attention and they want to look up and follow instructions, writings or whatever is happening in class, so you sit still and listen to what is being explained for over 20 minutes?

That doesn't work for me, but...!

Instead of comprehending that the entire class is there, paying attention along with me, I instead started to focus on the idea, that the teacher is actually talking DIRECTLY to me.

Their eyes may simply dart back and forth from one student to another, but I am simply just imagining that as the teacher explains things, I am the only on there.

So because of that, it sort of gives me this mentality "Oh, the teacher is explaining something important to me, alone, cause in this case, I need the help I can get", so instead of my brain fogging out, it just gives me more motivation to follow along instead of procrastinating on what I am studying.

After 27 years, it finally feels like I can actually follow along on the subject, instead of feeling like I'm falling behind constantly.

There are still certain things I'm having issues with, but this one is something that's really making my life easier now.

Winter is coming and I know that those are the months where I (and probably a lot of other people) get depressed most easily.

In addition, I will be unemployed starting January as I quit my job due to burnout exhaustion and an already existing depression. So bad days will be coming, but I want to be ready to tackle those days healthily. Thankfully, I will be starting group therapy soon and I'm currently still in a good mental space to want to prepare myself before the grey months start.

So how do you overcome winter months best? Any tips, activities, mental practices to share? Please only real advice and no making fun of me.

I’m in my mid-20s and started a new job about 2 months ago. I only have to be in the office 3 days a week, but lately the social part of work has been making me extremely anxious and honestly really sad.
My actual work team is based in another country, so I don’t have my own team physically with me. Most people in my part of the office are men, while in the other part there’s an already established group of women who are around 10+ years older than me and work together. I’ve asked two of them separately to go on a break before, but both couldn’t.
I do have one female coworker I became really close with, and we normally spend our breaks together. The problem is that lately she has been choosing different office days from me. She knows I always come Monday–Wednesday, but she has mostly been coming later in the week instead. I don’t know her actual reason, but because I’ve put a lot of effort into our friendship, it makes me feel rejected and I keep wondering if she’s intentionally avoiding being there with me.
When she isn’t there, I’m usually alone during my 1-hour break. What makes me most anxious isn’t even being alone — it’s being seen alone. I keep worrying that my coworkers will notice that nobody invites me for coffee and think I’m unlikeable, lonely or that I have no friends.
We also recently got a new female coworker who sits near the other women, and now I’m already anxious that they’ll all become close with her while I’m still on the outside. I know I can’t control who becomes friends with whom, but emotionally it’s making me really sad.
I live very close to work, so I’m thinking of just going back to my apartment during my three weekly 1-hour breaks. That way I’m not sitting around hoping someone invites me somewhere. But I also worry that I’m avoiding the problem.
The anxiety has gotten to the point where I’m thinking about future jobs too and worrying that I’ll always struggle socially at work. I know I’m probably making this much bigger in my head, but knowing that doesn’t make the anxiety disappear.
Has anyone with social anxiety experienced something similar? How did you stop caring so much about being seen alone or feeling like everyone else had their group except you?

Every time I fell off I diagnosed it as laziness and threw more discipline at it. Better notebook, fixed time, streak tracker. Worked for a few weeks, died the same way each time.

What killed it was the blank page. Not the writing, the deciding what to write. By the end of a long day I had about forty seconds of energy left, and the notebook wanted two hard things at once: work out what I thought, then compose it into sentences worth keeping.

The thing that stuck was dropping the second one.

I started talking instead. A couple of minutes, no structure, no audience, just saying what the day was. I'll talk for a minute about something I'd never write three sentences about. Speaking is also much faster than handwriting, and it doesn't require you to know your point before you start.

The other change was making the bar embarrassingly low. Not "journal every night" but "say one true thing about today." Most nights that's forty seconds. Some nights it runs to five minutes because I hit something I didn't know I was carrying. The forty-second version is the one that survives a bad week, and surviving bad weeks is the whole game.

Two years in, no individual entry matters much. What matters is that the same three things show up every time I have a bad stretch, and I could not have named them from memory.

If you've fallen off journaling more than once, what specifically stopped you? I'm fairly convinced it's almost never discipline and I want to know whether that holds for anyone else.