I’m 17F and I’ve wasted so many years doing nothing and I don’t know how to stop. I keep living the same days knowing that I hate it but I don’t know how to change it. I have no friends and nowhere to make any (until I go back to college) and no activities to do because I live in such a small area.

Frankly i’m just miserable and I need to know if it’s possible to turn your life around fully. Like has anyone ever gone to having no friends, multiple mental illnesses to their name and can’t be confident to save their life, to someone with many friends, who enjoys life to the fullest and doesn’t care about what others think and just does whatever they want to?

I know it’s entirely possible to live like that, but is going from the complete opposite to that possible (dunno if I worded that right)? I guess I could just force it to be possible to be honest, because I want this SO badly but I’m terrified of it and I don’t know how to embrace my fears yet.

That was more lengthy than I intended, my bad :’) but please let me know if it’s possible and if anyone has actually done this before.

In the middle of a discussion with one of my friends,

He was talking about faking reality and how it improved his life and increased his self-esteem.

If faking reality through imagination is an effective way and makes him value himself more and feel good about himself, then what’s the problem with it?

If imagining that he is handsome, rich, and a genius makes him feel like it’s real, and that all these qualities are actually in him, why shouldn’t he continue doing it?

I disagreed and said that the brain might make it seem like reality because of it.

Because what he was saying sounded like a rejection of the reality and the truth he is actually living in, and he might start building his decisions based on it.

It started to seem like he was actually convinced by what he was doing because he had gotten used to it.

Anyway, after a long discussion, I did some research about the topic, and I found out that he was confusing it with positive self-statements, which basically means thinking positively about yourself, reducing self-criticism, and improving some of the negative statements you say to yourself.

How many people fight against indecision, and how do you actually do it? I need help with that area of my life, let me give you an example
When I make a decision the usual is to stick with it no matter what, but actually I don't, my mind starts showing other paths with better outcomes but actually I think it isn't my rational part is like my fear talking to myself trying to deceive me and make me change my original decision. And as a result just a couple of things I go to the end.

I would like to know if someone feels the same and how you manage those thoughts.

So for context I am a 21M that does serving for a living but I am trying to break into the digital marketing space online. I am not looking for career advice in this post.

I started my journey back in March this year which signals just about 6 months in this thing I am trying to do. I started with absolutely zero knowledge on anything marketing or editing related(Entry level is video editing), and am completely self taught on the editing side of things.

For the first 2 months, I made good progress. I was finishing my course material, getting reps in, and learning a ton everyday. This was super cool because before I had no real ambitions or goals to chase. As I finished the course and had to start making my own stuff, thats when I started to fall flat on my face.

The problem isn’t lack of information. The problem is my intelligence. I cannot for the life of me retain things that I learn and cannot seem to grow anymore in this field. I also work with AI like Claude and feel so so lost in that sense too. It feels like my brain just explodes everyday with all the info and I never get anything done because there is just too much happening. And also there is nothing happening(how is that even possible?!?) and I can’t actively recall things that I need when writing or creating. Its gotten to the point where I haven’t created anything in over a month and a half because I’m so paralyzed with choices and over information.

I don’t know if what I am experiencing is normal but I feel so incredibly lost and stupid because most people in my industry have found a job within the first month or two of joining. I know comparison is the thief of joy but why why why can’t I manage to find the recipe for success? Am I meant to suffer like this?

Hey folks. I thought about posting this on psychology but I figured that so much more clinical subreddit and figured this would be the best place. While you can respond to me personally I'm very interested in your thoughts about the themes as a whole as well.

I constantly think about what I have named The Labyrinth of Self Assessment. Nobody can progress in anything without self-assessment. What's going well, what's not, what's causing problems, what needs more attention and focus, what strengths are present which can be drawn upon. But we are also, I believe, to some degree always unreliable narrators. Though I have a history of mental health issues so that may be clouding my judgment there. And to complicate things further, I am excessively self-critical and also self-aware in many many ways, but also have blaring blind spots. Hence the labyrinth.

I'll get into the meat of it where this all plays out for me in real context. I have severe ADHD. I have battled with depression my whole life, though I feel like at this time I have put a huge amount of work in and have gotten on top of the specific depression side of my thinking. It's definitely still there though, largely in my attitude, specifically learned hopelessness. I've worked specifically on this a lot but I still experience it regularly and actively combat it constantly (shout out learned optimism by Martin seligman, this book changed my life and really got me out of that mindset generally). As I've mentioned I'm simultaneously hyper self-critical as well as very self-aware. I also have chronic anxiety; I believe mine is what I've heard called silent anxiety, nobody knows from working with me, most are surprised it's an issue. But internally it's a constant bombardment: I need to be getting more things done, relationship anxieties are constant, I'm letting my life slip away, I feel like a whole lot of it is caused by not being productive because of my ADHD which causes me to feel like there's a million things looming over my head at all times. My teeth are chipping apart from constant clenching, which also causes constant jaw pain. I am medicated but my doctor sucks (getting a new one soon) and I think I'm under medicated, and either way, medication only does so much. I genuinely exercise as much as I can, I eat well, I have a therapist and a psychiatrist. I genuinely feel like I'm doing as much as I can with what I've got. But... The labyrinth of self assessment.

Despite my issues I am capable. I have had periods when I've been fully productive all day everyday. Things were a bit better in my life then. I have some chronic pain which is slightly limiting; and the really fun part is it could all be completely solved by doing the home exercises I've been given in physical therapy. But I just struggle so badly to do them. Other than that I'm perfectly healthy; well I do have other stuff going on but not terribly relevant.

So my issues are self-focused anxiety, some chronic pain, struggles with productivity due to ADHD. All of these things have very straightforward treatments that I believe absolutely would/will work if I do them. Meditate at least once a day ideally in the morning and then I think it would really help to have a short one in the afternoon and evening to ground me. Meditating helps, it just straight up helps a lot. I don't do it. Maybe a couple times a week. Journaling. This helps, it's less immediate than meditation but I know that a regular journaling habit helps me. Eating and exercise. I'm doing okayish here but I could be doing a lot better. If I could just stick to a better schedule with eating, that helps me out a lot. I really struggle to do my exercises for physical therapy, I'm somewhat on and off with it, but it's generally a very real struggle. When I do exercise I have a tendency to overdo it, usually going on a run for longer than I should, which often just sets me back. I've drawn up ideal daily routines multiple times of when to eat and exercise and stretch and meditate and journal and read etc. I just don't stick to it.

I want to get better so bad. Like I ruminate constantly about just wanting to get better. I have all of the answers in front of me and I know all the solutions. I know the tools that will help me with mindfulness, what will help me with my body, etc.

Which leaves me with why. Why aren't I doing these things. Which which causes the true entrance of the labyrinth of self-assessment. One thought, only because its like a legally mandatory accusation from therapists and others when you're trying to get better and struggling: "A, maybe you actually don't want to get better you're just a little sad boy who loves this suffering or B, you're afraid to do the work". I think that's horseshit. But guess what, it's me, so yeah maybe there's a chance. But I've done a whole lot of much harder things than meditating and journaling and eating well. I've gotten through some severely crazy life situations and come out the other side, I don't really see how it makes sense that doing these basic things every day to get out of this suffering would be what's holding me back.

Maybe it is biologic and I need better meds. I doubt it, I've done way way better for a periods of time in the past without medication. I put a very large amount of effort into building up a fulfilling life and I thrived for a while. If I built myself up like that without meds I would think I should be able to do it when medicated.

Is it motivation. I've done so much therapy and journaling about this whole subject. I have motivations. Just feeling better in and of itself is a huge motivation. I want to find my person in life. I want to do things like run a few races every year and go on trips. Honestly the biggest motivation that helps is envisioning my future self living a full productive life, nothing specific, just me thriving.

Similar to motivation, do I need a catalyst. In the past when I have gone from struggling to thriving, there has often been a catalyst. Once was me realizing I really want a future with someone I was with, and I turned around pretty much everything in my life. Another time was simply going to the hospital and getting the help I needed, I came out a different person.

So, I know my weaknesses. I'm disorganized, unproductive, not very mindful, often don't have a great attitude, and I'm hyper self-critical. I know the treatments for each of these things. But I can't do them. There's a number of theories why. And I'm attempting to address each of them as much as possible. But how does one even navigate this labyrinth.

So, this post makes me come across as a destructive asshole. Idk, I do care deeply care about other people and I often sort of get depressed thinking of how I’ve treated people discussed.

Basically I think I have some form of (big) decision paralysis. Incident 1: I quit my job to pursue a masters degree overseas. It was something i felt firm on doing. However like two weeks before leaving I got cold feet, applied to a bunch of jobs, dragged me feet arriving, arrived two weeks late, was sort of wound really tight. Blew up at someone, left to come home after two weeks.

Incident 2: I am located in Texas. I applied to a teaching job in Austin (three or so hours from me). Interviewed accepted, always had a goal of moving to Austin. I even put down application fees for an apartment. Then sort of two weeks prior I accepted a job nearby, didn’t move. Sent a “sorry” email two days before Austin in service.

Incident 3: largely the same thing happened as 2 but for a school in Colorado but the embarrassing thing is that schools principal called my principal and my principal told me “errr you better tell them”.

All this was between 2023 and now, but I think a similar thing played out when I was choosing colleges to attend pre-covid.

Now… I am quite capable of holding down a job and I’ve worked regularly and (landed on my feet after #1) but I am also… sad and unfulfilled all the time. Anyways, I hate being an asshole even though I feel like i frequently am.

I genuinely want to know how people stop caring so much about others’ opinions, because even one negative comment can ruin my entire week. I’m constantly worried about being judged, misunderstood, disappointing people, or not being good enough, and I often monitor myself instead of enjoying my life.

Logically, I know I don’t need everyone’s approval and that mistakes don’t make me unworthy, but understanding that intellectually and feeling it emotionally are different things.

I want to try new things, be silly, enjoy my hobbies, express myself, and make choices without constantly worrying about judgment.

For those who have learned to live more freely, what helped you

This ended up being longer and more personal than expected, so maybe take it more as a vent with a question or something, lol

I dont know why, but my confidence can really swing a lot making be not able to have control over it, which also makes it hard for me to have control over myself.

I have heard before that my mood can swing from quite happy to real fucking depressed to "fine" in the period of a few hours.

One of the culprits I think is my confidence.

I really want to learn a lot and am open to learn as much as possible about different things, but i also want people to know that if I know something then I know it.

My work atm, is what have been my hobby for a really long time. I try to go as professional as possible.

At work, I'm the one with the books about standards and corrections. I'm the one that have been able to solve projects if others can't. And the past year or so i found 3 things we produce that was calculated incorrectly from the start.

But even then, people still want to treat me like a beginner and I fucking hate it.

"Gets told to make something for someone", then I get yelled at because someone else found other ways to make it instead.

"If i have to work on something that i have worked on befor where i have to use my hands more" then suddenly I get told that I can use that to "learn" something new.

"I have to make something" then suddenly there is always that "one extra thing" that they think I should add after adding item 100

And even myself is good in not believing in me.

If I'm just at home doing something, then I always see what I make as being shit or very bad

All these things have just made my confidence fall quite a lot and with then and from previous things I have had, I feel like I get quite depressed.

I have not been able to work my full day hours yet, I have just went home early all days the past month.

I also feel like it have made me not able to learn as much new because I just dont want to read a book or investigate things like that when I feel bad. And then it can suddenly feel like I'm just getting dumber and dumber.

And the whole depression thing of it just feels like a positive feedback.

If i am depressed suddenly, then I will proberly be it until something else comes to mind or someone else boost my confidence a lot

In the end i just want to ask how you all do this shit?

I REALLY want to learn a lot, but I just feel stuck in my own low confidence and depression everyday

I'm going into college in a few days, while thinking on a lazy day at work, I realised that I have really wasted my teenage years, I have a small group of friends, only had one girlfriend (whom I got cheated on by), girls only ever really see me as a friend and rarely anything more, and I'm fairly weak and skinny fat and suffer heavy from porn addiction.

As I enter college, I want to try start making something of myself and changing how I and others perceive me and make a larger set of friends and gain life experience as well as hitting the gym and eating healthier.

I'm only struggling with where do I begin, it seems like a big task. How do I make a work out plan? How do I eat healthier?, what small changes can I make to my day to day? How do I find my own style of clothing and hair? And how do I defeat the devil that is porn?

I really want to change myself for the better and become someone I'm proud of.

Any advice is appreciated Big or Small! Thank you

My porn addiction and masturbation addiction is fucking disgusting. I feel like a disaster bro it’s so insane. I have been watching porn and masturbating consistently for 10 years and I’m currently 18 years old. I started this nasty addiction at 8 years old and my brain is absolutely fried. Crazy that I have been doing this shit for 55% of my life. I have made numerous attempts to quit, but the longest I’ve ever gone was three months. I have amazing discipline for so many areas of my life, such as working out consistently, staying at a low body fat, not procrastinating, you name it. However, when it comes to porn/masturbation, I am an absolute disaster. At this point idc if there’s benefits or not from not watching; I just need to stop bc I’ve been using this as a cope since 8 years old. I hate it and I regret it so much. I feel weak, debilitated, and can not control it no matter what. Ik relying on will power will not help, but I’ve tried so much like keeping my phone as far away from me, I’ve deleted instagram/snap/tiktok, but I still find ways to keep going. I need help from those that have succeeded.

Not everything needs a reaction

My mind deserves a break too

Overthinking only creates more problems that don't exist

I'm learning to accept the moment

Let it be, don't over edit life

I don't need all the answers right now

I'm done creating all these stories in my head

My mind is just going to choose peace over fear

When I say intimacy, I don't mean sex. I mean intimacy, closeness with a person romantically or emotionally, not just raw sex appeal or fulfilment. I want to become a constantly better partner for someone so that, eventually, I will be good enough to be with someone at all.

I don't really know what to ask specifically, but any advice is welcome. I always want to get better, in all avenues.

I've noticed how easy it is to turn every small change into a whole project. Better sleep suddenly needs an app, a tracker, a routine, supplements, and a perfect nighttime schedule. Exercise needs a program. Productivity needs another system.

At what point does trying to improve your life actually start making it more complicated?

I'm genuinely curious where people draw that line, because sometimes the simplest change seems more sustainable than trying to optimize absolutely everything.

I want to be good at things so badly. I want to be good at game development, art, graphic design, ui/ux design, and writing. Im trying so hard, but im not creative enough. I can't think of any ideas. I go online and I see so many people who are infinitely more better then me. I know im overthinking. I know I should try and calm down and take my time. But I just can't. It's all I can think about. Everything else is an afterthought or a nuisance.

When I got into a good position and started seeing some success, grinding all by myself, I noticed that people around me started getting annoyed for no reason. They behave differently now and sometimes make fun of me. I can tell they’re not the same anymore.

I relate a lot to posts about feeling “slow” or dumb, but I don’t even know if slow is the right word for what I experience.

It feels like my brain is constantly open somehow. Like information enters but nothing sticks or connects properly. Someone can explain something to me and even if they explain it completely sticking to the topic or from a different perspective, I struggle to process it. And the worst part is I can’t even come up with questions to ask because I don’t understand enough to know what I’m confused about.

I struggle with communication in general. I struggle to make friends. The only people who have consistently stuck by my side are my roommates and my parents, and even with them sometimes I just need to be completely alone and have space.

Academically, I can mug things up and vomit them onto an exam paper. But actually understanding something intricately? Being able to play around with an idea, connect different concepts, or come up with something on the spot? Nope.

I feel like I have to study absolutely everything beforehand because I can’t just “cook up a story” in an exam or discussion the way some people seem to. Then I end up getting fewer marks than people who can write convincing answers even when they seemingly know less than I do.

And this isn't just academics. Sometimes I genuinely don’t know what I think about things. I have trouble putting my thoughts into words, understanding situations, knowing what to say, or even figuring out what exactly is happening inside my own head.

Sometimes I get so exhausted with being myself that I wish I could just go to sleep and wake up as some alternate personality who could take control and handle my life for me.

Because lately I’m not even sure what is what anymore.

I don’t know whether this is an intelligence thing, an attention thing, anxiety, being mentally exhausted, or just how my brain works. I just know I’m tired of constantly feeling like everyone else received some instruction manual for thinking and communicating that I somehow missed.

Does anyone else experience this? Especially the feeling of understanding things only on a memorization level but struggling to actually think with the information?

My procrastination towards writing specifically is super bad because the progress to completion is so much looser and "flexible" for lack of a better word. Like I could put down "write one sentence" in my to-do list but the time varies on how long it takes. I have to think of an idea for the sentence and find a way to word it and put it to paper, edit it, and then decide if it conveys what I want it to say in terms of the topic. Science or math, I just do one problem then task completed because a lot of it is just using a formula or a concrete method that follows a specific series of steps to solve it.

In writing, it is so easy for me to push off even writing one sentence because "it's one sentence" yk? And then it builds up and overwhelms me because now I've got to write a whole paragraph. I do brain dumps sometimes, but I just fall into the hole of writing in a circle and it just doesn't feel good even if I know it is just putting any thoughts I have onto paper. I also use the three reasons structure, but it's really hard to flesh it out into an actual paragraph once I've spent all my efforts thinking of and researching those reasons.

I really want to know how people manage to consistently work on writing especially since I'm going into school soon. The process on writing and finishing a paper is so arbitrary to me because it really varies between each assignment and topic. I use pomodoro timers, but I end up just staring at the document for most of the time. Any advice on spacing out writing assignments into a consistent schedule is appreciated :)

I want to spend this month really trying to push myself through various challenges to help me push out of my comfort zone and help to improve my social skills and confidence.

I started this at the beginning of the year and so far have been able to do some challenges such as going to the cinema, going for a run in public, having a coffee in shop.

But I'm struggling to bridge the gap and to think of additional challenges. So far I have the following.

1. Cinema trip. Continuing to go to the cinema, aiming for twice in the month.
2. Shopping centre and coffee in-shop.
3. Going to a local car-boot sale or flea market.
4. Going to the club for 30-60 minutes.
5. Going to an event at a bar/club for 30-60 minutes.
6. Continue running in public.
7. Content creation. Streaming games online, or making content for Youtube/Tiktok. (Not sure about this one).

I also had the idea of going to a gig in a different city but it would be so expensive so I'm not sure.

Any other ideas?

Hey everyone,

I’m currently reading Atomic Habits by James Clear, and instead of just passively reading through it, I want to actively process the material and will be summarizing my learnings here

To keep myself accountable and share value with the community, I'm going to document my core takeaways and important points right here in the comments as I move through the book.

Hi, so, I'm interested in refining a bunch of different skills I already know the basics of, and hearing from industry leaders would be a plus (which is basically what Masterclass offers). I've heard people complaining of a bunch of things regarding Masterclass - how they don't tackle the basics and don't get too deeply into specifics for example - but that's all fine with me.

The only thing that WOULDN'T be fine with me is having no easy option to cancel the subscription whenever I wanna cancel it for whatever reason. And that's also a problem I hear about, which is why I'm noping out of Masterclass.

But I'm curious. Are there similar sunscriptions with a better customer service? Where?

Day 10 was a good day.

Today I was much more occupied than usual, but unlike some of the previous days, I actually managed to get quite a lot done.

I had planned to go for a morning run, but I didn't wake up on time because I stayed up late working on the video from yesterday.

So the morning run didn't happen.

But after that, things went pretty well.

The usual stuff

News & finance

Read my book

Studied

Swimming

Workout

I also had my assessment mentoring session.

Interestingly, teaching those sessions is actually helping me revise some basic concepts too. Sometimes explaining something to someone else makes you realize how much you actually remember — and what you need to improve.

About yesterday's video

Yesterday I wasn't satisfied with the video and was almost certain I wouldn't post it.

But I made some changes, did a few additional shots, and got a new idea that I incorporated into it.

Eventually, I decided to post it.

And honestly...

I'm glad I did.

It received some really good responses and feedback.

That made me realize that sometimes the thing you think isn't good enough might actually be worth putting out there.

Maybe I don't always need to wait until something feels perfect.

Finally fixed my laptop!

Another big thing today:

I finally fixed the Wi-Fi issue on my laptop that had been bothering me for almost a week.

I decided to actually take it seriously today and spent quite a lot of time troubleshooting it until I got it working.

I was also working on backing up my files and freeing up storage space, including using Command Prompt to clean things up.

None of these things were part of my original "90-day routine."

But looking back at the day, I actually did a ridiculous number of small chores and tasks without even consciously thinking about them.

And maybe that's something I need to recognize more often.

Still room to improve

Even though today was productive, I know I can do better.

The biggest thing I want to improve is how much focused time I put into studying and my personal projects.

I'm getting better at staying active and handling daily responsibilities, but I want to make sure I'm not just busy.

I want to become productive in the things that actually move my life forward.

Day 10 isn't perfect.

I missed my morning run.

I still stayed up too late.

And I could have spent more time studying.

But compared to where I started...

I'm moving.

10/90 complete.

Let's keep going.

I've given many lectures in my life. I was never stressed, maybe nervous at times and that was it. One day, though, I suffered a panic attack out of nowhere. My voice was trembling, my fingers were shivering and my heart was racing. I was running out of air and I just wanted to die. However, I survived to live with the fear that I will experience this each and every time I have to speak in front of an audience.

I told these to a dear friend of mine who is a musician. For weeks (maybe months) we would meet and he would play the piano and he was giving me song to sing (I ain't no singer). He was running a chorus and they had meetings most days of the week. We would also do solo parts. I did all these so many times, being at stage was so natural.

Then I had to deliver a speech again (I'm a physician so this was not relevant at all). He told me, remember all of the times that you did great and bring those moments with you. Bring the music with you.

And eventually it worked out. Music heals. But you have to put your heart in it. Wishful thinking is not enough

Hi all, what are some videos that really helped you?

I’m open to any suggestions

Thank you!!

in my freshman year of college, my first friend group, who at the time i felt i was really close with, ended up treating me badly and eventually pushed me out of the friend group. At the time, i felt i got really close to these guys, so i ended up getting really depressed and withdrawn. And I dont want to get into the specific details. It honestly still affects me a lot now.

It shaped my entire college experience. I left clubs, let my grades drop, didnt apply for research, barely applied for internships. I became so withdrawn to the point that I didn't really pursue that pathway I wanted for my life. Like, by the time I realized what I had let go, it was too late to pursue it.

But recently, I have been looking at the linkedins and seeing them get exactly the careers and programs they wanted to get into. Some of them are even pursuing fields I wanted to pursue. And it sucks, because those were things i wanted so much.

I had to basically get bailed out by my dad for a job because how lackluster my resume was, which sucks because i really didnt want to take handouts.

And its not like I was dumb. I remember helping a lot of those guys with course work but now some are pursuing incredibly advanced fields, fields i wanted to do. I dont want to keep feeling this way.

And I dont want to keep blaming them. I know that I shouldnt have let how they treated affect me so long. I know at some point I shouldve got over it but I couldnt and still cant even now. And it hurts to know that I let them play such a big role in my life while they probably dont even think about me anymore. I unfollowed them on insta and linkedin, though I do find myself checking their profiles a lot. Like they really fucked up my self esteem.

I want to move on so that I can finally just focus on trying to fix my life and maybe in some small way move in the career direction I wanted to go in, even if the full path wont be possible anymore. Because I know im not satisfied with what im doing now.

A few years ago I read a book called Ultralearning by Scott Young right?

In the book the author essentially taught that the fastest way to learn anything is to do a cursory amount of research… then do as much practice as you can tolerate.

When I wanted to learn how to talk to people after not being socialized my entire childhood here’s the exact routine I used for years:

Wake up, read a social skills book for 10-15 minutes ideally audiobook if you’re going to work/school.

The second you arrive to work/school practice what you just learned.

Then that evening reflect on what went well and what you’ll do better tomorrow.

3 steps + time was all it took me.

And if you’re too intimidated to go for full on conversations from the jump do what I call conversational training wheels:

Can’t hold a conversation?

Try just saying hello.

Can’t say hello?

Try just smiling and waving.

Can’t smile and wave?

Try making eye contact.

Start where you can tolerate then build upon that. Learn a little each day. Integrate that learning with practice.

I can elaborate on this more if anyone’s interested.