My husband and I (26) have been in the lifestyle for about a year and we both enjoy the variations of different partners. Our swinging has been with others close to our age +/- and the sex has been fun for the most part. We always try to be respectful and want to make sure the others enjoy us too.
We recently met an older, 40s, couple that we met online and experienced a different kind of night. The preliminaries we normally expect were quickly moved on. I don’t want to say my husband was ignored but I surely was the center of attention by both. Nothing I’m complaining about, my husband did play too. I’m used to giving oral as a first step and enjoy if the guy isn’t hard at first, here he was immediately hard, very hard. Maybe he had a pill that worked as he stayed hard pretty much the whole time. The aggressiveness then took over. Forcing himself down my throat, I didn’t balk, and holding my head as he pumped, then very aggressively piston like into me from behind. I’ve had others go hard and fast but this was many notches up. And I liked it and he didn’t stop. I know my husband was checking on me but I didn’t want it to stop.
In the back of my head I wondered about someone doing this but I couldn’t wait to see them again.

My wife is onboard with me getting a vasectomy. I'm calling to schedule an appointment. I'm nervous and excited about it. I'm excited about the idea of shooting blanks. However I am nervous about changes. Mainly the quality of the orgasm or any risks.

For anyone in the LS, did you or your partner experience a good outcome? Are the risks overplayed? Are the orgasms the same or better post snipped? Is the experience better psychologically speaking?

My husband and I are dipping our toes in for the first time this weekend and I couldn't be more excited!

We are attending a local club (great reviews and host) and are going in with zero expectations for the evening except checking the vibe.

I've been reading a lot of advice for newbies, and we have a very strong foundation (21 years together) with awesome communcation. We are 100% on the same page with this, lots of talking and smaller steps leading up.

In setting up a rough list of boundaries (most of them sex acts/kink that neither one of us are interested in) I think I want to add in a "rule" (hate calling it that) that we always end our night together. Is this realistic?

For the first times, I assume it's likely guaranteed that I'm not getting my back blown out by 8 dudes, lol, so making sure to have sex with my husband should be easy. In theory, it seems so sweet and loving and good for our relationship. But in practice, are we just setting ourselves up for a somewhat forced encounter if we're done for the night?

I'd love to here from couples in the LS and see how you may have navigated a similar boundary and what conclusions you reached.

Thanks!

As the title suggests. My girlfriend and I met another couple for dinner. I’m really just looking for advice😅

The couple we met with he (36M) and her (37F) are an attractive couple. Wife is gorgeous and the husband is a good looking dude (so are we I like to think). To start I’d like to say we are extremely new to this lifestyle and at that, we don’t get out much. We met on a app. We talked on there, hit it off a little bit then created a group chat with the four of us. Eventually we decided to plan a dinner and it was pretty quick. We were talking and it was Friday and they said “how about tomorrow” so they seemed eager to meet us. I want to also mention that they are also new to this lifestyle. When we got to the Mexican restaurant we got a table for us and sat down. When they arrived it started off, not going to lie, very awkward. I was already nervous my girlfriend really wasn’t nervous. She said she was more nervous seeing how nervous they were to. It started off with a lot of small talk but eventually did progress to talking about each others interest. We really didn’t talk about swinging or sexual interest. They asked us how long we been on the app and we told them our luck so far. Eventually once we finished dinner the couple were asking if we’d like to go to a bar after this. So the fact that they wanted to continue the night felt like a good sign. We went to a bar with live music and we did connect a little more there. Again just talking about each others interest and having some drinks. Now I do remember my girlfriend mentioning how she wasn’t sure if it’d be weird since we were so young. They both kind of shook their head in agreement. The husband said we are all consenting adults. The wife however didn’t say much about it. She seemed like she’d rather not acknowledge our age. At the end of the night we were outside the bar talking and about to say goodbye. They both hugged us, husband hugged the my girlfriend and the wife hugged me. Little bit of an awkward hug but it was sweet. As we were all walking to our cars we told them that we’d like to see them again and we had a great time.

So I guess here’s my question. What is appropriate to talk about at dinner with a couple you have interest in?
Is it appropriate to compliment the wife or is that stepping on the husbands toes? Should I compliment the husband too or would that make a straight man uncomfortable?
Was a restaurant a bad idea to go to for a first meet?

Hi there! We have a trip to Europe planned for October. We’ll be traveling as two couples, we are around 30s, but only one couple has prior experience, having visited a few swing clubs in Brazil.

We’ll be visiting several cities and are thinking about checking out one or two swing clubs along the way. However, my research showed so many options that I’d love some input and tips from those of you familiar with the European scene, especially regarding the best nights for beginners/couples at each club.

Our itinerary includes:

- Paris (Friday, Saturday, Sunday, and Monday nights);

- London (Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday);

- Amsterdam (Sunday, Monday, and Tuesday).

I’ve looked at reviews for the most well-known clubs (Le Mask, Les Chandelles, Le Boudoir, Fun4Two, Sameplace), but we’re unsure about which nights are best for couples. I’d really appreciate your opinions, and feel free to suggest other options as well. Thanks a lot!

Wife and I have decided to visit one and have been reading through stories and reviews. One of the stories that we read here on Reddit was of 4 couples going at it in a LS clubs jacuzzi tub. We both then asked the same question. Does everyone just cum blast in the water? Is it normal and expected to have cum floating around in pools and spas at these swinger resorts?

Husband and I are both introverts but we have talked about threesomes/swapping since we were dating. It's always been me holding back as I'm the anxious one when it comes to these things. A FFM threesome has always been his wish but I've decided that's definitely not for me due to my own feelings of inadequacy.

I feel like I'd feel better doing a swap. We live in a very swinger friendly area and are really close to the biggest swingers club in the states.

Is it weird if we went and just let others approach us? Or just went to mingle and feel the scene out? We have been approached by older couples at bars before but he was super sexualized (lots of comments on BBC) and it was very off putting for him.

I also have to say most couples are not my type (just from browsing the sub that is for the swingers club near us, I'm not attracted to 90% of people who post). I don't love the fact that I'd have no idea of the guys size until we got down to business either...

Any advice for navigating these anxieties is welcome.

I've already come to terms with the fact we can't control feelings and he may enjoy sex with someone else more than me but I don't think it would strain our marriage.. I'm just not great at going into situations blind (blame my tism)

Has any unicorns gone by themselves before ? I have always wanted to go and next year I might just make the trip by myself , please share any info or advice

For those of you who've indulged in the LS in different countries/cultures - what were those differences that drew your attention? Of course, there are thousands of swingers worldwide, so some generalisation, humor, better/worse here than there... is welcomed. Just an informal info gathering. Here's our take:

Germany:

- There's not much info exchanged prior regarding boundaries/preferences/testing: in way many cases, it is assumed a full swap between 2 couples from the beginning.

- Parties/events everyday, everywhere, including drinks and food at a table included in the ticket. All imaginable kinks/themes. Many start at 19:00/20:00 and many people leave by 1:00 if not sooner.

- While at the club, many seem magically and invisibly connected: they all sit and eat simultaneously at the club's restaurant, they all get up as if on cue and go to play (1st) round; rinse and repeat (for the 2nd round). Conversation at the table before (and after!) playing can get to be similar in tone, almost like by the water cooler at work.

- Dress code strictly adhered to depending on theme: '20s, leather, rainbow...

- First ask, then touch.

- Cellphones strictly forbidden.

- Many private parties where hosts graciously invite you directly to their home even if they don't know you -mostly if you're validated on an app-.

Netherlands:

- Very wide age range in a club: from very young to people in their 80s.

Spain:

- Go to a club before midnight and you'll mostly be alone. Some drinks included in clubs, no food. People tend to dress like a regular night out/stylish - costumes only in Halloween/Xmas/Carnival if at all.

- First touch an arm, leg...: if no complaints, proceed.

- Can be lax about cellphones in the club (people carry them to pay for every drink).

US:

- A lot discussed prior: boundaries, kinks, wishes, testing.

- Social, inviting for the newbies.

Long story short. My bf & I have been having amazing sex & he brought up bringing an extra person (f/m) my choice.
I’ve never done anything like this but I have been very VERY curious. I’m all for it but I’m a very jealous person..I’m not sure I’m ready? What are some good tips 😅

I know there are multiple clubs in Barcelona but what can I expect mid-week at the end of September? Will it be mostly empty or can I expect around 10 couples? Which one is busier mid-week?

First post here: https://www.reddit.com/r/Swingers/s/7CKlf8li3B

Okay, so an interesting weekend...

For those wondering, we agreed to take nothing off the table and keep an open mind across the board. The compromise was that we'd go out for drinks and if we were feeling frisky we'd go to the LS club and scope it out (maybe play with others, maybe just the three of us, maybe not at all). If we were all up for it at that point, then we'd head back to our place.

As much as she didn't want to admit it, my wife finally came out and said she really wanted this and she was excited to try it. He other fear about going to the club was that we'd find another couple and not get a chance to do a straight MFM (hence the compromise of ending up with just the three of us at the house). For me, I asked for a little bridge to something we'd never done via the club. Maybe we start with the three of us, or another couple, or maybe in the group room...whatever, but something that wasn't just "hey let's take this guy back to our house." We had great communication and were honest with each other about our desires (she wanted the MFM) and our concerns (I didn't want to be forgotten about or feel like a third wheel at any point).

Well since we know him and since my wife was being amazing during drinks, etc, and constantly touching and flirting with me, I felt really comfortable skipping the club and just taking him back home. I told her and it was so cute how excited she got when she said, "*REALLY?*" 😁

So we got back to our house and had sex for like two hours. We FaceTimed his wife for a few minutes so she could watch. She also asked for video so we recorded the whole thing. She was also texting me and us before and throughout the night - being flirty with me, super understanding about my apprehension, and, all in all, just really wonderful. All of that made me a lot more comfortable because it felt like two couples playing together, just with one party sitting on the virtual sidelines.

Truth be told, every single person made it out to be a wonderful success. My wife finally admitted that this was really something she wanted to experience and I'm so happy I could make it happen. We watched the video together the next morning and she was totally turned on by it.

As someone who commented on the original post mentioned, the guy and I really worked together to give her a great night and of course, we both enjoyed ourselves a ton as well.

I genuinely believe my wife is the sexiest person I've ever met. The fact that I got to be with her the whole night and she never took attention away from me while still giving almost equal attention to the other guy really made this just an amazing experience.

So yeah, everything worked out in the end. 9+/10 MFM experience!

Oh yeah, we had also set something up with a new couple for Sunday. The lady was incredibly sexy but there were some first time (with each other) jitters and unfamiliarities that we all navigated through that I think we could improve on next time. Overall, 7/10 MFFM experience.

And by the way, I enjoyed the 7/10 MFFM experience *SO MUCH* more than the 9+/10 MFM one 😂 No idea yet if my wife feels the same, but what can I say? Having another girl there was just flat out better for me 🤷🏽‍♂️

Edited because I don't know how to use reddit lol

Hello everyone,

My wife and I are travelling from Australia to the US late November-Early December and are trying to decide between two apps, Swingerlifestyle SLS or SwingTowns. I’ve read up on both, started a free account on both but would like to know people’s advice on which one they think is better. We just don’t want to burn two subscriptions on apps that may be dead or inactive. We’re not fussed on ease of use, more worried about successfully organising some play dates.

Ps. We use RHP in Australia and have had a lot of success.

Hi swingers! My husband and I had the hottest night dancing in the woods with a bunch of our friends including a couple who we adore, and who love us right back. At one point the 4 of us were all in a hotel room doing molly and just snuggling and touching each other. I was the one to kind of pause things and suggest we go back to the event we were all there for. I figured that I’d rather regret not doing something, than regret doing something and I’d want time to plan a whole thing rather than just letting it happen when we hadn’t previously discussed it.

We’re close with them but not geographically close, we usually visit each other a couple times a year. Right now, my husband’s plan is to call the other husband, who is his close friend from childhood (they talk on the phone like once a month, the wife and I text and chat occasionally but very intensely and excitedly since we both have adhd loll), and just be honest about our feelings and see if they’re on the same page as we are. if not, I’m sure they would be kind about it and my husband would just be like “our bad, me and somefruit got too horny” and I feel like they’d get it. We’re all so sexually open with each other, if they did reject us i know it would be bc of personal stuff in their own relationship and they’d probably still be flattered that we asked. If they say yes…omg!!! I’d be on cloud 9 haha!

Basically……my husband and I really want to fuck our friends but I’ve noticed that this sub seems ideologically against fucking your friends and id like to know why so many of you feel this way. What might we be overlooking? or would you do the same in our shoes? All 4 of us are hot if that matters to anyone lol

It’s funny like when I started swinging I never even thought of that as a option. I remember when someone message me to play solo with my partner I was beyond disrespected. (Forgot to add that was when we first started we just decline now ) lol like when I thought of swinging idk I ALWAYS imaged group sex. Where as when I think of solo swaps I feel it’s more non monagomous hooking up. Like it’s just sleeping with someone else. Idk like I feel like it goes from we’re doing this togather to just we’re sleeping with other people. I always found if I’m just gonna sleep with someone else solo it defeats the purpose for me. Like the group aspect give it something unique multiple people touching etc. Maybe the females interact with each other or one behind one infront etc. Like my entire point was seeing my wife get new experiences and even just seeing other have sex it’s like 30 times better than film. However I do see the seperate room is quite common.

“DISCLAIMER as it seems some people are completely not answering the following”

How about you guys what do you think if your a solo player why? If your mainly group why?

I will also say this I’ve noticed a lot of people we call swingers are more ethical non monagamy as, there okay with just going to meet up with other partners solo and telling there partner after and even hanging out with others. For us that is a NO GO

EDIT love the variety of opinions!

Late 30s, great wife. About 4 years ago I read a short article on how swinging brought a couple together, ever since it’s been eating away at me.

I really want to try and have tried to think/pray/ask for the desire to swing to go away and it won’t.

A few months ago I brought it up casually (it was in context with conversation) that I think it’d be fun to try ‘soft swinging’ if we did it together. A new form of date night.

Got a “No, but now I don’t know if you want me to change and say yes or you will change?” Acting defensively I quickly said no no it’s not a big deal just a thought (really much more than a thought but a 4 year desire).

She brought it up as a concern few weeks later saying it worried her that I ever said that.

I’m not gonna go out and cheat on her, she’s great. So I guess what I’m asking is do I just need to accept the sad fact that I’ll never get to experience swinging in this life? I feel like I’ve accepted that yet the urge too won’t go away :/

*Edit: I’m not asking how to coerce her into swinging. I’m asking how to make the desire to go away for me. It’s like always on my mind and I’m sick of it, I can accept her no but apparently I can’t if it won’t get off my mind

We recently went to a house party where we didn’t know anyone aside from chatting on SDC. The group was great, and we eased into drinking games and strip games. During one part of the game, I made a point to talk to each woman as we rotated partners to follow the rules, and my wife did the same. Naturally, we started developing chemistry with a few people.

An issue came up during a later rotation. Earlier, my wife had been chatting with a husband while his wife and I playfully flirted. However, when I rotated to a different woman, the previous wife kept interrupting our conversation. I answered politely, but my new partner even pointed out that the other woman was keeping us from talking.

Is it considered rude to keep mingling and making connections at a party once you’ve already felt chemistry with a couple? We’re extremely new to house party dynamics, but we assumed everyone was there to have fun and that nobody had "dibs" on another couple until an arrangement was actually made. My wife and I talked afterward, and we agreed that even if we connect with a couple, they are free to do what they want. Am I misreading the dynamic? Do some swinging couples expect immediate exclusivity once a mutual vibe is established?

My wife and I are heading to Nashville and looking to check out a swinger bar or two, has anyone been to red room? If so how was it?? Any others we should know about?

We’ve (M45/F46) been in the LS for a few years now. We started out a hotwife couple and now play together and separately.

I(M) started out strong. Just happy to be here. Happy to have the opportunity to experience new things with new partners. It was hard to knock me off of my game.

Now what I’m finding is that any little tiff, disagreement, argument, or bickering with my wife (which happens regularly) sends me into a spiral where my desire and ability to perform is totally smoked. If we aren’t good, no matter how briefly, I’m not good.

What has me confused is that we’ve been married over 20 years. We’re solid. I’m in the best physical shape of my life. My shit is together, I’m sober, no recreational drugs, no health issues…so WTF is happening.

I am on TRT, my levels are checked every 4 months or so, still wake up with morning wood and I have ED meds available. So, it’s not an aging or physical thing. This is all mental. The question I have is how do I unfuck myself?

When you guys were first starting out was it hard to find females? I have an abundance of men willing but can never find single females to join us. I want to surprise my husband for our anniversary in October and I'm interested in a bi female to add to a fun evening. Are there groups or places to post looking? My husband is very attractive ( I know everyone thinks their spouse is but people tell me all the time he is ) I just don't know how to start the conversation with someone to set those things up or where to look.

Honest question here. I know there’s a few reasons couples get into swinging and the lifestyle. How many do it to compensate for something? And what are they really looking for?

I’m interested in discussion and insights from people in the lifestyle. I don’t mean any disrespect to others interested in swinging.

I feel like I have no one to talk to about this. My 2 closest friends know but one does not want to know anything about it, she does not approve. The other is in an unhappy marriage so he does not really want to hear about how much fun I'm having.

I just had one of the most fun weekends ever, me and my husband did lots of new things with a couple, I also had my first threesome and I feel like I can't talk to anyone about this.

My husband and I talk about it of course, but he's an insider so it's not the same. I want to talk to a friend and just exchange fun stories and giggle and talk about all the things we did, we learned, etc.

Do you guys have someone like that or if not, how do you keep it all inside?

I'm afraid I'm someone who has to talk about things like that. It's a way for me to process but also reminisce and reflect. Plus it's fun.