My car was locked. I don’t live in a sketchy area. I last drove it yesterday and it was not there. I don’t know what to do

Update: you guys are useless. Needle has been disposed of

I wrote here about 3 weeks ago asking how to deal with the fact that my manager seemed to be targeting my strongest employee.

This afternoon, that employee told me she accepted a new position. When we talked, she said that ultimately it came down to the work no longer feeling as meaningful to her as it used to. She was brought in for a specific role, and over time it turned into something almost completely different. I believe her about that, but I also can't get rid of the feeling that my manager got exactly what she wanted by continuing to pressure her until she left.

I don't even know what I'm feeling right now. Frustrated, worried, and maybe a little broken? I spent close to 45 minutes with my manager earlier today defending this employee, supporting her, and saying she was the right person for the role. Then about 4 hours later I got this news lol.

So I guess now I have to figure out recruiting and hiring from scratch...

Idk where else to post this and honestly I don't even know how to write this properly. I just need some advice because I can't stop thinking about what happened.

I'm 17M. I have an older sister who's 18 and an older brother who's 20. My brother is at university and my sister started university this year. We live in France.

This happened on Saturday. Icame home from my friend's house around the afternoon. I left my stuff on the couch and went outside to sit in the garden for a few minutes because the weather was nice....... When I came back inside I could hear my brother and sister talking loudly upstairs.

At first I didn't really care. They argue sometimes, like any siblings do, so I just thought whatever, they'll sort it out themselves.

But maybe five minutes later it got much louder. They were properly shouting at each other.........I could hear it from garden and eventually I went upstairs because it sounded like something was seriously wrong. shouting was coming from my sister's bedroom.

When I got there, my sister was crying. My brother was shirtless and standing really close to her........There were things knocked over in the room and some stuff was broken or on the floor. My sister had what looked like injuries around her nose and on her hands.

I honestly froze for a second because my first thought was that my brother had hurt her. I told him to get away from her. He got angry at me and said it was none of my business.......Then he pushed me pretty hard. I don't know if he was trying to actually hurt me or just get me out of the way, but I remember being really shocked because I'd never seen him like that before.

My sister came between us and told me to go outside. So I did. I stayed outside for maybe ten minutes. Then my sister came to my room.......She was still crying. Not screaming or anything, just really quiet crying. She had injuries that I could see, so I asked her what happened and if my brother had hurt her.

She just said they had a fight and that it was nothing I needed to worry about.I gave her the first aid box and helped her clean up the injuries. I honestly didn't know what else to do....... I was kind of shaking myself. Before she left my room she asked me not to tell Mom and Dad. She made me promise.

A few hours later my brother spoke to me too. Basically the same thing. He told me to stay out of it, that it was between him and her and that I had no idea what was going on. And this is where I'm stuck.

Because I know I didn't see what happened before I walked into the room. I don't know what the argument was about. But what I saw didn't feel like a normal sibling argument. Ikeep replaying it in my head, especially my sister crying and the way she looked when I walked in......There was something about the whole situation that felt very wrong.

And honestly, one of the thoughts I've had is that maybe something sexual happened and she was assaulted. I don't know that. I want to be very clear about that because I don't want to accuse my brother of something based on me guessing....... I didn't actually witness anything sexual. It's just something that crossed my mind because of the circumstances, and now I can't get it out of my head.

It's been three days now. My brother barely talks to me. He's been really cold since Saturday...... My sister also doesn't seem like herself. I've been checking on her, asking if she needs anything, sitting with her sometimes, but I don't know if I'm actually helping. The hardest part is that she specifically told me not to tell Mom and Dad.

I understand why she might not want me to. Maybe she's scared, embarrassed, angry, or maybe there's something else going on that I don't know about......Maybe she doesn't even want anyone involved.

But I'm also thinking......what if something really serious happened and I keep quiet because I promised her?

I'm 17. I'm not some adult who knows exactly what to do in these situations. I don't know French laws or what you're supposed to do here. I don't know whether I should tell my parents, talk to my sister again, contact the police, or contact some kind of service for advice first. And I feel horrible even writing this because I don't want to betray my sister. She's my sister and I love her...... I just don't want to wake up one day and realise I knew something was wrong and did nothing.

Our family is financially comfortable and we have a pretty normal life from the outside, so it's not like there's some history of violence in our house or anything like that. That's partly why this has messed with my head so much...... I've never seen either of them like this before.

I just want to make sure my sister is safe.

Hey everyone, hope you’re having a good day so far. Really sorry for the long read but i could really use some outside opinions cause i really don’t know how to feel, my situation is as follows.

I’ve been with this girl for about a year, give or take. To be honest I don’t remember exactly how we started. It was kind of a friends to lovers thing so to my memory it just kind of happened out of nowhere to an extent.

Apparently, the moment she realized we were “in a relationship” was during an early argument we had right after we first started talking a lot. I mentioned the phrase “breaking up,” which confused her and made her think to herself, “how can he break up with me if we were never even together?” But she never said that out loud,l because according to her she was scared to lose me and that we were in too deep. That’s the backstory.

Fast forward to today. We had a little argument about something pretty trivial nothing serious and we talked it out, then we started talking about how we love each other and how silly arguments like this shouldn’t come between us. Apparently that conversation made her feel extreme guilt, and that’s when she confessed.

She told me that for the past year, since we started “dating,” she never really considered us a relationship, because it happened out of nowhere and she felt like she never actually has a say to to it and in a sense forced.

I don’t really buy that, honestly. All she had to do was correct me. I get how it could’ve started as a misunderstanding on my part, but it never got corrected. She just let it go on. And it wasn’t until today that she confessed she always felt single this whole time. That was heartbreaking, because we were a couple by every measure. I called her my girlfriend, she called me her boyfriend, we talked every day, called every day, we’re completely exclusive to eachother, told each other we loved each other, got jealous over each other, and even talked about our future together. She told me her friends know we’re dating.

That last part changed today. When I started asking questions after her confession to properly understand what was going on, I asked about her two best friends. I asked what they think. She came clean and said they know she loves me and I love her but they think I’m in a relationship and she’s not. That really hurt, the idea that even her best friends see it as me dating her and not us dating each other.

While I was trying to understand all of this, at one point she kind of flipped it back on me. She asked why I thought we were together in the first place, why I took it that way. That stung because it felt like she was putting it on me for believing what she herself let happen for a year.

During her initial confession she told me this apparently isn’t the first time and that this same thing happened with three other guys before me, guys who thought they were in a relationship with her when according to her she wasn’t. So now I’m sitting here wondering if this is just something that happens to her, or something she does.

Another thing that hurt was when I asked her what she’d say if a random person asked if she was single. She said she wouldn’t know what to tell them. I can appreciate the honestly but fuck how does one even begin to process that.

We talked for a while. I was distraught, but I think I kept my composure decently considering everything. I was just trying to understand what was going on. She kept apologizing, saying she shouldn’t have done it, but I don’t know what an apology does at this point when I’ve spent almost a year of my life on something that feels for the most part fake now.

She says the love wasn’t fake, that she really does love me more than anybody, but she just didn’t feel like she was in a relationship because of how things started. She said if instead of bringing up “breaking up” back then, I had directly asked her if she wanted to be in a relationship, she would’ve said no, which to her means this whole time we weren’t actually together, she said it wasn’t just me but if anybody no matter how much she loved directly asked her for a relationship she would’ve said no.

Now i feel like she’s trying to say anything to make it right. Things along the line of “We can be in a relationship if that’s what it takes, that’s what I want.” I can’t help but think if you want to be in a relationship now, why couldn’t you just consider that we already were? Why did you have to tell me all of this? Why now, all of a sudden, I really don’t know what to make of any of this.

I would really appreciate any advice🙏

I (24M) live with two roommates. They’re dating and have been for around two years. My one roommate (29M) is my best friend. His bf (26M) is away for the week with his family.

I got done work super early yesterday and came home around 6 hours earlier than I usually do. Saw my roommate and another guy walking around naked in the common area. It was obvious they had just gotten done messing around and didn’t expect for me to be home for hours.

Roommate immediately kicked the other guy out as soon as I got home and then started kinda freaking out. Begged me not to say anything to his bf and all that. I basically just sat there in the kitchen and didn’t agree or disagree to anything.

Here’s the part where I feel like a selfish ass:

I am brooooooke. I’m in college. I moved in with these guys because they’re my friends and they offered cheap rent. That said, I’m much, much closer to the roommate who cheated. I obviously feel a moral obligation to tell the bf what happened, but I’m also so worried about it messing up my living situation. I can’t afford to live anywhere else right now. And there’s no way that two of us could afford this place without the third person.

I feel like such a horrible person for even considering that aspect of it, but what else am I supposed to do? If I reveal the cheating and they break up, where am I supposed to go?

I've been working for 9 years at a small start-up in an MCOL area. I was making about 55k a year.

I got laid off about 8 weeks ago, and I just signed an offer for a remote role with a base salary of $230k, plus an end-of-year bonus of up to 30%.

I don't know how to describe how unreal that number feels to me. When I was little, I remember counting dimes and nickels for school trip expenses, and even then we were better off than maybe 65% of the families around us.

My partner makes around ~$110k. Our DINK household was already in roughly the top 12% in our state with an income of 165k, and we already live in the expensive part of the city. We felt like we had somehow reached the finish line, and now our income has basically jumped into a completely different category.

Whenever I sit and think about it for more than a minute, I get overwhelmed and cry. Who needs this much money? It feels disgustingly unfair, but at the same time I feel like I can finally breathe. And then there's this stupid voice in my head saying that surely something bad is going to happen to balance things out.

TLDR; My steak came with gold flakes on it, but I've never eaten anywhere with cloth napkins, and I feel like someone is going to come ask me to leave.

Tbh and I hate to say this but like I’m jealous of my friends who are able to randomly go shopping, go out to eat, get tattoos, or just spend money without having to think twice about it. And like meanwhile, I just out here constantly struggling just to get by. I’m living paycheck to paycheck trying to pay off school, credit cards, gas, groceries, and all the other random expenses that come with life.

The sucky part is I make $14/hr, work about 28 hours a week, and get paid biweekly. And yes yes I know I probably need to get better with my money, but I also feel like I just need a better-paying job which I’m still looking for. It’s frustrating seeing people around me have the freedom to spend money while I’m sitting here calculating whether I can afford something as simple as eating out and having fomo.

Edit: yes I’m still in school doing 15 credit hours.

I’m 19F and he’s 20M. I’ve told my boyfriend multiple times that I don’t like when he makes harsh jokes about my appearance or things I’ve told him I’m insecure about. He always says he’s joking and that I’m being dramatic.
Eventually I told him if he wouldn’t stop, I’d start joking about him the same way. That time he made comments about my weight, so I said he’s insecure about his own body and maybe that’s why he tries to make me feel insecure too because he is.
He got extremely angry I eventually broke up with him.
Afterwards, he begged me not to leave and said things like I’m cruel and that I’m leaving him alone with nobody with him. I feel like he’s guilt-tripping me into staying.
I know I shouldn’t have insulted his insecurity either, but I had already asked him so many times to stop and he said he dont mind me joking abt his stuff too and i was trying to show him how hurtful it is i never meant it.
Hes saying he will change but im not gonna go back to what i endured for two years

Let me back up. My biological parents are NOT good people. My bio-mom, Karen (fake name), is a literal sociopath. My bio-father, Marcus (fake name), bipolar and used to take my food while I was still eating when I was a baby/toddler.

They committed attempted murder of my maternal grandparents, got caught cause they were so stupid about it, and were arrested by the FBI cause it crossed state lines.

I was placed with my maternal grandparents and grew up well off. I went from never eating and not having clothes to having everything and more.

When I was 19, I reached out to Karen. I refuse to speak to Marcus. I got to meet 2 of my 5 older half siblings. And we’ve all been talking for almost 3 years now. I helped organize my dad (bio-grandpa) and Karen to meet back up, I’ve been distant but… I talk to them occasionally. I made my boundaries clear.

Yesterday she texted me about Dad’s birthday. Saying she sent a card and how excited she was to hear my sisters and I are meeting back up. The conversation flowed and I mentioned I was in therapy and medicated for severe anxiety and mild depression. She mentioned how great therapy could be and I said “yeah I know I’ve been in and out since I was 3”

I expected her to brush past it. Ignore it. Dodge the blame she had been. But… she apologized… like a real apology. I don’t know how to feel… I cried. I still feel like crying… I want to scream at her how much pain I endured growing up. My fear. Everything. I wanna say I don’t forgive her. I don’t. I never will. I’m just… lost…

So if you go through my posts you will see my history. I needed a break from reddit but I will share this update, one month later. They are living together and I know from a very credible source he is abusive with her, physically. If you read my latest update, police knows about this but she is on his side.

Anyway, they are living together and expecting their son. I am in the midle of divoce but it still hurts so bad.

TL;DR: My 40 something husband who is in a position of executive director/manager at a big company got a 20 something entry level woman pregnant during an affair that took place mostly on company ground. HR knows, nothing will happen to him (some salary cuts) and she was transferred. she blackmailed him or tried to, into marrying her, and they are getting married. they have a baby boy on the way

I came out of Walmart this morning after dropping my son off at school to find these DVDs set on my door handle, neatly wrapped in a piece of someone's mail with scotch tape. No details on the piece of mail.

Do I play them on my old Xbox that I don't use anymore? I know better than to play them on my computer. Why is the first one red and the other two black? Why are there three and 120 minutes each? So many questions, what do I do?

Edit 1: The first disc is 54:47 of Eric Hovind preaching about The Age of the Earth. I had a feeling it would be religious, but I didn't think it would be Evangelist. It opened with a man skipping rocks next to a creek. I'm skipping around it now. It looks old -- the file says 2004 -- he's showing off a facility of some sort? He's talking about Hitler and dinosaurs? He said Hitler would be discussed on disc four, but I only received three discs 🤷🏻‍♀️

Edit 2: More talk about dinosaurs and something about an iron hammer. Lots of bad graphics of dinosaurs, a cartoon T-Rex reading the Bible to its T-Rex child. It's over two hours long! Absolutely wild that someone would leave this on my door handle just because I have a "do you follow Satan this closely?" sticker on my car. Onto disc three just in case...

Edit 3: In total, all three discs are over six hours of the same nonsense. It ended with two men on a couch discussing how one of them saw a real dinosaur in the woods in Pensacola, Florida while he described how it resembled an alligator. We skipped through a lot of it, obviously, while eating our breakfast. So strange, currently talking my partner out of taking the Satan sticker off my car to avoid future weirdos 🤣

Sorry to disappoint, but I'm glad it wasn't anything I needed to hand over to the police or FBI or something awful! Have a good AND SAFE rest of your days! ❤️

So this is a new one for me.

My 12 yr old found this little guy in the yard. We were able to scoop it up on to a plate and take it inside. Breathing, appears uninjured. It will jump and act defensively when touched (only touched it to get him off the ground).

I have it in a small box with some shredded paper towels at the moment. My son is a sweetheart and wants to help it. No idea what to feed it, how to make sure it gets water, etc.

It’s super hot out and there are cats outside, so we don’t mind watching it for a few days.

What do I do??

15 years ago I didn't think I'd be here today. Not where I am currently, but here on earth.

I didn't have the best childhood or teenhood. Bullied at school, bullied at home. I did not see myself living past 16 (I'm 28 now) I wrote goodbye letters from the age of 12 but never really went through with it. Why? Mainly because I didn't want to put that burden on my family.

I ran away at age 14 and stayed with my friends relatives for a few weeks but had to go back home due to my age. I was put on a plan with social services but then I denied everything as I was blackmailed, emotionally.

I failed most of my exams when I was 15. Mainly because I didn't try. I didn't revise. For one exam I didn't even show up until the teacher picked me up from my house. I simply did not care whether I passed or failed, because like I said I couldn't imagine myself living past 16.

Started working, one meaningless job to another. I just wanted to do something to get out of the house. I'd quit or get fired from one job then work at another. I never went without a job for too long and the longest job I had was maybe a year.

I started drinking at 18. Once a week but I would drink for hours non stop. It's like my brain just didn't know how to stop once I started, every time I drank I would blackout. I did this for a few years, every few months. Then I found out on Reddit that it's a form of alcoholism and it could get worse, so I stopped. Not for me, but because it was hurting other people.

Then I became dependent on weed, starting smoking everyday with my friends or alone for 2 years in my early 20's. I created a lot of memories I've completely forgotten about. I'll see it come up on my Snapchat memories and have no recollection of it. I tried other drugs but didn't really care for them.

Started 'talking therapies'. I told them about my childhood, teenhood etc they just listened, asked a few questions and prescribed me anti depressants (which I stopped taking after a few months). They suggested I may have ADHD but to get diagnosed with that, I would have to start cognitive behavioural therapy. So they put me on the waiting list and I haven't heard back since.

I was in a relationship for 2 years where I was the toxic girlfriend which I realised after we cut things off. I was not happy with myself so of course the relationship would be miserable. I did not care about getting married or having kids. For me, it was just a long one night stand.

Then I got a new job, my second office job. This one still felt meaningless. It was boring admin work that was very easy.

I finally got my driver's licence at age 25, only because it would take me hours to get to my new job on public transport. I stopped smoking because I couldn't drive high.

I took driving lessons when I was younger but never took it seriously because I thought well, I won't be living too long what's the point l?

I've now (present time) received a promotion with my admin job.... I was surprised because although I am a hard worker, I did not expect to progress in my career. I've never even had a career. They're now giving me management training.i thought I'd just be working from one shitty job to another until I die, I didn't expect something to actually flourish.

Since I've hit 28 a few months ago, I have been thinking about the future for the very first time. I never thought I'd reach 28. I never even thought I'd reach 18. After 18, I counted those years as bonus years (something I call them because I didn't think I'd be living that long). Now I'm getting older, I finally want to take my life seriously and not just call them my bonus years.

Do I want to get married? Do I want kids? I don't know. Part of me is saying I should incase I regret it in the future. Part of me is saying no, I can just be alone forever and part of me is scared. Scared of opening up and becoming a partner to someone. Scared of conceiving. Scared of starting a family because my original family were so shitty to me that it's still affecting my mental health all these years later.

I need to pass a hair follicle test for work in 45 days. I have been trying to get clean for a while and think this is the push I need as I've been trying to quit all year. I have smoked weed daily until 10 days ago, and some MDMA occasionally. I'm quite fit, 6'2, male.

I need to pass this test but I'm aware I'm inside the time frame for testing positive for usage, I've seen results online but does anyone have any tips on how to definitely pass?

So I’m a freshman in college this year(18m). And I went out of state largely because I got into a prestigious university outside my state, but also partially to get a fresh start somewhere new. In high school, I was a pretty big trouble maker, and everyone at my school knew that. My closest friends were like constantly committing actual crimes, even going to Juvie for some time. They were my friends, but I tried to stay away from that as much as possible, though I did get in my fair share of trouble in school(many detentions for and stuff but never legal trouble myself).

But now in college, i’m starting to make friendships that I cant help but to feel like only exist because they don’t know my high school self. And I feel like just by looking at me, you’d assume I was more on the nerdy end(I think at least). But I’m meeting people who are actually very smart and mature, who seem to think the same of me. A part of me can’t help but to feel guilty as if they’re only friends with me because they don’t know the things I’ve done in the past; or really, the people I’ve supported.

I really am trying to change. But this troubled “kid” was only a few weeks ago. Any advice?

This is my mom’s boyfriend. He has lived with my mom for years without paying rent, and there has always been a lot of arguing and conflict between them. When I had just turned 18, he found out that my mom wasn’t charging me rent and left the house saying, “If she not paying rent then I’m not.” So there has been a history of him feeling entitled and becoming angry when he feels like something isn’t fair.
Recently, something much more serious happened at my mom’s house involving my grandmother. My mom’s boyfriend would constantly pick at my grandmother and start things with her. On this particular day, my grandmother finally snapped and said something back to him. At the same time, he was cleaning/handling a gun, and the gun went off and shot at my grandmother.
Afterward, he called his mother, which is something he apparently does whenever there is an argument. His mother then got involved, and somehow his sisters and cousins came to the house. His sisters ended up putting their hands on my grandmother.
My mom later started questioning his version of what happened because some of the details he gave her didn’t add up. Now he is angry with my mom because she questioned his story.
There is also a history of him keeping my younger brothers away from me whenever he gets angry. So when I asked if the boys could come to my birthday party, I wasn’t trying to involve them in the adults’ problems. I just wanted to spend my birthday with my brothers.
This was his response.
Am I wrong for wanting my brothers to be able to come to my birthday despite everything going on between the adults?

Edit: His sister went online and said "Thats why your mom got her ass whooped"

Edit: I want to say that my grandmother didn’t get shot but the bullet shot close to her. I have a photo actually. She was harmed mentally and his sisters and cousin still hit her nonetheless.

Last edit: I am actually on the phone with my mom and come to find out there are no custody lawyers in our hometown and when she lost her job she asked him to pay for the van so they didn’t lose it. He got it repo’d. I don’t know how because he didn’t have any bills since thats when he left because of me.

This first showed up almost 2 months ago on my thigh as a small patch. It gradually grew into the larger patch pictured. Since then, I’ve started noticing more patches appearing on my stomach, other areas of my thigh, arms, neck, and chest.

I initially thought it might be ringworm, so I started using an OTC antifungal cream. However, I’ve noticed that the rash continues to spread despite using it.

The patches aren’t particularly itchy (if relevant), and I’m wondering if this looks more like ringworm, pityriasis rosea, or something else.

Has anyone experienced something similar or had a rash that continued spreading despite antifungal treatment? I’m planning to get it checked out, but would appreciate any thoughts.

I (35m) and my wife (33F) are in trouble and I am completely trapped.

My wife and I have been together for fifteen years and for most of our relationship, we were best friends, financially stable and communicated well.

In 2020, I got ill with a serious auto immune condition and had to go on disability. My wife took over our finances as I was bedridden and unable to do so.

She handled it well initially and everything was paid on time and even on disability, we even grew a small savings.

I slowly started to improve and learned to walk again on my own. It was three months ago that I needed to buy some medical supplies and came to find out that my credit card was maxed.

I came to find out that not just my credit card was maxed, but hers was close to maxed and our emergency credit card had nearly four thousand dollars on it.

It turns out she had been shopping for herself and not paying things off. She literally let everything go and the interest we owe a month wont allow us to pay down the debt we owe.

I was reasonably angry but felt bad at the same time because she had been my care giver and I wanted to give her more than I could. So, I told her that she needed to sort something out and start paying things down. She told me the spending would stop and that she would would come up with a reasonable plan and we would work on getting things on track.

I gave her time to sort it out, and offered to help with ideas to pay the debt.

A few weeks went by and I expected she would have talked to me about it, so I thought I would be nice (stupid I know) I offered to take her on a date night to a hotel and dinner and then we would buckle down and get the debt repaid.

To my shock, she said no and told me she wanted a divorce instead. Completely out of nowhere. Other than that money issue she started, things were getting better, and despite still being handicapped, I was able to do much more. She no longer had to take care of much, compared to the start and I did anything I could to support her and do things to help.

I found out she was having an affair. A friend of ours spotted her at the movies with the new guy.

All of this right after we signed a new one year lease on our place. She says she will live here until the lease is up which is extremely messed up for many reasons and I cant leave either, because I cant afford to move on my own, and break a brand new lease.

Since then, she has stopped helping me as a caregiver. I missed major appointments because she stopped driving me and I couldn't drive again yet and could only walk a few steps. She stopped caring for our pets, doing anything at home, which we usually shared responsibility for.

To make things worse, she held my SUV hostage. I put it in her name when I lost the ability to drive, to make it easier, since she drove me to appointments in it. She told me she wouldnt sign it back over to me if I didnt get her another vehicle somehow. This was my inheritance I got the year prior when my dad died. She was holding my dead dad's final gift to me hostage.

I desperately needed a vehicle now that she stopped driving me to appointments. I still couldnt drive but eventually I would again. So, I convinced her to buy my mother's car for next to nothing to get my car back, which she agreed.

She then started depositing her work money into a new personal bank account so I couldn't access it. (Not that I would) which I understand is a legal part of separation but now our joint account wasnt getting money sent for bills and I had no idea what we were getting to even begin trying to take control back for the debt.

She also stopped coming home after work and on days off (which is good for awkwardness) but horrible because she was going out and spending money left and right like she was an 18 year old with her first credit card.

So here I am, sleeping on a couch (because we only have a 1 bedroom townhouse we rent and she claimed the bedroom), im getting sicker from missing my appointments. I am stressed beyond belief. Im on a sinking ship while my wife is pushing me into further debt while going on expensive outings and dates with another man.

She hasnt filed anything or talked to a lawyer. I know I should talk to one myself, but I honestly dont have money to do so. In blunt words, I am fucked. My dad was the only family I had to talk to or get help and he just died.

I honestly have no idea what to do. Im not well enough to leave and I cant afford it either. I cant legally kick her out and I also can't force her to start paying debt or get me to essential appointments. (I have some help to get to those now).

So now I wait to see when she comes home, in hopes she will talk to me about what she is going to do to help. I cant file for divorce for a year, since we have to be separated a year first. I have to eat canned soup at least three to four days a week, to save money and im not feeling well enough to cook. All of this while mourning my dad and losing my wife. Never in a million years would I have expected her to this. We were always so close. I never had major fights or break ups in fifteen years.

I would greatly appreciate any advice. I know its super complicated, but I am desperate.

Thank you very much.

He is in the hospital rn and we dont know more for now. She is pretty sure that he tried it because a friend of him said he went outside at 4am and then just disappeared. He already tried it once too. She has work till 22:30 and im driving to her rn. How do i act. I know that i dont have to solve anything but just be there for her but its still difficult and im afraid to do something wrong

There’s a dog in my apartment complex whose owners leave him out on their porch all day (from what I can tell). No toys, no bed. He’s got water and food (I assume I can’t really peak over the banister too well). I brought him a toy and the porch reeked of poop (he poops on the porch with no puppy pads).

He looks fully grown (not a puppy). He doesn’t look skinny or malnourished but this is no way to treat a dog IMO. My husband has seen the dog around the complex so I guess he gets walked occasionally, but they’ll put him back on the porch afterwards.

Who do I call or reach out to? Picture of the ham cause that’s really what he is

Update: I’m gonna let the apartment complex know about him.

Just a couple details to add: there is no doggy door and everytime I’ve seen the dog (been watching him all week) the door is not open or ajar for the dog to decide if he wants in or not. He sits by the door most of the time.

I have walked by the apartment at various times throughout the day -8 am (when this pic was taking), 10 am, 1pm, 5pm, 8pm, 10pm and the dog is always outside (I work overnights). I get people working throughout the day, but if you’re gonna stick your dog outside all day, you don’t deserve to have one.

I (20 M) want a future and I want to graduate, but I feel like I’m falling apart and I don’t know how to help myself

I’m in probably the worst mental state I’ve ever been in, and I honestly don’t know where to start.

I’ve been harming myself sometimes almost without even noticing I’m doing it, and I keep having thoughts about a permanent way out. I’m not planning to kill myself right now, and part of me really does want a future. I want to graduate. I want to do well. I want things to get better. But I’m terrified that I’m going to mess everything up.

I lost my scholarship because of my grades and I was given chances to get it back. This semester is basically my last chance, and the pressure of knowing that is constantly hanging over me. I know I need to study and get my grades up, but I can’t even get myself to start. Sometimes I genuinely don’t know where to start, and other times I just sit there wondering if maybe I’m simply not good enough or not capable of doing it.

The weird thing is that I’m not miserable every second of the day. When I’m with my friends, I can laugh and smile and almost feel normal. But the moment I get home or I’m alone, everything comes back. Even going on long drives alone makes me feel like crying.

My friends have noticed that I’ve changed. Whenever one of them asks me, “Is everything okay?” I feel like I’m about to bawl my eyes out, but I physically can’t get myself to open up and tell them what’s actually happening. I don’t have anyone at home I feel like I can talk to about this either. Even writing this is making me want to cry.

I can’t sleep properly because I start hyperventilating and feeling like my entire world is caving in. I keep thinking about whether I’ll be able to do well enough this semester to get my scholarship back and what my future will look like if I don’t.

I’ve also stopped doing so many of the things I used to enjoy because I feel like I can’t even get those things right anymore. At this point I can barely remember what I used to do for fun.

Somewhere in the back of my mind there’s constantly this thought that I should just kill myself. It’s not like I’m sitting here with a plan to do it right now. It’s more like the thought is always there in the background whenever everything becomes too much.

One of the things stopping me is honestly the fear of the people in my life finding out. But another part of me genuinely wants to live. I want to graduate and have a future. I’m just terrified that if I can’t turn things around academically, that future isn’t going to be a good one.

I know people have much worse lives than I do. From the outside I probably don’t even have a reason to feel this way. But I’m overwhelmed by everything happening around me and I don’t know how to pull myself out of it anymore.

I think I’m posting this because I finally want help from actual people instead of keeping everything inside. If anyone has been in a place like this, how did you actually start getting better? How do I get my grades up? How do I ask someone for help when I can barely even say that I’m not okay?

Life feeling to hard after my cats passing, My cat has been my best friend for so long, he’s been through so much with me and had the perfect personality for me, he was just chill and did his own thing wasn’t to needy but was always there when I needed him and even tho I have quite a few very stressful things going on in my life, have always dealt with anxiety and tend to feel alone a lot because I don’t have a girlfriend, many friends and I’m not really that close with my family but even tho I definitely felt the stress from all that it was never to unbearable because I always had my kitty, he would always be waiting outside for me to come home from work and seeing him really cheered me up but sadly after just 4 years he became extremely sick and full of pain over this past weekend, he could barely move and wouldn’t eat or drink anything I couldn’t afford an emergency vet visit over the weekend so I was praying he made it until Monday, I broke down multiple times seeing him like that but thankfully he did make it and I was fully confident I’d be able to save him but I was then told it would be close to 2,000$ to save him which I don’t have and they didn’t accept payment plans so I had to make the very difficult decision to have him put down and now that he’s gone all of the stress I’ve been dealing with feels so much worse and heavier in my chest, he was always the 1 good thing I knew I had, I’ve never met an animal as amazing as he was, I can’t even process that it really happened I have not been able to stop crying since everything I see reminds me of him, I feel like I failed him, he had so much more life to live and he didn’t get to have that, the pain is like nothing I’ve ever felt before, my best friend is really gone and I’m finding it so hard to want to keep trying, life has knocked me down over and over but this is the 1 thing I prayed would never happen at least not for a long time yet I don’t think I’ll be able to get over this, and that I’ll never be able to find another animal like him so I’m not even gonna try, having to drive home from work tomorrow night and not have him waiting for me like always is gonna make this even worse i don’t understand why this stuff has to happen in life it’s really not fair, sorry for rambling on so much to anyone who reads this i just really needed to talk about it

!!DISCLAIMER LONG STORY!!

PLEASE READ FIRST STORY ON MY PAGE TO UNDERSTAND THE COMPLETE ISSUE: https://www.reddit.com/r/whatdoIdo/s/VMctodFNxb

After my original post I started asking more questions because I felt like there was something deeper going on between my mom and my cousin. Before my cousin visited, my mom warned me that she had a history of lying, manipulation, and narcissistic behavior, so I kept that in mind the entire time. I wasn’t blindly trusting my cousin, especially after everything my mom had told me about her, all that stuff sounded exaggerated if i’m being honest.

But after the situation happened, I started talking to my cousin and asking why my mom seemed to have such a strong problem with her. She started telling me things about her childhood and how my mom had treated her when we were younger. She told me that my mom had encouraged me to be mean to her, take her things, and even hit her. I honestly i didn’t remember most of this because I was very young like around 5. I had been warned that my cousin had lied before but she said all of that in front of my grandma, two aunts and they did not deny any of it and seemed upset and embarrassed they never put a stop to it many years ago causing my cousin a lot of mental health damage.

And this is where everything became complicated because every story my cousin has told me so far that I’ve checked with my family has been confirmed as truthful. My family confirmed what happened between my mom and my cousin when we were younger and confirmed that there was a lot of history and resentment that I had never known about. I was kept completely out of a lot of this family history.

I also learned that my mom had her own difficult and painful childhood. When she was young, her grandmother would tell her that her own mother didn’t love her or want her, and my mom grew up believing that. Later, she saw my grandmother taking care of my cousin more than she took care of me, and she apparently felt unsupported, left out, and hurt by that. Learning this honestly made me sad for my mom, because I understand that she has been carrying her own childhood trauma and feelings of being unwanted or unsupported for a long time. It helped me understand where some of her feelings toward my cousin may have come from, although I still don’t think trauma automatically makes it okay to treat someone unfairly. I can understand why she may have felt hurt while also feeling sad for my cousin over what she experienced.

My cousin has admitted to me that she wasn’t perfect in the past and that she went through extremely difficult periods in her life. My family has told me about mistakes she made and problems she caused in the past. I’m not ignoring that. However, what has changed my perspective is that everything she has personally told me about the history between her and my mom that I have checked so far has been confirmed by my family. She hasn’t lied to me about any of it.

That’s why I’m struggling with my mom telling me that I’m being manipulated. I don’t feel like my cousin manipulated me into becoming close with her. We both wanted a closer bond, and I was actively trying to get to know her and reconnect with her from the beginning. We hadn’t seen each other in years, and I wanted to know who she was now instead of deciding who she was based entirely on things that happened in her past.

My mom sees it as me choosing my cousin over her, but that’s not how I see it. I love my mom and appreciate everything she’s done for me. At the same time, I feel like I’m old enough to listen to her warnings without blindly allowing her to decide and dictate every relationship I have. I can keep someone’s past in mind while still allowing myself to see whether they’ve changed.

My mom also tried to make the point that I only became close to my 16-year-old female cousin and not my male cousin who is around our age. From her perspective, it looked like I ignored him while becoming extremely close to my female cousin. But that honestly isn’t what happened. Because of family circumstances and where everyone lives, we barely get to see each other, and I had not spent meaningful time with either of them for years. We had known each other when we were younger and during some of our teen years, but we don’t regularly see each other.

When my male cousin first arrived, I was honestly just as awkward and quiet with him as I was with my female cousin at first. The difference is that I was literally only able to spend a few hours with him on one day, yet by the end of those few hours I already felt closer to him than I had to my female cousin after spending about a week around her in the beginning . After getting more comfortable, I started making conversation with him. We laughed a lot, compared our lives, talked about what we were doing, how things had changed, and just did normal cousin catch-up stuff. I genuinely got closer to him too. My mom simply did not see much of those interactions and assumed that because she didn’t see it, it didn’t happen.

The same thing happened with my female cousin. We were awkward and quiet at first too, and it took days of spending time together and getting to know each other better before we became more physically comfortable, started roughhousing, playing around, and being affectionate in the way close family members sometimes are. None of that was immediate, and it wasn’t because she was a girl.

I’m naturally physically affectionate and playful with family members once I feel comfortable and familiar with them. For example, I’m affectionate with my younger cousin who is 6 and is a boy in ways similar to how I am with my 4-year-old sister. I was also confident that if my dynamic with my male cousin had developed in the same way as my dynamic with my female cousin, meaning we had spent more time together and reached that same level of comfort and familiarity, I would have been roughhousing and doing the same kind of playful and familiar things with him too.

The difference wasn’t that I wanted a different type of relationship with my female cousin because she was a girl. It was simply about how much time we spent reconnecting, how comfortable we became with each other, and the dynamic that naturally developed between us. I got closer to both of my cousins. My mom just saw more of my interactions with my female cousin and interpreted what she saw differently.

Before my cousin left, we talked a lot about everything. She told me she had genuinely hoped my mom had changed and had tried to be respectful toward her during the trip despite their history (I can truly confirm this I seen the level of respect my mom got from her). She told me that after everything that happened, she no longer considers my mom an aunt. That honestly hurt me because it made me realize how much pain and history existed between them that I never knew about.

Before I started asking my family more questions and learning about all of this history, my cousin and I were worried about what people would think about us being physically close because of everything that had just happened. By the end, though, it wasn’t really everyone else we were worried about anymore. One of my aunts understood us and understood that we simply wanted to have a closer cousin relationship. My mom, however, continued to have an issue with it and even made negative comments about that aunt for being too open-minded and coming from what she described as an overly open-minded family (said this to me alone), which honestly felt strange to me because she was talking about her own sister that way. And she also insinuated my cousin was doing all of this on purpose and that she looks at my mom like making fun of her, nobody can confirm this but my mom fyi.

Before my cousin left for Mexico, we hugged twice inside the house before taking them to the bus. We hugged again three times before she actually got on the bus to go home. After everything that happened, we were honestly nervous about even hugging because we knew my mom would likely interpret our closeness negatively. But I don’t know when I’ll see her again, and to me, she is my cousin who I finally got the chance to reconnect with after years apart.

Right now, I feel stuck between two people. My mom believes I’m being manipulated and that I’m choosing my cousin over her. She said “If i thought it was worth it to affect my relationship with her over my cousin” AKA an ultimatum. I feel like I’m simply trying to make my own informed decision and she’s unironically manipulating me. My mom has been wrong or incomplete with me about parts of this family history, while my cousin’s stories that I’ve checked have all been confirmed so far.

That doesn’t mean my cousin is automatically perfect or that I should blindly trust her, but I also don’t feel like it’s fair for me to automatically reject her because of her past especially because my cousin said “at the end of the day you get the parent you get, you don’t have to be like them but you can honor them by living your life to its full extent, don’t be scared of becoming like your mom because I can see you’re truly so much different” That hit me on a different level because
i’ve been noticing i react negatively like my mom reacts to small stuff, angry and yells and I don’t wanna be like her.

I also struggle with the idea of my mom judging my cousin entirely based on who she was during some of the worst periods of her life. I have a past I’m not proud of either. I’ve gone through my own difficult period and depressive state and made choices that I’m not necessarily happy about now. Hearing my mom and some of my family judge my cousin for the person she was during her lowest points honestly makes me sad because it makes me wonder: if I had gone through what she went through, or if my mom had seen me at my worst, what would she think of me? If my cousin can still be judged years later for mistakes she made while struggling, what can I expect from my own mom if I make mistakes or go through another difficult period? I believe people should be held accountable for what they’ve done, but I also believe people should be allowed the opportunity to grow and change. That part of this situation genuinely makes me sad.

And this is the part I’m struggling with the most I don’t want to blindly trust everything my mom tells me, have her turn out to be wrong, and lose what could have been a meaningful relationship with my cousin because of it. If that happened, I feel like I would have nobody else to blame but my mom, and I don’t want that weight to be on her or our relationship. I don’t want to one day resent my mom because I allowed her opinion to completely determine a relationship that was ultimately my decision to make.

I’m 17, and I know I can be wrong. Maybe there are things my mom sees that I don’t. But I also think I have to be allowed to learn and form my own opinions. I can listen to my mom’s warnings and respect her without allowing her to completely decide who I can have a relationship with.

At this point, I’m honestly just wondering what I’m supposed to do and what I’m supposed to believe. My cousin has not lied to me about anything I’ve checked so far, and my mom has been untruthful or dismissive about parts of the history I’ve learned, but my mom is still my parent, and I love her. I don’t know how to balance that. I wasn’t manipulated into wanting a closer relationship with my cousin. We both wanted that bond and both put effort into becoming closer.

I’m still super sad. Sometimes when writing this I cried because the whole situation is overly complicated while i’m still a minor. My family left already but can’t do anything about it, loved every part of them being here.

Not sure if you guys have ever experienced having family over after being alone for so long and then the quietness hits when you’re back home.

So what would you do in my position??