I F (40) and trying to figure out whether I’m being cruel because my husband M (44)is struggling mentally and financially, or whether I’m finally setting a boundary that should have been set long ago.
My husband and I have been married for about six years, and we have a small child .
For most of our marriage, I believed we were building a future together. I worked full-time, managed much of the household and parenting, and supported his plans because I thought the sacrifices were temporary and would eventually benefit our family.
Looking back, I realize I was carrying more than I understood. We already struggled with communication, household responsibilities, and intimacy, and I’ve blamed myself for not addressing those problems better. I know I wasn’t perfect, but I also know those shortcomings don’t excuse what happened.
Less than a year ago, my husband started a business involving real estate and other investments and eventually left his job to pursue it. He wasn’t transparent about how badly things were going.
There are hundreds of thousands of dollars in private debt tied to his business and investments, along with mortgages, other real-estate liabilities, and significant tax obligations. Retirement money was used for his business activities, and I had to use all of the equity from selling property to pay taxes associated with him. At times, I also used my paychecks and credit cards for household expenses because I believed his assurances that things would eventually be resolved.
What hurts most is that I was making financial decisions without knowing the truth. If he had been honest earlier, I could have sold assets, preserved cash, and protected myself and our daughter.
During this same period, my husband was having a two-year affair involving messages, hotels, dinners, gifts, travel, and sex. He spent money and emotional energy on the other woman while our finances were deteriorating. This was also during a serious medical period for our daughter, when I was handling most appointments, hospital visits, medications, school, and daily parenting.
I was carrying our family while he told me he had no time or energy for me, our daughter, or the household. Yet he somehow found the time, money, and consideration to give to someone else. That realization has been devastating.
I later learned more about his drinking and past cocaine use, and eventually his mental health deteriorated severely. He now struggles with anxiety and depression and has essentially shut down.
His family worries about him, and I do too. But I’ve realized that their concern has turned into an expectation that I rescue him from consequences I didn’t create.

I’m still working, caring for our daughter, managing her medical needs, maintaining our home, dealing with attorneys, and untangling the debts and taxes. I’m also processing the fact that my marriage was not what I believed it was.
My husband has temporarily moved out for his care because I couldn’t manage it, and I’ve told him I don’t want him moving back in after I found out about the affair.

I’m moving forward with divorce, and I refuse to put more of my money into his business, debts, or investments. I won’t liquidate more retirement funds, sign additional debt, or sacrifice the assets I have left to keep his venture afloat. Emotionally, I also can’t remain responsible for getting him functioning again.

He has family, places to stay, and people who can support him. I hope he gets treatment and rebuilds his life, but I can’t rebuild it for him.
Some of his family views his actions through the lens of his mental health. I understand that, but his mental health doesn’t erase the financial secrecy, two-year affair, or consequences for our daughter and me.

I still care about him, and seeing someone I loved fall apart is painful. But our marital problems do not make me responsible for his choices or his affair.
I cannot destroy my financial future, emotional health, and stability trying to save someone who repeatedly made decisions without protecting me or our child.
My responsibility now is to create a stable life for our daughter and myself.
So, AITA for saying, “I hope you recover, but I’m not supporting you financially or emotionally through this anymore,” and moving ahead with the divorce while he’s at one of the lowest points of his life?

Okay, so it’s been a few months since I made my original post about my ex, our breakup, and Buddy, and I figured I should finally give an update because there have actually been quite a few things that have happened since then.

The biggest update is that Buddy is now officially and fully in my name. After my original post, my ex did continue trying to get Buddy back and threatened legal action. He ended up talking to an officer about everything and, after finding out how high/low his chances were of actually getting Buddy, he eventually gave up on trying to take him. After that, he actually started begging me to just share Buddy with him. I said no. I know some people may think that’s harsh, but after he had already threatened to take Buddy from me, I wasn’t comfortable with him taking Buddy without me there. I was genuinely worried that if I let Buddy go with him, he could just decide not to give him back and I’d be right back where I started. So I wasn’t willing to take that risk. Buddy has stayed with me, and now everything is officially in my name.

And then, probably one of the weirdest things, my ex got a new dog. He paid over $2,500 for him from a specific Mini Retriever breeder and had him flown from Utah to Chicago. The dog looks IDENTICAL to Buddy. I’m not even exaggerating. I obviously don’t know why he got a dog that looks so much like Buddy, and I’m not going to assume his reasoning, but it was definitely a little weird to see.

There was also a whole situation with our phone plan. My ex and I were still on the same plan, and he was trying to make me get my own account. That would’ve put me at around $150 a month, and if I opened my own account, I would’ve been stuck in the contract for 6 months. I decided to just join my family’s plan instead because it made more sense financially. The only thing I needed was the transfer PIN from him.

I was at the phone store trying to get everything switched over and was texting him asking for the PIN, and he just completely ignored me. I told him I would give him a few days because I didn’t want to leave the remaining $750 phone balance on him. My new provider was going to give me an e-gift card that I could use toward paying it off, and I offered that to him. Still nothing. Then I got home and immediately got a notification that my phone line had been suspended.

I ended up going back to the phone store, and thankfully he hadn’t reported the phone stolen, so I was able to trade it in, get a new phone, and move onto my family’s plan. The remaining balance was left with him.

And then, today I was scrolling through Facebook and saw a post from his mom trying to sell MY (stolen) WEDDING DRESS. The wedding dress that they refused to give back to me after the breakup. For some context, my grandparents gave me a significant amount of money specifically to help me pay for my wedding dress, and the rest was paid from the savings account my ex and I had together.

I don’t really have some huge dramatic ending to this update. I’m just moving on with life, just Buddy and I, and honestly I’m pretty grateful that the wedding never happened because I can’t imagine still being tied to all of this lol

https://www.reddit.com/r/AITA_Relationships/s/xYI0GATafl

I know the title sounds ridiculous, but I need some perspective because I feel like I finally snapped.

I’m a stay-at-home mom with a 10-month-old daughter. I take care of her most of the day and handle most of the evenings and nights. She is a difficult sleeper and wakes up several times, so her bedtime routine is very important to me.

Our usual routine is: dinner → bath → pajamas → breastfeeding → cuddling until she falls asleep.

Tonight I was running a little late making dinner. My husband decided to bathe her while I was cooking. He didn't ask or tell me; he just did it because he thought he was helping.

The problem is that she was now already in pajamas but hadn't eaten dinner. Her whole routine was out of order, and I knew I would have to deal with feeding her, breastfeeding and getting her to sleep while he would eventually go to bed. I also wasn't going to be able to eat dinner myself.

I got extremely angry and sent him to sleep in another room.

But I know this isn't really about the bath.

For years I have felt increasingly trapped and invisible in this marriage. My husband is not a bad person. He is calm, kind and generally a good person. He almost never gets angry or yells. The problem is that I don't feel emotionally connected to him.

When I get upset, he mostly wants everything to be okay again rather than understanding why I'm upset. He gets sad, gives me puppy-dog eyes, says something sweet, and wants us to move on. I feel like we restore peace without ever fixing what caused the problem.

There are also ongoing issues with money and control. He is extremely frugal and I have to justify small purchases. He has questioned the cost of gifts I bought him and even made me return things because he thought they were too expensive. He has checked the rubbish to see what I ate. I don't really know our complete financial situation or how much money we have.

Even when I was financially independent and paying for things myself, this was an issue. When we were dating, I once wanted a second piña colada while I was paying, and he stopped me because he thought it was too expensive. At the time I ignored how strange that felt.

Our sex life is almost nonexistent, and I don't feel understood or emotionally connected to him. I have asked him to go to couples therapy before, but when we went he mostly joked around and tried to make everything seem fine.

Tonight I finally told him that if we don't seriously go to therapy, I don't think I can stay in this relationship.

He said yes.

I believe he loves me. I believe he is a good person. But I don't think we are happy together anymore, and I feel completely trapped and suffocated.

I also have a 10-month-old daughter, and leaving the country with her would obviously be legally complicated, so I can't just pack a bag and go home.

So, Reddit:

AITA for getting this angry about him bathing our baby without telling me? Or was this just the final straw after years of feeling unheard, controlled and disconnected from my husband?

My partner's younger brother has been having money problems for a while and recently asked us for $8,000. He says it's mostly to catch up on rent and some credit card debt, and that he'd pay us back over the next year

My partner immediately wanted to help. We have some money saved up, so technically we could give him the $8k without putting ourselves in a terrible position. The problem is that most of that money is savings we've built together for emergencies and eventually buying a house. I also know his brother has borrowed smaller amounts from family before and hasn't always paid them back when he said he would.

I told my partner I'd be fine with us giving him a smaller amount that we could afford to never see again, but I'm not comfortable taking $8k out of our joint savings and treating it like a loan. My partner got upset and said I'm basically asking them to choose money over family. That's not how I see it. If it were only my partner's money, I wouldn't tell them what to do with it. But this is money we've both been putting aside for our future, so I feel like either of us should be able to say no when it comes to a large withdrawal.

Now things are tense because my partner thinks I'm being selfish when we clearly have enough to help. AITA for refusing to lend the full amount?

I(29f) had surgery last week and I’m not able to drive for a couple of weeks. My boyfriend (32m) and I don’t live together. He took me to two days of surgery and had been super awesome taking care of me those nights and bringing me to and from surgery, so I do want to acknowledge that and I’m grateful for it. I also understand that he’s been stressed, busy, and working a lot, and I don’t expect him to spend every waking moment with me just because I’m recovering. However, he went out with his friends Sunday all and again last night, and tonight when I called him to see what he was doing, he was at the bar with his friends for the third night in a row. I had expressed to him earlier in the day that I’d really love to just cuddle up with him for a while. He had told me he was going to be really busy all day, but he had stopped by earlier for about 45 minutes. I told him that what I really wanted was just to cuddle with him and watch a movie because I’m stuck at home and would really like some quality time with him while I’m recovering. When I found out he was out again tonight, I told him that it hurt my feelings that he seemed to have time to go out with his friends three nights in a row but wasn’t making more time to spend with me. I specifically told him that I was feeling sad and lonely and that I really needed some time with him. He said, “Yeah, I can see where that would be shitty. I’m sorry.” I asked if he could maybe have one drink and then come over, and he said, “I’m not changing all my plans for you.” What hurt me the most is that I wasn’t just upset about him being at the bar—I expressed to him that I was sad, lonely, and hurt, and he knew I was sitting at home recovering from surgery and unable to drive, yet he still chose to stay at the bar. I wasn’t asking him to never see his friends or completely change his life for me. I was hoping that once he knew how I was feeling, he would want to make some effort to change his plans or prioritize spending some time with me. I thought that was especially reasonable because I was under the impression they had just ended up at the bar and it wasn’t some big planned event. It turned into a back-and-forth where he didn’t really seem to understand why I was hurt or why I felt like I should be more of a priority right now. I completely understand that he needs time with his friends and to decompress, and I don’t think he’s wrong for wanting to go out. But am I wrong for feeling hurt that he’s gone out three nights in a row while I’m recovering from surgery, especially after I directly told him that I was sad and lonely and wanted him with me, and he still chose to stay out?

I (34F) have been married to my 35(M) for 13 years and together 17. I’ve posted here before. He has a history of being verbally and mentally and even emotionally abusive (you can read back on posts). I was going to leave. Had a house and everything. Then it changed. He’s been doing great. He has been a little needy and I’m trying not to be mean from resentment. I said we can try to give it our all. It’s been a few months. He’s been out of town for work for a few weeks. We had this text exchange tonight and idk how I feel about it. I always question my behavior. What do you think?

I want to preface this by saying I don’t talk with food all over my mouth like a slob…

Me: It’s been bothering me how on FaceTime last night you asked me why I was talking with my mouth full in front of your coworkers. That’s embarrassing to me.
Then you “joked” about something and I asked why you would say that and you said cause it’s a fucking joke

Him: Okay well they weren’t paying any attention to me and I’m constantly asking you not to talk with your mouth full of food. It bothers me and it’s disrespectful. And I’m not sure what you’re referring to that I was joking about.

Me: It’s not even that bad. It doesn’t matter if they were paying attention or not. It was embarrassing for me.

It was something about being a better role model to one of the girls

Him: O child shacking her but it was funny and silly I wasn’t trying to be rude at all. And as far as the talking with food in your mouth you need to address that. I’m sorry if me saying something out loud upset you it’s disgusting. If it embarrasses you to be called out on it in front of people that just means you know you shouldn’t be doing it. I also recognize the fact you were addressing something one of the girls was doing that they shouldn’t have been doing. And I shouldn’t have just jumped you shit for talking with food in you mouth.so I am sorry I could have approached it better. It’s a nasty habit and I’ll continue to try to get you to stop. We should be setting the example for the girls. They will learn the most about life by watching use!!!!

Me: K

Him: You disagree obviously

Him: **replied to my K** This is the complete opposite of communication. And trying not to continue the cycle

Me: Well I don’t have a response right now. I appreciate you acknowledging but telling me if it’s embarrassing then you know you shouldn’t be doing it. That’s not okay to say. You could have said it another time. It’s embarrassing being corrected like a child is that it was. Then saying you’re sorry it upset me but it’s disgusting is you justifying why you did it.
I’m off lunch now.

Me: And there’s a difference between talking with food everywhere in your mouth than pushing it to the side and covering your mouth

Him: It’s disgusting I don’t support it and I won’t!

Him: It takes just seconds to finish your food.

Him: It’s repulsive and it bothers me and you could give two fucks about it bothering me and that’s pretty disrespectful.

Him: I’ve changed many simple things that I do that have bothered you. I do just because I respect you asking me not to do it.

Him: Now I’m pissed off because this is wild as fuck that your mad at me cause you where talking with mouth full of food like wtf!!!

Me: You told me I could talk to you instead of holding it in then blowing up. And I’m doing that and now you’re berating me. How you’re talking to me is not okay. If I heard one of our daughters boyfriends talking to her like this, that would make me so upset.

Him: And I told you could I admitted the way I said was wrong. You’ve made no efforts to correct it. Instead you have told me you don’t give a fuck or you don’t care multiple time or I’ve been told to get over it. And I’m not gonna get over it. It’s gross.

Him: Have a wonderful day I’m not gonna continue to argue about simple table manners.

Me: Again. No accountability. Or a genuine apology. Talking to someone like that is not justified at all. We can take in a few hours to give us space. But if there’s mean talk like previous, the conversation will not continue.

Him: If you’re not gonna take accountability for what you did then don’t bother. I’ll see you when I see you. I definitely took accountability for what I did and apologized. Maybes read it again cause I never ones said I’m sorry but it’s disgusting. Like your saying!!!

Me: Ok.

Hello, new to Reddit as I do not know where to turn for advice regarding this unexpected situation. I apologize if I do not have the common courtesies of Reddit down pat.

I (24F) recently had my parents (60M and 48F) stay over at my home. Following their visit, my mother had left her second phone at my home. They live multiple states away, so I am needing to mail it back to her - she cannot pop in to retrieve it.

For some backstory, I have not been particularly close to either of my parents since I moved out at 17. Both have their faults, and are honestly not very kind people. They have been married for 24 years - surprise, it was shotgun - and honestly have had nothing short of an unhappy marriage. They constantly talk shit about everyone behind their backs, despite not living an honest lifestyle themselves. This situation is honestly the cherry on top.

Now, onto the juicy bits. Earlier this year, my father had had a sort of rambling spree where he told multiple family members he suspected my mother was cheating with a coworker. I had suggested he should divorce her, and instead of taking my advice, he told my mother what I said (without context of course). Seeing that he had his suspicions and her second phone was in my hands, I decided to look through her texts.

In the texts, there were months upon months of continuous flirting, sexting and hookups. I have the dates and times of all of their texts, and I have taken photos of most of the juicy ones. It is very obvious in the texts that they have been having an emotional and sexual affair, and even made fun of my father on several occasions.

WIBTAH if I told my father I had indisputable proof that she has had an affair for at least 6 months, but would only provide the proof if he took her to divorce court? Otherwise, I would tell him to forget about the conversation entirely. They have been unhappy for 24 years, yet have continued to stay together - my mother for my father's money and my father for convenience.

Also, would there be legal issues involved by having photographs of her text messages? Her phone was in my home, and had no passcode, however, she did not give me permission to go through her phone.

I (29F) am 8 months pregnant with our first child. My husband "David" (31M) and I have been preparing for this together. I've been very clear from the beginning that I want the delivery room to be just the two of us. I want David with me and no one else.

My mother-in-law "Susan" (60F) is very excited about her first grandchild. She's been buying baby clothes, planning nursery decorations, and talking about how she can't wait to be there when the baby is born.

Last week, David told me he wants his mom in the delivery room. He said she helped him through a difficult time when he was younger and he wants her there for support. He said it's important to him and I should be willing to compromise.

I told him I'm not comfortable with that. I said I'm the one giving birth. I'll be in pain, exposed, and vulnerable. I don't want an audience. I said this is about my medical experience, not about her feelings.

David got upset and said I was being selfish. He said it's his baby too and he should have a say. He said his mom would be helpful and would stay by my side. I told him I don't want her by my side. I want him.

Now Susan is crying to the whole family that I'm keeping her out of her grandchild's birth. David is telling me I should "compromise" and let her come for part of it. I told him there's no compromise. I want her in the waiting room, not the delivery room.

He's been cold and distant since our conversation. I feel like I'm being reasonable. It's my body and my medical event. But everyone is making me feel like I'm the one causing problems. AITA?

I(29f) had surgery last week and I’m not able to drive for a couple of weeks. My boyfriend (32m) and I don’t live together. He took me to two days of surgery and had been super awesome taking care of me those nights and bringing me to and from surgery, so I do want to acknowledge that and I’m grateful for it. I also understand that he’s been stressed, busy, and working a lot, and I don’t expect him to spend every waking moment with me just because I’m recovering. However, he went out with his friends Sunday all and again last night, and tonight when I called him to see what he was doing, he was at the bar with his friends for the third night in a row. I had expressed to him earlier in the day that I’d really love to just cuddle up with him for a while. He had told me he was going to be really busy all day, but he had stopped by earlier for about 45 minutes. I told him that what I really wanted was just to cuddle with him and watch a movie because I’m stuck at home and would really like some quality time with him while I’m recovering. When I found out he was out again tonight, I told him that it hurt my feelings that he seemed to have time to go out with his friends three nights in a row but wasn’t making more time to spend with me. I specifically told him that I was feeling sad and lonely and that I really needed some time with him. He said, “Yeah, I can see where that would be shitty. I’m sorry.” I asked if he could maybe have one drink and then come over, and he said, “I’m not changing all my plans for you.” What hurt me the most is that I wasn’t just upset about him being at the bar—I expressed to him that I was sad, lonely, and hurt, and he knew I was sitting at home recovering from surgery and unable to drive, yet he still chose to stay at the bar. I wasn’t asking him to never see his friends or completely change his life for me. I was hoping that once he knew how I was feeling, he would want to make some effort to change his plans or prioritize spending some time with me. I thought that was especially reasonable because I was under the impression they had just ended up at the bar and it wasn’t some big planned event. It turned into a back-and-forth where he didn’t really seem to understand why I was hurt or why I felt like I should be more of a priority right now. I completely understand that he needs time with his friends and to decompress, and I don’t think he’s wrong for wanting to go out. But am I wrong for feeling hurt that he’s gone out three nights in a row while I’m recovering from surgery, especially after I directly told him that I was sad and lonely and wanted him with me, and he still chose to stay out?

I’m 31F, my fiancé is 34M, and we live in Brooklyn. He left his job last year to build a startup with a friend and recently asked if I’d invest $75k. I have the money but it’s a big chunk of savings I built up before we got engaged. I’ve always considered it my future house/safety net money so I told him I wasn’t comfortable putting it into his business. He says he understands but was clearly hurt. His view is that we’re getting married next year anyway and if I believe in him, investing shouldn’t feel that different from putting money toward our future together.

I do believe in him. I just don’t love mixing my savings, his company and our relationship before we’ve even figured out how we’re handling money as a married couple.

Now I’m wondering if I’m being overly cautious. AITA?

Am I the asshole

Hello! Im writing this cuz I need some outside perspective and help determining if im the asshole.
I, 21m, recently made a friend, Terry, 24 non binary. This is a big deal for me cuz I have trouble making friends due to social anxiety. We have a lot of the same interests and they even work professionally in the stuff I’m interested in.

I will admit I was super impressed with them and excited to show them off to my other friends. I can see me being the ass there cuz they probably didn’t like being showed off like a show pony. But theres been some interactions with them that make me off put and I don’t know if im alright feeling that way.

For example, I’d message them about stuff im interested in or excited about that I thought they might like, but they would completely ignore them and talk about themselves instead. They also really don’t like men, which I do understand. For context, im a trans man so I get the not liking men. I know what it’s like being objectified and treated badly cuz people think im a woman. But they lump me in with the “all men are awful” and that im gross for being a man. They even called me a manish creature once which I did not appreciate. They think im weird for even being attracted to men. Just because I’m a man doesn’t mean I suck for being a man. Manhood isnt automatically a bad thing.

They also criticize me for things I didn’t ask for criticism on. They insulted my hair when I showed them my new haircut. Granted I did cut it too short so it looks a tad weird, but all my other friends said it looked fine. I think it looks fine too. I have a cat, whos pretty cute, not to brag, and terry said they’d like to meet my cat someday, their cat allergy be damned. But when I invited all my friends to my house for a movie, they said they don’t wanna go to my house cuz of my cat. Theres probably other stuff im forgetting but oh well.

Which brings me to the reason im writing this. We were talking for a bit, and they brought up how men only became friends with them because they wanted a relationship. And yeah, that sucks. I felt I had to defend myself because of how they see men, and I reassured them thats not why im friends with them. They blew up at me and said they aren’t some delicate flower that needs help, that they’re much stronger and smarter than I think they are, and that they wouldn’t date me anyway so just drop it. I was kinda confused by this since I never insinuated that but could maybe understand where they were coming from. I just said ok and haven’t talked to them since.

So that leads me to writing this now. If only a few of these instances happened, I’d be able to brush it off and move on. But for some reason I just can’t. They agitate me and I can’t seem to put my finger on why. I am sensitive so maybe thats it, but I’m also bad at reading social cues. I want to talk to them about this to maybe resolve these issues but I don’t know where to start, or even if im right to do so. So am I the asshole? Some advice would be appreciated.

Earlier this year, I (30M) matched with a woman (28) on a dating app. She was lovely, easy to talk to and funny. I appreciated having someone more consistent since my friends rarely text me. She sent some intense messages like discussing more dates nights in together, holidays together and even moving in together. This freaked me out a bit as we hadn’t been talking long and hadn’t even met in person yet. However, she’d often message shortly after apologising or making sure she hadn’t gone too far. I mostly said it was fine or ignored it. Being 12 years single and no sex for 8 years might have influenced my thinking!

After a few weeks, we arranged to meet but we had to wait due to work schedules and I had a holiday planned.

Date night went well. We had drinks and played games, and I gave her a kiss on the cheek as we parted. When I got home, I had a debrief with myself and realised I didn’t feel a romantic or sexual connection with her. It wasn’t that I didn’t enjoy the date; I did but as if we were friends. I’m not necessarily a believer in love at first sight or that instant connection with your soulmate, there was nothing like that there.

We kept talking, and she mentioned how much she enjoyed the date. She wished I’d kissed her on the lips, which is what she wanted. I, again, ignored the kiss message. We decided to go on a second date, my thinking was that the nerves might have caused my initial reactions and that now we’ve met a more relaxed setting might change how I feel. We met again in my town, walked down the canal to a pottery painting place which, again, was good fun. But I still didn’t feel any attraction. So, I decided to give it a day before calling it off.

I messaged her, saying I enjoyed meeting her but didn’t feel any attraction. I wanted to stay friends, though, because I had a good time with her. She responded, saying she was disappointed and sad because she thought we had something great but she was happy we could be friends, though.
The daily messages stopped and became every few days, which I was fine with. About two weeks after date 2, she got pretty drunk and started messaging me, asking why I didn’t want to date her anymore. She asked “is it because I’m … “ questions and accused me of body shaming her, stringing her along, she even dropped the “L” bomb in a few messages. I put my phone on do not disturb and went to bed.

I woke up to around 50 messages (including voice notes) from her. The voice notes were interesting to say the least. She was saying how much she loved me and how unfair it was and asking why couldn’t I just love her. I blocked her on everything. Soon, I got messages from her friends who were abusing me through her. I didn’t respond and rejected their message requests.

I think I’m a bit of an asshole here and she does have valid feelings. However, I’ll await the brutal honesty of this subreddit and their judgement.

I male (29) and my girlfriend (28) have been together for two and a half years. During that time together I noticed the she gaslights me about things that never occurred. I called her about this to her awhile back. She’ll say that I am being ridiculous.

My wife and I are 29 M/F. Anytime I’m in the mood she completely disregards me and when she’s in the mood I’m expected to be ready quickly . I love my wife she’s the best thing to happen to me and we bring out the best in each other, but our sexual chemistry has been out of tune since we have been married. What do I do ?

I (36M) have been married to my wife "Anna" (34F) for 7 years. We have two kids, ages 5 and 3, and we have a comfortable but busy life. I work full-time and Anna works part-time. We don't have a lot of extra space or time.

Anna's younger sister "Lily" (28F) has been going through a rough patch. She quit her job a few months ago, broke up with her boyfriend, and seems to be spiraling. Anna wants to help her.

Last week, Anna told me she invited Lily to stay with us. For three months. She said Lily needs time to "find herself" and get back on her feet. She said she already offered and Lily is moving in next week.

I was completely shocked. Anna didn't ask me before offering. She just told me it was happening. I told her I'm not okay with this. Three months is a long time. We have two young kids, a house to manage, and not enough room for an extra person long-term. I said a week or two would be fine, but three months is too much.

Anna got defensive and said I was being selfish. She said Lily is her sister and she's struggling. She said she doesn't know what Lily would do if we didn't help. She said I have a big house and we can manage.

I told her the size of the house isn't the issue. The issue is Anna made a major decision that affects our whole family without consulting me. I said three months is more than enough time to find a job and an apartment. I said I don't want to feel like a guest in my own home for a quarter of a year.

Anna started crying and said I was making her choose between me and her sister. She said I don't care about family. She said Lily is depressed and needs us.

I feel like I'm being reasonable. Three months is a long time. And I'm really hurt that Anna didn't talk to me first. But Anna and her parents are making me feel like a monster. AITA?

My (16F) brother (9M) has always been the favourite child in my family. He's a decent kid, a little brain-rotted, and I'm probably biased in thinking he's spoiled (he gets 2 hours of screentime a day whereas I only get 1, he'll ask my parents if we can go to restaurants, he gets upset if we don't keep him occupied, he complains on hikes, etc.) but that was always kind of my opinion just in the difference in how we got treated.

Long story short, I tried to run away a little while ago, cops dragged me home (I later found out my dad had changed the locks in the time I was gone (they're electronic PIN locks) and my mom forced him to let me come home), and now couple months later I'm living with my grandma. Things are going pretty well, I'm still getting used to the unlimited-screentime and no-set-bedtime (it used to be 9) but I'm adapting and excited for school. I still talk to my mom occasionally like texting or on the phone and we were talking and she's telling me about my brother.

This is really selfish but I always felt like when I left my parents would no longer have anyone to blame and would realize that my brother is, in fact, not perfect and that I was actually not a bad kid. Except she tells me that my brother has apparently gotten even better with me gone. His 10th birthday is coming up and he said he just wants something chill so my parents don't have to work hard, he doesn't want a back-to-school outfit (it was kind of a tradition that we would both get one), he bought his shoes with his own money, etc..

I know that it's unreasonable to be upset with him and I do still love him but I also resent how he's still the perfect kid. AITAH?

TL;DR My brother was always the favourite and I thought that when I ran away my parents would realize he wasn't an angel and that I was a decent kid, but he's gotten even more perfect and selfless since

I’m 21 nonbinary, my boyfriend 21M , my Girl bsf 21F, my Guy bsf 21M, all of us have been friends for at least Two years.

My guy and girl bsfs (I will call them Red and Willow) have been dating for 3 months now. Recently they broke up and my boyfriend (will be called River) is on willows side while I’m on Reds side. This is the situation, over the past week Red has been close to this girl named Amber. Amber and Red have been friends for 2-3 years and she has never liked Red to my knowledge and Red has never liked her. Since they hang out so much, 3 people have come up to Willow asking if they have broken up yet, she said no. Willow also told me that red and amber would touch each other on the arm (idk if this is important)
Over the next week it got into her head and started thinking Red didn’t like her anymore. (I’ve known Red since the 4th grade and we are very close and he’s a brother to me) So when I heard I talked to red, he told me he didn’t like Amber and that be would try to fix whatever was wrong but he was going through a difficult mental situation. The next few days Red was out on a family trip so Willow, River, and I had a group hang out. We talked about the situation and River was saying how he never liked Red and all of this is his fault if Willow broke up with him. I said that they should confront Amber if they feel like red and her are too close. Willow should ask her if she can back off a little, after all it is her boyfriend. Willow told me she’ll just go to red instead and ask if he likes amber. later I text Red and he confirmed again that he never liked Amber , and he thought it was stupid that Willow trusted what her friends were saying over him.
Yesterday they broke up. Red told Willow if she can’t trust him over her friends then they should break up so they did. I told River I felt sorry for Red because I didn’t think he was in the wrong but he could have handled the situation better. At the same time him and Amber have always been close. River told me everything that has happened is Reds fault and if we hang out and reds there he’s going to leave. I can’t just stop being friends with Red our families have known each other for years; we have always been there for each other. River and I got into a small fight over this and I felt really bad. Should I be on Willows side and am I wrong for supporting Red?

I'm going to be somewhat vague in case they see this, but hopefully not.

I was friends with a group of people for a few years, mostly from work. One in particular I felt close to because she and I had very similar childhoods. The last time we hung out, she got very angry about something that had happened to her, began yelling while explaining it to me, and drove erratically for a few moments. This scared me so badly that I just shut down emotionally and she had to take me home.

We didn't speak for nearly a month, and the other day she messaged me asking to hang out. The more I thought about it, the more I realized that she's always been like this. She's gotten very loud in public before and scared me in the process with just how violent she gets in what she says about other people/things. It turns into me agreeing/comforting her even though I'm horribly anxious. I never know if we're going to have a chill hang out or if it'll turn into that.

A few other friends and my mom suggested that hanging out with her isn't good for my mental health, so I blocked her. I also realized that the group in general almost never talks to me and I initiate most contact, so I blocked them too.

But now I'm feeling super guilty because I did it without explaining anything. Part of me feels like a coward, and a tiny part of me is worried she may be upset enough to find me (I no longer work with any of them but I'm in the same place). I wonder if I should have said something before doing it. And part of me misses her even though I know this was overall the right decision. I've been feeling absolutely awful over this and honestly a smidge paranoid, like I'm an evil person because ghosting is probably painful to go through and I did that to a few people.

AITA?

I 28F was with my ex 31M for over a year. It was a weird dynamic, though. He has two kids and throughout our whole ordeal, he’s been fighting for custody of his kids.

We’ve pretty much always had issues with both of us shutting each other out when we’re going through things but we always ended up working through it and talking it out. After dating for 5 months, we took a break for a couple of months because I felt we were stuck in the same place and not progressing at all. Then we got back together in January.

Things were good for another few months, still felt like there was no progress in our relationship though. Then he got emergency full custody of his kids a couple of months ago, and I am so incredibly happy for him.
I knew deep down that it meant we were never really going to see other much at all though. And sure enough, I’m right.

We were being grumpy towards each other bc all we were doing was texting and the occasional phone call. I was slowly detaching emotionally and he knew it. We would have “arguments” when really we were both just frustrated and missed each other. I am a very physical touch and quality time type of person so if I don’t have those things with my partner, it makes me detach.

And so… I started detaching. The last straw for me was him telling me he was going to be even more busy for the next few months. I already hadn’t seen him for over a month because he was so busy with his kids and now he’s saying he’s going to be even busier?! I can’t handle that.
So I tried to meet up with him in person, he had his kids for the next week straight and wont have time. I asked if we could talk on the phone, he said he doesn’t want his kids asking questions about me because I was still a secret to his kids.

So I ended it via text. He read it, and never responded. We haven’t spoken since. Do I know it was wrong to end things over text? Hell yes. Do I feel I had no option but to do it that way? Yes. I couldn’t wait any longer, I couldn’t pretend things were ok over text until we saw each other in person, and I knew I just needed to move on asap.

AITA for ending it over text message? Do you think I had valid reasons to do it that way?

I love going out with my friends. My bf is more of a homebody and doesn’t go out despite his friends always inviting him.

I love concerts and always try to inv my bf to go with me but he refuses. He even got mad at me once for expressing interest in going to a music venue with a dj.

There’s this new band playing later this month and my best friend is going with her younger sibling. This is a girl he’s met and gotten along with. Shes not a bad person. There’s not even an age limit and as safe as can be. I’ve already been to concerts and places before that he told me not to go to. I only went because I knew I’d regret missing it. I’ve never cheated on him and I don’t even do drugs. I try to take him with me and he refuses and doesn’t want me to go.

I know if I go to this new concert later this month that he will be very angry with me and argue and bring up past arguments we’ve had in the past. Maybe he will break up with me. Should I just listen to him and his only request to stay away from that scene despite it making me happy? Do I go and risk our relationship or do I stay and regret it in the future? Part of me thinks that I should not let his words control me but my other side thinks why should I backstab him like that and go. I’m not sure if I’m the one in the wrong. What do you guys think?

I (23F) broke up with my (22F) girlfriend of 4 years. I wrote out a letter that I thought explained it as much as possible. We agreed to start conversations about serious things this way to give a chance to look over it and think before talking face to face.

22F has had severe addiction to illicit substances for a while now, which I did know of.

I found out that 22F has been lying to me about her substance use and intentionally hiding it from me. We have a support plan in place between us and professionals to try and work towards her recovery.

The very recent death of my father hit me hard, and when it happened, we discussed how I felt about that related to her addiction. I told her she had to be serious about her recovery because she was going to die, and I don't know if I could lose her like that.

Then, finding out that she continued to lie to me about her addiction, I started to reconsider heavily. I decided that this is now what I wanted for my future or for myself and decided to end things. I was honest and told her that I still support her and Im proud of the strides that she had made so far, but I can not allow drugs to continue to be a part of my life (I have had several other family members with substance addictions.) I understand that addiction is an illness, but (and even if this sounds selfish to say) I have decided that my boundry is that I can not build a life, have a home and children with someone who is an addict. F22 has overdosed a handful of times before, some accidental and some on purpose. F22 frequently hurts herself if she feels that I am not paying attention to her.

I said that I would still like to be friends. She first blocked me, and then started lashing out at me publicly on social media in front of people we know who then blocked me. Then she came and told me that she does not want to be friends. I said okay and blocked her. Though I would have liked to be friends, I understood why that might be difficult and it was the choice she made.

She continued to post about me and say all sorts of things, such as that I gave up on her after so long and that she's going to harm herself because of me, etcetera.

She contacted me again, and it got a little more heated than I wish it had but it was not extreme arguing. The gist was me saying I don't appreciate her posting all those things and how I don't believe it's fair of her to treat me that way despite her being upset and told her she needed to stop.

She told me that it's not fair that I did this "out of nowhere" and "didn't put in any effort to work things out" before blocking her. I blocked her because from my end, she doesn't want to be friends, and I don't want to date her, then it's best for me to cut contact so we can both move forward.

According to her I am an avoidant and didn't really love her because when we would discuss in depth about her issues and triggers etcetera, I would add on that I think she should also bring what we spoke about up to her therapist so they can come up with alternative coping strategies (exact quote of how I would say it to her). Though to be clear, we did talk, and I never immediately went to just saying to talk to her therapist. If I didn't know how to help her I would be honest and say that I understood what she was saying, but I didn't know how to help her in that moment and she needs to be honest with me about what she needs me to do for her. If I took even a full minute to comprehend what she was saying while nodding to make sure I acknowledged her, she would say I was triggering her and making her beg for attention.

Apparently, this was me brushing her off, not listening, and giving her the silent treatment. I was under the impression that encouraging her to additionally speak to her therapist to get more support that I can't give her (I can't fix the issue or help her learn how to cope) was being supportive.

I wasn't aware that I should have given her a heads up when I was thinking of breaking up with her (which is what she meant by doing this out of nowhere. She thinks we should have discussed it before I made a decision). I'm not sure what it means to put effort into "working out" things that broke my boundaries. My boundaries were broken, and so I respectfully removed myself from the situation.

Is it normal to try and work those types of things out? I'm asking genuinely if im TAH because I want to do better in the future. If I'm avoidant, I want to confront that honestly and work towards not being. I can see why she would be upset I broke up with her, and I've tried to tell the story as neutrally as possible, but I don't think I'm necessarily being an asshole.

I (f 36)have found my Mom (f 59) and my ex (m38) from decades ago are still in touch. My ex left me for another woman while I was working a 2 month job, and not soon after I found my family invited him over for dinner. They didn't care about my feelings then. I was fine with my mom still being friends with his Mom, but today I found out they (my ex and Mom) have been secretly keeping in touch all these years. Even after I took care of my mom in the hospital after Covid and a heart attack and subsequent kidney failure. She had memory loss, but apparently not enough to not talk to him again. I came down for a short term job to stay with them for a little bit and she gave me her phone to look up a hair color for her. When I sent it to messenger, there it was... He was first on her chat list. A long time conversation going.

Preface he is married. I wanted nothing to do with him after the breakup. While I don't think that I have a say between her and his parents, I still believe that good ex's are like ghosts. I'm now paranoid as to what exactly their relationship is. My mom has exciting tastes to say the least, so it would not surprise me if something has happened to cross proper boundaries.

If this feels like a betrayal, how should I move forward? I know if I ask questions nothing but lies will come out. My mother is a gifted tale spinner with lots of unapologetic practice. She does not feel guilt for anything ever. This feels like harm to me. AITA?

I (19F) was with my boyfriend "M" (23M) for almost three years. We've shared dreams, hopes, happiness amd also sadness. We felt like a couple and during the last few months of our relationship we decided to live together. everything was perfect, i thought we were building a happy ending and a forever. Then he brought an idea of us recorded our intimate moments, saying it will be lovely for us to watch and enjoy later, i said no. Not because i'm shy, i've sent nude's before. i've done things. But the idea was not comfortable with me because have seen nude's flying on internets. He replied "dont worry, nobody will see it, i have my password protected" i still insisted no. and then he said it's ok he understood.
He didn't. it gradually became a constant request from him during intimacy or when we about to, each time i said no, he drift away and act cold. Like i didn't just rejected his request but him.
We had a little break to think things through, i felt bad because he's not respecting my boundries. I broke up with him after some weeks because the relationship became a negotiation about my body and we where no longer partner's. i felt sad and broken because i really loved him very much, we've been deeply inlove over the years and wasn't easy to let go.
He told his close friends about it and they felt i overreacted and insecure. have been called dramatic and paranoid. I'm not sleeping well. I miss him so much. Did i throw away a good man over boundaries that would have been negotiated? Or did i protect my dignity? so... AITA for ending it?

So I want to give her the benefit of the doubt.
But I moved in with my boyfriend and his parents, he is not an only child but his older sister no longer lives here.

Background I’ve had a partner cheat on me before.

But when I moved in I started doing/folding our combined laundry.

Some more context we live in a bedroom on the first floor and his parents have a master suite on the second level of the house.

As I was doing/folding our laundry I noticed multiple pairs of panties that were not mine, of course my mind went to a horrible place having a past of a cheating partner so I asked my boyfriend who’s they were. He replied “I don’t know” only to find out they were his mothers… I spoke with him about my past and how this makes me uncomfortable. Mind you, it wasn’t a whole outfit of hers it was just panties.

Also context it was thong panties, sorry if that is over sharing!

He asked her about it and her excuse was that sometimes she would “change out of her work clothes in his room” under this logic it would be an entire outfit not. just. panties.

He ended up defending her and I just asked that it didn’t happen again as it weirded me out.

It continued to happen. Multiple times.

She also has her entire closet upstairs so she has to change into a new outfit upstairs anyways. It has been really confusing.

I did leave a pair in the living room, I do admit this is petty af of me and I do take responsibility for the pettiness.

But this has been happening for about a year now and my bf no longer wants me to bring it up, although he also does find it strange that it is just panties.

I don’t know how to feel about it now and I don’t want to fold her undergarments and I would feel uncomfortable if she had to fold mine and would never ever make her fold my panties.

I know this is her house and I do respect that so AITA for being upset? Should I let this go?

Open to criticism.
Sorry for the long post!

I (25F) had two classes back to back in two separate buildings. At the end of the first class, one of my male classmates sparked a conversation about internships he was considering (I was helping him weigh out some options). This conversation carried on as we walked outside, where another male classmate joined and said to the other guy “I’ll walk with you to class.”

I was planning on walking to my car and driving to the next class, however, we kept talking about the internship fiasco and ended up just all walking to class together (we were all in the same class…twice).

I casually told my boyfriend (35M) about me walking, he asked who I was walking with and I told him the truth. He had a whole tantrum because I was “walking with random dudes”… I don’t believe I did anything wrong, he thinks I’m being disrespectful. Reddit, pls let me know who is the crazy one here. I need back up.