I was so delusional, thinking I could truly beat a mental disorder she been living with for all her life. Who the fuck I thought I was

Ever felt you didn't have any sort of voice in the relationship?

And you started to change your intentions, afraid of another splitting ruining your day?

While we've had a lot of huge fights that have traumatized me, sometimes its the small ones that revealed a lot more to me.

2 months ago after spending the night at hers I thought we were going to be hanging out in the morning. She told me that she couldn't she had a hair appointment.

I said aw bummer, I was looking forward to hanging out, but no problem I'll just find something else to do.

This comment literally caused her to split.

She starts attacking me for not knowing that she had an appointment. "I told you about this ages ago why don't you ever remember? I shouldn't have to always tell you and remind you" to which I am still deescalating "yeah I mean no worries, I'm not mad and it's not a big deal I can find something to do"

To which she said "why are you saying no worries? I have no reason to say sorry I didn't do anything wrong? I did everything I could and I am not at fault"

This comment made me infuriated. Because I literally never got mad nor blamed her for anything.

At this point my composure is gone - I exploded and was like why are you getting mad? I'm not even mad that we're not hanging out? She's defending her comments, gaslighting me, and nitpicking my responses. I blew up and just stormed out of her house. Way to start my morning with her chaos.

The no reason to apologize comment was so insane to me. Because most people understand apologizing is not always an admission of wrongdoing, but you can apologize just to express empathy. I told her later that most humans would generally respond with like a "Aw I'm sorry, maybe we can hang out after?"

Instead she splits and starts attacking me "you should have known about my appointment. I don't care I won't apologize" and the whole time I'm not even mad I'm just like "? no one is angry why are you angry?"

Did anyone feel completely exhausted and have brain fog, lost memory? Basically feel like you just wanted to rest 24/7. It's probably something to do with the nervous system being fried.

I just tried to have 3 boundaries established with my girlfriend for last 4 months

1. Don’t hit me, throw stuff or scream whenever she is angry
2. If she threatens me with breakup every time she is angry, I will breakup with her.
3. If she gives silent treatmen

t, i

1. will not chase her and I will take a pause to focus on myself.

This happened over text, because I am at my parent’s house. She is constantly calling me from her work and crying. I have reassured her multiple times that I not accusing her of anything and I am not trying to leave her but she is not listening. She wants me to apologise for setting these boundaries. I don’t know what to do.

Theyve recently claimed thier celibate now. Said theyve been that way for over a year. I find it hard to believe. Especially when they hang out with guys at thier houses and they went to bars. But sure maybe they are.

does anyone else have experience with a pwBPD lying about their trauma? in my case, anytime i would open up about traumatic things i went through, my exwBPD (diagnosed & untreated) would always tell me about a time that they had been through the same thing, but worse. it always made me feel like i had no right to complain or struggle with things bc my ex “had it worse.”

the difficult thing is i obviously can’t know for sure that they were 100% lying about everything, but i no longer trust anything they told me after i was able to verify with full certainty that they had lied about also being a victim of CSA in the exact same way i was.

is this because of their BPD, or just my ex being uniquely insane? i’d like to know if i’m the only one who’s experienced this, because i feel guilty for now questioning everything they told me in hindsight, but who the fuck lies about experiencing CSA and gives verifiably false details about it??

What I have learned from my ex-BPD is the following.

They will try to push into your life as FAST as possible. They have their reasons for this obviously. The faster they do this, the less chance you have to reflect, think clearly and perhaps make a choice to leave.

Some things i noticed which i have my doubts this was even true;

I lived with my mom still and studied. My ex bpd got in an argument with her parents and she got physicaly harmed (so she said). She got kicked out and had nowhere to go except for me and my mom (so she said). The nice lady my mom is ofcourse said yes and before i knew she lived with me and my mom. This was only in the first year being with her. At that point i felt i had no way out anymore.

I honestly think now that this was her plan to move in and be with me always. When she lived with us she all of a sudden got food intolerances and had to eat specific food no sugar and stuff like that. The woman my mom is she did all of this. We had arguments almost daily, she would run out of the house get in her car and drive away. The usual bollocks.

What I want to say is, you need to pick up on signs early and get the f out. As early as possible. .... it's f'ing scary thinking back at it how fast it all went and how they are able to push themselves in your life like that.

I'm curious. Did you guys notice things that they wanted to claim you fast and try things to always be with you and leaving you no choice. I was 22 years old btw.

Stay strong🫶🏻

I'm unsure honestly how to proceed with this as I'm genuinely freaking out being told this out of nowhere. I got this text last night from him and called my mom about it. Apparently this was a "forgotten memory that came back to him" while we were teenagers. The way my mom spoke made it seem like she believed I would've done something to him and I too could be forgetting I did it. The timeline of this happening also aligns with me coming out to them as gay, then doing this just after to him, then getting hospitalized (to keep it short: Due to the fact that she exposed me as gay, said I was dating a "pedophile" and calling me an idiot for dating someone, became depressed and admitted).

I saw him the day before and we were just talking fine, so I'm not sure what happened to make him suddenly say this.

I'm genuinely speechless to hear this accusation and as a rape victim I'm beyond pissed off to hear that I might be forgetting and just not admitting from my own mother that I raped him, let alone would do something like that to my own family. At this point I'm ending contact with both of them immediately and not even entertaining having a conversation about this to "straighten things out".

I feel like shit from this, and I'm stressed out about somehow having legal issues.

Everyone including us should get an STD test after ending a relationship. We might have had lots of unprotected sex, possibly including anal.

Our exes might have engaged in these same behaviours before our relationship, during our multiple breakups, or even outright cheated.

High risk sexual behavior includes high nunber of sex partners, sex during an STD outbreak, and even prostitution.

Not all of our exes engaged in all or any of these behaviours. This post isn't here to cast judgement on any population. The language is direct to address the worst case scenarios. However, this is my personal experience with my ex, who engaged in most of these behaviors, and it might also be your experience, even if you are not aware of it.

Please get tested to see if you need treatment or can breathe a sigh of relief. Please protected your next sexual partner from possible STDs. Good luck!

So I got broken up with almost 3 months ago. Tried to tell myself that it was best in the long run, but still having trouble coming to terms with it.

What would’ve been the long term effects, such as what if we got married/had kids.

Today I had my first session with a therapist after I decided to breakup and NC with an undiagnosed exwBPD 2 weeks ago. Besides the extreme grief and cognitive dissonance, I’m still having feelings of guilt even though my mind knows I made the right choice. Wondering if I could’ve done anything better besides already going through hell and back to reassure her and getting her to see a therapist and better her life.

She made a comment that really stuck with me: ‘You’ve done everything and you know it very well because you’re the person that would do that. If you wasn’t, she wouldn’t have chosen to stick around with you for that long.’

I know it’s a very simple quote, and it wouldn’t have hit this hard for me two weeks ago, but I just wanted to share this with you guys. I’m still struggling processing everything and this sub is a godsend, so I wanted to give something back. I wish you all the best and let’s pray we’re all gonna get out of this stronger than before.

My husband and I have been together 9 yrs. He's struggled very obviously for years and we both get into a similar circle that's often described on here. But we got really really bad over the last couple months leading to we both have lawyers and divorce litigations were in process. And he relapsing self harm but also after a lapse in meds. We talked, he wants to get help, he's following his treatment plan, and he's being open and honest and clear with me and it's great. But at the same time I'm scared of it just being a part of the circle, I'm scared of the put downs again and he agrees, we both agree that this cannot continue. But how do I believe that he's actually putting the effort in and this isn't really me back in because he felt me finally check out.

This one is heavy and I want to give a trigger warning for CSAM mentioned.

A couple years ago, I met my pwBPD. To make a long story short, over time I believed I was the other person. I didn’t know at first I was the affair partner—she lied very well. But as time progressed, I realized I was being hidden. As a trans person, it made me feel even worse about myself. I also have reason to believe she pursued several LGBT+ people for online fantasies over the years of her marriage to a straight cis man and while I never got a direct answer from her, when I confronted her, she broke it off for the sixth and final time and I walked away. all she really had to say was at least she called me on the phone and met up with me in person—gee the bare minimum of dating.

Trying to heal from sometimes knowing this deep feeling and empathetic person who it felt like truly saw me and supported me, and trying to reconcile that with the callous, compartmentalizing, sometimes cruel person she could be.

in particular, she would give silent treatments whenever she was directing or acting in a play in the local theatre a few towns over. it was where she went to college, her friends were there, and she was always super involved in this theatre and obsessed with it. over time, I realized her best friend was into theatre so she became into theatre over a decade ago. (I actually realized she was just the hodge podge of several people). and it was a very very enmeshed group. no boundaries between friends and lovers. it was borderline incestuous. they had young people around them (in our 30s) that they acted like “mothers and fathers to” but the lines there got bad. and she used them as a prop to me—to show how “lgbt friendly” she was. But the group creeped me out. It creeped me out she spent non-stop with them and there were no boundaries.

It’s been four months since she broke it off with me. I’ve been no contact. I was certain this time, was the last time I let her come back with a sob story. I was scrolling and saw on the news. Her co-star in the play she left me for (cause she was just so busy)/the friend she was close with, and the person she casted in several plays as a director was arrested on charges of CSAM. I clicked on the article to confirm it was him. a “friend” of hers. I looked down at the comments and saw that this theatre has had five known abusers and the local community is asking for all actors/directors/staff to be investigated and held accountable. I looked at the list of directors for the next production year, she is not being invited back to direct again.

I feel… sick to my stomach. I have a gut feeling she most likely knew. This whole time I was wondering what kind of people allow someone to treat the way she treated me. The kind that enable this. I’m horrified and wondering if she knew I wouldn’t like this friend group and that’s why I never met them.

I also feel weirdly relieved she never let me see her plays, never let me go to events at the theatre, and never let me meet her friends. because all of the main friend group is being associated with this man now. I feel like I got away on a row boat from a party yacht, and the yacht exploded. I feel so bad for those kids. I hope accountability comes to the whole theatre group and I hope all them are kept away.

My ex with BPD used to say that her ex was a rapist. Later I figured out that was a lie. Now it's my turn: she is telling people she knows that I'm not stalker (?), that I harrass her (mind you I'm the one who blocked her because she kept trying to contact me even though email).

This resulted in a couple of people I cared about not talking to me anymore. Any tips on how to deal with that? She is making some grave accusations. I have her blocked every where so I just found out about that recent.

I had an abusive ex. I have always suspected she has bpd, but on the other hand she was never openly afraid of me leaving her, never said I didnt love her. She always said at first you will leave me one day, stay away from me, I'm bad for you, I don't deserve you, all those things, but never really... showed any real dependance or sadness or love in that regard? Her reaction was always scary anger, ridicule me and indiference. She was also not controlling/jealous. She controlled my actions, because she always threateaned with leaving or reacted with cruelty (for example when I talked about us being together with a friend and she found out).

She definetly fits lots of other characteristics: Being 100 people in one, the idealization/discarding, the splitting and anger, the cruelty, the memory loss, reckless behaviour. And her control was silent, but was there, I had to be like she wanted or she would explode. Always walking on eggshells, I was scared. But she never cried, never begged or manipulated me to stay, never said that I didnt love her. One day she could say that I was the most importante person in the world, a week later that she didnt feel anything towards me at all.

She blamed my mere presence as cause of her anxiety, she said it was bc the love she felt for me made her anxious.

I once told her, you were right, you don't deserve me. She laughed at me very cruelly, in anger, and ridiculed me showing this text to her friends (without saying it was me).

What do you all thing? She fucked me up for sure though, 9 years have passed, still have nightmares.

My dealbreakers, from strongest to weakest:

1.Threating to get me in trouble at university.

2.Hitting.

3.Secretly meeting an ex.

4.Verbal aggression.

5.Extreme jealousy.

6.Unreliable with meeting and messaging.

7.Alternating between distant and close before dating.

I am so beyond sick of how their problems always become your problems too and they constantly need you to drop everything for them. I literally have zero friends or hobbies because he will just magically have some urgent need 10 minutes in - im never allowed to just sit down and do something. He has broken my stuff out of anger to even further ensure i have no hobbies and just excuses it because he has no self reflection capabilities. I am constantly being dragged away from anything I try to do individually. All of this while being disrespected and treated like a child. Getting away has been a long road, financially speaking.

I came across a tik tok where the creator was expressing how it feels to be in rx, while having a cluster b disorder, and how essentially everyone believes you’re abusing them. I commented about how my abusive ex bf with untreated BPD threw an iced coffee in my face because of his “retroactive jealousy” and I was able to get out of there because of this community. Man I woke up to over 50 comments of people going to war over it. Folks fighting tooth and nail saying this subreddit is horrible, how my ex was a bad person, and that it wasn’t his BPD 😭 I am 1 month out of this relationship and he finally moved out yesterday. I cannot wait until the day I don’t even think about mental disorders because I’m so over it lol

So we had started talking again and it went well for a week and we had a picnic date planned in which i go first and help her prepare the cookies etc. We had an intimate night but it got cut midway through since she had a panic attack i just stood beside her knowing she doesnt want to be touched or talked to. She rushed to the bath and washed herself while i waited for her and she didnt talk to me until she had a breakdown in the middle of the night where she hugged me saying "why did i trust you" and i hugged her back, but then she kept ignoring me. We fell asleep somehow and woke up the next morning but she was still the same. I went out to buy a plan b just in case while she was talking to her psychiatrist and she just kept ignoring me. When i came back home, she said that "i would be happy if you didnt text me anymore" which i responded with "okay, i get it. Just know that im here for you anytime and id be happy too" then unfollowed me from everywhere.

Is it over? I really love her but dont want to hurt her anymore. I know im not the one to save her but i just like her so much. Give it to me straight please.

I came across an old card my exwBPD gave me. The signs were clear as day looking back. The same day she gave me this, she started splitting & we had a 2-3 hour argument that night.

I’m so glad I’m off that rollercoaster ride. It’s probably time to throw the card away. Does anyone else struggle with getting rid of old gifts, photos, text messages, etc.?

I posted here a couple of weeks ago about feeling unsure about my partner of 4 years. He bought a ring and now I've decided for my own well being that I need to leave the relationship.

We live together but it's my apartment. He moved in with me and only my name is on the lease. I want to make this as painless as possible but I know he will get triggered and split on me.

Any advice on how to just start the conversation? What to ask for? How to express my decision and feelings in a way that will be the least triggering?

I plan to offer him some money to leave. He did pay for the ring and we bought a new couch together like a year ago. He's also always broke so likely doesn't have money to put first/last on an apartment. He does have grandparents who live nearby though.

Any advice is appreciated.

I feel like I have ptsd from this woman, trying to co parent is impossible, every time I see a message from her my chest tightens because I don't know what to expect...

As of lately she has not been following our parenting schedule ordered by the court and has completely ruined my summer with my child. I haven't seen my child in nearly 2 months now because she's telling me summer is different from the rest of the year. Anyways she was going to give me extra time during the summer but now she's on the path I owe her more money and demanding I pay well over 10k in back child support. Which I pay on time every month and I pay extra towards arrears(which is a joke but I didn't keep proper records)

I woke up today with 24 messages sent around 3am , to which I did not reply but asked to speak with my daughter then I get sent a bunch more. One of which says

"Honestly our relationship would be so much more peaceful if you just paid the amount of support that you were supposed to! If you just started to pay off your arrears! There would be no messages to you like this. You would have a lot more peace if you just did the right thing! But you won't do that!"

I've got more messages similar tying me to see my child to paying her.

I've been to court and have made new orders but she just digs her heels in. The judges listen to her BS too and she's had zero consequences for any of her actions

I had full custody of my child in the past after my other daughter died in her care. She worked back to 50/50 didn't help financially at all when I had her full time. But yeah she made up some shit and had a protection order on me against my child so I lost her for several months, got that thrown out but by then she had her moved and in different schools so I could only see her on weekends, then skip forward a bit and go to court again and I'm cut back to every other weekend so she could attend sports with the mom...

Fuck I just feel like I'm doing all I can do and still get the shit kick out of me.

Like how much abuse can one person take. I get novels of messages threatening me financially and you name it. If it were the other way around I would be shit on by the legal system have harrasment charges and God knows.

I've never really wished anyone harm before but some just need to go.

The break up was terrible. Tbh I am not sure what have happend. I distanced myself after she called me from sobering center (after month ago she apologies and told me she wont include me in crisis anymore, but she did), after not answering to her - she started sending my texts that I will leave everyone with problems, that I am selfish, and I was fake *bestfriend*(so I started questioning myself that maybe I really was fake - tbh its right I should just tell her faster I cant trust her anymore). I wasnt perfect too I talked with her husband which she doesnt trust on the phone about her while she was at sobering center which wasnt clever but happend. I was saying yes too long, listening to her for 3 years almost everday day texts I was okey with it until this year I have found a job.. I tried to distance myself.. but she got deffensive.

Idk my friend is saying that nothing happend it was just drama about nothing. But I feel some guilt that maybe I was evil and cant move on idk..

Like week ago I felt that I am terrible person.. But its next week and I feel like I can work again and live but I have this thought in my minds to dont let go fully because I could be bad.. and I dont deserve to move one..

Idk

I am not sure what actually happend.

Maybe I should try to think that I didnt kill nobody, I didnt beat nobody so I deserve to move on.