(Chat GPT modified bc my story structure sucks!)
Four months ago, I matched with a guy on Bumble while using Travel Mode for a trip to a major U.S. city. We couldn’t meet because he was out of the country, but he gave me some great recommendations and followed up afterward. We exchanged occasional texts for about two months, until I became busy with traveling and other crushes and let the conversation die.
Last week, I spontaneously visited his city again and reached out. He happened to be in town. He seems extremely busy with work and his businesses, but he said he would make it work, so we finally met.
He picked me up in one of his supercars. I’d been in Rolls-Royces and Bentleys before, but never one of those extremely low sports cars, so it was honestly pretty cool. He was tall and broad, exactly my physical type.
He took me to a decent restaurant. He had originally planned something nicer, but I changed the date and time twice because of my schedule, so I couldn’t complain.
During dinner, I became very attracted to him intellectually. He is well-traveled, hardworking, confident, and passionate about his businesses. We could speak naturally because I understood the business models he was describing (I work in M&A). I found his intelligence and decisiveness extremely attractive. At the same time, he seemed kind and had a thoughtful philosophy about how he treats people.
At one point, I asked him about the most difficult thing he had ever encountered. He joked that it was dating.
After dinner, we went t**o** a bar. He held my hand and guided me through traffic and crowds, which made me feel protected. Between that, the intellectual chemistry, and the physical attraction, I was already very drawn to him.
When we were leaving for another bar, I asked him to carry my bag. He took it and joked that carrying it would make him “look gay,” so it would come at a cost. Then he kissed me.
I completely melted.
We went to three more bars and made out multiple times. With the alcohol and the mood, everything became incredibly passionate and intense. He kissed my lips and neck, lifted me up, and carried me down some stairs and even along the street.
However, he repeatedly tried to convince me to spend the night with him. He suggested coming to my hotel or getting another hotel because he had a long drive home. I don’t sleep with men unless I’m in a relationship, and I told him that clearly.
He kept insisting that he wouldn’t try anything, that we could simply watch a movie and sleep beside each other. I didn’t believe him.
Throughout the night, he also opened up to me. He said he didn’t come from money, his parents separated when he was young, and his mother worked extremely hard to send him to private schools. He said he loves her, supports her financially, and sends her flowers every week. He told me he wants a wife and a lot of children. He also said he feels that Asian women like me tend to share his family values, which is part of why he likes me.
Still, I wasn’t buying the “we’ll just sleep” story.
He pointed out that I had disappeared for months and said he wanted to “squeeze every minute” out of that night because otherwise I might disappear again for another four months.
We eventually ended up at a hotel near mine. He had taken my hotel key card and told me I could leave after “putting him to sleep.” We cuddled, and he said he liked me a lot. He told me I was “his now,” joked that next time he would “make my belly big next time we meet” and asked where I wanted our wedding to be.
We were both drunk, but I was sober enough to maintain my boundaries. He tried to go down on me several times, and I stopped him. I told him that if he respected me, he needed to stop. To his credit, he did stop after that.
We fell asleep beside each other. A couple of hours later, I woke up, covered him with the duvet, and quietly left.
The next morning, he left early for work in another state. I still don’t understand how he managed to wake up that early after so many drinks. He texted me, and we realized that he had helped me with my jacket during the date, put it in his car, and we had both forgotten to retrieve it.
It has now been a few days. I still feel an intense intellectual and physical attraction to him, and I can’t stop thinking about the kisses and everything that happened in bed without actually turning into sex.
We have exchanged only a few texts since then. He is already traveling internationally again for work, and I’m back in my city preparing for another trip.
My irrational side keeps fantasizing about him. My rational side says this chaotic businessman is a giant walking red flag: reckless driving, repeatedly trying to get me into bed after I stated my boundary, possessive comments, and talking about marriage and pregnancy on the first date.
He says he’ll keep my jacket safe and return it to me.
Unfortunately, I now have a huge crush on this chaotic, intense man. What would you do? Is there any realistic way to explore this safely, or should I treat it as one wild night, get my jacket back, and move on?
**TL;DR:** After texting occasionally for four months, I finally met a very successful, intense, and attractive businessman. We had incredible intellectual and physical chemistry, bar-hopped, made out all night, and slept beside each other without having sex. He respected my boundary eventually, but only after repeatedly trying to persuade me to sleep with him. He also made possessive comments and talked about marriage and getting me pregnant on our first date. Now I can’t stop thinking about him, even though my rational side says he’s a walking red flag.
