So I have a distant family friend who is expecting. her and her boyfriend live in a very rundown house that was given to him by his mother. Both their parents have passed. they are barely scraping by themselves so I have been getting any and everything baby related for them trying to help make it easier and offered to come help clean to get the house ready. I knew they were dirty but this past weekend I went over to clean and it was absolutely horrible. there is a horrible mice and roach infestation. no one cleans at all. there were maggots in the sink dishes, mouse poop covering the floor, either urine filled water bottles on the floor or they grew so much bacteria it turned yellow, it took me over an hour just to sweep the kitchen. on top of that.. they let people move in that don’t have jobs or contribute with 3 children, the couple refuses to leave and they have no money to evict them and this couples children had been smearing poop on the walls. everyone in the house blames it on the others and says they clean but no one else does. I am extremely concerned about this baby being born in October and going to that home. I’m not sure what to do about it or who to call. the mom also has another daughter but her dad has custody of her. the ac is broken in the house. you can’t even access the bathroom because it’s full of stuff. the house smells like decay. literally like when you go to dissect a frog in science class. When I went to clean I didn’t even touch the surface of it. I asked for them to prep and do laundry ahead of time and that wasn’t done and they weren’t much help. I also worry because the mom has always had a habit of sleeping all day and the dad works and plays video games. the dad is diagnosed autistic. I worry aside from the filth, that the baby will spend most of his time confined to one room not having his needs met or they will be feeding him from dirty bottles and I don’t even want to think about when he starts putting everything in his mouth. If anyone has known someone in this situation or what steps to take, I would seriously appreciate the input because I’m very worried and the baby will be here in a month and a half

I HATE THIS SYSTEM. Ohio CPS is a literal joke. I have a whole book I am ready to type and honestly I really need to let it out somewhere, because I am feeling nothing but rage, hatred towards the system and myself, and I feel defeated. I can’t give up, but I feel like I’m against a pack of wolves at this point, and I am crumbling. I struggle heavy with my mental health lately. I’m glad I’m getting IOP, as I have a lot of trauma, but this sh*t is too heavy, man.

For starters and disclaimer, I DID take a supplement for my sciatica that was marketing all natural. Unfortunately, my dumbass took something that wasn’t FDA approved (I told my doctor what I was taking- it was marketed as all natural cats claw and helps with nerve pain and such). Fuck. It had kratom in it. I didn’t even know what the hell kratom was. Baby was born with it in his system. He had withdrawals. It was horrible to see, and he still has a little bit of effects. I feel terrible. The withdrawals were almost unbearable for me, so watching my premie go through it makes me want to vomit typing this. I take full accountability for my choice and I thank god/the universe, whatever, that he is doing okay.

I’m seperated from my home and it’s been a long 45 something days. Couch surfing, trying to find work while doing random drug screens, intensive outpatient for my mental health (I had an acute and sudden suicide attempt in the beginning of this because it started off as hell right off rip. I thought my life was over and I lost my family forever). So I’m actually happy about the IOP. I need it. Also trying to balance my four hour daily visits, scheduling them with a third party (family/friends), when we don’t have much support. So many other hoops, and my husband is about to lose his job of 10 years because he gets up at 4 am for work. No daycare would be open. This is a nightmare and I feel lost.

My caseworker was biased. She demanded I get one hour visits once a week. My attorney pulled through, and I got four hour visits daily right off rip. My husband had kinship rights of my daughter, and has my son at home.

My two older kids that I share with my abusive ex, that I have an out of state DV CPO against (he lives in FL), were sent to him. Our parenting plan was over ridden by CPS, and they handed off my kids to this man, whom has a past with cocaine and other drug use. He was so happy this happened to me, and has been harassing me on our court ordered parenting app. The night before the exchange, he was sending erratic texts at 3-4 am saying just off the wall stuff. My husband and I emailed the biased intake worker about our concerns and her reply was “he’s just tired, the man works a lot.” He wasn’t swabbed, no questions asked, just forced us to hand him my two older kids. My two year old (3rd child) is biologically his, and he won’t claim her because she was conceived by abuse, and he had a GF at the time that is now his fiancée. This was at the start of all of this at the end of July.

Moving forward and making this post shorter…. My mother, whom is an alcoholic, abusive as hell, and my brother and I were taken by CPS when I was a junior in highschool and we went and lived with my father. We had a DV CPO against her and she wasn’t able to see us at all for a year, and then finally we were forced to see her at a visitation center. This woman quite literally ruined my life and traumatized me in ways I don’t want to share. This includes me always being her target, I had my door knob switched so the lock was on the outside. One time she locked me in my room when I got home from school on a Friday, wouldn’t let me out until school on Monday. I had to pee and poop in my trash can and I got my ass handed to me for that, too. She knew that my uncle was SA’ing me between the age of 5 years old to 9 years old, and gaslit me my whole life saying it was actually my father. I didn’t start recalling memories until I got flashbacks when I was 15/16.

In 2024, she was arrested for assaulting me while drunk in front of all of my children. My brother lives with her, and they both battered me in front of my kids. Somehow, because she has more money than god, she got it expunged. As did my bother.

Fast forward, my mother accused my husband of doing kratom. Wtf. wtf. WTF. They took my two year old from him, and asked him to go for a hair follicle test. He abided and went, and he wasn’t in their system, so he left. They took this as a PRESUMED POSITIVE. This was effing ADMIN error. He goes back, they still can’t find him in the system, but eventually did. The agency spelled his name wrong. He did his test, everything came back clean, but the agency forgot to order a KRATOM test. The lab had a sample of his hair still, and we are waiting on the results. It’s been over a week since my toddler was put into temporary foster care.

Yesterday I had my hearing to get another CPO against my mother. I didn’t have great admissible evidence, and was pro se. I had arrest records and my old CPO as a child. I wasn’t prepared, I didn’t know how to supeona (spelling?) witnesses or videos. I walked into the court with shit ass evidence. I couldn’t afford my attorney. I looked at the list of people signing in, I saw my mother, brother, two of her attorneys, MY INTAKE CASE WORKER, and another CPS person. Maybe a lawyer? Idk. I walked out of the courthouse hyperventilating and didn’t do my hearing. I would have walked into a pack of wolves waiting to swallow me up. I went to the clerk and I’m gonna try and get another hearing when I can hire an attorney. I wish I went in anyway. I got scared, had a panic attack, and left. I’m stupid.

TODAY. Oh my god today. I get a phone call at almost 5 pm from my newbie, young case worker that had some news for me. My MOTHER is my two year olds temporary kinship care taker. I am at a loss of words still. It doesn’t feel real. How? My intake worker specifically did research after we told her about my mother’s history in the beginning of this, and she advised we call the police if she comes anywhere near the kids. She has my daughter. I am raising hell. I was numb all day. I need advice maybe, or maybe I just needed to type a book. Maybe someone will read this. Idk. I’m not okay. This doesn’t feel real. Everyone’s roaring, and I have sat and stared at the wall all day. I’m so tired. 3/4 of my children are with my two abusers. I feel like I’ve lost. My mother has the money, my abusive ex has money. We’re fucked and rent is due. Idk. If anyone has anything to say, amazing. Even if it’s harsh. I have thick skin, but man, this is… this is the hardest battle I’ve ever faced. How the fuck am I gonna get through this? I want to roar with the rest of my family and friends blowing up the supervisors (I’ve emailed as well), but I’m tired. I’m gonna try and sleep and hopefully tomorrow I’m ready to fight again and sit in that office until I speak to absolutely everyone and bring in all my evidence I have. I fucking hate this agency. Sorry I’m done.

I need advice regarding my niece's adoption and concerns about DCF favoritism/discrimination

This is a long and complicated situation, so I'll try to explain it as clearly as possible.

My older sister (37F) has four children by four different fathers. Unfortunately, she has struggled with drugs and instability for most of her adult life. Two of her children were removed from her custody approximately 15 years ago. One was placed with their biological father, and the other was adopted through the foster care system.

She later had two daughters, who I'll call Puyi (13F) and Kimi (12F).

When Puyi was younger, my sister was using drugs with Puyi's biological father. Puyi developed some mental and health issues during that time. Eventually, my sister left him and later became involved with Kimi's father. For several years, it appeared that they had gotten their lives together.

About seven years later, both my sister and Kimi's father began using drugs again. Law enforcement became involved, and my husband and I were given temporary custody of both girls for approximately two months.

At the time, we informed DCF that we could not provide permanent placement because we were scheduled to move out of Kansas within four months. The girls were eventually returned to their parents.

Afterward, Kimi's father went to prison, and my sister fled with the girls. She traveled with them through Texas and Florida before eventually returning to Kansas. At one point, she left the girls with Puyi's paternal grandparents, who cared for them for approximately four months before my sister returned.

DCF eventually became involved again and placed both girls with Puyi's paternal grandparents. They have remained there for the last four years.

Since then:

Kimi's father remains incarcerated and has voluntarily terminated his parental rights.

My sister has lost her parental rights to both girls.

Puyi's father has regained custody of Puyi.

Kimi is now eligible for adoption.

My concern is that I feel like DCF has treated members of my family differently than other foster families.

My younger sister, "Alice" (29F), is a licensed foster parent. She previously cared for both girls for approximately six months before they were returned to Puyi's grandparents. The caseworker told Alice that she did not have sufficient resources to care for the girls long-term.

However, Alice has other long-term foster placements, and those children's caseworkers have told her that her home and resources are completely adequate. I don't understand how she can be considered capable of caring for other children but not considered capable of adopting or permanently caring for her own nieces.

My husband and I also decided to move back to Kansas when we learned that Kimi might become eligible for adoption. Unfortunately, the timing was terrible. I found out I was pregnant while we were preparing to move from Washington State to Kansas, and I lost my job during that transition. We've had an extremely difficult year financially.

We have since completed the background checks, fingerprints, and health assessments required for adoption. We were told that we passed "with reservations" because my husband has a juvenile criminal record and our income is currently low.

Since then, the caseworkers have largely stopped returning our calls.

What concerns me even more is that they appear to be encouraging Puyi's paternal grandparents to adopt or permanently keep Kimi. The grandparents have said themselves that they are getting older and did not expect to be raising children again. They are both in their late seventies.

I want to be clear: I am not saying the grandparents are bad people. They have cared for my nieces for years, and I am incredibly grateful for what they have done. But Kimi is 12 years old, and I worry about what happens as they continue aging. My husband and I are younger and genuinely want to raise her as part of our family.

Financially, things would be tight for us, but we are willing and able to make it work. We already have children and understand what raising a child requires. Most importantly, Kimi is my niece, and I love her.

At this point, I don't know what to do because DCF/caseworkers are barely communicating with us.

My questions are:

Does our family relationship to Kimi give us any preference or rights when she is being considered for adoption?

Can DCF reject a relative placement primarily because of income, even if the home otherwise passes background checks and assessments?

Does my husband's juvenile criminal history permanently disqualify us, or is that evaluated individually?

Is it normal for different caseworkers to give conflicting assessments of a foster parent's resources?

What can we do if the caseworkers stop communicating with us?

Should we contact a supervisor, attorney, guardian ad litem, CASA, or someone else?

I understand that DCF's priority should be what is best for Kimi, and I agree with that completely. I'm not asking for special treatment simply because I'm family. I just want to understand whether we're actually being fairly considered as a potential placement.

Any advice from foster parents, social workers, attorneys, or people who have dealt with kinship adoption would be greatly appreciated.

​

I really want to get my 5 month old son and myself out of what I believe is a toxic and potentially unsafe environment, but I am not sure what steps I should take. I am increasingly concerned about my son's safety and well-being when he is in my wife's care. My wife began becoming verbally and emotionally abusive a couple of years into our relationship, and the behavior has progressively gotten worse. Both me and my 13 year old stepson have to walk on eggshells around her because the smallest of inconveniences can cause her to become extremely angry. She frequently yells, curses, and becomes confrontational when things do not happen the way she wants or within the timeframe she expects. The situation has become serious enough that I began documenting some of her outbursts a few months ago. I have hours of audio recordings of her verbal outbursts, as well as text messages.

My wife and I currently take turns caring for our son during the night. Whoever is responsible for the baby sleeps in the bedroom/nursery while the other person sleeps in the guest bedroom. Our son sometimes sleeps for longer stretches, but he also goes through periods where he wakes several times throughout the night. On multiple occasions, I have heard my son crying sometimes up to an hour. There have also been nights when this happened multiple times. On at least one occasion, he cried for so long that his voice was noticeably hoarse the following morning. A couple of nights ago, my wife was caring for him. After he had been crying for 30 minutes, I went into the room and found her playing on her phone while he was crying. I asked if he was okay and if she was going to get him. She responded:

"I have been fucking holding him for almost 2hrs and he started crying as soon as I put him back down. He can cry and will be alright." I picked him up and brought him to bed with me. This of course pissed her off. I understand that babies eventually need to learn to self-soothe and that some amount of crying is normal. However, he isn't there yet obviously and she is trying to force him. I can't fathom how she can she can play on her phone with him lying there crying in the dark, wondering why no one is coming to get him. She has no patience for me or my stepson so I'm concerned for my son when I'm not home.

One day last week, I came home during my lunch break to eat and spend some time with my son. My wife told me that he had rolled out of his swing earlier that morning and bumped his head. Thankfully, the swing is only around a foot off the ground, and he appeared to be okay other than having a noticeable bump on his head.

I understand accidents happen, however, my son had already been able to roll over independently for approximately two weeks so I don't know why she didn't strap him in. I didnt push the issue because questioning my wife about anything results in her becoming defensive and angry rather than having a calm discussion about what happened.

Later that evening while I was getting him ready for a bath, he had an unusual gasping episode while lying flat on his back. For 3-4 seconds, it appeared to me that he was having difficulty getting enough air. He had a couple more of these episodes before bedtime. My wife told me that he was simply making new noises and that babies make strange noises all the time. I found that ridiculous and told her I believed he should be seen by his pediatrician the following morning, especially since she was off work. She became defensive and insisted that he was fine. I did not want to escalate the argument, so I decided that if she would not take him, I would take time off work and take him myself. Part of my concern was that I felt she might be reluctant to take him to the pediatrician because she would potentially have to explain the circumstances surrounding the bump on his head.

My stepson had to start therapy a few months ago because he admitted to a teacher he was having suicidal thoughts and had been cutting himself. She has never shown him any sort of affection or positive support. Just scolding when he doesn't do something up to her high expectations. 

I'm worried if I attempt to divorce her, the proof I have of her abuse won't be enough and she'd end up getting more custody time, especially since he's only 5 months. She is so spiteful I know she would lie and start a smear campaign to punish me at all costs. She will do anything to get her way. She also makes more money than me so she would be able to afford a better lawyer. 

Is there anything I can do? Do I wait until he's a little older? What if she tries to start the divorce?