Another season has started and United still don’t look too great, it’s not the same without you or bampy moaning about how good we used to be. It’s just another reminder that life keeps moving without you. I wonder what you’d think Carrick in charge, you always loved him as a player.

It’s getting dark earlier and it’s been cold the last few nights. Wet for like a week. Winter used to suck so bad growing up, you never used to pay for the heating but you always had your rum. Mum sorted herself out and keeps it on now.

We got our surfboards back finally. I remember you telling me that it was the only place you really felt at peace. It’s still a special place for me too, I really want to go back soon, I’ll take your ashes I promise. It’s hard enough leaving the house as it is.

I heard a lyric the other day in a song by the Growlers. The whole song made me cry to be honest. It’s all about divorce and staying together for the kid. The lyric goes:

“You were the reason they stuck around
But you're old enough now
Don't worry babe
Not 'till you've been there too
Will your world be less cruel”

And it just broke me. I’ve loved and lost now. I don’t know what you and mum had, but I know you were only human and it’s so hard to make things work. I know you tried.

I still wonder if you were sorry for what you did to me. Not sorry enough to admit it, that’s for sure. Maybe not strong enough. I wish you’d been awful to me alongside it, at least then I could hate you simply. Did you ever think about how hard you might make my life? What I’d have to grow to understand and accept? You must have seen some of what it did to me. In my mind it’s part of why you couldn’t stop drinking. Couldn’t get your life together. You knew what it would mean facing.

Instead of ever knowing or ever getting real closure I’ll be left to speculate forever. Did you really have to die like that? Really? We were so close to something healthier.

I often wonder what was on your mind in those last moments. You called nanny instead of me or anyone else. You couldn’t even stand up. I hate to imagine you scared and alone. I hate to imagine you had the faintest idea of what was coming. I still don’t know if you actually tried to call me or if I imagined it. Maybe it’s better that way.

I’ve made a new friend, her dad is awful, too. She can’t pull herself away either. In a way I hate it and in a way I’ve never felt so seen.

Anyway. My degree is going really well. I found so much of my art in your things. Most of them had gone mouldy so I just keep it all in a bag.

I wish I knew what to say, what I even want from you. I suppose I want it all. I want one last 4 hour phone call where you make me laugh and wind me up. I want you to send me more puzzles and tell me how much faster I get them than you. That I didn’t get my brains from mum.

I miss you so much, despite it all, I wonder where we’d be now

I am in a new relationship and things have progressed fairly quickly, but also don't feel rushed. I met his mom last week and it seemed to go pleasantly. He texted the following day saying "my mom said you were nice and not very shy", so I guess that's good? 😂 Well anyway, this week I am meeting his dad and little sister.

Anyway, I'm 28 and as embarrassing as it is, I've never really been in a relationship before. My last "relationship" was a 6-year-long situationship (I thought we were dating for the first two years, supposedly he didn't. By that point I had feelings and decided to stay). Anyway, needless to say, I've never met the parents before (minus meeting his mom last week)

I am just feeling really anxious, it's not that I don't want to meet his dad or that I think it's rushed or anything, I just... I don't know. I've never done this before. I don't know what to wear or how to act, I brought his mom flowers in a vase last week, and I'm thinking about bringing flowers for his sister because she will be cooking, but what do I bring his dad? What's the dad equivalent of that? I think he's mentioned like that his dad does drink sometimes but I don't think it's like nice wine or like a nice liquor where you can bring that as a gift. So I'm just really not sure. Also I jokingly said that I was going to be looking up the dad equivalent of bringing flowers and he didn't really suggest anything so I don't want to harp on it again and ask him what to bring.

Anyway, yeah I'm just anxious haha and I didn't have a dad in my life so interactions with other people's dads are always unfamiliar to me

So, this post makes me come across as a destructive asshole. Idk, I do care deeply care about other people and I often sort of get depressed thinking of how I’ve treated people discussed.

Basically I think I have some form of (big) decision paralysis. Incident 1: I quit my job to pursue a masters degree overseas. It was something i felt firm on doing. However like two weeks before leaving I got cold feet, applied to a bunch of jobs, dragged me feet arriving, arrived two weeks late, was sort of wound really tight. Blew up at someone, left to come home after two weeks.

Incident 2: I am located in Texas. I applied to a teaching job in Austin (three or so hours from me). Interviewed accepted, always had a goal of moving to Austin. I even put down application fees for an apartment. Then sort of two weeks prior I accepted a job nearby, didn’t move. Sent a “sorry” email two days before Austin in service.

Incident 3: largely the same thing happened as 2 but for a school in Colorado but the embarrassing thing is that schools principal called my principal and my principal told me “errr you better tell them”.

All this was between 2023 and now, but I think a similar thing played out when I was choosing colleges to attend pre-covid. I had been accepted to some quite highly ranked colleges but drug my feeling that my options became quite limited. I feel like generally at the last minute in life i drag my feet last minute lol.

Anyways i can hold down a regular job (even #1 I fell on my feet however I lost career progression), but I am sort of sad and fulfilled all the time. And I sometimes wake up with cold sweats on how just unprofessional those above incidents were.

Hey it's been a couple years since you passed and I know things weren't great when you did, but my wife and I just bought our house! Like we own it and all I want to do is invite you over for a beer and some BBQ and it's killing me. I love you so much dad. I'll probably remove this later but I needed to get this out

Random question, but if you drink, what’s your absolute favourite? Like your go-to when you’re relaxing at the end of the day?

I wanna try something new and I’ve been getting into whiskey lately, so I’d really love some recommendations!

For background I had a really rough start to my 20s - I spent a lot of it in survival mode without family guidance for stuff like this. Things have thankfully stabilized a lot for me since then, so I’m picking up the pieces and taking care of all the stuff that I didn’t take care of over the years, starting with old body damage to my car… I think the passage of time since the accidents has complicated things, and I need guidance on how best to tackle this.

To start, there’s cosmetic body damage from two separate accidents. The first was when I was rear ended in 2021. I was found not at fault, and I remember being in contact with the at fault driver’s insurance company. I’m pretty sure they just told me to go find a shop that partnered with their company, but I’m having a hard time remembering anything else. I’m wondering if it’s a lost cause to get them to cover anything now, due to statute of limitations..

The second was about a year later (I sideswiped an idling bus) and I was at fault. Filed a claim with my insurance, and they issued a claim payment. I went to a shop to get an estimate, but due to the rear end damage being a separate claim with another company, they advised me to get that fixed first.

We’re here now, so obviously I didn’t… But not here to make excuses for my past self, just looking to tackle it now! I guess I’m wondering where to start and feeling very lost/ignorant to how to handle this kind of thing. Should I expect to chalk the rear end claim up as a loss? What if the total damage ends up being more than the car is even worth? It’s a 2010 rav 4, and the payment for the sideswipe accident is around $2k. It still runs fine, just is very torn up cosmetically.

Hey dad, tommorow is my first day off school after summerbreak. I'm 13, going to the 3e klas (i think thats 9th grade). I'm so stressed. I'm ugly, i'm stupid and now i have school again. I get bullied alot, and i'm scared its gonna happen again. I dont know what to do anymore, i genuinely thought about, well, suicide, just so i dont have to go to school. What do i do? Do i just pretend to enjoy school? Should i skip? I feel like i'm wasting my life. I want to be a teen, enjoy everything like i should. But noooo, school just has to ruin that for me. I hate it.

(Sorry for my bad English, its not my first language)

Ever since mom passed away, I feel like I might as well be an orphan. It's just you and me in the house now, dad, but it's like you're my roommate. I've never been able to go to you for my problems. You'd laugh when I cried as a kid, and you ignored my tears when my sisters would bully me.

Whenever I leave for a month abroad, it doesn't cross your mind to call me or text me. It's difficult, because you are not a bad person. You just don't care. I don't know if that makes it worse. There's just nothing there. Indifference.

I wish you were a dad who would do activities with me as a kid. Who would teach me things, life lessons. Who would hug me, comfort me when I was sad, made me feel safe. Protected me from my sisters.

I always feel this emptiness and longing for a dad I never had. Will this ever go away?

If there's a next life, my biggest wish for it would be to have a loving dad.

My bio dad said something hurtful and I wasn’t angry, I didn’t lash out. I realized for the first time in my life his words don’t hold any power over me. I don’t feel guilty or ashamed. I was muting myself on the phone to laugh at the absurdity of it all with my husband.
I’m no longer scared of losing the conditional love, I’ve learned through chosen family what he says isn’t true. I’m not hard to love, I’m not a disappointment, my husband won’t leave me, and I’m just as pretty to my husband if I’m twenty pounds heavier or not.

I live across the country and very rarely communicate with him. Having a child of my own made me realize the kind of parent who can say those things their child isn’t one worth keeping around. I’ve mourned the loss of relationship and found happiness where I am and who I’m with. Somehow him saying something horrible made me happy because years ago I’d have been second guessing, apologizing and trying to fix it.
I’m finally moving on and I’m just so happy.

I have noticed that I try to do something: drinking vitamins, putting goals, checking on people, trying to work out. But I often spend a lot of money, I can be toxic to my partner when I’m angry or triggered, I check on people but im often silent and I also say “tomorrow”.

People call me “strong” but actually I’m weak. Some people says I’m too much rude and some people says I’m kind but I don’t believe at it. I have issues and I can’t live my life. My mother always gave me advices but I kinda feel that I need Dad advice.

I want to be a “man” (even if I’m not a male) or strong woman, or strong non-binary (I’m actually non-binary), like, someone who can be relied on, strong, caring, successful, with money.

I’m a failure, Dad, and I need some advice how to change it. I’m not satisfied with me acting like a kid despite being 21. I’m often very mature and extremely often very immature.

I've been trying for 20 minutes now..

I wish i could have this moment with my dad. I wish i was close enough with him to pick out a song together. I wish i would feel safe and comfortable dancing with him. Ive decided to not have a father daughter dance. Hes going to be at my wedding but he wont be walking me down the aisle either. I remember in elementary school there was a father daughter dance. He refused to dance with me and someone elses mom offered to dance with me because she saw what happened. I was devastated and confused why he wouldnt dance with me but everyone elses dads were dancing with them. I remember going outside in the cold and sitting alone until he finally came out and asked why i was upset. I remember at his wedding to his now ex-wife. They announced a father daughter dance. My heart soared and i ran from where i was to where he was. He sat down and couldnt understand why i was crying. I didnt realize that only ment his wife and her dad. I thought we were going to dance too. All he has ever done was crush my hopes whenever i thought hed be a dad to me. I cant risk being let down again. What if he wouldnt dance with me at my wedding? I can bring myself to even ask. The little girl in my wishes we would. I cant open myself to the disappointment again. All i can feel is that he wouldnt dance with me again. Maybe thats not fair to him i never even told him about those moments but i only want to protect myself. Its not worth it

Dear Father,

Guess what? I'm overwhelmed again after listening to a song. Years of pretending not to grieve still come with heavy waves; I'm trying to stay afloat. Do I see a shrink? Or try harder to be okay? It's been 11 years now since you passed away. I think the only good part about trying not to drown in this grief is not seeing you in dreams anymore. My reality has perhaps accepted your absence.

Finally, I moved out of the house to pursue my master's, and it is going to be a year now. I often talk to Mom on the phone, and with the distance, it is easy to keep up. I guess we were meant to be like this; no part of me wants more from us. My heart still wonders: if you knew me now, would you be proud? Would you stand me for making foolish decisions? Would you have suggested I be patient?

I see many friends talking about their favourite memories of their dads. I stay quiet and try to think hard because even the bad ones are my favourite now. Mom sent me your sweater, and I wear it often and tell everyone it's yours. A lot of battles to fight, a lot of roads to walk, a lot of goals to achieve; I think I'll always have to walk it alone.

I'm not weak, but how does one get over their father? The older I grow, the more I understand how Mom never got over her mother. Although death is fate, I think it's a tragedy. Sure, humankind is meant to suffer through a lot of losses; many have lost their daughters, sons, partners, brothers, sisters, grandparents, and they, too, never get over it. I do feel thier pain because you left me with yours, and this is my tragedy. You will always be my biggest loss.

Yours truly,
Messed up daughter

I moved across the country to attend college and am currently here a week in advance with a pre-orientation program and I’m having a really hard time. I thought that I would be okay going to college so far because I know how to be independent. I’ve been away from my parents before but in those instances I’ve always been in an environment that is familiar and comfortable. It’s such a harsh adjustment, it feels like everyone here has already formed friendships and are comfortable away from their family (the majority only live an hour or two away). Growing up I’ve always found it really difficult to form friendships and be around people my own age, talking to people older than I was has just become more comfortable and easier to me, less judgment and pressure (sometimes). Before I would go to school surrounded by people my age and then I could back home to a safe space and decompress from everything, eat my own food, make a cup of tea whenever I wanted, lie down and pet my dog, drove anywhere. Here I can’t do that, I’m stuck in a dorm surround by people my own age, sharing a bathroom and everything. I get so overwhelmed somethings that everything feels too close and claustrophobic, I just cry and I get so panicky, I can’t calm down. Apologies for the poor grammar and ramblings, I just needed to talk to someone.

So. Im a highschool student (HS is ages 15-19 here), and tomorrow, i start my final year of highschool. I wish i could say im relieved because soon i wont have to deal with being bullied anymore, but im TERRIFIED.

i have so much work to do. I have 4 final exams i need to study for ALL YEAR LONG, and 2 major projects i need to make. It all has to be done before june, and it doesnt feel like enough time, especially considering i have 2-4 debate tournaments in the meantime and am a coach.

I want to go to law college. Which asks for good grades. Im so scared i wont make it.

I'm the youngest in my family, and I have lived away from my parents in a different country for almost a decade. I left when I was 18, and I've built a really wonderful life here. Unfortunately, I am now feeling really exhausted most days due to the nature of my job and the bureaucracy my husband and I are dealing with to make my stay here more permanent. Some days I grieve a lot for how I could have had more guidance going through this stage in my life when I meet my friends' parents and my husband's if my parents were the kind of people who were willing to offer advice.

I acknowledge how very lucky I am and that moving for a better life was a personal choice. I do try to do my best to pay it forward. I'm always available as a support system for my brother back home. I also am working harder at checking in with my parents especially on their health as they get older, though I understand I could be doing more.

Questions I never used to have about life and my career are now resurfacing and I'm unsure how to cope as I've always known what to do next, because I had no choice, and I've had to help my parents think through things too. I was the child my parents don't have to worry about, but now I'm worried about me.

Any words of wisdom or advice?

Hello dad, I don't know how supportive you actually are, but I'm a trans man. High school hasn't started here yet and this would be my first year out of the closet, and has someone who has been battling with depression for quite some time this has only heightened it.

However, recently I've been feeling better than ever. I'm still insanely worried about school, since I have a transphobic friend (I'm trying to pull away from her) and I'm not out to her yet, but I have a good support team (other friends and school members), so I'm trying to forget about that for now.

I've always liked working out but never managed to maintain a routine. But today I feel so good! I'm trying to start running and it was wonderful, I've been out for thirty minutes half-running half-walking but I feel way better. Also, I have also managed to maintain a workout routine for four days now, I feel like I'm really going to be able to stick to it. It makes me so happy!

Another thing I've been struggling with is hygiene... This is kinda embarrassing for me to say, but I've been brushing my teeth for four days straight too! And washing my face for two! This might sound gross, but I'm really proud of it. I've had many complications with acne and dental hygiene throughout my life, so this might be the healthiest I've felt in ages!

I've told my mom and sisters, but I haven't received much from them. I didn't expect much anyways, but a little compliment might have been nice because they know how much I've struggled with this.

I’ve finally decided to buy my first car and I’ve managed to find a car I’d like to buy.
And this is all I’ve been able to do.

What do I need to know and do before I make the purchase?
How do I shop around for insurance?

(31F, my Dad passed when I was 12 due to his mental health)

I'm going back to school to be a nurse in the springtime...I always said I would, when I had time to do something for myself. I'm really happy for the first time in so long.

I met someone a few years ago, we got married at the end of last year...He's really great and I just wish you could have been there, I wore a dress and everything (surprising I know, so here's a photo). He walked me down the aisle so that I didn't have to walk down by myself.

We've been planning to start a family. I have so many good things happening but they all make me miss you more (I didn't think that I could miss you more than I already do). I just hope that you're proud of me, I'm always trying my hardest. I'm still here.

I recently started dating a guy a couple years younger than me (I’m 22F) a couple weeks ago.

I noticed that while he plays his friends make odd comments about women and sometimes me in general. When we were talking (phase for 6 months) it was only an issue a couple times when we would hang out.

Today he was playing and I tried asking him something since I was leaving and friend 1 told me to “shut the fuck up” while friend2 told friend1 “just rape her”

He didn’t really comment on it or defend me (in a way a guy should at least in my brain or say ‘that’s not right’)

I decided to just leave and he didn’t bother saying bye to me, but he said bye to his friends. He’s currently playing with another friend and he hasn’t texted me much nor about the situation.

I’ve mentioned before that his friends seem to misguide him and that I wish he had friends that would help him improve. He got a bit defensive and said his friends are perfectly fine. Is this a phase?

I have friends that are my age and are respectful and would never say a comment like that about a women or tolerate it. I guess I’m just asking about what this could look like in the future, I plan to talk to him about it again when he’s not busy.

For context, I just moved into my first place (yay) but I don’t have $250 to throw around on a table. I rather buy 3 planks of wood from Home Depot and make myself a humble narrow table.

The issue is, I’m not sure what steps to take after buying the planks. How much should I sand the wood down? How do I know when to stop sanding it? What are other aspects I should consider before deciding to do this?

I don’t have many people in my life who I can shamefully ask these questions to, so I’d appreciate all the help I can get :,)

Apologies in advance for the long read and for any typos, I’m not doing okay emotionally and I just need to get this out there.

i’ve (25 ftm) been having a hard time finding work lately. i’m disabled (diagnosed with autism and borderline personality disorder) and struggle really heavily with my mental health (cptsd, anxiety and depression). My biological mother was very abusive and abandoned me three separate times, once in dominican republic, once in puerto rico and a third time in phoenix, az. But the worst of this is that she turned a blind eye to her husband (my stepfather, mid-40s) grooming me and my younger sister as well as assaulting her and molesting me in my sleep.

As for my father? He was divorced from my mom when I was really young (i think 4 or 5 years old), and was kept away by my mom for most of my life, only for her to occasionally send me over to him for a few months when she decided she was sick of being a mother. He’s started his own family, and i’ve had no luck with fostering a bond with any of his relationships after my mom due to most of my stepmoms hating my mom and me by extension.

Due to these reasons, I’ve felt unloved and have never gotten to experience more than half of the childhood and teenage experiences that most have, and it’s hit me really hard. I never got my drivers license, struggled in college and was dropped from out after my gallbladder failed, and I’ve been homeless twice in a row, each time barely clinging on. Now I live with my partner, but I’m chronically depressed and suicidal. I’ve been missing the love and nurturing that parents are meant to provide, and I have no self esteem. Misfortune is a frequent occurrence in my life, and despite honest-to-god going door to door looking for work and trying to build a life for myself, I’m getting met with rejections from jobs, ghosted by the vocational rehab case workers, and feeling like a total failure. I’ve never felt more alone.

Lately I’ve been looking into programs that are designed to give adults like me a parental figure, and so far it’s led me here. I don’t know if I’m doing anything right, but here I am in search of a way to fill the void my egg donor left. Where do I go from here? How do I find meaning in a life that feels agonizing? Christianity was the excuse my biological mother turned to abuse, so all churches do is reopen old wounds.

Hey dad,

I'm starting my new job tomorrow after being fired 6 weeks ago, 1 week after I had surgery on my ankle. I'm finally mobile again after that surgery and I'm kind of scared to start this new job with all my health issues. But I deep cleaned my room and bathroom yesterday in attempt to start fresh with good energies. My last job was an absolute shit show that overworked me and undervalued me and I'm scared I'm going to get taken advantage of again. Can you send me some good vibes that this will work out?

Love you dad.

Hey Dad, I just got out of a 11 year relationship. We loved each other but had issues and would hurt each other because of our trauma responses (at the end 9 years in I became impatient and numb). They had a lot of childhood trauma (physical abuse, shaming, abandonment, sexual, betrayal) that I tried to help them work through. I became their emotional caregiver for their anxieties and traumas, but their own traumas stopped them from giving me what I needed

She said she never felt safe enough to say sorry or take accountability because she was scared that shed get hurt or punished, and because I was the closest person to her, she subconsciously put the same fears on me that she had from her abusive dad.

She treated me like an abuser (acting scared of me, getting defensive for mild criticism, talking to me like how a teenager talks to their parents) early in the relationship as 2/10 negative emotions were seen as 10/10 and triggered their abuse trauma from her dad. I always communicated my needs in clear ways like “it really hurts me when you talk to me like im a bad person, can you please try to keep that in mind?”. She even acknowledged that I was carrying the emotional load for both of us.

I almost left a few times because of how bad I felt but I chose to stay because i believed in her. I got professional help 3 years in, but she didn’t go till 9 years later. By the time she started healing I was already so hurt and my self-esteem was so shot that i didnt feel i was worthy of her or being loved. She decided after a big fight that she was done, she said I disrespected her too much over the years and wasn’t happy but she never communicated it till the end.

She was so cold and derisive. She said after reflecting she didn’t feel safe enough to meet me in person. So our 11 years ended over a video call. My heart hurts so much. I don’t want to be mad at her because I always forgave her for all her traumas but at the end she couldnt forgive me, and sees me as an abuser. But it’s the only thing that’s helping me from blaming myself.

It feels like i lost her to her traumas. That she didn’t want to fly, she didn’t or couldnt want to change, that she didn’t communicate any of her issues for 11 years until the very end.

It hurts so much that i wasnt worth giving a 2nd chance and that this is how shell remember me.

I cant help but feel abandoned.

How can I move through this? Is it just blind acceptance that it’s the end? Am I just supposed to stop thinking or caring about her when that was my life and my future i planned for 11 years? How can I start to let this go so I can heal? I feel so trapped

Before I start I know that I can't change other people and their behaviour I just needed to get this off my chest and get some advice if there is any to give.

I'm 19F and currently have almost no contact with my dad. I used to be close with him(still a rocky relationship but we were close) but when I was 16 going on 17 he randomly moved to another country. At the time he said it was for his mental health but later(after a lot of pushing) admitted that he moved because he couldn't pay off his debts he had here. It was ok for a while until my 18th birthday. He had promised to come and visit during that time but ended up not coming. After 3 months I found out from my mom that he had remarried and the reason he missed my birthday was because he had gotten married that exact day to a woman he had only known for 3 months. He had never told me that he had met a woman and I had to find out from my mom he even married someone new. I was devastated and blocked him on everything and cut contact. Since then I've had no contact until today. Since this all started he has kept coming back to the country I live in to visit, only staying 4 days max and currently he is here. Today I met up with him(my mom was there for support but didn't support me at all) and it went really bad. He continually told me what I should do with my life and when I rejected his ideas he'd just tell me to think about and go on about it, he kept pushing what he wanted without thinking or even asking what I wanted, pretended like he was present in my life and to top it all off he tried getting me on ozempic.

I know how crazy this all may sound but by the end of the meet up he kept talking about how he had brought ozempic for me to use and how I should use it to go down in weight(Im not even that big and I don't have diabetes). My mom was supporting it and saying "you can at least check with your doctor about it" and such. I told him no multiple times but he'd just go quiet before telling me to think about and continue. At the very end I told him if he really wanted a relationship with me he needed to stop pushing his wants on me and accept a no. He told he he loved me so much after that and to call if I needed anything. I ended up fighting with my mom about it when we got home but this post isn't about that. I felt super down and sad after all of that and honestly wished he would call my mom or text her to ask about me or something like that. He did end up calling her and asked to speak to me only to say goodnight, when I told him I was really disappointed with how our meet up went he said "why? What happened that was so bad?" And that kinda broke me a bit.

I've been crying like crazy since that call(which was about 4 hours ago) and all I can think about is how I wish he genuinely tried to put effort into improving our relationship and getting better. I also feel that he doesn't love me or at least not as much as he says he does. I just want my dad back and miss having my dad. I have an awful relationship with my mom and my sister aswell, I also have no friends(I have a partner who he doesn't approve of and honestly they're my only support rn). I just want my dad back. I know I'm 19 but I honestly just want him to hold me and hug me like he used to when I was a kid. Even when I was a child it was a rocky and often bad relationship but we still were very close. I just want my dad.

Sorry for the long post and I'm sorry for any mistakes in my grammar.