I (46m) have been seeing someone (35f) regularly—roughly once a week, give or take—for about five months now. I'm married, which she has known since before our first date; she is recently divorced from a long marriage. (My marriage has been open for a almost a year and a half, after almost twenty years of monogamy; this is her first experience with non-monogamy.) We matched on Feeld shortly after she created her account, so I ended up being her first date in about a decade. We like each other, we treat each other kindly and with affection, we're sexually compatible. It's felt like a good and healthy relationship within the boundaries of ethical non-monogamy. We are both still dating other people occasionally.

About two months ago, we had a brief check-in conversation where she told me that while I'm special to her, she didn't want to be my girlfriend, which was a big relief for me—she is special to me too, but I don't want a girlfriend, or to be someone's boyfriend. That might just be semantic, but given how long I was in monogamous relationships versus non-monogamous ones, "boyfriend" carries a connotation that feels more intense than what I want, in terms of time, commitment, and feelings.

But there are patterns we've gotten into that make me nervous. She's also said things like that she's falling for me, or that if I weren't married, she'd be trying to lock me down. I like her a lot, but I'm not falling for her. I am worried about that mismatch, and that I will be letting her down or hurting her feelings if I am not available for a week or two—she has a history (that she came by honestly) of feeling let down by people she's close with, and I don't want to add to that.

We had another conversation a couple of weeks ago where I said that I am still not interested in being a boyfriend or having a girlfriend, that I care about her and value our connection and also hope that she is pursuing other relationships, and that I want her to tell me if it ever goes from feeling fun and good to something that makes her feel bad. She got a little tearful in the conversation, she said because she was worried about losing me.

Since that conversation, things have felt a little better—we looked at her Feeld matches together, and have talked about her meeting my wife, to make that part of my life more real for her—but she also said the "lock me down" thing a few days ago, and I don't ever really know what to say to something like that.

This is the longest and closest relationship I've had since my marriage opened up, and I've never had to navigate this before. Mostly, I'm worried that because she likes the time and attention and affection that I am able to give her, she is putting herself in a position where she will be hurt because she's not getting as much of those things as she actually wants. I've enjoyed stuff like going on dates with her, being affectionate in public, and so forth, but now I'm worried that those things are sending a mixed signal, no matter what I say in other conversations.

TLDR; I'm dating someone I care about but who I'm worried craves a relationship escalator that I am not interested in being on. I don't want to end the relationship, but I'm worried that she might not tell me if it is becoming painful for her in order to keep the relationship going, and I don't want that either.

So, my partner and I are expanding our dynamic into more of an open relationship type of situation. This couple that we met seemed a little confused and insecure, so it's been taking some time to get closer to them.

My wife is friends with and very attracted to the male in the relationship. The NB partner on the other hand is very indecisive. Originally it seemed like they wanted both me AND my partner. Then just me, and then just my partner, and now it feels like they want no one. The couple had a conversation amongst themselves and came to to conclusion that the guy in the relationship can pursue with us or my wife.

This leads to a few things bothering me:

1. Because of the indecisiveness of the man's partner, I no longer have any interest trying to pursue anything sexual with them.

2. I figured out due to an unforeseen foursome with this couple, that I'm not necessarily into multi-person sex. This in turn means that even though the man is being given permission from his NB partner to continue with us alone, I wouldn't really want threesomes with him and my partner.

3. Coincidentally, not wanting threesomes basically means the dynamic went from a 4 person swinger situation into a 2 person "hot wife" situation where I am just letting my partner go have sex with this guy.

I have started talking to various people online, but due to the fact that it's a little tough as a man to find people who are both willing and nearby, it basically means my wife is getting to have sex outside of our relationship while I can only interact sexually long distance. It makes me feel a little leftout.

So, I guess the main advice I'm looking for is if this is an okay (and common) situation. Should I continue looking for an in-person play partner? Or should I be patient and just continue flirting and playing online?

Thanks! I'll be willing to answer any further questions in the comments.

FF (F28) and GG (NB32) are this couple, who I (M32) have known for years and I consider them to be my closest friends. We always do stuff together, be it hanging out, going to each other's houses, helping each other and providing emotional support thru hard times and so on.

FF and GG have been married for years and I'm privileged to see this relationship grow from the very first dates to them living together in this beautiful house now. They have this ENM dynamic and date other people - sometimes the same person, sometimes different persons as well. As one of their closest friends, I saw many of these relationships come and go as well.

I've always maintained this platonic friendship with both of them (no romance, no sex), but lately I've started to develop some romantic feelings for GG - and I'm not sure how to navigate that. Maybe these feelings are somewhat reciprocal, but I've been afraid to act on them and confess to GG that I'd like to date them and be one of their romantic partners. Got no romantic feelings for FF though, I only see her as one of my closest BFFs and confidants,

I'm afraid that confessing those feelings about GG could impact bring unexpected consequences for the three of us. I'm not sure if FF would be comfortable with me dating GG - and this is the biggest issue.

a non-monogamous person myself, I've got no desire to ""take"" GG from FF - I'd be more than happy and willing to have a V-shaped relationship with such wonderful people I've known for years. But still, not sure how to navigate this, should I confess my feelings to GG? Should I talk to FF to know how comfortable she is in this regard? Should I just move on with my life?

As

My girlfriend and I have been dating for almost three years now, and we’ve been considering some ENM fun, maybe in the form of a three way. We’ve both hinted at this, but we haven’t had a conversation about it yet. I really love this girl and don’t want to ruin a good thing. Does anyone have advice on how to do this? It makes me pretty nervous but if done well i think would be really fun. Thanks.

Long-term partner and I have been practicing ENM for our whole relationship (five years.) I've had more opportunities as a woman than he has. But we've had good communication, solid trust, and strong boundaries. One rule is that we don't hook up/date within our hobby community. Our whole community recognizes we are a couple. All assumptions are that we are monogamous. My connections have all been outside our community.

Recently, a fellow hobbyist mentioned ENM in a casual message as he does date one woman within our community. His primary partner is in an open relationship, married, has multiple connections, and yet is connected to him. When he dates others, it's not in our community. He was unaware I was ENM as it's not public knowledge.

It turns out we are mutually attracted to each other. We both immediately went to our partners and shared that we had communicated and checked in with them. Oddly, they were both open to us continuing our conversation and flirtation. His partner is open to a physical connection while my partner is more reluctant, which means I will not move forward at this time.

His concern is my reputation and his own within our community. Judgement for an uncommon lifestyle. His concern is that this other well-connected couple would "out" me or him.

Nothing is going to happen without explicit agreement from my partner. But how do you learn to trust someone else to protect your reputation? Is it just a lost cause? I don't think they are malicious in any way. But one rumor could undo our quiet ENM existence.

How do others manage public knowledge of our lifestyle? I feel no shame about our mutual decision and lifestyle but I do want to protect my partner.

I celebrated my 43th birthday on Saturday. My wife and I went to a nice restaurant and she asked me what I wanted to do this year. I said I wanted to breakout and do something completely out of character in a healthy way, break patterns and do something scary and character building.

I’m in a rut and need to shake things up and make mistakes and get back to living life.

She said, “how about another woman?” I laughed, thinking she was joking. She didn’t laugh but she was smiling.

She said, “we have a great marriage. You’ve been a fantastic husband and amazing father. You deserve to be happy to have new experiences. Your sex drive is way higher than mine. I’m not jealous and I know you’ll always come back to me because I’m amazing (she’s not wrong). I’m serious, you should sleep with someone else this year.”

We kept talking about it.

She has a close friend who is ENM and loves it and her friend recently offered to “pop my ENM cherry” which my wife thought was a fun idea … I told her that’s a hard no for me. I don’t think it’s wise to start with her friend … too much potential mess. They had a whole text chain about it and my wife gave me full access to read the full message chain which I appreciated.

I asked her if she wants to sleep with someone else. She said she wants me to go first and we can go from there, because she’s worried how I would feel if she had a side boyfriend and doesn’t want to hurt me. She said she would never do this if she thought this would damage the relationship and she’s willing to nuke the whole conversation if I’m not interested.

I’m kind of at a loss. This is a big thing. I’m not against it, but I haven’t seriously considered it before. I don’t think it’s wise to just run forward.

What are some recommended next steps? What kinds of things should I be thinking about and discussing with my wife? I am interested … my wife is literally the only woman I’ve ever kissed and I do think expanding my sexual & relational expertise would be a growth opportunity for me.

I believe her when she says I should branch out. I wouldn’t do it without giving her the same options.

So we’re slowly talking ENM but I’m a baby with this stuff and don’t want to nuke my marriage by making rookie mistakes or realizing I can’t stomach her being with other people. Probably common concerns starting out, but my mind is racing and I would appreciate some help getting grounded.

I am 30F living in London, I am now open to being poly / ENM. However, I am still
Looking for a primary partner and someone to settle down with while being open. The problem I am finding is every guy on match with on dating apps is already coupled and looking for FWB mostly. How do I navigate this, is there any women coming from being single on the same journey as me ?

I’m 29F and recently started seeing a guy who is non-monogamous. We’ve only known each other about few months and have spent time together , but we talk a lot and I’m starting to realise I’m getting emotionally attached.

I knew from the beginning he was seeing other people and I was okay with that. What caught me off guard was finding out that one woman he was already seeing before me is becoming a deeper connection.

He said they haven’t labelled it but it feels like it could be heading towards a relationship. Their kids also hang out, which made it feel even more serious to me.

He’s actually been completely honest and respectful about everything. When I told him how I felt, he said he doesn’t see anyone as “first” or “second” and even gave me the option to walk away if I wasn’t comfortable. I chose to keep seeing where things go.

My problem is I like him and I’m scared of getting more attached and eventually feeling like the second option.

I’m new to ENM, so I don’t know if I’m still looking at this through a monogamous mindset. Can someone have two relationships developing at different stages without one necessarily being less important?
I’d love advice from people who have actually been in ENM relationships.

Hey Yall, I’m looking for advice and insight into my partners (F) and I’s (M) current situation and how to move forward ethically.

We have been talking through non monogamy for over two years and decided to make the jump a week ago. We agreed to go slow and take our time. I had quite a few connections but nobody that I was really attracted to. Within a few days of opening she finds a beautiful man who is exactly her type. They started texting constantly through the week and she has not really been interested in matching with anyone else. She initially said she would be prioritizing connections with women as she is bisexual.

I started feeling a few pangs of jealousy but we talked through them and I would feel better. However each day the jealousy got worse and peaked yesterday when they made plans to meet up next weekend. I am realizing that I have a lot more emotional work regarding unresolved trauma that I have been suppressing

When opening we agreed that at any moment if one of us got cold feet, we would immediately close and focus on each other.

Only problem, she feels a connection with this person and wishes to stay friends. She still wants to meet him next weekend and I’m struggling to cope with it. On one hand I trust her to only maintain a friendship with this person, but I am also experiencing anxiety, jealousy and self doubt.

She has assured me all week that she loves me, that she sees me as my life partner, and does not want me to worry. I told her how badly it has been effecting me but that I will not tell her not to meet this person as that to feels unethical and wrong.

Does anyone have any thoughts or insights that may help make me feel better about the situation?

Je (F31) suis avec mon copain (M30) depuis 1 an, tout se passe très bien dans notre couple, nous sommes fous l’un de l’autre. Côté sexualité, c’est pareil, nous avons en moyenne 1 à 2 rapports par jour et nous nous excitons toujours autant. Cela fait quelques mois que nous nous rendons compte que le candaulisme et l’échangisme nous excitent beaucoup à tous les deux. Ces derniers temps, il aimerait beaucoup que j’aille coucher avec quelqu’un d’autre, l’idée m’excite beaucoup aussi. J’ai donc repris contact avec une ancienne connaissance afin de tester, nous avons échangé quelques messages mais rien de chaud, cette connaissance m’a directement proposé que l’on se voit pour s’envoyer en l’air. L’idée m’a beaucoup excitée mais j’ai eu peur, c’est trop d’un coup. J’ai donc tenté d'y aller en douceur : se chauffer par messages et photos. J'ai essayé de demander des nudes mais la personne n’était pas réceptive à ce genres de choses. Forcément un peu déçue car je trouvais que c’était chouette pour nous tester doucement dans cette première expérience (ni mon copain ni moi n’avons jamais pratiqué ce genre de choses). J’ai proposé par la suite à mon compagnon qu’il s’inscrive sur un site de rencontres. Il a matché avec une fille et la chauffe direct. Ça me plaît mais me fait peur. J’apprends dans cette même journée qu’ils ont échangé des photos (non sexuelles) et qu’ils se sont téléphoné. Je ne sais paspourquoi, mais cela me gène. Le soir même, nous somme dans le lit, je suis pleine de peurs car il continue de lui parler mais ça m’excite aussi. Elle commence à le chauffer en lui envoyant une photo a moitié dénudée dans son lit, je trouve que cela peut être excitant pour qu'il le fasse aussi alors, je m’atèle à lui faire une fellation afin qu’il devienne bien dur et puisse lui envoyer une photo excitante. A ce moment là, lui en a envie mais devient un peu paniqué. Au moment de prendre la photo, la lumière n'est pas suffisante, il me demande donc d’allumer une lampe (très chiante à allumer) et je refuse car c’est chiant mais je l’aide avec mon téléphone, il râle, me dispute et me dit qu’il n’a plus envie. Je râle à mon tours car il gâche le moment et il s’énerve, je m’énerve aussi en retour et la, il me dit « t’es à vomir ». Forcément, dispute s’en suit. On discute et discute encore, je suis super vexée. Cependant, Monsieur est très excité par la chose, l'autre fille continue de lui envoyer des photos et, malgré notre dispute, il décide donc de se toucher. Il me propose de participer, je refuse car je suis trop vexée. Il continue mais à du mal, je lui de faire comme si je n’étais pas là. Ce matin, au réveil (sachant qu’avec toutes ces histoires nous avons dormi 4h seulement), je me sens toujours super vexée, comme trahie. Je pense que j'avais juste besoin qu'il me rassure mais, au lieu de ça, j'ai l'impression que ça l'excite tellement qu'il a déjà perdu pied... Il vient me faire des câlins, j’explique que je suis encore vexée, ça l’énerve, c’est moi le problème. J’ai besoin de vos avis svp, comment je dois le prendre ? Que dois-je faire ? Merci d'avance à tous !

My wife and I opened up our marriage a year ago and something has been bugging me I feel like when I discuss that I am married and have children with a potential partner there is this assumption I am cheating or one of those cliche scumbags

My wife has said previously that she is not interested in meeting any of my partners

Am I overthinking this? How do you broach the subject with new partners?

When my hubby first introduced me to the idea of ENM/hotwifing, he suggested I take some cute/sexy photos to send to potential guys… and honestly, I had NO idea what I was doing 😂 I was shy and had never really flirted with other men. I met my husband when I was 19 and had basically spent my entire adult life with him, so this was very much “what the hell am I doing?” territory.

With his full support, I eventually started going to clubs by myself to meet guys. I was terrified at first, but slowly gotten better, I was always okay with my confidence when it comes to business settings or small talks in my everyday life but throwing myself out there alone was a whole different world. The idea of being rejected was also quite intimidating. So over the month, when I see an attractive guy at the club, I'd go up and ask to buy him a drink or ask him to dance… and pretend I totally knew what I was doing 😂

I remember the first time I kissed another man, it happened on the dance floor. I didn't say much, I was quite drunk as well, I approach this cute guy on the dance floor, he was with all his guy friends, I introduced myself and he did as well, tbh I don't even remember what he said, I was quite nervous. I just started dancing with him, and we got closer and closer, we dirty danced for a bit and I could feel him getting a bit hard. I pushed my body against his and he held me tight, our lips touched. That moment was exhilarating, I haven't kiss another man's lips that's not my husbands for years. We pull each other even closer, and we made out passionately in the midst of a sea of people. I don't know how long it lasted but it was electrifying and eventually we unlocked lips and we looked at each other and I kinda sobered up a bit and i ran away without saying a thing because I was so excited to text my husband to tell him what I just did!

I texted him something like, “OMGGG I DID IT BABE!!!” 😂 He thought I meant I had done waaaay more than kissing and was hoping for more which made us laugh. But honestly, that little kiss felt huge to me. It was the first time I realized I could actually enjoy being desired by someone else, while still being completely in love with my husband.

Looking back, I was shy, insecure about myself, had no idea how to pose, and had absolutely no clue where this journey would take me. Now I'm still figuring it out, but I'm having fun becoming more confident, exploring my sexuality, and discovering this side of myself. ❤️

I’m a married 39F in a solid, respectful ENM relationship and we date separately.

One thing I don’t have a lot of experience with is aftercare. I have occasional FWB flings, that last maybe 3-5 encounters. After I meet up with a FWB, I experience a bit of a “drop” the next day. It sends my mind racing if I don’t hear from my FWB to rehash the encounter. Part of the fun for me is feeling wanted and pursued. There’s usually a lot of messaging in anticipation of the date, but then a lot of times I don’t hear anything for a few days after. I think a few messages letting me know they’re thinking of me, had fun, liked X thing we did, would go a long way to quelling my self-doubt. When I reach out first, I feel insecure like I’m forcing a connection perhaps the other person doesn’t feel. This happens with both men and women.

How do I go about asking my FWBs for the aftercare I’m looking for? At what point during the talking stage do I mention what I’m looking for? For some reason asking for this makes me feel very vulnerable.

My partner (37, M) and I (31, F) have been together for two years. We love each other deeply and both still say that we love each other, but we've reached a point where we need some space from each other.

I'm struggling with the uncertainty of it and would really appreciate perspectives from people who have been through something similar, particularly couples who took some space and eventually found their way back to each other.

He has communicated to me that he wants some space to feel like himself again (focus on his hobbies, work and not so much ENM/relationship), and that it's not my fault, but that try and do things too well for each other. And (for now) we need to do our own thing without each other. I also agree that we need some space from each other to go back to what our core values are. We did agree dat we wont avoid each other, we can reach out to each other, we go to the same gym and such. We even communicated to our friends that we are just taking a break to evaluate.

Some context:

We're in an ethically non-monogamous relationship. Our relationship is emotionally primary, while we're able to date/sleep with other people.

I genuinely want ENM for myself as well. I've learned a huge amount about myself through it and don't see this simply as something I'm doing because my partner wants it.

I have had a miserable dating history during this time, and not a lot of success rate which has lead to ALOT frustration for me and some tunnel vision on why the fuck I am doing this again. My partner on the other hand is quite successful, has two play partners and tries to balance the two with me. Due to this disbalance that is occuring my room for compersion/enthusiasm for him is a lot less.

However, we've discovered that we react almost oppositely when insecurity or conflict comes up. For the last couple of months we have been in this vicious cycle, and last weekend it finally burst.

When something makes me feel uncertain about our relationship, a date, changed plans, less contact than expected, etc. My instinct is to move towards my partner.

I want to talk, understand what's happening, check that we're okay and reconnect.

Essentially my nervous system seems to work like:

connection → reassurance → calm → then I can give space

My partner seems to work much more like:

space → calm down → regain autonomy → then reconnect

Neither of us is necessarily trying to hurt or control the other, but you can probably see the problem.

When I move towards him, he can experience it as pressure or as though his autonomy is being restricted.

He then needs more space.

I experience that additional distance as evidence that something really is wrong between us, which makes me want connection even more.

So we end up in this horrible loop:

insecurity → I seek connection → he feels pressure → he withdraws → I feel abandoned/unimportant → I seek connection harder → he feels even more pressure → more distance.

We've both ended up reinforcing the exact fear the other person has.

------

Another thing I've realised is that sometimes when I communicate uncomfortable feelings about ENM, I'm not actually asking him to stop doing something.

I'm often trying to say:

"Hey, I'm struggling a little here. Can we connect/check in so I feel like we're on the same team?"

But I think he sometimes hears:

"Your freedom is hurting me, therefore you need to restrict yourself."

That creates defensiveness before we've even really understood each other.

At the same time, I don't think the solution is simply for me to become better at tolerating everything.

One of the biggest things I've realised through all of this is that I don't need control over my partner's freedom. I just want to feel like the primary.

For me that means feeling heard and important, agreements meaning something, intentionally spending time together, making important relationship decisions together, and trusting that when we have conflict or need space, we're eventually going to come back together and repair.

There have been situations where plans between us changed or agreements weren't followed through on, and I think I've sometimes tried so hard to tell myself "this is just my insecurity, I need to regulate myself" that I've ignored the fact that sometimes I actually had a legitimate reason to be upset.

--------

I've also realised I haven't always communicated when I'm already mentally overloaded.

Recently I had stress from work, finances, family circumstances, dating rejection and relationship issues all accumulating at once. I became hyperfocused on trying to make ENM "work" and finding the right dating situation, and I didn't realise how little emotional capacity I had left until everything started spilling into everything else.

I'm a perfectionist and when something isn't working, my instinct is often to work harder at fixing it.

That's probably exactly the wrong approach when relationships are involved.

I'm learning that feeling heard doesn't necessarily mean continuing a conversation until I finally feel okay.

And I'm learning that when either of us is extremely emotionally activated, that's probably the worst possible moment to talk about ENM or the future of our relationship.

The frustrating part is that I can see all of this much more clearly now that we're apart. I don't want to lose him. I don't want to transition into being friends. I want to build my life with this person.

I genuinely don't feel like our story is finished. There are so many things we've talked about doing, experiencing and building together. There is still a huge amount of love between us.

But I also understand that love doesn't automatically mean a relationship is functioning healthily.

So right now we're taking space.

And I'm worried that "space" is just a slower route towards breaking up, while another part of me wonders whether this might actually be the interruption we desperately needed to stop repeating the same cycle.

I'm not looking for reassurance that everything will definitely work out, because obviously nobody can promise that.

I'd really like to hear from people who have actually been here.

And particularly for people in ENM relationships: how do you balance one person's need for autonomy with the other person's need for security without either person feeling like they're sacrificing something fundamental?

Does time a part work to just reflect on the most important things in your own life? and what you mean for each other?

Sorry for the long post.

My wife keeps asking if I'm going on a date when I'm going out.

It's never a date. It will probably never be a date! I've quit all the dating sites after not getting any dates. So I'm just focusing on things I like to do. Trying to enrich myself.

I think she's insecure. When she first proposed polyamory, she was worried I'd find someone "better than her" (her words).

She had a long term partner for a while, then a year or so recovering from that breakup. She got back on dating apps a couple months ago and has had a couple dates a week since and someone she's seeing somewhat regularly.

I try to get out once a week or so to do something fun for just me. Alone. Which is fine. Sometimes I get a case of loneliness in the crowd, but I try not to let that deter me. But she's started asking every time if it's a date. And it sucks. It cuts me every time. I know she does it for her own sanity, but it sucks to be reminded that no, I'm not on a date, and I'm going out alone once again.

Yeah, I know the answer is to tell her to stop asking me, but I just had to vent about it first.

I was taken aback by it when he brought it up during sex, because he’s so vanilla and I’m usually the sexually adventurous one. I’m bi and for the past 2 years, we opened up our relationship on my end to fulfill my desires of wanting to be with women again, he was never involved. But we’ve been talking about his fantasy for a few days and it turns me on so much, I get wet every single time. I always thought that him and my female partners were enough and never did I think I’d ever be with another man again, but here I am. I’m liking the idea just as much as he is and I’m getting so damn excited. But I want to make sure we are mentally and emotionally prepared before we physically get involved with another man.

We’ve been throwing hypothetical questions at each other, creating some scenarios so we can come up with our boundaries and rules, reading Reddit threads to learn more about ENM/swinging.

This is all new to us. We don’t even know if this is considered open relationship or what to call it. We just know it’s something we want to explore and do. I’d love to hear your first times and if there’s any advice you can give me/us. What you wish you did and what your boundaries/rules are. How you met your match and how opening up to this helped your relationship or sex life as a couple. What your aftercare routine is. I also want to hear the bad and the ugly and if there are any regrets. I want to gain as much knowledge as possible! Feel free to respond or privately, I have a lot of questions as well 😅

New to this: starting conversation with my loved partner

As the title states, I’m new to starting this conversation, which means starting it myself and not so much the idea of ENM or the conversation with this specific parter at all.

There is however some context that I find interesting to navigate and could use some external insights with.

My partner and I have been with each other for about two years, with a tough period leading to a break up, dating again, and coming back to a relationship. We’re far better than before, more secure, more loving, more confident to make things work and dedicated to. This has been going fantastic.

During the tough period, my partner was the one proposing ENM for the sake of taking away the “pressure” of part of his needs from me, while his sexual needs get met by engaging in sexual activity outside of our relationship. I see how he was purely trying to think of a way to help and not ignore his own needs while never trying to pressure me, but I responded horribly and couldn’t possibly talk about the possibility of this.

In hindsight obviously I see now what went wrong there. Which is okay. However now, I feel the need of starting conversation on this topic for us again. I’ve come to experience that I could be interested in sexual activity outside of our relationship, possibly together, possibly individually, and that wouldn’t change a thing about how I think my partner is the most attractive beautiful person to ever touch earth. That last bit is a realisation that has never come to be before: I always connected the two (ergo, interest in others sexually means no longer interest in each other).
This realisation process was kickstarted by running into someone I vaguely knew expressing their sexual interest in me while simultaneously handing me the keys to act upon it or not. I did not, however the dynamic of “I have something you want” was something I enjoyed and it made me realise when I would be to hook up with this person I’d do that in a way that is completely detached from my relationship with my partner and not changing that or the love I have for my partner.

I told my partner about the dynamic and this person admitting their attraction to me and it boosting my confidence. I haven’t talked to them on any ENM related things, though I would love to share my new insights and feelings about the topic. However because I responded so badly when this was first discussed in our relationship, I feel bad about bringing it up myself and I would appreciate some experienced word in how to navigate this.
I would 100% always put this relationship before anything, which I feel like this is important to note!

TIA :)

Looking for ideas for how to have hook ups that are not overnights. Hotels are expensive for just a couple of hours.

Okay this might be a stupid question but my boyfriend and I are kind of new to this and don’t really know where we’re supposed to start.

We’ve been together for about a year and recently started talking about a fantasy we’re both into. We’d like to explore it together (it being a cuckold fantasy), but finding another person seems like the difficult part.

Neither of us really wants to just find a random guy online and meet up straight away. I’d much rather talk to someone first, get comfortable, maybe meet for a coffee or a drink and see if there’s actually a connection before deciding whether to do anything.

For people who’ve actually done this before, how did you find someone?

Is Reddit actually a good place for it? Are there dating apps that work better? Do people normally make profiles specifically for this kind of thing?

Also, how do you know when someone is actually trustworthy? I feel like there must be a lot of people who aren’t really interested in the couple aspect and just see it as an opportunity for a hookup, which isn’t really what we’re looking for.

We’re not in a rush at all. I think we’d both rather take our time and find someone we’re genuinely comfortable with.

So yeah… if anyone has done this before, I’d honestly love to hear how you went about finding the right person the first time. And please.. keep any judgment to yourself..

Sou casada , uma vez comentei com meu marido q já tinha ficado com uma mulher sou hétero mais aconteceu qnd eu era solteira ele me disse q depois q eu falei isso ele começou a me imaginar com outra mulher e sugeriu de acontecer no casa somente eu fico com a mulher enquanto ele me com& , eu por uma lado quero mais tenho um pouco de receio

We are both women. My wife dropped a huge bombshell on me today and I genuinely have never had the thought of divorcing her until now. She is the one who wanted to do ENM in the first place, but because she hasn’t had personal success yet with other partners, her emotions are running very high about my own successes in comparison to hers.

She told me today that it feels like cheating.

I feel like this opened my eyes to just how big of a gap there is in our life philosophies. I am so fucking crushed because it feels like there’s not a single thing I can do right in this relationship and I can’t even trust what she tells me is okay for me to do because she keeps going back and forth! She encouraged me to go see my hookup just last week. Now that it’s getting closer to when we’re supposed to meet up, my wife says it feels like I’m about to go cheat on her.

I can’t keep doing this. We are in couples counseling, and I told her that she should really find friends to talk to about these things, but she keeps bringing these terrible thoughts to me because she says she doesn’t have anyone else to talk to and I can’t keep doing it. It has completely demolished my confidence in myself.

I want our marriage to work so bad. I love her so, so, so fucking much. She’s the only person who truly knows everything about me and we can both be our full selves with each other. I absolutely admire her for the steps she takes to improve her own life, and I’ve been there to help and support her through it all. I want our relationship to be as I’ve always seen it: unwavering, and uniquely, happily anomalous.

But now I just feel like our perspectives, what we want for ourselves for the future, are suddenly so completely at odds with each other that I don’t think it can be fixed. I have embraced ENM the same way I’ve embraced all other non-normative practices in my life… and I really want my wife to be there with me, but it just doesn’t seem like she can be happy with this lifestyle.

I’m just devastated that she told me it feels like I’m about to go cheat on her, especially when she’s the one who encouraged me to go see my hookup. It’s so conflicting; and in fact everything she’s said to me ever since starting ENM has been equally as conflicting and I just cannot stand it anymore.

Please be kind when giving advice, I’m not in a great space right now.

For most of my adult life, I’ve only been with one man. I’m 36, married, and recently my husband and I decided to open our marriage and explore ENM together.

Honestly, I’m excited… and a little terrified.

I’ve also always been a little insecure about my body. I’m very petite and small-chested, and for a long time I wondered whether I was actually sexy enough. There’s something incredibly powerful about realizing that I actually want to be desired and want to have plenty of sex —and that I’m allowed to enjoy that feeling without shame.

So I’m starting this account as a little record of my journey.

This account is going to be my little record of that journey. I’ll share photos as I become more comfortable being seen, and hopefully document the highs, the awkward moments, the discoveries, and everything I learn along the way.

I also want to be honest about the relationship side of ENM—communication, boundaries, vulnerability, jealousy, trust, and figuring out how to explore while continuing to grow together.

There will probably be awkward moments, surprises, things I love, things I don't, and a lot of figuring things out as I go.

For me, this isn't just about trying different experiences or being desired by other men. It's about getting to know myself and doing hard things (no pun intended)

Maybe by putting myself out there, I'll become a little less shy, a little more confident, and a lot more comfortable being exactly who I am.

So… here goes. ❤️