I (46m) have been seeing someone (35f) regularly—roughly once a week, give or take—for about five months now. I'm married, which she has known since before our first date; she is recently divorced from a long marriage. (My marriage has been open for a almost a year and a half, after almost twenty years of monogamy; this is her first experience with non-monogamy.) We matched on Feeld shortly after she created her account, so I ended up being her first date in about a decade. We like each other, we treat each other kindly and with affection, we're sexually compatible. It's felt like a good and healthy relationship within the boundaries of ethical non-monogamy. We are both still dating other people occasionally.

About two months ago, we had a brief check-in conversation where she told me that while I'm special to her, she didn't want to be my girlfriend, which was a big relief for me—she is special to me too, but I don't want a girlfriend, or to be someone's boyfriend. That might just be semantic, but given how long I was in monogamous relationships versus non-monogamous ones, "boyfriend" carries a connotation that feels more intense than what I want, in terms of time, commitment, and feelings.

But there are patterns we've gotten into that make me nervous. She's also said things like that she's falling for me, or that if I weren't married, she'd be trying to lock me down. I like her a lot, but I'm not falling for her. I am worried about that mismatch, and that I will be letting her down or hurting her feelings if I am not available for a week or two—she has a history (that she came by honestly) of feeling let down by people she's close with, and I don't want to add to that.

We had another conversation a couple of weeks ago where I said that I am still not interested in being a boyfriend or having a girlfriend, that I care about her and value our connection and also hope that she is pursuing other relationships, and that I want her to tell me if it ever goes from feeling fun and good to something that makes her feel bad. She got a little tearful in the conversation, she said because she was worried about losing me.

Since that conversation, things have felt a little better—we looked at her Feeld matches together, and have talked about her meeting my wife, to make that part of my life more real for her—but she also said the "lock me down" thing a few days ago, and I don't ever really know what to say to something like that.

This is the longest and closest relationship I've had since my marriage opened up, and I've never had to navigate this before. Mostly, I'm worried that because she likes the time and attention and affection that I am able to give her, she is putting herself in a position where she will be hurt because she's not getting as much of those things as she actually wants. I've enjoyed stuff like going on dates with her, being affectionate in public, and so forth, but now I'm worried that those things are sending a mixed signal, no matter what I say in other conversations.

TLDR; I'm dating someone I care about but who I'm worried craves a relationship escalator that I am not interested in being on. I don't want to end the relationship, but I'm worried that she might not tell me if it is becoming painful for her in order to keep the relationship going, and I don't want that either.

Long-term partner and I have been practicing ENM for our whole relationship (five years.) I've had more opportunities as a woman than he has. But we've had good communication, solid trust, and strong boundaries. One rule is that we don't hook up/date within our hobby community. Our whole community recognizes we are a couple. All assumptions are that we are monogamous. My connections have all been outside our community.

Recently, a fellow hobbyist mentioned ENM in a casual message as he does date one woman within our community. His primary partner is in an open relationship, married, has multiple connections, and yet is connected to him. When he dates others, it's not in our community. He was unaware I was ENM as it's not public knowledge.

It turns out we are mutually attracted to each other. We both immediately went to our partners and shared that we had communicated and checked in with them. Oddly, they were both open to us continuing our conversation and flirtation. His partner is open to a physical connection while my partner is more reluctant, which means I will not move forward at this time.

His concern is my reputation and his own within our community. Judgement for an uncommon lifestyle. His concern is that this other well-connected couple would "out" me or him.

Nothing is going to happen without explicit agreement from my partner. But how do you learn to trust someone else to protect your reputation? Is it just a lost cause? I don't think they are malicious in any way. But one rumor could undo our quiet ENM existence.

How do others manage public knowledge of our lifestyle? I feel no shame about our mutual decision and lifestyle but I do want to protect my partner.

I am 30F living in London, I am now open to being poly / ENM. However, I am still
Looking for a primary partner and someone to settle down with while being open. The problem I am finding is every guy on match with on dating apps is already coupled and looking for FWB mostly. How do I navigate this, is there any women coming from being single on the same journey as me ?

FF (F28) and GG (NB32) are this couple, who I (M32) have known for years and I consider them to be my closest friends. We always do stuff together, be it hanging out, going to each other's houses, helping each other and providing emotional support thru hard times and so on.

FF and GG have been married for years and I'm privileged to see this relationship grow from the very first dates to them living together in this beautiful house now. They have this ENM dynamic and date other people - sometimes the same person, sometimes different persons as well. As one of their closest friends, I saw many of these relationships come and go as well.

I've always maintained this platonic friendship with both of them (no romance, no sex), but lately I've started to develop some romantic feelings for GG - and I'm not sure how to navigate that. Maybe these feelings are somewhat reciprocal, but I've been afraid to act on them and confess to GG that I'd like to date them and be one of their romantic partners. Got no romantic feelings for FF though, I only see her as one of my closest BFFs and confidants,

I'm afraid that confessing those feelings about GG could impact bring unexpected consequences for the three of us. I'm not sure if FF would be comfortable with me dating GG - and this is the biggest issue.

a non-monogamous person myself, I've got no desire to ""take"" GG from FF - I'd be more than happy and willing to have a V-shaped relationship with such wonderful people I've known for years. But still, not sure how to navigate this, should I confess my feelings to GG? Should I talk to FF to know how comfortable she is in this regard? Should I just move on with my life?

As

Je (F31) suis avec mon copain (M30) depuis 1 an, tout se passe très bien dans notre couple, nous sommes fous l’un de l’autre. Côté sexualité, c’est pareil, nous avons en moyenne 1 à 2 rapports par jour et nous nous excitons toujours autant. Cela fait quelques mois que nous nous rendons compte que le candaulisme et l’échangisme nous excitent beaucoup à tous les deux. Ces derniers temps, il aimerait beaucoup que j’aille coucher avec quelqu’un d’autre, l’idée m’excite beaucoup aussi. J’ai donc repris contact avec une ancienne connaissance afin de tester, nous avons échangé quelques messages mais rien de chaud, cette connaissance m’a directement proposé que l’on se voit pour s’envoyer en l’air. L’idée m’a beaucoup excitée mais j’ai eu peur, c’est trop d’un coup. J’ai donc tenté d'y aller en douceur : se chauffer par messages et photos. J'ai essayé de demander des nudes mais la personne n’était pas réceptive à ce genres de choses. Forcément un peu déçue car je trouvais que c’était chouette pour nous tester doucement dans cette première expérience (ni mon copain ni moi n’avons jamais pratiqué ce genre de choses). J’ai proposé par la suite à mon compagnon qu’il s’inscrive sur un site de rencontres. Il a matché avec une fille et la chauffe direct. Ça me plaît mais me fait peur. J’apprends dans cette même journée qu’ils ont échangé des photos (non sexuelles) et qu’ils se sont téléphoné. Je ne sais paspourquoi, mais cela me gène. Le soir même, nous somme dans le lit, je suis pleine de peurs car il continue de lui parler mais ça m’excite aussi. Elle commence à le chauffer en lui envoyant une photo a moitié dénudée dans son lit, je trouve que cela peut être excitant pour qu'il le fasse aussi alors, je m’atèle à lui faire une fellation afin qu’il devienne bien dur et puisse lui envoyer une photo excitante. A ce moment là, lui en a envie mais devient un peu paniqué. Au moment de prendre la photo, la lumière n'est pas suffisante, il me demande donc d’allumer une lampe (très chiante à allumer) et je refuse car c’est chiant mais je l’aide avec mon téléphone, il râle, me dispute et me dit qu’il n’a plus envie. Je râle à mon tours car il gâche le moment et il s’énerve, je m’énerve aussi en retour et la, il me dit « t’es à vomir ». Forcément, dispute s’en suit. On discute et discute encore, je suis super vexée. Cependant, Monsieur est très excité par la chose, l'autre fille continue de lui envoyer des photos et, malgré notre dispute, il décide donc de se toucher. Il me propose de participer, je refuse car je suis trop vexée. Il continue mais à du mal, je lui de faire comme si je n’étais pas là. Ce matin, au réveil (sachant qu’avec toutes ces histoires nous avons dormi 4h seulement), je me sens toujours super vexée, comme trahie. Je pense que j'avais juste besoin qu'il me rassure mais, au lieu de ça, j'ai l'impression que ça l'excite tellement qu'il a déjà perdu pied... Il vient me faire des câlins, j’explique que je suis encore vexée, ça l’énerve, c’est moi le problème. J’ai besoin de vos avis svp, comment je dois le prendre ? Que dois-je faire ? Merci d'avance à tous !

So, my partner and I are expanding our dynamic into more of an open relationship type of situation. This couple that we met seemed a little confused and insecure, so it's been taking some time to get closer to them.

My wife is friends with and very attracted to the male in the relationship. The NB partner on the other hand is very indecisive. Originally it seemed like they wanted both me AND my partner. Then just me, and then just my partner, and now it feels like they want no one. The couple had a conversation amongst themselves and came to to conclusion that the guy in the relationship can pursue with us or my wife.

This leads to a few things bothering me:

1. Because of the indecisiveness of the man's partner, I no longer have any interest trying to pursue anything sexual with them.

2. I figured out due to an unforeseen foursome with this couple, that I'm not necessarily into multi-person sex. This in turn means that even though the man is being given permission from his NB partner to continue with us alone, I wouldn't really want threesomes with him and my partner.

3. Coincidentally, not wanting threesomes basically means the dynamic went from a 4 person swinger situation into a 2 person "hot wife" situation where I am just letting my partner go have sex with this guy.

I have started talking to various people online, but due to the fact that it's a little tough as a man to find people who are both willing and nearby, it basically means my wife is getting to have sex outside of our relationship while I can only interact sexually long distance. It makes me feel a little leftout.

So, I guess the main advice I'm looking for is if this is an okay (and common) situation. Should I continue looking for an in-person play partner? Or should I be patient and just continue flirting and playing online?

Thanks! I'll be willing to answer any further questions in the comments.

My girlfriend and I have been dating for almost three years now, and we’ve been considering some ENM fun, maybe in the form of a three way. We’ve both hinted at this, but we haven’t had a conversation about it yet. I really love this girl and don’t want to ruin a good thing. Does anyone have advice on how to do this? It makes me pretty nervous but if done well i think would be really fun. Thanks.