Title: My endorsement is complete, but BYU still won’t let me register
I’ve been an active member my whole life and have genuinely tried to follow the Church’s and BYU’s standards. I moved across the country to attend BYU last year and have worked my way through school the entire time. I also worked for the university in a trusted role that involved interacting with people in leadership. Because of that, I’ve had a meaningful connection to and investment in BYU.
When it came time earlier this year to renew my endorsement, my bishop withdrew it before meeting with me. In the meeting, he was upset that I had not met with him at the beginning of the semester and that I had missed tithing settlement. I understand that ecclesiastical leaders may encourage regular meetings and tithing settlement, but I did not feel that missing those appointments accurately reflected my commitment to the Church or my standing as a member. I was still attending sacrament meeting and second hour nearly every week.
I was not intentionally avoiding my bishop or refusing to participate. I had classes throughout the day and was working my way through school, which made scheduling difficult. I also did not understand that missing those meetings could result in my endorsement being withdrawn or create holds that would prevent me from registering.
During the meeting, my bishop told me that I only came to him when I needed help. We went through the questions, and I truthfully answered yes to them. He said that I had a “sad and dark countenance” when he saw me at church and that he believed it meant I had unresolved sin. He also questioned whether my tithing accurately reflected the income he believed I was receiving. I felt that these comments were judgmental and unrelated to whether I was meeting the actual standards required for an endorsement.
I involved my stake president because I wanted the matter reviewed at a higher ecclesiastical level. I explained what had happened, including the missed meetings and the tithing settlement issue. Rather than receiving meaningful clarification or support, I was warned that continuing to challenge the matter could lead to further disciplinary action. I became concerned that asking questions, appealing a decision, or seeking help could itself be treated as a disciplinary problem.
After my endorsement was withdrawn, I went through the Honor Code Office process. I contacted the office, explained my circumstances, and tried to understand what I needed to do to resolve the situation. They denied me. I appealed their decision because I did not believe the withdrawal accurately reflected my conduct or standing. The appeal process was difficult and frustrating, with weeks passing without updates. I felt like I was expected to defend myself against a decision without receiving a clear explanation of the specific standard I had violated or the evidence supporting the action.
Ultimately, I was dropped from all of my classes. As a result, I also lost my job with the university. Because I had been working my way through school, losing that job created an immediate financial crisis and made it impossible for me to pay rent. It was especially painful because I had worked in a trusted position and had tried to represent the university well. I had invested significant time and effort in the school, and suddenly it felt like none of that mattered.
The uncertainty and pressure filled me with intense anxiety. For days, I could barely eat or sleep. I was constantly worried about losing my education, my job, my housing, and my ability to support myself. I kept replaying every conversation and wondering what I had done wrong, especially because no one could clearly explain what requirement I had violated. I felt trapped and overwhelmed, like my entire future could be changed by a decision I did not understand and had no meaningful way to challenge.
On one hand, I was trying to resolve the issue through the channels BYU and Church leaders had provided. On the other hand, I felt like using those channels could expose me to additional consequences. I did not feel free to advocate for myself without worrying that I would be accused of being rebellious, dishonest, or unwilling to sustain my leaders.
So I moved back home for a while and recently returned. Because of the busyness of the summer, getting married, and everything else going on, I completely blanked on registering for new classes.
I discovered that the original decision had left me with a “Withdrawn CEE” hold and a “CES Wide Standards” hold. From my perspective, the process was especially frustrating because I was not given a clear explanation of what specific requirement I had violated, what I needed to do to resolve the issue, or whether the decision could be meaningfully reviewed. It felt less like a temporary administrative problem and more like a decision that could continue affecting my education indefinitely.
Since then, I have gone through the endorsement process again with my current local leaders. My endorsement was approved at both levels, and the endorsement portal says that it is complete. Despite that, the old holds are still there, and I still cannot register or attend unless the Honor Code Office decides to remove them. I have contacted the office and have yet to hear back.
I genuinely do not understand the point of being approved by my current Church leaders if a decision from a previous leader can continue to follow me. If my current endorsement confirms that I meet the requirements now, I do not understand why the earlier withdrawal still prevents me from enrolling. It feels like my entire education is being held hostage by a process with almost no transparency, especially when the original issue involved missed meetings and a “feeling” rather than a clearly identified Honor Code violation.
This situation has affected far more than my ability to register. I moved across the country to attend BYU, worked throughout school to support myself, lost my university job, went through the Honor Code Office process, appealed the decision, involved my stake president, and then faced warnings about possible further disciplinary action. At every stage, I tried to follow the process and ask for clarification. I still do not have a clear explanation of what I supposedly did wrong or why a new, completed endorsement is not enough to remove the holds.
It also makes the inconsistency at BYU even more frustrating. You see students, especially some athletes, who are technically “endorsed” while appearing to openly disregard the standards, and it often seems like those situations are overlooked because those students bring money and attention to the school. Or it’s a regular student who you know blatantly lies on every endorsement. Meanwhile, another regular student can do everything they are asked to do and still have their education completely derailed. I obviously do not know everyone’s private situation, but it is hard not to feel like the rules are not being applied equally.
Has anyone dealt with these holds after receiving a new endorsement? What ended up happening? Did the Honor Code Office provide a meaningful explanation in writing? Did anyone successfully appeal a “Withdrawn CEE” or “CES Wide Standards” hold? I don’t think I even have the energy to go through all of this again if they put up a fight about it.
I’m just so pissed off at this school, its whole process, and honestly the way this has been handled. I’m getting ready to go back home and transfer to a different school. The price and quality of BYU have not been worth this headache. I also find it strange that, even if I was having personal or spiritual struggles, the response was to pull me from both work and school. I don’t understand how that is supposed to help anyone.
