r/oneliners • u/daaave33 • 11d ago
I wonder if the guy who named the umbrella actually wanted to name it the brella, but just hesitated?
147
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r/oneliners • u/wewearallblack • 11d ago
Being a couch potato doesn't make me fat, it makes me a carbohydrate.
17
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r/oneliners • u/the-vile-horrendous • 12d ago
Im no expert on masturbation.... but I hold my own.
30
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r/oneliners • u/Alone_Opinion_8769 • 11d ago
At the airport, I am an iPhone, my outfit is my airplane mode.
0
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r/oneliners • u/ChristFollower155 • 12d ago
I bought a new window fan, it just stands there and applauds my house
3
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r/oneliners • u/wewearallblack • 13d ago
My wife and I decided not to have kids, but we haven't decided on how to tell them.
85
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r/oneliners • u/breck • 12d ago
Envelopes carry letters but without an address it takes one to no one.
23
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r/oneliners • u/Daroev • 13d ago
I once bought deodorant that advertised “push-up bottom”, couldn’t walk straight for a week.
21
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r/oneliners • u/simpgar • 15d ago
A lot of people don’t know that Thor had an equally powerful screwdriver.
12
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r/oneliners • u/PabloLuapo • 16d ago
According to my neighbor's journal, I am devious, untrustworthy, and have serious boundary issues.
51
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r/oneliners • u/2fits • 14d ago
My bird wings are broken and I’m flying, because they’re not fixed in place.
0
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r/oneliners • u/Brave-Ostrich-76 • 15d ago
Opinions are like assholes, everyone has one but not everyone's matters.
0
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r/oneliners • u/jsradford • 17d ago
When you have a tough choice, make sure you bring a raincoat because you're in for some nasty whether.
17
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r/oneliners • u/pacaaz • 18d ago
When I was a Germanaphobe, I couldn't stop washing my Hans.
39
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r/oneliners • u/2fits • 17d ago
I’m going places, since I’m not moving anywhere from my library.
0
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r/oneliners • u/breck • 17d ago
Don't lie when telling dating apps your height because you're taller standing up
6
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r/oneliners • u/breck • 18d ago
I write my r's with a single stroke to make them one line r's
48
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r/oneliners • u/dunderthrowaway3 • 19d ago
My wife told me that I can be an idiot sometimes, and I think it is cool that she gave me permission.
81
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r/oneliners • u/Rinsetheplates_first • 19d ago
I trained my cat to speak English but don’t ask meow
27
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r/oneliners • u/EmpireStrikes1st • 20d ago
A trumpet in the wrong hands can be a weapon of brass destruction
29
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