r/oneliners • u/Brave-Ostrich-76 • 6m ago
After unprotected sex with a stranger I joked that Oh ! shit I forgot my HIV pills then she said "No worries ,you can use mine" 🥲
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r/oneliners • u/Denz292 • 7h ago
My doctor recently told me I was colour blind, which shocked me because it came out of the grey.
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r/oneliners • u/Gusto88 • 3d ago
Accordion to a recent survey, replacing words with the name of a musical instrument often goes undetected.
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r/oneliners • u/daaave33 • 4d ago
Lowe's has 50 feet of rope on sale for $1, but I just hate long, good buys.
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r/oneliners • u/Superb-Control5184 • 5d ago
Downsizing sounds like a bad thing but for movies like the wizard of oz it was essential
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r/oneliners • u/awesome_smokey • 6d ago
I've never before raised my hand to the wife, but when crashed my brand new car I slapped her so hard across the face, she rolled right off the coroner's table.
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r/oneliners • u/Revolutionary_Bad313 • 7d ago
I turned my oven to 180 degrees, now I can't get the door open.
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r/oneliners • u/sulldanivan • 7d ago
Quit bragging about doing “long division“ and admit you couldn’t do it “back in the day” either.
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r/oneliners • u/dunderthrowaway3 • 7d ago
Say what you will about blind sex workers, but you have to hand it to them.
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r/oneliners • u/Brave-Ostrich-76 • 7d ago
Life is too short to learn from your own mistakes, so I learn from the mistakes of those who have taken my advices. 😂
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r/oneliners • u/Brave-Ostrich-76 • 7d ago
I'm so good at running but still I don't have any medal because I run from responsibilities and accountability.
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r/oneliners • u/dunderthrowaway3 • 8d ago
You know where the "Big Apple" is, but do you know where the Minneapolis?
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r/oneliners • u/Gusto88 • 8d ago
Before posting check your spelling as there's very little margarine for error.
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r/oneliners • u/Gusto88 • 8d ago
I met a bishop but I suspect that he's an imposter, not once did he move diagonally.
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r/oneliners • u/Run_MCID37 • 9d ago
I either have to jump from here or climb down safely and I think I'd prefer the ladder
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r/oneliners • u/dunderthrowaway3 • 9d ago
I asked a Scottish guy to count everyone he slept with, and he fell asleep.
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r/oneliners • u/dunderthrowaway3 • 9d ago
The problem with lawyer jokes is that lawyers don’t think they’re funny and no one else thinks they’re jokes.
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r/oneliners • u/PabloLuapo • 10d ago
My doctor told me I should probably take something for my kleptomania problem
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r/oneliners • u/Daroev • 10d ago
My friend just lost his left leg and his left arm but he’s all right now.
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