*15 years ago I didn't think I'd be here today

I didn't have the best childhood or teenhood. Bullied at school, bullied at home. I did not see myself living past 16 (I'm 28 now) I wrote goodbye letters from the age of 12 but never really went through with it. Why? Mainly because I didn't want to put that burden on my family.

I ran away at age 14 and stayed with my friends relatives for a few weeks but had to go back home due to my age. I was put on a children's protection plan with social services but then I denied everything as I was emotionally blackmailed.

I failed most of my exams when I was 15. Mainly because I didn't try. I didn't revise. For one exam I didn't even show up until the teacher picked me up from my house. I simply did not care whether I passed or failed, because like I said I couldn't imagine myself living past 16.

Started working, one meaningless job to another. I just wanted to do something to get out of the house. I'd quit or get fired from one job then work at another. I never went without a job for too long and the longest job I had was maybe a year.

I started drinking at 18. Once a week but I would drink for hours non stop. It's like my brain just didn't know how to stop once I started, every time I drank I would blackout. I did this for a few years, every few months. Then I found out on Reddit that it's a form of alcoholism and it could get worse, so I stopped. Not for me, but because it was hurting other people.

Then I became dependent on weed, starting smoking everyday with my friends or alone for 2 years in my early 20's. I created a lot of memories I've completely forgotten about. I'll see it come up on my Snapchat memories and have no recollection of it. I tried other drugs but didn't really care for them.

Started 'talking therapies'. I told them about my childhood, teenhood etc they just listened, asked a few questions and prescribed me anti depressants (which I stopped taking after a few months). They suggested I may have ADHD but to get diagnosed with that, I would have to start cognitive behavioural therapy. So they put me on the waiting list and I haven't heard back since.

I was in a relationship for 2 years where I was the toxic girlfriend which I realised after we cut things off. I was not happy with myself so of course the relationship would be miserable. I did not care about getting married or having kids. For me, it was just a long one night stand.

Then I got a new job, my second office job. This one still felt meaningless. It was boring admin work that was very easy.

I finally got my driver's licence at age 25, only because it would take me hours to get to my new job on public transport. I stopped smoking because I couldn't drive high.

I took driving lessons when I was younger but never took it seriously because I thought well, I won't be living too long what's the point l?

I've now (present time) received a promotion with my admin job.... I was surprised because although I am a hard worker, I did not expect to progress in my career. I've never even had a career. They're now giving me management training.i thought I'd just be working from one shitty job to another until I die, I didn't expect something to actually flourish.

Since I've hit 28 a few months ago, I have been thinking about the future for the very first time. I never thought I'd reach 28. I never even thought I'd reach 18. After 18, I counted those years as bonus years (something I call them because I didn't think I'd be living that long). Now I'm getting older, I finally want to take my life seriously and not just call them my bonus years.

Do I want to get married? Do I want kids? I don't know. Part of me is saying I should incase I regret it in the future. Part of me is saying no, I can just be alone forever and part of me is scared. Scared of opening up and becoming a partner to someone. Scared of conceiving. Scared of starting a family because my original family were so shitty to me that it's still affecting my mental health all these years later.

So when I say 15 years ago I didn't think I'd be here today, I mean it. Not where I am i life but here on earth.

Suggest

Hi, I'm a 17 year old struggling with everything. I dont know what is wrong with me so if you have time, read my sloppy rant. 

The reason why Im writing this is because i failed my UCAT (the exam you need to take in order to get into med school). But it was my fault. I am aware that i had the whole summer, 8 weeks, to prepare for it yet i didn't. I was aware that this isnt like the other past tests were i could just cram for but i didnt do anything. I procrastinated the whole time. Every. Single. Day i told myself i would do something, to start but i would be like 'in 5 minutes' or id sit in my desk with the questions in front of me and id be paralyzed. I just couldnt start. I wanted to, trust me 

It has always been like this. My Year 12 mocks I just revised on the day and got predicted A,C,D (Im aware this is bad but im not suprised anymore, this is what I expected).  For my GCSEs (Exams to past high school) I only revised on the day or the day before. I know it seems like im not taking any of this seriously but i know how important they are for my future. Ive been doing this, procrastinating, not revising for like forever. The earliest i remember neglecting my schoolwork was when I was 10. I was supposed to be doing SAT revision. I didnt. I remember my mum buying and telling me to complete the CGP books, I never did. From then on, throughout highschool and now in college i always leave homework until the last minute and not studying for my tests. I cant help it. Ive tried the pomodoro technique, leaving all my electronics in another room, created a timetable ect but NOTHING works. I end up zoning out or daydreaming. 

Knowing my family has ungodly expectations of my doesnt help either. I havent told my mum what I got in my UCAT. Ive been avoiding her all day, she knows ive failed. The whole day after my test ive been doomscrolling trying to forget the genuine anguish i feel after failing, I can burst into tears at any moment, even now as im typing im trying to hold them in. I really want to harm myself but I know i cant because ill get blood on my clothes and idk how to explain that to my mum. So i just settle with imagining daggers digging into my arms to alleviate the feeling. 

So what im trying to get at is, why am I like this? Can i change it? I need answers because im actually going insane. Why do I have to be like this I really wanna kms. 

I don't know if I can post this here but I really just need help. I (20M) have a really hard time with sex even though I love having it. I just recently got out of a pretty shitty relationship and I don't know if that's why this is happening? But it happened in that last relationship too...

Does anyone else feel like there's a difference between asking for sex VS someone giving it to you without asking? My partner and I got into a discussion about it and it sent me into a panic. I refuse to ask for sex because in my mind if my partner wanted to they would, so why should I ask? It feels disingenuous when I ask for sexual favours to be done to me because it feels like I'm forcing them to do it, and the act itself doesn't feel as good to me or it sends me into a panic attack. But only when I ask for favours. If my partner decided on their own to do whatever to me I'd be fine, but if I asked for the same exact thing it would freak me out.

I fell asleep before my partner last night while waiting for them to come to bed because earlier they had said they would go down on me, but I ended up falling asleep and woke up a few hours later in a pissed off mood. We talked about it in the morning and they didn't understand why I felt like that. They tried going down on me after we talked about it but it sent me into a panic (because we had been talking about it and to me it felt like I was forcing them(?)) they tried reassuring me before they went to work but now I'm here still panicking and I just want to know why.

I don't know why and it's really freaking me out... I know a lot of my self confidence/self worth is tied to my sex life but wouldn't that just mean I'd be wanting to take everything I could? I'm so confused and I hate thinking like this

If I can't post this here then it can be deleted I just really need support or someone who knows anything on why I feel like that...

I am going to be complety honest with you guys i dont care how bad this sounds but i really need help.

My friend about 3-5 months ago had liver surgery and he was on hemotherapy he has been wearing mask evrywhere where he went he was probbly weak and unmotivated he had to do an make up exam since he wasnt in school for prolonged period of time. Whole time i was suppoeting him sending him messages in viber and tiktok he responded once with cringry invicable(its some kind of animated tv show)(this happened 5 months ago) emojis and send me few messages i was happy about him so i sent him few messages as well since he likes video games i sent him once screenshot of vidoe game which he just responed wiht some kikd of amgry invicable emoji later i sent him a video of me playing pc game on mobile phone and asked him if he wants a tutorial. Few days later he cahnged his profile picture on tiktok to somethhing tragg chacter from invicable and his username to thrag 7383 or something like that . Few days ago he changed his username to japanise and changed his profile picture to some kind of samurai . Today i discovred that he has instagram accout a classmate told me out about that. Sinche today is 1st september i did not know he had instragramm acc . So while i was on summber break as well as he i was messaging him constaly . Asking him if he is fine and how is he doing being soft as possible . But he just stoped respoding. He kept reposting tiktok videos and probbly some on instagram . Today i took a look at his activty and he jumps from tiktok to instagram and vica versa compelty ingorning my messages. No matter what i send him he does nothing. He just simoly takes a look at message if i am lucky and does abosulty nothing. Nothing. Somewhere in june i sent him sms and i was gentle as possible i appologised to him for being dickhead 1 year ago and i said i wont repeat that. He did not respojd back .I called him he did not answer. I called hik via viber nothing again .I sent him few more messages and i was gentle again and again appologised and saying that i understand that he is going trough hell and i compelty understand him. But now i am getting really pissed off he is active on insatgram he accapted my request and guess wgat does he do??? Nothing he doesnt not syaing anyhting like :'hey i am ok' no . Nothing .But he did respond to his other friend but not me. I asked him on few tiktok reposts what did i do wrong . Constaly apologasing and he didnt say anyhing. So my friend is litle anti social type of person as well as i am and he doesnt talks much but still i think i should get at least hi.I also did him a favor of assambling his pc suggesting what parts to buy etc he spent like 800€ on it . We went once for a walk in a town that was 1 year ago beofre surgery and that was it. So you guys alreayd wonder why am i talking about him so much ? The problem is that he is my only friend . I dont have other friends hes is my only friend i ever had in my life. Since i have been 1th grade i have been builled constaly it was partilyy my mothers fault since she taugh me i mist list to her 24/7 and do everybting as law says and that i have no right of questiong it .So basicly when i was like kid i was litle brainwashed idiot and nobadly really liked me . I also liked playing video games as any other kid even in shcool . I was also need i had A in almost every sibject .I litray cried when i would get B. He was my only friend who didnt bully me . I met him when i was 3-4 years old i stll rember that day cleary. I met him again in 5th grade and i was kinda happy kinda not because well i was nerd so svhool was my only priority . So when he was 6th frade he got hosiptalized because he got infection and barely suroved i once threw a joke about it mistakenly and then later he started hating on me. I said once sorry but i didnt do much. Later he apologised to me (this was all happening in 6th grade) and everyhting was going relativly ok . We talked few times played World of tanks(mobile game) among us etc ....

So now the problem is that i dont have anyone to talk with nowdays hes jsut ignoring my messages as you know . When i entered high shcool i just stoped being nerd veacuse hgih shcool is jsut way harder. I spent whole summer break alone not taliking to anybdoay except ny parents i dont think i have really any purpose . I talked to my classmates but they are tryijg to make fun of me and make jokes about me. I am havving sudden crashouts i can be suddnely happy or suddenly sad . I dont think i will ever get a new friend i dont think i really have any social life or any kind of purpose . whats the point of me comoelthing high shcool if i dont really have anyone ? So why am i typing this? I want to have again contact with my only known friend . I dont know what to do. Did i do anything wrong.I just want to resocialize with him .I feel terrible i feel like i have been backstabed.

i am sorry for bad english i am 17 and its my second laugnage.I would appricate any help

One more thing i know where my friends grandparents live .Any help is useful.

i’m a 20 year old female and I had a self realization that I was not okay and I need to heal my trauma so i have been going to therapy for it. Not consistently but I still try to go when I can. I also have had multiple friendships end and I am the issue and its because I dont know how to talk to people and I realized that. All the issues in my life are all friend related and because of me. I recently had a falling out with an extremely close friend of almost 10 years over something so preventable and I’ve been the same way for years and I think I changed and then do the same thing because I just dont care I guess. I want to be a better person. I dont want to be an asshole anymore or to make someone elses day harder. I think everything is about me and have no consideration for anyone else or what they have going on in their life. I dont want to be the same person when i’m older I want to change for the better.

So a couple months ago I started testing a different angle reaching that inner voice through music instead of willpower. Not affirmations you consciously repeat, but lyrics and sound aimed at the beliefs sitting under the self-talk. It leans on an old Neville Goddard idea: your assumptions shape your experience, so if you want the experience to shift, you change the assumption first.

It’s done something real for me. My moods changed drastically after just a month or two. But I made the thing, so my opinion is worthless as evidence…

That’s why I want strangers who have no reason to be nice about it.

The experiment: if self-love, or finding joy in ordinary moments is something you wrestle with, listen an hour a day for a few weeks. Clock where your head’s at now. Check in at two weeks, then a month. A flat “nothing changed” is just as useful to me as a yes it’s working!

Genuine question for the thread, whether you try this or not: has a specific song ever actually shifted how you saw yourself — not just your mood for three minutes, but something that stuck? I’m curious how common that really is.

Disclosure: I made the music, it’s free, and I’m not selling anything. If you want in, comment or DM and I’ll send it over. I’ll follow up in two weeks to hear how it went - including the nopes.

TL;DR: You can’t willpower your way to liking yourself. Testing whether music aimed at the beliefs underneath does anything. Want a few people to run it with me and report back honestly.

I'm 27M and have been working in motion design/video editing for almost 8 years… full-time, freelance, contracts, studio work, etc.

I've worked on projects for brands like Netflix, Hulu, Puma, Havells, JCB, Citroën and others. My main work has been motion design… explainers, typography, UI animation, transitions, overlays, etc. I also have experience with editing, cinematography, color grading, VFX and 3D, and I'm comfortable with After Effects, Premiere, Photoshop, Illustrator and DaVinci.

On paper, I feel like I have a decent amount of experience and skills.

But right now… I feel completely lost.

I've been trying to find a stable job since March 2026 and I'm getting almost no traction. I've been applying aggressively across Naukri, LinkedIn, Indeed, Instahyre, YT Jobs, Roster, direct emails, Reddit, Instagram, etc. I've probably sent hundreds of applications a day at times.

I've also tried Fiverr, Upwork, Freelancer and direct freelance outreach.

Almost nothing.

And the people/studios who used to regularly give me freelance work aren't getting much work themselves either. No disagreements or anything like that… the industry just seems slow idk.

The financial side is what scares me the most.

I'm currently sitting on nearly ₹10L of debt through credit cards and personal loans. A lot of it came from family emergencies, along with some bad financial planning on my part. I've never missed an EMI or bill so far, but my savings are almost gone.

Every day has basically become:

"How am I going to arrange money for the next payment?"

And it's destroying my ability to actually do creative work.

I overthink everything. I start personal projects and never finish them because I'm constantly questioning whether they're good enough to publish. I wanted to build my own content and personal brand, but the financial pressure makes it incredibly difficult to focus.

It's also starting to affect my friendships, family relationships and overall mental state. I'm seriously considering therapy because I don't think I can keep carrying this pressure alone.

What confuses me is that I have almost 8 years of experience, recognizable brands in my portfolio and a pretty broad skill set… yet I can't seem to get through the door.

So I'm wondering if I'm approaching this completely wrong.

Should I specialize?
Move into something adjacent or temporarily leave the creative industry just to stabilize financially?

I'd really like to hear from people in motion design, editing, VFX, filmmaking, post-production or similar creative fields who have gone through a rough phase like this.

What would you do if you were in my position?

I'm not really looking for sympathy… just some honest perspective because I genuinely don't know what my next move should be.

TL;DR:
27M, 8 years in motion design/editing with work for brands like Netflix, Hulu, Puma, etc., but I've been unable to find stable work since March 2026 despite hundreds of applications and freelance outreach. I'm carrying nearly ₹10L in debt and the financial pressure is starting to affect my work, relationships and mental health. Looking for honest advice from people who've been through something similar… what would you do in my position?

I'm an underweight, thin and weak guy and wanted to gain weight & muscles. But the problem is when I tried to eat protein oats and protein added peanut butter for weight gain, i couldn't do it because I didn't like the taste. So I'm not fulfilling my calories and protein intake. Idk why but I think since childhood it became my habit to eat only tasty foods and now my tongue is not accepting any food which is not tasty despite knowing the consequences.

I also tried to do exercises like push ups, squats, planks, etc but everyday my mind always seeks excuses to procrastinate that. Also I can't do even 1 push ups properly. I just find it extremely hard to do any exercise. Procrastination is the second problem. First one is i can't even do any exercise I don't have that much strength.

I'm a teenager and BMI is underweight.

Also I masturbate a lot. Also addicted to porn. Have no friends to talk to. Introverted. Overthinker. Hunchbacked. Ugly. Spends most of the time on mobile screen.

I don't have friends and I don't even go somewhere to play any outdoor games so I'm just inside the 4 walls of my room all day.

Only thing good about me is I'm above average in studies and am good in chess.(However also lagging behind in my academics)

Everytime I am laying on my bed watching mobile screen or even when studying.

I always feel guilty but can't do anything.

I don't even know can I really make all things right to me.

I wanted to tell you about something that has been happening because I’m genuinely concerned about my safety.

There is a guy who is angry with me because I was involved with someone he has a crush on. He and some of his friends have been threatening me, saying that they are going to beat me up. They know that I’m usually alone, and I feel like they are using that to intimidate me.

I’ve been getting threatening calls/messages, and I’m worried that this could turn into an actual physical attack, especially because there are multiple people involved. I don’t want to fight anyone or create more problems. I just want to make sure I’m safe and that this situation is dealt with properly.

I have evidence of the calls/messages and can show it if needed. I’m telling you because I don’t want to keep this to myself and then have something happen.

My family expects something big from me, but I’m confused and lost, I don’t know what to do, i can’t seem to find a job, I’m inexperienced and there’s no guidance or mentor for me, and my family pressuring me and on top of that I’m depressed, it’s called the typical depression, i always feel tired after a long sleep, gets irritated easily, and always a negative emotion running in me, I’m writing this immediately after an argument with my family and they doesn’t seem to care if i go missing or killed myself, i never had a parents and i miss them during times like this so much, there’s nobody to take my side during an argument, i always felt so stupid because I’m stupid, i wasn’t very good at high school and didn’t went to college because it was pretty expensive and I didn’t ask for my family, i wrote this at September 1 at 8:51

So I'm about to turn 18 but I still feel and act like a child. I feel so left out and behind on everything compared to everyone else my age. Everyone seems to know what to do with their life, it feels like everyone my age is part of a big inside joke that I'm not a part of.

This is an alternative account since I'm usually embarrased to talk about this on my main account.

I'm 21 (M), living with my parents. For a long time I've strugled with social interactions with other people. Now I do have some social anxiety (especially on the phone) and tend to just go with thatever the other person thinks as soon as there's pressure, trying to avoid conflicts at all cost.

But that's not the worst part. Every time I'm mentally tired, or with people I don't particularly enjoy being with I struggle with being nice or not coming off as disrespectfull. Every time that happens my parents would give an entire sermon of why I act like a 12 year old or that my interests are childish and maybe the cause of that (they're mainly talking about anime, vtubers or even having a single plushie that I like, not even that I do it a lot, but even that I enjoy theese thing at all is what in their mind rots my brain), of why I embarras them in front of others and how I need to "act normal" (whatever that entails), how I'll end up as a Pariah of society or in a psych ward if I don't change that. And as you might have guessed from above, I often can't help but agree to most of it, or at the very least not argue back, no matter how painfull.

A problem with that is because of all those interactions and scolding that I've developed even greater fear of socializing, overanalyzing every little detail as to not accidentally fumble anything, leading to a lot of awkward and forced behavior, which leads to even more fumbling.

Another thing is that I have some niche hobbies that I really like to talk about, but I had issue telling if the person really is interested or not. And as a kid, I would be told to not talk about my hobbies until I'm sure someone is interested. And since I always had trouble getting the signals, this would end with me not talking about my interests at all until someone asks about them first. I have become somewhat better at this, but still can struggle with it.

I've tried time and time again to change all that but had trouble achieving any long-term success. I can act natural around my close family in casual situations, it's mainly around strangers, or even friends that this occurs. And they try to tell me to act like that around others, but I just can't bring myself to be like that. I'm supposed to be both myself and put on a show at the same time apparently.

All of this on top of anxiety regarding a part-time college, finding a full-time job, and pressure to already have my life and career already figured out, or at the very least to figure it out soon.

Now I don't want you to get something wrong. I love my parents, I think they try their best to lead me to better myself, even if they make mistakes. They love me talking about my hobbies (like history or board games), and even getting into some of them. They also support me financially and don't mind me staying with them for now so that I can buy an appartment in the future without any debt. I think they are really supportive, but they have a very egalitarian view of everything.

Sorry for the long vent, but I really needed to tell someone that, since I don't even know how to tackle this issue. And I guess you can be the judge if what they say is right.

I don’t feel like doing anything. Everyone around me looks like they have figured out life. Idk what I want or what I like. I want to be happy. But not able to be happy. How to be happy? I am just 24 and life sucks already. I had little toxic parents. They never motivated me or appreciated me for my achievements. I was topper and got into top ug college and earning well now, still i feel empty. Relationships too did not work for me. They say guys don’t generally reject girls, but as a girl I was rejected many times. Look wise i am not very beautiful but not very ugly. Average looks. What should i do to be happy? I tried lot of things - solo travel, journaling, reading books but nothing worked. When i wake up in the morning, i feel oh no i have to survive today somehow. I just want the day to end. This is not normal right? If anyone has faced such situations please advise me what to do.

Hey,

Long story short, I am heartbroken over my competitive exam failure ( I won't tell which). Feeling very depressive since the last 2 months. Left preparing for it as I am not able to bounce back at it again (basically when I sit to study I can't face it, I start crying, idk why). Studying has become more of a task than chore now.

I was studious but now I just lost my academic spark.

Honestly, I am not sure if would be able to go back to how I was before but, I refuse to stay the same and mourn on my past. If anything I would do right now is focus on my present and get me out of this spiral of overthinking.

I would like to see your opinions and how to improve my health; both physically and mentally, what would you do to cure boredom and keep your mind busy rather than doomscrolling your days off to numb the pain.

I refuse to ask chatgpt, claude, etc. Not ideal.

Appreciate your advice,

Thank you.

Recently I have felt so overwhelmingly alone I have "friends" but they seemingly only want me around for things and out of pity because I recently found out my old group of friends were ashamed to be around me and that I'm a social deathwish to associate with until someone I've known since I was 5 asked how I was doing I told him what happened he introduced me into his group of friends but they don't seemingly want me around or much care for my existence I'm not allowed to go anywhere with them even just to one of their houses or to the park to play football and some of them outright say they hate me or refuse to speak to me and there's this one person who pretends to be all nice and close whilst also just berating me with insults or making it so if I do anything he doesn't like he'll do something to ruin me I've also been struggling with my sexuality all the while they essentially forced me to come out to them and now the guy who says he'll ruin me just outright calls me slurs and it genuinely makes me wonder if any person on this planet actually about my existence or thinks anything positive about me I just want someone to care

You can find it on Amazon by searching for the title: "How to be successful, happy, and healthy in your actions" or by my author name: Ahmed mohamed elshazly.

Usually i try to help everyone I can, but now I feel that I'm the one in need.

I don't know why I feel anxious. I keep checking my phone, but I never have notifications, but i already know this, so why do I keep checking? Yes i use reddit a lot, and I wanna reply to comments or dms, but people don't text me so often, so why constantly checking? It's been 2 days since i started feeling extremely anxious for no reason. I'm spending more time than usual on social media. Then i close tiktok, i open Instagram, then i close Instagram, and I open TikTok again. What is happening to me?

My life situation is this at the moment:

My gf of 5 years broke up with me 2 months ago, I've been devastated for one month, but this month was extremely better (i had to cut her off my life because she didn't respect me after the end of the relationship and kept doing things that hurt me. Now I don't care about her and there is no way she could contact me again, so she is a complete stranger now).

Soon I'm gonna start to work again, but I'm not so happy honestly.

I made some friends here on Reddit (literally 2 or 3) but since they all live far away and we are all busy we don't talk a lot every day. Just a few texts. I keep commenting on reddit posts trying to help people or just chatting.

And, finally, yesterday I hung out with a friend, then i came home and this sense of loneliness and anxiety started crushing me.

Any suggestions on what to do or what is going on in my head?

Thank you in advance

I feel like people like me but don’t care enough to show up to my funeral if yk. And i try to vent to them but it’s obvious they don’t care and only think im weak for feeling this way. I just want people to care just enough about me to listen and maybe give a hug every once in a while. I cry almost every night with nobody to run to because everyone that has cared left me. Now i have nobody.

Is sports betting a waste of time for profit?

when i was 12 years old i had came to the us for the first time from caracas venezuela back home my family was very poor due to the crisis in our country we basically had lost everything and my dad had been killed during this time so my mom sister grandmother and me decided to pack our bags and leave, it took us 4 months to get to the u.s. since we had crossed through mexico by the time we got to the us we basically had no money and it was very hard for us to start up eventually after a few weeks my mother was able to get a job and i had to start working too it was very hard to study and work at the same time since i had to work long hours into the night to be able to help me family pay rent (we were living in houston) well fast forward a few years i never ended up doing well in school because i was so tired depressed and lonely and i just wanted a different life so badly so i couldn’t end up going to university because my grades were so bad because of it and i would never be able to afford it one day i decided to go on a trip to florida and i met a guy at the beach and we talked we were both in florida alone he invited me to his apartment and he gave me money in exchange for “relations”i felt so disappointed in myself but at the same time i didn’t know what to do because i knew that by doing this i would be able to help me family eventually the trip ended and i went back to texas me and the guy kept contact and would text everyday i knew what i was doing was wrong but i did it anyway because i was so desperate to get out of that economic situation and to help my family one day he ended up telling me that he liked me a lot and he asked if i wanted to move in with him i immediately said yes and went back to florida i remember that day my mom was so worried and cried a lot because she i didn’t know how i moved so randomly but i left anyway i got to florida and starting living with him and he really did love me but i didn’t feel the same toward him eventually a few weeks later i was able to apply to a community college and start my studies because he helped me pay and i worked sometimes there is were i met another girl from venezuela and we had a lot in common i fell in love with her and we ended up going out one day she told me she is pregnant and im so scared i don’t know what to do because i still live with him and im going to have a child with her and i do love her so much but my heart also cant tell him that i don’t love him because im scared ill lose everything now im so tired of living this double life it really never meant to be this way i never meant to hurt anybody im not a bad person i just wanted to help my family go to school and have a better life the worst part i cant even tell my mother because she would be so heartbroken broken and disappointed in me for everything i have done to myself and others i just wish i could escape this i have thought about ending my life but i cant do that because that would be very coward of me and my family to do but i really dont know what to do i pray to god every night to help me but im genuinely so tired and i feel like i cant go on anymore i hope if anyone ever see this they can help me i dont even know but im only 18 and im so tired of life

Hello I need some advice on a friend of mine. I apologize for it being so long and for any spelling mistakes.. I guess I just need to get it off my chest.

For her privacy we’ll call her Kate. Kate and I are both in highschool (senior) and we became really good friends around the beginning of my sophomore year. She was/is my best friend and these last years we’ve done literally everything together (like a sister). Last year maybe around December things started to get weird. We’ve never fought (obviously we’ve had moments of annoyance as does any friendship but we’ve never really had drama or problems) and there wasn’t smth that started this (like a fight). Basically we’d spend a day and hangout and then weeks after that she would barely talk to me. I would have to text first and she wouldn’t talk to me at school first. I’m super sensitive so I got nervous and wouldn’t speak either thinking she was mad. Things would clear up then we’d be fine again. Last February for like 2 weeks the same thing happened, after around 2 weeks I finally asked if she was mad at me and turns out she wasn’t talking to me because she thought I was mad at her (even tho I had tried multi times to talk to her and she would always respond with like 2 works and stay silent). We made up. But since then I feel like things haven’t been the same. We’d have these moments where she really made me feel like I was important/how it used to be (spending the day together, hangout with just us, basically she’d put alot of effort into our relationship) and then the next week/s she would make no effort (talk to me) or would make me feel like I didn’t matter. (I seek validation and I try not to but I guess it’s just who I am and because of that it’s affected me because one moment she’ll treat me like her best friend and then next she won’t even talk to me) This summer I was gone a lot in a different state so we didn’t get to hangout a lot. But this school year she literally won’t talk to me first unless she needs something (in the past few weeks the only time she has texted me first is asking for me to donate to her sports page, drive her home during lunch even though she has a car because she didn’t want to lose her spot, and asking what she missed in a certain class we have together) . She won’t talk to me at school unless I talk first and won’t text me unless I do first. We used to talk a lot and now we don’t. But I’m sick of it, I love Kate but ever since December I felt like I was waking on egg shell. If she asked to hangout and I couldn’t I would get so worried she’d get mad at me and stop talking to me (there have been times where she would if I couldn’t. But I didn’t know if that’s cause she had nothing to say or cause she was annoyed) . And if she found out I had plans with another friend she’d almost act annoyed (idk how to describe it).

She stopped telling me about stuff going on in her life and I used to be the person she talked to. Not even stuff that was super personal. It could even just be about her going on a trip or a show she liked. Recently our text has just been me texting and her replying with like 2 words. And if I tell her something exciting in my life (I got to go to the Noah Kahan concert) she just starts bragging about things instead of acknowledging what I said (I can never tell her something exciting because she acts like she doenst care or try’s to find something cooler ). I guess what I’m trying to say is she hasn’t done anything toxic or bad it’s just gotten to a point where I feel that I’m the only one who’s putting effort into our relationship and that she’s just doenst really care anymore. It’s weird because she’ll gave me a necklace in July and keep my photo up in her room but won’t talk to me for weeks on end, even tho we are in the same class.

We’re in this friend group and I feel like I’m being pushed out of it. For example I asked where we were meeting at lunch and she said she doenst know and when I asked again she said she told the other girls to meet at this location. Another time after senior sunrise I asked if she wanted to go to Starbucks and she replied saying that’s what everyone was planning on doing. When I told her no one told me she said “mb” and moved on. (I’m always finding out about plans and stuff after or last). They also hung out this summer without inviting me even tho we all used to in the past. Again nothing crazy or drama has happened. I’ve never had problem with any of these girls. I was gone at times so I’m guessing that they just didn’t invite me because they didn’t know if I was home but they’ll talk about planned hangout in-front of me all the time. Also, Last year some of the girls weren’t always kind. When I told her that I thought some of the girls thought I was dumb/ a joke she just replied with “idk I guess I’ve just bonded with them a lot so they respect me”. And many times when I would try to add my input in a convo (example being we were talking about doing a day activity at prom) she would cut me off saying “why is she talking right now” or “who asked you”. She was joking and laughed it off but it happened almost constantly when I was with that group of friends. I feel like she would become mean when with those girls, using me as a “punch line” but when I was just with her she wouldn’t make fun of me like that.

Kate also makes fun of my religion and the state where most of people in my religion live. Nothing really bad but if I tried to joke about something like that she’d take offense.

I don’t know. Obviously every relationship has two sides and I don’t think Kate is a bad person. Idk if I’m just being overly sensitive and letting an old wound fester but these past week I stopped making the effort and we’ve literally have not talked. I feel like I’m in this mind game where I’m second guessing everything. But I’m sick of trying to fix our relationship since I’m the one who’s ever does it. What do I do?

I (F19) have been dating a boy (X) for the past 6 months. If im being completely honest, it started out more from curiosity than attraction. Growing up ive never been conventionally attractive or feminine. Ive been overweight and lowkey ugly as I barely took care of myself. There's always been a lot of pressure on me to excel academically so that was pretty much all I focused on. Theres been no romance in my life for the past 19 years whatsoever. Once I started going to college however, I began taking better care of myself- I lost weight, cleared up my skin, grew my hair out etc. Then, for the first time in my life I had male attention. There were multiple boys who hit on me during my first year but I never reciprocated because I grew up in a very strict, conservative household where I was taught that getting intimate before marriage was blasphemy. But as time passed, I started getting more curious about what it'd feel like to be in a relationship, to have someone love you. Eventually, I decided that I wanted fo feel that as well. So I didn't turn down the next boy who hit on me (X).

We went on a few dates together, talked a lot, got to know each other pretty well and soon enough, he asked me to be his girlfriend. Now I wouldnt say Im not attracted to him, but at the same time he isnt someone I find hot. He has a good personality though and i like the way he makes me feel. So I said yes. Its been 6 months since and we've had fun together. I still dont find him super attractive but im lowkey trying to ignore that for now.

Now we come to the real issue- I slept with him for the first time a few days ago. So far all we've done physically is kiss and like a little bit of touching, nothing too drastic. But this time we went much further. In short, I gave him a bj. In the moment, I really wanted to but now that its over I feel this horrible sense of guilt- like ive let my parents down and made a mistake I cant undo. Ive never been intimate with someone before so I dont know if its normal to feel this ashamed after its done. Ive genuinely spent the whole day today almost in tears because I feel like ive sinned.

We've also talked about having sex in the near future, and till now I was looking forward to it but now im starting to wonder if I really am ready. I dont get why I feel this way because I like X and I wasnt forced into anything I didnt wanna do. Should I just go all the way with him and deal with my feelings later or should I wait till it feels right? Will it ever feel right?? Also, if I decide to wait then how do i tell him?? Because so far ive been really enthusiastic about the idea... a 180 rn is the last thing hed be expecting. And most importantly, how do i deal with this sense of guilt and shame?? Its eating me alive I really cannot take it anymore.