After fighting for 8 months over 1 over night, the court ruled in my favor yesterday granting me joint custody and 50/50.

Equal parenting. Equal rights. Equal rules.

Not sure about you guys, but I want nothing to do with dating. I’ve been separated two years now and I love being on my own. I just want to spend time with my kids work save money and hit the gym. Women just bring emotional problems. They drain your wallet and yeah, it’s just more problems with them always so many better things to do with my time then spend it cuddling with a woman or going out for drinks with them.

I could care less about any relationship and I’m happy about it - anybody else feel like this?

My daughter is 3 and mainly stays with me. She starts school next week, and I bought all her school clothes, shoes, and supplies. Her mom wants me to bring everything to her house, even though I'll be the one taking our daughter to school. I'm confused about why, and she called me bitter but won't even tell me what school our daughter is going to. I'm not trying to argue or keep anything from her. I just want to understand why she wants everything there.

Hello everyone,

I wanted to ask the single dads here, what helped you get through the pain of a breakup or separation?

I'm also wondering if there's anything else I can be doing besides what I'm already doing to help myself through this difficult time.

Last week, I finally accepted the fact that we're not getting back together. When those waves of sadness hit, instead of telling myself, "I hope she comes back," I've started telling myself, "I hope I can continue healing." It's a small change, but I feel like it's helping me slowly accept things for what they are.

I've been trying to keep myself busy by playing video games and spending as much time as I can with family and friends.

Of course, when I have my son, that helps tremendously. I stay off my phone and just focus on being present with him. Those are probably some of the best moments for me right now.

I also got rid of all my social media. I've finally reached the point where I don't really have the urge to check any of it anymore. Eventually, when I feel like I'm ready to put myself back out there, I'll probably start them back up again, but for now I'm enjoying the peace that comes with not having them.

I know healing takes time, and I'm trying not to rush it. I just wanted to hear from other dads who have gone through this. What helped you get through those really difficult days? Was there anything you started doing that made a noticeable difference?

Thank you to anyone willing to share.

This has been so hard and devastating.

I love them to bits and they’re my world, but fugg me this is relentless. When does it stop sucking?

My ex decided it be best that we divorce. Its been a few weeks since that conversation happened. Ive been keeping myself busy as to not fall into depression. Im running low on stuff to do and now that im not as emotional as I was ive had time to think about what I should do. I love my child. Its extremely difficult to only see them on the weekends. To have a king size bed i never wanted be completley empty. But since ive had time to think; I thinking I need a fresh start out of state. I have a buddy who's interested in being my roommate and is fine with moving to whatever state. But im debating if I should even do it because of my child. Yes I dont see them often but at least I see them everyweekend. But I feel like im being asphyxiated by just staying here. I need some guidance. Some outside povs from other parents. My friends here say I should do it but they dont have kids. Im not going to be like my dad and leave my child but realistically weekends wouldnt be an option id have to take a week off from work every few months to see them and have them be at my new place for a period of time. (My child isnt even old enough to be in pre k so I cant leave them alone and idk anyone in the new state so they could babysit). What do you guys think?

Looking for some perspective from other single dads who have been through something similar.

My ex and I were together for 11 years and we have a young son together. I’ll own my part in how things ended. For a lot of our relationship I wasn’t very affectionate and said things like I didn’t love her. There were ways I mistreated her and took the relationship for granted.

She also believes I cheated on her, which I genuinely never did. Since we broke up I have been with other women, which she knows about and has made comments about.

Our breakup got extremely messy. Attorneys, court, custody issues, resentment, all of it. At one point she moved about three hours away while our son remained primarily with me. Eventually she moved back and we were able to reach a permanent parenting agreement.

A big issue between us now is that she says i really, really hurt her. I never really apologized or acknowledged how much I hurt her until recently. Her family is all against me, and it sucks because I was the only one there for so many years . I understand that because there are things I absolutely could have handled differently, and I’ve told her that.

At the same time, I don't believe everything that went wrong was solely because of me. I’m pretty self-aware about my own faults, but she has her own issues too. She has had serious falling outs and problems with a lot of people in her life, not just me. That doesn't excuse anything I did, but after 11 years together, I don't think our relationship can accurately be summed up as one person hurting the other.

And despite everything, when things were good between us, they were genuinely great. The end was not.

She still regularly tells me how much I hurt her. My response has basically been that I can't change what already happened. All I can do is acknowledge where I went wrong, show that I care now, and see where things go, if anywhere.

That's where I'm torn.

Part of me thinks I should stop trying completely. Let the relationship stay dead, focus entirely on being good co-parents, and accept that maybe too much happened.

The other part of me thinks 11 years and a family are worth at least seeing whether something different could eventually grow out of all this. Not forcing reconciliation or pretending the past didn't happen, but actually showing through my actions that I care and that I'm not the same person I was toward the end of our relationship.

We both agree that our son comes first. We also both agree that, all else being equal, having two involved parents working together is better for him. I think there's still a lot of pride and resentment preventing us from figuring out whether there's anything between us beyond co-parenting, but obviously that's my interpretation and I could be completely wrong.

I also realize I'm asking this in a single dads group, so responses may naturally lean toward "move on and focus on your kid." I'm genuinely interested in hearing from people who have actually been through this, though.

If you were together that long, had a child together, the breakup became extremely ugly, but there was still some connection underneath all the resentment (which there may not be but I could be wrong), would you leave it alone and let whatever is left die, or would you continue showing through your actions that you care without actively pursuing her and just see what happens knowing when a good relationship in the same household is a good one, it helps the kid.

Been really struggling lately. My daughter seems to want her mom all the time. She never gets excited to come see me, always gets excited to go to her mom’s house on our exchange days. Shes always saying she wants her mom at night time, or really anytime she’s tired. I’m wondering if there’s any dads out there that have gone through this. I keep telling myself it’s because when she wants comfort she wants her mom. She seems to love playing with me, climbing on me, etc. I just feel so bad that I can’t seem to comfort her.

My son is 1.5 yrs old, he lost his mum (we were not together), he lives with his aunt, I fund most of his food, clothes, daycare and everything and I see him twice every month. Now I recently got a car after saving for months to make it easier to get to him (he lives 4-5 cities away from me).

Im looking for father son activities I can do with him so we can bond more, the things I like doing (nerdy stuff) he is too young for right now, but I will for sure do those things with him as he gets older. but for now that he is young, what do I do with him? we've been to the park to play, we have done some parties together.

I drive to him this weekend, just looking for some ideas that we can bond over and he will have a fund memory of. Any ideas are welcome.

thanks gents

EDIT: He just started walking so something physical would be nice

Hello everyone,

Newly single dad here. I wanted to ask for some advice because I keep seeing people mention getting a custody agreement in writing. What exactly does that mean?

Does that mean through text messages, something written and signed on paper, or an actual agreement filed through the court?

My ex and I are currently civil and kind to each other, especially when it comes to our son, but I also understand that things can change with time. I want to make sure I'm prepared and protecting myself while also doing what's best for my son.

I've saved past text messages that I were abusive, and I've also started keeping receipts and records of everything I pay for our son.

Is there anything else you would recommend I start documenting or doing now?

Is there a way to do this without any lawyers involved?

Thank you in advance for any advice. This has been one of the hardest things I've ever gone through, but I'm trying my best to keep moving forward and stay strong for my son.

Edit: We were never married.

She’s not tech induced, and she’s not super sporty.

I’m trying to think of the kinda shit I wanted as a kid in the 90s .

I bought her a 50cc bike
She has a bow
BB gun
Slingshot

(That’s all the shit I had, minus the bike)

But what’s a good birthday gift idea for a 7 year old girl these days that’s not an inside activity?

i’ve been trying to get my credit in better shape, but being a single dad means i’m pretty careful about where my money gets tied up. that’s what has me stuck between a secured card and some of these credit builder apps.

with a secured card, i get why people like them, but putting down a deposit isn’t exactly appealing when there’s always something unexpected that the kids need. at the same time, i don’t want to pay for an app every month if it’s not really doing much for me.

has anyone here been in a similar situation and tried either one? i’ve seen kikoff come up a few times when looking into credit builder apps, so curious if anyone has experience with it or if a secured card ended up making more sense.

Hi all. My wife and I have been doing 50/50 physical custody informally with a toddler. With how everything is going, looks like 50/50 will end up being the permanent schedule on - 2-2-3.

Right now, it’s been tough having the days away from my daughter but the days I do have her we have a blast and bond very well. The off days have been tough trying to fill in the gaps. I get pretty down and doomscroll, clean and get ready for when I have her again.

Any advice on how to navigate this long term mentally?

I need help/advice.... I'm going to Keep it TLDR

I had been separated from my Wife for 3 going on 4 years. Not living together. Just co-parenting a 4 year old. Providing finances, being as present as I can possibly be.

Within the last year, I started seeing someone a bit. Having relations etc.

Over the last few months, it really dawned on me that this is someone that I'd probably not see myself with down the line.

She's told me that she's pregnant, and she's keeping it.

I Have so many stressful factors that I've been thinking about.

Divorce. Assets. Custody. Child Support. Financially being able to handle this

How hands on can I be with this new baby while still not taking time away from my son? The mother lives in a totally different part of the city. Approx 1 hr away. And we are NOT together. I've asked her if this is what she wants for the newborn, and she says that she hadn't thought about it.

This will impact my son. I'm sure my wife, although we're not together, will feel some sort of way and can possibly try to put me through the ringer.

Pension, 401K, Bank Accounts. You name it.

Please. Some words of advice.

It's been almost a year since my last attempt to date someone ended. To be clear we separated because her life got too complicated suddenly with something private. She wasn't the mother of my kids. It was only 3 months but they were good. After the whole thing with my kids mother it was nice to feel like I mattered and to have someone kind to both me and to my kids.

The issue I have is simple. It's been almost a year and my kids still ask about her. I said she moved back to her birth country. I'm scared to put myself out there fully and I feel like my kids are suffering quietly because of that. I do everything I can for them but I can't be a mum. They know I'm lonely but I hope they don't know I'm scared.

I won't go into details about the relationship with their mother but I will say I have primary custody of my kids and the mother is meant to see them every 2nd weekend...meant to. The last time she cancelled when I told the kids they celebrated loudly which is both sad and awkward that any child can feel that way.

Posted here a few times over the last couple of months. Partner of 12 years met someone else and kicked me out. I had my part to play not denying that but I just can’t handle the coldness and brutality with which Shes acting. No kindness, no empathy. 36 years old living in a shared house and unemployed. My kids are my only reason for living

It’s funny how everyone tells you to reach out but when you do.. no response. I absolutely love the single Dad life. It’s tough to imagine how we all got here.

I’m a 31M I have 5 kids 4 from a 10 year marriage and I’ve been divorced for about 2ish years I rolled the dice and ended up with someone narcissistic and we had a kid not by choice but we didn’t prevent ether that’s some of my back story to the topic what’s some hobbies that give you social fulfillment I have 50/50 of my kids I have them every weekend till Monday morning and I work 2nd shift lol how cooked am I ?

I’m looking for advice from parents who have dealt with a genuinely high-conflict custody situation in California.

I want to stop having every normal parenting issue turn into lawyers, police, school involvement, or another court filing.

Background:

My ex and I have joint legal and physical custody. Our signed agreement gives her Monday–Thursday and me Friday–Sunday.

Despite having an agreement, the conflict has continued and seems to be getting worse.

She calls Police on us every time she gets a chance for welfare checks during my parenting time. I have always cooperated with law enforcement and made my daughter available to speak with officers. I have police reports documenting that she was safe. There have also been separate incidents involving what I believe are privacy/monitoring concerns, and I now have multiple police reports relating to my ex’s stalking behavior and harrasment.

The latest issue involves school pickup.

My parenting time starts Friday.

Because of my work, there are Fridays when I cannot personally be standing at school at dismissal. I have a partner/support system who can safely pick my daughter up when necessary.

My fiance was previously listed as an authorized contact at school, but my ex removed her.

The school has now taken the position that because we have joint legal custody, neither parent can add a non-parent pickup person or obtain a walking pass without BOTH parents signing.
Ex is now offering to pick our daughter up herself every Friday and hold her until I can personally meet her at a police station. ( she has also filled for custody change and we are on the process of waiting for court hearing in a couple months)

But this feels like an absurd amount of conflict over everything …. She is mentally ill … but k have no idea how she has managed to not snap out during this time in our talkingparents messages

The school has basically said that the school isn’t going to interpret our custody documents any further and that if we want an exception/clarification, we need to get it from a judge.

We already have another court hearing coming up.

My ex recently sought emergency orders that would have significantly restricted my parenting time and required supervision. The emergency request was denied, but the custody issues will still be addressed through the normal hearing process.

At this point, I’m exhausted.

I don’t want to spend the next 10+ years going back to court every time there is a disagreement.

I don’t want to constantly defend myself. ( she is bipolar / narcissistic/ bpd etc )
My fiance wants to leave me because it’s too much drama for her and she is pregnant with our twins on the way …

For people who have actually lived through something like this:

How did you get OUT of the cycle?

Would you ask the judge for an extremely detailed parallel-parenting order instead of continuing to attempt traditional co-parenting?

I’m trying to figure out whether parallel parenting with very specific court orders is more realistic than continuing to attempt cooperative co-parenting when nearly every gray area becomes another conflict.

Has anyone successfully gone from this level of conflict to mostly parallel parenting?

Did the conflict eventually decrease once the court order eliminated the gray areas?

Are there specific provisions you wish you had asked the judge for earlier?

Should I just let her get more physical custody so she leaves us alone ?

I have 50/50 physical and legal custody of my two children with my coparent. Our custody order says that I am supposed to pick our children up from school on days when the other parent is working and therefore cannot pick them up from school. If the other parent is off work, they pick our children up themselves.

The issue is that my coparent will be starting a new job in 10 days. The custody order does not specifically say that either parent has to provide their work schedule to the other parent. When this order was put in place, at my coparent’s request, their work schedule was already known and set.

Normally, my coparent does not provide me with their days off in advance since schedules were known. However, they did tell me they will be off this upcoming week, which is the week between their old job and the new job, so they can pick the kids up this week. They have not told me what their schedule or days off will be once the new job starts.

I have asked three separate times in writing what days they will be off or working so I can determine when I am supposed to pick our children up under the order. I don’t want our children to ever be stranded at school because of confusion over the schedule.

They have responded to other messages I’ve sent and provided other information, but they completely ignore the questions about their work schedule.

I can find the business’s hours online, but that doesn’t tell me whether my coparent is actually scheduled to work on a particular day. The business is open Monday through Friday from 9 to 5, but obviously they could have different days off or a rotating schedule.

My concern is that I’m essentially being put in a position where I can’t reliably follow the order because I don’t know whether the other parent is working on a particular school day.

For example, if I pick our kids up because I assume coparent is working, the other parent could potentially say I wasn’t supposed to because they were actually off. But if I don’t pick them up because I assume coparent is off, then I could potentially be accused of not following the order if they were actually working.

I know I still have about 10 days before the new job starts, so my co parent could simply be waiting until closer to the start date to provide the schedule. However, waiting until the last minute has been a pattern in the past, which is why I’m trying to address this now as I make my schedule around what is needed for our kids.

How would you interpret this situation?

Would you consider the coparent’s work schedule something they should reasonably provide even if the custody order doesn’t explicitly say “the parent must provide their work schedule”?

And if the other parent simply refuses to answer the question, what would you do to make sure you’re complying with the order but more importantly making sure the kids are okay?

Divorced Dad - 2 small kids

Had a brutal divorce. Nearly 4 years in court and when it ended we were back in court over petty issues. We split time with the kids. Mind you she’s already had a couple of men come into and out of the kids lives. Faught with me to have language about how significant others are introduced to the kids etc.

The last two guys never made any effort to speak to me, but we’re involved in kids lives. Last one attended my 6 year olds games and was the bloke cheering the loudest. When the game ended he greeted her first on the field etc. I let it go and just dealt with it. These are experiences that are happening during my parenting time not that it makes a difference, but it does add some context.

My six-year-old, who is now seven same scenario I’m attending the soccer game and she brought a significant other whom I’ve never met during my parenting time. As I’m walking her to the field she comes walking up from their seats which are positioned right by the goalie making it a prominent location to walk by. I usually try to sit near them otherwise to not make it awkward for the kids and they feel comfortable going between the 2 of us since the other is usually sitting watching.

I asked who the guy was and she responded “a friend”. Last breakup she asked me to take part in a cover up story that “so and so” went away on a long work trip etc. I’m furious at this point and calmly said some communication would have been appropriate so I’m not blind sided about another guy being present. Especially considering the parenting agreement she fought for included her language about how introductions should be handled and the other parent being notified / introduced first.

When I brought this up she responded with well you are free to do the same. Classic response and never acknowledges fault.

The game ended and he walked away and when she said bye to the kids I confronted her again that this is not how we agreed to handle things. Words were exchanged and she left it with maybe he’s just one for the night as a dig to me.

It’s 11am and no man has any business attending kids games in my humble opinion. Not without knowing the full extent of what he’s getting involved in.

To my surprise she finally texted something along the lines of I can understand how you feel but it wasn’t before saying “if it makes your nervous system calm down I can send you a response that fulfills that”. Another classic gaslighting response.

Nothing left was said and the next conversation was logistics about the next event.

I’m very sensitive and had my entire life ripped apart. I have a classic divorce where everything was destroyed down to selling the house and spending every last penny in my possession to defend being a parent until the attorneys finally ran out of money. During our marriage there was several domestic violence calls / one hospital stay by me from being struck by her resulting in stitches. She always escaped consequences by me concealing what truly happened.

Idk what to do anymore I’m more of a shell of a person. I hate confrontation but when I avoid it I end up disrespecting myself and fall into deep depressive modes. When I do confront them it’s always a brutal battle that leaves me more confused about reality and I’m made to feel like the crazy person.

Divorce sucks and so does coparenting. I often find the smallest courtesy’s are what matter most. Things that make you feel human instead of a nuisance. Maybe that’s why the advance notice or recognition of being their father means the most to me.

https://youtu.be/4ZP8dWiPpxQ

Going from a house that is full of life, laughter, and noise to complete silence after the divorce can be difficult.

Chris gives a first person view of dealing with an empty home and shares advice on how to get over this hurdle.

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i feel like being a single dad can sometimes be a pretty lonely experience. you’re trying to be there for your kids, keep up with work, handle bills, make important decisions, and somehow still find time for yourself.

some days everything feels under control, and other days it feels like you’re just doing your best to get through the day.

i’m curious how other single dads are handling it. what has been the biggest challenge for you? Have you found anything that made things easier?