Why in hell did i never look up for a subreddit of this. I'm gonna be reading all your posts, all night. I can't write much now for i'm in tears of relief and joy.
I already stopped once, for a few monthes. So I know i can. Lately it's been one bottle of vodka every evening. So far i havent drank today and it's the evening now, the worst moment. I usually cant restrain myself going to the fucking nightshop at some point. I'm wondering if i should stop brutally or get just a small amount tonight, but we all know where this leads, and i dont want to.
Fuck it, tonight i'll try

This is it. I didn’t stop when I wrecked my car and got a DUI. I didn’t stop after a few more awful nights. But today I woke up and decided I am done. One day at a time. I’m tired of ruining my life. This sub is awesome and I come to it often.

If I can do it, you can do it!!! IWNDWYT

Time is moving so fast. I'm glad i'm present for every day!! Much ✌️💛 to everybody!

I just wanted to let you know my experience as of late. I am a heavy drinker but active as well. I play adult ice hockey for 3 teams throughout the week and drink before, during, and after the game. I also drink while watching hockey and soccer throughout the week and on weekends. Been doing this for 30 years. There probably is only 1 night a week that I am not drinking at least a six pack of beer. So my wife just bought me an Oura ring for my birthday and this might be the game changer that I needed. It’s humbling to see what heavy drinking and terrible sleep do to your body. Your stress levels, glucose, and heart rate. Anyways, I have gone 3 weeks without a drink and I am addicted to getting good results with my Oura ring. I hope this continues to motivate me and I wanted to share this with others cause maybe this could be a motivator that you need to help you as well. Take care and God bless.

so i can remember every moment of watching my boys grow up. woke up to “365” balloons and a cheesecake on the counter from my lady

A few days ago I posted about not making it a day. Well I’m happy to report I’m at 4 now! Tonight I had a small craving and I caught myself rationalizing the drink (oh, well I’m with other people so it’s not as bad as drinking alone) or (these people don’t know I’m actively trying to quit so it won’t even be an issue). I was able to bring myself out of that and play the tape through. They offered and I said no! Woohoo! IWNDT

I, 36 male, used to be a heavy drinker and I came from a family of heavy drinkers so I always thought I would be drinking forever. I started going to hot yoga and managed to quit my drinking. It’s been over 5 years since I’ve had any alcohol. I have grown a lot and developed new coping mechanisms.

Has anyone taken this long off and then started drinking again and was responsible? I hear horror stories all the time how if someone has one drink and they become uncontrollable.

I’m not sure if this is the right place to post it, but I don’t have anyone in my life on a similar journey, I think I’m the only person I know who has quit drinking. I never went to AA or anything, I just stopped one day and never drank again. Any advice is appreciated. Thank you.

Edit: thank you everyone who posted. Your words helped me more than you can imagine. I feel a lot better. I’m going to continue to not drink, and do some soul searching to find what I’m trying to avoid.

Every morning I wake up sober is officially the longest I’ve been sober in about 23 years. Someone asked me the other day if I enjoy being sober. Well…

I enjoy not feeling like shit. But I miss leaving my brain. I miss the weird irony of being able to drone on and on about the things in life that were making me miserable, and simultaneously numbing myself to not deal with them.

Raw dogging life has been annoying. Now it’s just me, dealing with my feelings constantly. And having to process them and be constructive about them. Which sounds great from a personal growth standpoint, but is ultimately just exhausting.

Anyways, for me this is the real reason people have trouble staying away from alcohol. It’s not the taste, or the habits, or the “fitting in”. All of that stuff is manageable. It’s the weight of being human all the time.

Thank you for listening to my Ted Talk.

​

I turned 44 today, and decided to give up alcohol. I suppose I’ve been a functioning alcoholic for about 13 years now. I don’t drink to blackouts and I have probably only been out of control a handful of times in those 13 years, but several pints of beer a day has become my routine. Years ago about four pints in I would start slurring and would drink energy drinks to correct the slowing of my brain functions that the slurring was a symptom of. It worked to a degree; at least enough my wife no longer noticed. The drinking started as an attempt at self-medicating my depression. I know taking a depressive drug is pretty much the last thing a depressed person should do, but it was successful at taking me out of my own head. My depressive spirals that occupied my mind in those days would dissipate into a cloudy indifference but generally upbeat stupor when I poured alcohol into myself. Hell, my friends and family unintentionally preferred the drunk me that was talkative and attentive to a conversation than the stewing me that often couldn’t focus on anybody because I was trapped with constant depressive thoughts. For the past couple of years I have actually received medical treatment for depression, and my depression gave way but it was unfortunately into anhedonia. Yes I wasn’t depressed, but I wasn’t really anything. Alcohol’s role changed for me at this point. Drinking could push me into some sort of agency when I was indifferent to everything because success or failure meant nothing to me because they both felt the same. At least after drinking I would attempt to do something. It took a while but I think ultimately I was just trying to drink myself to death, because it is a slightly more respectable way to go in a family riddled with historic alcohol problems; plus I could pass the blame onto something other than myself. So I decided to give sobriety a go today. Honestly, I just want to be healthy again and stop poisoning myself with my supposed “medicine”. I have nothing to lose. Thanks for letting me rant.

Reached 3 years since deciding that I need to cut alcohol out of my life. This year had the biggest temptation of going on a cruise. The entire vibe is drinking and partying. I had a great time, coming to this group to read posts about accomplishments or relapses is always a big help. The support in this group has made this possible. Thank you!! IWNDWY

I realized today that I am looking forward to simple things; a tasty dinner, a walk with the dog, watching a new movie... basically I look forward to my whole daily routine equal to the amount I used to look forward to drinking.

Who knew dopamine was available from all kinds of places, not just from beers.

If I touch my back where my liver is, it hurts. I can feel it’s swollen. I can’t stop throwing up. I haven’t slept in days. I cried at self checkout cause the lady yelled at me for typing the produce number instead of scanning the sticker. I balled, she hugged me. She’s the only one who has hugged me. My mom sits here and watches me struggle everyday and instead of hugging, she threatens the cops on me cause I’m in my room alone crying. I cannot go on like this. I sincerely fucking hate life and myself. How does it get better. Why? My cats are my reason to live but then everyone says do it for yourself. I love my cats 1000000 times more than I love me. I am soooooo sick. I’m so fucking sick. I’m so sick. SOS. Im so fucking sick.

edit:

Im overwhelmed with the love here. Im sorry I haven’t replied but know I’ve read every. single. message and comment and it means the world to me. The shame can be so loud, so to be met with love in such a dark place is incredible. This is when I stop digging, I’ve reached rock bottom.

As you saw in my comment, I did call 911. The nice fellows took my vitals and they were near perfect haha I’m like that can’t be right, I think I’m dying. Blood pressure stayed steady at 113/83 and my blood sugars were at 80. I got fluids, and now I’m home. They said detox isn’t necessary for me because I’m not an everyday drinker and my vitals were normal and stable, but it was a really, really bad binge. And to follow up with a primary care for the liver stuff. I don’t have health insurance so I declined testing at the ER, but my dad said he’d help me pay for a doctor. Oh also my Mom is loving and supportive and she knows now, and is helping. She has always been a good mom, and I feel bad I put her through this. She slept thru the paramedics coming to the house haha she felt bad and has been helping me since she woke up. I called 911 about 5am it’s now 10am and just got back a little bit ago. So a nice quick little trip down wake-up call alley.

Idk how it could get worse than this to need full blown detox so my heart and love is 100000 times bigger for any of you who have had to go through that all the way.

I’m back home cuddling with my cats now (cat tax, current status https://imgur.com/a/FbkuDNS).

It really became so real when the paramedics were in my house with the stretcher thingy and I’m like wow this is all cause of a beverage. How silly huh Shout out to my local FD, ain’t no one ever said fuck the fire department in a song, that’s for sure!

I love you all. IWNDWYT or ever again!

edit 2: ummm so the reason my liver back area hurts is cause I fuckin fell off my chair last night and nailed my back into the arm of the chair. I have a massive bruise and it’s swollen. How fitting that it’s exactly where my liver is.

Today I’m 100 days sober. I’m feeling great, I’m a better employee at work, I’m hanging with friends more. Reading and gaming has been the biggest help and distraction. I love feeling like this and to anyone who is struggling keep your head up and stay strong. We all got this!!

IWNDWYT

31yr male, long time abuser. Prob 750ml vodka/day for as long as I remember.

Woke up Sunday morning and threw up once - all the food I had eaten 8hrs prior. And right after that from 11am-9am Monday I was throwing up and shitting nothing but black/dark and bright red clotted blood.

Getting a transfusion today and feel better than I have in months. Shoutout these hospital workers from the techs, nurses, drs etc. Looks like I could be ok. But I’m done. There has got to be way better ways to die than watching your body fail through your ass and mouth.

3 days sober. IWNDWYT

I had my first day of my masters program and it was so exciting! I loved my classes and I’m hopeful I’ll make friends. I got some groceries after class and realized then I had to carry it a 20 minute walk 😭 It was okay and I made it through and was excited about the calories I probably burned.

But it was 3 pm when I got back and I was exhausted and wanted to get my usual 3 shooters. I resisted in every way I could and I haven’t drank. And I didn’t. The cravings were SO bad for like a full hour, but subsided after awhile. I’m glad I didn’t give in. I’m still on day 4 and I’m proud of myself

IWNDWYT

I can't reply to each and every one of your replies but you are a lovely bunch. Thank you so much everyone for the birthday wishes and the support with my sobriety 💛. I'm so grateful for you all 🫶🏼.

IWNDWYT 💛

I've been lurking this group for 10+ years. I am 45 (elder millennial) and sober 510 days from alcohol after drinking hard most my life from ages 18-43. The longest I was would go without getting wasted was about a month, all my life. Alcoholics run all through my family and the majority of my friends are too. Alcoholics are my people who I click with and enjoy being around.

This is what I have learned and my experience on how I actually did it:

I started therapy Jan 2025. I was miserable, depressed, full of anger and resentment. I avoided feeling emotions most my life and so did my parents. I had 3 friends die from booze in 2023. I was getting older and drinking and life was really kicking my ass. I felt a feeling of quiet desperation most of the time. I would often blackout or drive wasted. I used up 99.9% of my luck and it was clear to me I was going to die soon.

I figured I would finally give therapy a try since what I was doing was clearly not working. Best move ever. I kept it simple, very honest, and promised her I would do whatever she told me to do. My family kind of sucks emotionally and I just learned how to wing it on how to handle life. After building a relationship with my therapist and talking out many things... we discussed my drinking. She told me she thinks I am an alcoholic, and to go to a AA meeting. So I just didn't overthink it, and I did. I went to a beginner group nearby and just walked in. And I have been going back since.

I usually attend 2 meetings a week, sometimes 3. It's my main friend group. I found a sponsor and did the steps... an older buff guy who has been sober since the 80's who is a lot like me personality wise. He's wonderful and the first older man I have been trusting with since my Dad died in 2005. I did the steps. I had a spiritual experience. It worked. I take things one day at a time and do what the big book says to do. I finally just accepted I was an alcoholic, and I didn't choose this life... it's just the way I am. I also learned I am super sensitive guy who has been cosplaying a tough insensitive guy most my life.

When I drank, it felt euphoric. The best I ever feel and often the only time I would feel emotions besides while dreaming. I feel a rush run up and down my spine into my brain that feels intense. Even from a little bit of alcohol, I get this feeling. This isn't a normal response to alcohol, this is what makes me an alcoholic. I didn't choose this.. it's just how my body responds... and it's what made me keep coming back to the misery. Now, I get a similar feeling from my meetings. I often don't want to go, similar to the gym, but when I leave... I always feel SO much better. I don't know why it works like this for me, but it just does. It relives the stress that builds up inside me. Thank god I found a solution besides insanity.

I look totally different now. I am healthy. I noticed this year that legs have color for the first time in 20+ years.. instead of being milk white with dry skin... they are tan and healthy looking. Many of my AA people have healthy legs too.. even the old ones. I don't have horrible acid reflux anymore. My feet and hands don't go numb all the time. When I get stressed out, I journal and mediate. I have a morning routine. I am 1000% better and it feels so much better than booze ever did.

I have a 25+ year friend in the hospital right now puking and shitting blood. He has more bands installed on his throat. I have been talking with him a lot. This would have been me soon if it wasn't for finally taking action and going to therapy. Which led to AA. Which led to me having a completely different life... one day at a time.

Time flies when I'm NOT having to explain my way out of the last fuckup, dealing with a hangover, or trying to figure out how to "get away with it" again.

Turns out that when drinking/drugging I was playing life in hard mode. I was convinced it was what I had to do to make it through the day - days starting with feeling like a big spider died in my mouth during the night - days avoiding and explaining - coming up with the lies I told myself until I believed them - and then reconfigured on my boss, wife, children and people who didn't care about all my "reasons".

Life in long term recovery isn't always easy, but I can handle it. For most things I am flexible, able to see shades of grey - but with drugs and alcohol it's all or none. Tried all. Nearly killed me. None works great.

You can do it - just for today - can turn into a whole lot of days before you know it. And they are good days, days I look forward to.

I am so tired of feeling like shit every day and going through the same habits that give me no pleasure and the lying and sneaking and anxiety about my health. I’ve been ready to quit for a couple months now but I am absolutely terrified of severe withdrawals.

I did talk to my Dr a month or so ago and told her my situation. I am not in a place to go into a detox facility so I wanted to do it at home. She gave me a very loose schedule to taper (basically just have my bottle of vodka and just drink it slowly throughout a few days). And she gave me 28 pills of .5 mg Ativan. Well like I said it’s been about a month and I cannot taper. I go overboard 90% of the time.

Is it safe to just quit cold turkey if I am taking the Ativan periodically to get me through the the danger period of the first 4-5 days or so? Please don’t tell me about seizures happening 2 months down the road from alcohol withdrawal because I don’t need another reason to keep drinking.

appreciate you all.

Edit to add: I’m a 40 y/o female, 200ish lbs. Been drinking for 20 years, the amount fluctuates, but it’s always been too much. The last year has been the worst ranging from a pint in the evening to a pint in the day/pint in the evening with a nap in between for the past 8 months since I’ve been unemployed.

Another edit: I have not had withdrawals before as I had not tried to really stop. I’ve stopped a couple (emphasis on couple) day or two very so often and did not have any symptoms that I recall. But I was ignorant about withdrawal dangers at the time and didn’t think it would be an issue for me. Really I’ve just started obsessing about it this past year and it’s all I can think about!

Crack Addict

Guilt says I did something bad. Shame says I am something bad. Most people use those two words as if they mean the same thing. They do not, and the mistake is not a small one. Guilt sits across the table and shows you the inventory, who you hurt, what you took, and then it shows you the work you can do about it.

Shame does none of that. Shame is a closed loop. It does not say you did something bad and here is the way back. It says you are something bad, and there is no way back anywhere. I carried that verdict for years, and the strangest part is that shame is very good at disguising itself as honesty. I thought I was reckoning with what I had done. I was just circling the same sentence.

Guilt says I did something bad. Shame says I am something bad.

Shame is very good at disguising itself as self-knowledge.

You cannot shame someone who has already named the thing you are holding over them.

A word only has power through the threat of exposure. Take that away, and it is just a fact.

Being kind to ourselves with grief over shame resonates with me today - how about you?